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Water dripped into my eyes as I gazed at the weary stubbled face staring out of the mirror in disbelief, that tired old man wasn芒聙聶t me, was it? I thought about all the things that had caused me to age thus, while drying my hair a rough towel. Shaking my head while running my hand across my cheeks I decided today was a day when I should look my best, taking the shaving cream from the cupboard I applied it to my face running warm water in the sink below and taking up the cut-throat razor that was my fathers. I proceeded to shave carefully and quietly taking in the silence of the moment, my eyes drooped tiredly as I realised yesterdays last night probably wasn芒聙聶t the best Idea. I then took my tooth brush and thoroughly scrubbed my teeth until they sparkled rinsing my mouth with the spearmint flavoured mouthwash I tried to calm the fluttering feeling in my chest.
I opened the suitcase at the end of the small un-made bed and pulled out my best suit, it was wrinkled, why wouldn芒聙聶t it be after 2 hours on a plane to get to this lousy bed and breakfast? I had to do better I needed to be perfect, or as close as I could make myself. I looked around and caught sight of the Corby trouser press bolted to the rather tasteless wallpaper, it would not do. 25 minutes later I sat down with a borrowed travel iron and placed my shirt on the coffee table in front of the small black and white TV, watching the weather report while I ironed the shirt, trying to forget what would be happening later today. I just wanted to calm myself, I didn芒聙聶t want to appear too excited, I wanted to be respectable and kind. The weather was supposed to be bright but cool later on, at the moment the clouds were looming dark and foreboding upon the horizon. A coat, I needed a coat.
Within an hour I had ironed the entirety of my suit and had dressed myself with care, I took a last look in the mirror running my hands through my hair (it needs cut) and adjusting my tie carefully (it wasn芒聙聶t straight), then heading out of the room grabbing my wallet on the way. I smiled politely at Mrs. Wilkins as she offered me breakfast, I grabbed toast not wanting anything that could sully my appearance, before making my way out I asked where the nearest hairdressers was located, my steely grey hair shot out at all angles giving me the appearance of some kind of eccentric geography teacher, I gestured blindly at my hair, the young woman must have understood my silence as I was quickly whisked into a chair and within 10 minutes I was being interrogated like some kind of soviet spy, her chattering calmed my nerves as I took deep breaths trying not to think about the rest of the day.
I was awoken from my day-dream by a man storming in the small room which held the hairdressers, he clutched a camera to his chest as if he couldn芒聙聶t let go for his life, he ran up to the woman behind me and grabbed her lifting her from the floor laughing when he put her down he exclaimed 芒聙聹Susan! It芒聙聶s a little girl! She芒聙聶s beautiful! 8 pounds 4 ounces!芒聙聺 he thrust the camera at the woman she laughed taking it from his hand clicking through images on the small digital screen. This heart-warming moment should芒聙聶ve made me smile but I felt my heart sink as I thought of all I芒聙聶d missed out on, I knew I should be hated, I deserved it but all I could hope for was forgiveness and the chance to make it up now.
I placed money on the counter and muttered 芒聙聹keep the change芒聙聺 to the grinning woman, she wished me a good day, I hoped so. Taking one big breath I stepped from the shop, walking to the pre-destined stop which would make me or break me. I would deserve one but not the other, I knew which one. The cool breeze whipped around my now un-covered neck, it shook down my spine but I didn芒聙聶t know whether that was the breeze or the nerves, probably the chill (probably the nerves). I just needed to see her face, that was all, I had told myself every day since I wrote the letter that I wanted to make her life better. I had a moment of realisation then... I was the once I wanted to make better, it was selfish, and cruel (to expect her to even want to see me) I wanted to turn around and run right that second, but that would be crueller (I had done enough to hurt her).
That was when I felt the tap on the shoulder; sharply It was her. My baby girl... and her baby girl? The smile hid pain (I could tell) but it was still a smile, she was trying (I was trying) she said words I thought I芒聙聶d never hear 芒聙聹Hi dad芒聙聺 I stumbled over, smiling (stupidly) holding out my arms 芒聙聹Hello Annie芒聙聺 she shifted slightly allowing me to see the man, some metres behind her, his arms were crossed but his eyes showed concern (not anger) 芒聙聹Dad, this is Cloe, she芒聙聶s your granddaughter, say hello Cloe芒聙聺 the golden curled head turned revealing eyes as blue as the sky with a face like an angel. She was as perfect as her mummy, and I couldn芒聙聶t love her more. 芒聙聹Hello angel, I芒聙聶m your Grandad.芒聙聺