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A : "He sat downstairs as if it was the most normal thing for a multi-millionaire footballer to do. Word quickly went round about who he was. Nobody quite believed it and some just stared open-mouthed. At the very least you'd expect him to be driven by a chauffeur or maybe, at a push, pay for a taxi. But a bus? Amazing!"

Amazing indeed. The in-form striker, who scored another beauty against Arsenal on Saturday, has also earned himself a new nickname thanks to his Corrie obsession. A 'club source' told the News of the World: "The lads have been calling him Ken in training. It took a while for him to realise what they were getting at but once one of the lads explained they were referring to Ken Barlow, he thought it was brill."

In the inimitable words of Andy Gray - take a bow, son.

While Robinho was winning hearts and minds, appeared to be losing his after indulging in a spot of insider squealing about life at the Emirates.

The Frenchman looked certain to be joining out of London but was given a stay of execution by Arsene Wenger. Any more comments about his team-mates, though, and he'll be out on his ear quicker than you can say foxtrot oscar.

Gallas received an unlikely ally in the shape of Roy Keane. The Sunderland manager said: "If that is the way he feels, leave him to it. It might stir a few players up

"I would deal with it in the dressing room and then put a hand grenade in. Stir it up a little," added Keano, safe in the knowledge that none of his players would be foolish enough to say exactly what they thought about him.

Gallas was replaced as Arsenal captain by Cesc Fabregas, which should make for some interesting team-bonding exercises. Last season the Spaniard revealed: "Sometimes on a day off I go to the Krispy Kreme doughnut shop. When we play at home, after the game I go there and it's like a party, a doughnut party! You see all the cars parked and everyone is eating doughnuts inside their cars. It's like a disco."

Good job Fabregas doesn't play for England, following the news that coach Fabio Capello had taken , shortly before announcing the side to play Germany had been shorn of players including Wayne Rooney and Frank Lampard. Coincidence?

England's B team secured an impressive victory in Berlin, while a few thousand miles away, Joe Cole's fiancee was doing her level best to live up to the WAG stereotype during her stint on (my girlfriend makes me watch it).

After winning a trial, Carly Zucker chose to watch the England-Germany game so she could see 'my Joe' perform, but admitted: "Slowly through the game I realised he wasn't involved."

Scotland managed to restrict Argentina to a single goal in Diego Maradona's first game at the helm. Assistant boss Terry Butcher spent the week moaning about Maradona's 'Hand of God' goal 22 years ago, but the little magician had the perfect riposte when pressed about the row in the post-match press conference -

Over at my crazy club, Paulo Sousa became the sixth man to take the reins at QPR since Flavio Briatore and co assumed control 14 months ago. Sousa was quickly christened Keyser by wags on the, but was powerless to stop the usual suspects crashing 3-0 to Watford. The Portuguese superstar said: "I have always wanted to work for a big club" - hope he gets his wish one day.

Appointment of the week saw top football presenter hotseat. It might have come as a surprise to the blue-rinse brigade, but Stelling is used to dealing with conundrums on his Saturday show - how do you stop Paul Merson putting his foot in it?

Best story had to be the cheeky in paving stones at the ground of Birmingham's arch-rivals Wolves. Fortunately it only went unnoticed for, er, four years.

And finally, Popbitch came up with this heartwarming news: 'If you want to say hello to Jeffrey, who used to star in , try going to Notts County FC games, where he is a regular, and "very friendly and polite".' No word on Zippy and Bungle, but the chances are they'll be unveiled as the new management team at Loftus Road in six months time.

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