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The pulsing beat grew with intensity in her heart as she strolled bare-foot down the sand covered, wooden steps, leading to the small secluded beach. Cold and calm, her hand gripped the rough, wood which mirrored the steps and long walkway that guided her in this dark, lonely night. The icy wind brushed against her once smooth skin, pulling her moonlit tresses back in wisps and whispers. Why was she here? She, herself had no real answer. Stepping onto the soft sand, she curled her toes slightly and savoured the satisfying feeling she had once loved. In the emptiness and darkness her eyes seemed like flickering flames set alight by the magnificent glow of the full moon. Her clothes darker than ever with the decreasing light. Into her lungs she breathed deep the salty smell of the tide as it lapped and frothed against scattered rocks and the far out cliffs whilst her long gown brushed against her delicate ankles, child's ankles, with each sway. The light material caught the winds every breath. Respiring what was left of the salty air she had taken in, the girl let out a whimper of pain and a cry of passionate helplessness, followed by a black mascara tear which left a fine, grey trail down her cheek as the teardrop hung at her defined jaw line, before falling onto her right breast, running down the curved crease and then staining her lace garments like ink onto a silken cloth. With glazed over eyes she resembled a young china doll. Ever more so haunting. More tears ran down her face as her eyes welled with the salty liquid. Her cobalt blue eyes sparkled as the sea under the moon's glow. 'Why am i so difficult to understand?' she asked herself. 'Why is it so difficult to comprehend?' She screamed, remembering the day gone by as she fell to her knees, the cold, rough sand below her pale, bare skin which was tattered and torn, cut and bruised. Her screams carried with them all of her pain, anguish, doubt...her soul, her hate for herself and many more. To any who heard, her mournful cries would pierce deep through their manipulated 'thick' skin. They would, could, puncture the red, pulsing flesh of the of the heart. But this was soon to turn black, rot and crumble as everything else in this girls life had and would. Again she asked 'Why am i so difficult to understand?' Sitting crouched with her long fingers spread on the uneven surface below her. She let loose, punching at the sand, right, left, right, left, she tore away from all feeling and thought, She tried her damn best to cleanse herself from her past and flaws which had been burnt onto her surface. The suffocating burns a constant reminder of what not to become. Slowly drawing her eyelids down, as a child might, she forced down her check more tears, more hopes. These hopes had flowed from her soul many times before. Giving up, and falling, lying totally lifeless of the cool, refreshing bed beneath her she sighed. Slowly her soft auburn hair had intertwined with the dry sand as a result of the steady breeze. 'There's no beauty in life anymore' She whispered to herself, almost inaudibly. '...but is there beauty in death?' Motionless she lay there, staring up at the dark blue clouds against the near black sky. As she stared she felt the whites of her eyes begin to dry and sting but this was no feeling compared to what she felt inside. Pain, in so odd way, was a comfort to her. It was as if she felt she needed to be punished. For what...nobody knows. Images of homicide and suicide flashed through her mind as she tore at the small amount of flesh on her toned stomach with her nails. A little deeper and blood would surface, or so she hoped. Far away a distant breeze carried with it the laugh's and voices of a group of teenagers, most likely those she knew, and those who knew her. But they wouldn't understand, not one of them. Will they ever contemplate or regret in days to come how close they could have been to saving a life. This helpless, lonely girl's life. This 'nobody's' life, who knew she could be 'somebody'. Priceless. Love and hate are razors which cut all too deep. 'Dead or alive, i will survive. Asleep or awake i won't forsake. Heal my touch, lay me down to rest.' She finished as she looked at the sharp, glistening, metallic object which rested on her left palm. ''Enemies look in disgust as we lay our love down to dusk' you said' another minute, colourless tear fell from her lower lashes. '...but here i am' she paused 'Alone, while you...you're with her! Your hand once held in mine, now she's your one and only sacrifice. Her hand now held in yours as mine swings alone. Your sweet lips pressed hers, your fingertips against her skin, your breath in her ear. Broken mirror and hurting hand, bleeding red and drying black.' Again she glimpsed up at the sky as the wind grew motionless. Never in her life had she felt this heart-break and hate, all in one. No words could reflect the passion and love she felt for this one soul. Now the moon was at its highest peak, she had been here for hours, un-be known to her. With a stick of charcoal she began scribbling on a nearby rock.
'No salvation at all may endure forever this pain and passion. Hand in hand, as a lonely tide lapping against a moonlit shore. One as the other, simply similar in mind, body and soul. This feeling of want. Need and love i cannot control. You plaque my mind, and in my mind you find resolve. And in my mind i find your love. Sick and twisting my stomach churns as I sit here alone. As I cry here alone. I've got a Birdseye view of what life with you could hold, of what life without you would unfold. I love nothing without you. I love life because you are my life, and I can't let go. I am nothing without you. You see so much in me, i have blinded myself from seeing and believing. Forever you can hold my little black heart...forever i am yours, and yours alone. The smallest smile or smoulder in your eyes could bring my world crashing down, everything so inanimate, desolate and unimportant. I love you more than life itself and no amount of words or displays of affection can bring this into black and white. Don't ever doubt my feelings for you, or how often my 'i love you's' could shine a light upon your face. You made me truly happy. You made me smile when no one else could. I came to you with all defences down. Now I'm laying out love down to dusk. But I cannot feel anything other than love for you, forever in your heart, xxx'
She threw the remainder of the charcoal to the side carelessly and began running 'things' over in her mind. Looking at the blade she contemplated whether life was indeed liveable. She pondered on what pain she might cause, before reaching the conclusion that the only pain she would inflict would be upon herself. The girl also then decided that if anything is to be done then it should be done properly. If anything is started then it should be finished. Glancing again at the blade, she broke out in a cold sweat. She could feel moisture rising upon every pore of her pale skin, a thin film of sweat formed above her upper lip and her heart began to race, an echo throbbing in her ears as her chest crashed. Slowly she began to clench her left hand as you would to form a fist. As her fingers neared the centre of her hand, she could feel her skin becoming tighter around the sharp implement. Not tight enough...and she exerted more pressure. A moment, then finally some sort of pain. Cutting fairly deep into her skin, this pain released her from all other forms of pain and grief. As the sharp point penetrated, she could almost feel the instant surge of pain travelling through her body, before coming to a halt at her heart. A rather odd sensation, but one she was used to. As the crimson, gloopy liquid seeped out of the finely parted cells; it appeared black in the darkness. 'How appropriate...' she muttered spitefully.