Quotes of the week
Yes, it's that time of the week again when we discover what sporting folk have been saying, football fans have been chanting and announcers announcing. Please add your gems at the bottom of this blog and we'll include the best next week. If you're still not blogged up and insist on going down the old school route, use the postform by
"He'd clean my shoes, make me cups of tea and even came to one of my fan club afternoons...he may be a global superstar but has he ever sold out Discotheque Royale on a Sunday afternoon?"
Lee Sharpe on the days when he was king and David Beckham was his bootboy.
"He's stopped putting things in his throat basically. It's quite simple. I'll take a leaf out of his book!"
Steve Bruce on the secret to Andy Reid's new slimline look.
"Phil's having a Guinness in his office at the moment - and he deserves one."
Hull assistant Brian Horton explains why Phil Brown would not give any interviews after the last-gasp win over Stoke. 
He's world champion - not a lot of people know that
"It's a dream come true. I'm gonna party baby - party all night long."
David Haye turns into Lionel Richie after being crowned world champion.
"It wasn't so much taming the Beast - more like playing with a tabby cat."
And dismisses the challenge of 7ft giant Nikolay Valuev.
"Old ladies are worrying for my health and wishing me luck against this big Bully."
It's the blue-rinse brigade what won it for Haye, following his revelation on the eve of the fight.
"That's pretty special. Look at that fella!"
Nick Faldo examines his medal after being knighted by the Queen.
"Someone texted me saying he's a bit like I used to be, but more athletic, funnier and better-looking."
Martin Johnson, not jealous of new England second row Courtney Lawes.
"I cannot believe the decision (of the referee). Okay, it is human error, but it was one of the worst in my lifetime."
Alex Ferguson is not best pleased after seeing Darren Fletcher booked wrongly for diving in the Champions League clash with CSKA Moscow.
"You lose your faith in the refereeing sometimes...it was a bad one."
Guess who after defeat at Chelsea.
"12 men."
Wayne Rooney mouths his feelings to the cameras at Stamford Bridge.
"If you walk through a storm you hold your head up high, so that is what we will do."
Rafa Benitez Never Walks Alone.
"It is true. I got the injury at 19 when I was climbing a tree looking for a neighbour's cat. I ended up as a hero in my village because I saved the cat.
Unfortunately, I also fell out of the tree and injured my knee."
Leonid Slutski, Juande Ramos' successor as CSKA Moscow coach, on the bizarre end to his playing career.
"It is nice to be out on the golf course, you can only rearrange the furniture at home so many times."
Ryder Cup star Paul Casey abandons feng shui on his return from injury.
Flintoff can pick 'n' mix his games these days
"I'd like to play in Australia. I wanted to go when I was 16 but my mum wouldn't let me so I went to work in Woolworth's instead."
Freddie Flintoff - finally big enough to do what he wants.
AND SOME FROM YOU
"I don't think it struck his arm, it was more his elbow."
Joe Royle, ESPN commentary during Wolves v Arsenal. (Tink, UK).
"If you don't score at this level, unfortunately you aren't going to get a win."
Steve Bruce. At what level can you win without scoring, Steve? (Nick Dwyer, Staffordshire).
"At this level you've got to score goals to win matches."
Mark Lawrenson commenting on 5 live after Andriy Voronin's miss in the Lyon-Liverpool match.
(Ian Pilbeam, Scotland).
"David Wright's second-half goal at Portman Road on Saturday secured the Sussex side's first victory..."
In the Metro newspaper on Monday No wonder Ipswich are struggling to win if they are going to the wrong county. (CASROB).
"I will ask the medical staff to take as long as they need to try to get him back into shape as quickly as they can."
Fulham boss Roy Hodgson on Damian Duff.
"A racehorse ain't always gonna be the same, you've just got to be consistent and try and make it the same. We're the same, we're racehorses -- we're all racehorses really -- we're just trying to do our jobs properly."
Burton defender Guy Branston's insight into their current performance. (Richard Cripps, UK).
"That's a foul on Ivanovic and the referee blows up straight away."
Heard on the MOTD commentary of Bolton v Chelsea. (Jude, UK).
Do Chelsea's dynamic duo float your boat?
"I think if you asked the other 19 managers who would they choose, 10 would take Anelka and Drogba and 10 would take Rooney and Berbatov."
Andy Gray when asked which of the two striking partnerships are better. (Adam Moynihan, Ireland).
"I tell the players, when you have a headache you go and take a tablet. When you are on the back foot, the football industry is full of vultures so it's like when you have a headache, take a tablet. A win will be like a tablet."
Gold Coast United manager Miron Bleiberg attempting a Mourinho-ism. (Matty, Australia).
"Hang on a second lads, there's a wasp here, lets wait for it to go away."
Referee just before scrummage at a Chobham v Weybridge Vandals under 16s game. (James, England). Weybridge Vandals?! Ed.
"Kompany and company have a chaotic moment!"
Martin Tyler when Man City failed to clear against Fulham. (Pramod, India).
"United's victory sends them into the next stage of the Champions League."
Caption under the picture on the Ö÷²¥´óÐã website. But I thought 3-3 was a draw, not a win. (Libby Curran, USA).
"If he's lied, and he's confessed he lied, so he's obviously lied and he lied under oath."
Wada director general David Howman thinks Andre Agassi might have lied. (Feloola Elizabeth Stanley, UK).
"Former Australia winger Lote Tuqiri came on for his first Leicester start on 55 minutes."
Ö÷²¥´óÐã Sport Website. (Jonny Smith, Northern Ireland).
"I don't think the ref heard the linesman put his flag up there!"
Sky Sports commentator in the Barca game. (Adam).
"Vennegoor of Hesselink's second goal of the future earned Hull a critical three points."
Caption below the photo in the Hull-Stoke article on this site, quickly edited out but worth noting for posterity! (ShinyDavidHowell).
''The referee seems to have swallowed his whistle."
Commentator on the Milan-Real Madrid clash after the referee didn't call a number of fouls. (Billmarkenya).
"The U's playing in all leather. Leather?! I mean't yellow..."
Neil Kelly, Ö÷²¥´óÐã Essex. Bromley v Colchester United. (Joebo, UK).
Isn't that.....no, it can't be
"And Madrid are to make a change here, and it's the lesser-spotted Ruud van Nistelrooy."
Commentary during the Milan-Madrid game. (Mark Spivey, England).
"Man City will be aiming to finish in the top four this season, but anything other than that will be a bonus."
Alan Shearer on MOTD - implying they'd rather finish outside the top four!
(Adam Brown, Huddersfield).
CHANTS OF THE WEEK
"Are you Sandra in Disguise?"
Following Darren Bent's penalty miss at White Hart Lane, referring to Harry Redknapp's wife. Last season, Redknapp said of Bent 'My missus could have scored that'.
"Shearer Shearer Shearer!"
More from Spurs fans to Sunderland. (Sanjay, London).
"Can we play you twice a week?"
Chelsea fans to Bolton after beating them 4-0 in the Carling Cup at Stamford Bridge and in the Premier League at the Reebok.
(Oliver Todd, UK).
"We like Eboue-boue,
We like Eboue-boue,
We like Eboue-boue,
We like E...BOUE!"
Arsenal fans salute Emmanuel Eboue to the tune of Reel 2 Real's I Like To Move It.
(Alex Wilkinson, UK).
"No Woodman - No cry."
At Wycombe v Brighton,when Wycombe took a second-half lead after Craig Woodman's first-half dismissal.
(Thom Hoffman, England).
"There's only one Gareth Southgate!"
Crystal Palace fans to Middlesbrough supporters.
(Fred Simon, England).
"You're just a small town in Welling!"
Northwich Victoria fans to Charlton in the first-round FA Cup tie.
Callum Maclean, England
"We're not bottom any more!"
Ipswich fans after the Peterborough score was shown on the big screen at Reading.
(Stephen Bailey,Ipswich).
Shhh - don't tell Capello
"Bobby for England."
Fulham fans get over-excited after Bobby Zamora scores against Liverpool.
"12 men - you've only got 12 men."
After Fulham weren't given a penalty against Liverpool.
"11 men - you've only got 11 men."
After Degen got sent off.
"10 men - you've only got 10 men."
After Carrager's red.
(I'mTallerThanCrouch).
"Neil has had a hip replacement!"
Plymouth Argyle fans question the age of Doncaster keeper Neil Sullivan. (Adam).
"I am a Fleetwood fan,
And I come from Fleetwood Town,
I know what I want and I know how to get it,
I wanna destroy Telford FC,
Cause, I wanna be Cod Army."
The real words to the Fleetwood Song featured last week to the tune of Anarchy in the UK. (niallthecod).
STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK
"The referee will make a decision after half-time whether to play the rest of the game due to fog. By the way, the score is 0-0."
At half-time during the Lewes v St Albans match, where you couldn't see from one side of the pitch to the the half-way line. The match was called off.
(Joe Betts, England).
"Number 39, Pascal Chambimba!"
Stadium announcer at Old Trafford going through the Blackburn line-up. (Chris, UK).
TWEET OF THE WEEK
"Yessssssssssssss."
Andy Murray when John and Edward survived the public vote on X-Factor.
(Shiraz, Harrow).
I am a journalist with Ö÷²¥´óÐã Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. .
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