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SPORTSMEN AND WOMEN

"I lost sight of the official ball and stayed on the red one. I went for the red ball instinctively as it was the closest to me and the other went past me."
Pepe Reina on THAT beach ball.
Pepe Reina and the beach ball
"He almost caught it and ran into the net with it."
Robbie Keane on the handball by Thierry Henry that cost Ireland a place in the World Cup.

"The ball hit my hand, I will be honest."
Henry came clean - eventually.

"It's hard in that situation to go down to 10 men."
England women's defender Lindsay Johnson after the sending off of Casey Stoney in their Euro 2009 defeat to Italy.

"I'm world champion, baby!"
Jenson Button celebrated his world title Austin Powers-style.

"He is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. I have watched Lord of the Rings and films with strange looking people, but for a human being to look like he does is pretty shocking."
David Haye on 7ft opponent Nikolay Valuev.

"Not yet."
F1 driver Adrian Sutil when asked if he knew who the attractive young woman standing next to him was while being interviewed after the Monza GP.

"I woke up yesterday morning, face down on my bed, still wearing my cricket whites and stinking of sweat and champagne. So I think it's fair to say it was a lively night!"
Graeme Swann partied like it was 2005 after England's Ashes triumph.

"Andrew Flintoff asked me when I came out to bat if I had hired a PR firm this week!"
Aussie skipper Ricky Ponting after receiving two standing ovations at the Oval, following boos earlier in the series.

"We can't afford to laugh too much. If we don't beat Sri Lanka we'll have two weeks in Leicester - and that's not good for anybody."
Ponting after England's humiliation by the Dutch in the World Twenty20.

"Golf balls don't know how old you are."
Former Open champion Paul Lawrie's verdict on veteran Tom Watson's amazing week at Turnberry.

"It's true lots of people hate me but there are even more who love me. I feel bad only when I play badly. Fortunately that happens rarely."
Cristiano Ronaldo - modest as ever.

"We needed some of these 1-0s, we weren't winning the 1-0s before - we were either drawing or losing."
Jermaine Jenas on Spurs' habit of drawing games 1-0.

Ted Hankey: "I've stopped drinking, so I feel healthier, look healthier and I am healthier."
Ray Stubbs: "So you're not going to the bar now, then?"
Hankey: "No - I'm off outside for a cigarette."
The BDO darts champion and his healthy lifestyle.
Ted Hankey - a picture of health
"I thought 'How can I stop playing or give myself an excuse to stop playing?' So I snapped my cue."
Ronnie O'Sullivan found a novel way to stop playing snooker after complaining the game needed jazzing up like darts.

"I will never forget my first game for England at the World Cup, It was against Turkey... no I mean Tunisia."
David Seaman. The man who never forgets.

"I probably would have to apologise to her and hope she uses a driver next time rather than a three-iron."
Jesper Parnevik, who introduced Tiger Woods to his wife, Elin Nordregen, reacted to press speculation surrounding the circumstances of the player's accident.

"I can give you the telephone numbers of her room-mates in Berlin. They have already seen her naked in the showers and she has nothing to hide."
Coach Michael Seme on South Africa's News 24 website, following Caster Semenya's controversial 800m final win.

"The days of me pounding the treadmill are over. As you can imagine, I was
gutted to hear that."
Freddie Flintoff on the news that part of his recovery from knee surgery would include a less high-impact training regime.

"Jermaine is really generous - he bought me some Christian Louboutin shoes for Christmas which I love. But the best present he ever got is priceless - a tattoo of my face on his forearm."
Jermaine Jenas' fiancee revealed the price of true love.

"I have mostly been eating chicken wings. I only stick to things I can spell."
Boo Weekley on his eating habits at The Open.

"If you hide behind cliches, we'll be dead and buried by January."
Falkirk defender Darren Barr brilliantly launched a ban on cliches. With a cliche.

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."
Brian O'Driscoll when asked about his relationship with England coach
Martin Johnson.


MANAGERS' SPECIALS

"You ask 100 people, 99 will say it's very bad and the 100th will be Mark Hughes."
Arsene Wenger after Hughes defended Emmanuel Adebayor's stamp on Robin van Persie.

"The penalty decision was Old Traffordish."
Words couldn't describe how Wenger felt about a Man Utd spot-kick - so he made one up.

"It's just the two of us. We'll probably ride out in the sunset together."
Sir Alex Ferguson on his relationship with Wenger.
Wenger and Fergie - a match made in heaven

"I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark."
Blackpool boss Ian Holloway.
"We looked like a woman who's got a big fur coat on and underneath she's got no knickers."
Micky Adams after his Port Vale team lost 3-1 to Notts County.

"If you go shopping at Sainsbury's and ask for a fillet steak but can't afford it, you have to find something else and we've ended up with a gristly old fatty lump of lard up front - but it tasted good."
Manager Martin Allen on Cheltenham re-signing the meaty Julian Alsop.

"We are beginning to see signs of them gelling together."
Celtic Ladies' manager Robert Docherty - after they beat Kilmarnock 21-0.

"Modric played well. Keane, Defoe and Palacios played well - I don't want to pick out individuals."
Harry Redknapp... a bit too late.

"My missus could have scored that."
Redknapp after Darren Bent's glaring miss against Portsmouth.

"We have to wait for others to shake the apples from the tree, then try to make sure we are in a position to react quickly to the apples left on the ground."
Stoke boss Tony Pulis on life at the bottom of the transfer-market food chain.

"We made an offer and it was turned down. We offered Stoke-on-Trent."
Pulis on the 'failed bid' to land Kaka.

"His philosophy about football was not unique but it was different from everybody else."
Former Chelsea fitness coach Ade Mafe on Jose Mourinho.

"Does it surprise you he opened his mouth? You go to a restaurant sometimes, you know why the fish is on the table? Because it opened its mouth."
Avram Grant puts Jose Mourinho in his plaice.

"I think a few of the lads will be getting a haircut and getting the fake tan on!"
Ayr United manager Brian Reid after it was announced their Scottish Cup fourth-round replay with Kilmarnock would be televised.

"In the end we lost a bad third goal because of an individual error by the goalkeeper but I'm not going to point the finger of blame at anyone for that."
Falkirk manager John Hughes after the defeat by Rangers in the CIS Cup.

"There is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain."
Rafa Benitez revealed the perfect solution to Sir Alex Ferguson's claims that the fixture list did not favour Manchester United.

"I'm going down the apples and pears, into the jam jar, down the frog and toad into the rub-da-dub-dub, and I'm going to have pig's ear."
West Ham boss Gianfranco Zola when asked on the club's website if had learnt any Cockney phrases.
Zola's number one fans

"If you don't score at this level, unfortunately you aren't going to get a win."
Steve Bruce failed to explain at what level you can win without scoring.

"Andy Johnson was literally banjoed out of the game by a player who made no attempt to win the ball."
A bad tackle in a Europa League game was not music to the ears of Fulham boss Roy Hodgson.

"As far as I am concerned there has been no contact with Tottenham - and I know that as I spoke to Harry Redknapp."
Sam Allardyce regarding the rumoured transfer of Christopher Samba from Blackburn to Spurs.

"I haven't seen a Madrid side this bad since I managed them!"
John Toshack on the Liverpool-Real Madrid Champions League match.


COMMENTATORS' CORNER

"Gatt's finished his lunch - in fact he probably finished everyone's lunch!"
David Lloyd after spotting Mike Gatting at Lord's.

"Look at the height of that Hearts wall. You'd need planning permission for that back home!"
Ö÷²¥´óÐã co-commentator John Robertson during Dinamo Zagreb-Hearts as a free-kick was about to be taken.

Jeff Stelling: "John, I can't believe there are people leaving the stadium with the game like this..."
John Salako: "The game has finished, Jeff."
Banter on Sky's Soccer Saturday after the MK Dons-Huddersfield game, which Huddersfield won 3-2.

''1137: 22-2... Ponting masticating maniacally at second slip. He doesn't chew gum, he teaches it a lesson.''
Ben Dirs on Ö÷²¥´óÐã live text during the fourth Ashes Test.

"Cold, very cold, links golf. Ken Brown used to soak his balls in warm water for half an hour before playing. That did the trick."
Mark James at The Open.

"The leaders have now got an enormous lead and the peloton, frankly, can't be arsed to catch them up."
Eurosport commentator talking to Sean Kelly on the first Monday of the Tour de France.

"This is now officially the longest set in a final in history, and don't forget we've been going since 1877."
From the men's Wimbledon final - which apparently lasted 132 years.

"Federer is human, but for how long?"
Wimbledon commentary.

"He was a lion of a man. Make that three lions."
Gary Lineker's tribute to Bobby Robson at the former England manager's memorial service.
Sir Bobby - a lion amongst men

"I played with Gary at Newcastle. We called him 'pilot light' as he never went out."
Chris Waddle talking about Gary Megson on Dubai TV.

"Both players will have regrets, John Higgins won't though."
John Virgo after snooker's UK Championship match between John Higgins and Neil Robertson.

Presenter: "So, how tough was it out there today?"
Ross Fisher: "In a word, pretty terrible."
US Open golf coverage.

"He'll be on the radio for fresh underpants."
Martin Brundle after Lewis Hamilton nearly spun off during British GP qualifying.

"Shearer has already reached mythical status among Newcastle fans."
ITV's Matt Smith, after Newcastle's victory over Middlesbrough.

"Zaki's still away with the Pharaohs..."
5 live summariser Stuart Hall describing Wigan's line-up before their match with Arsenal - striker Amr Zaki was in Egypt.

"It must be the first time Ronaldo has been marked by an anagram."
Clive Tyldsley commentating during Man Utd v Porto - as Rolando marked Ronaldo at a corner.

"Taylor wouldn't give you the dripping off his bacon sandwich."
The legendary Sid Waddell on darts supremo Phil Taylor.

"The full name of this team is Liga Deportiva Universitaria De Quito - a slap in the face for the man who starts the chant 'Give me an L'. "
Dave Woods during the World Club Cup final.

"The cars are separated by eight metres, which is the average size of a Formula 1 ego."
Martin Brundle on the starting grid at the Monaco Grand Prix.

"There's no better feeling than getting a century break... and getting one at the Crucible is even better."
Willie Thorne at the World Snooker Championships.


CELEBRITY FAN

"I don't like John Terry and I never have. He's got funny eyes and he's a cry baby. He's also a Cockney."
Man City fan Noel Gallagher on why he didn't want John Terry at Eastlands.

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