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"If I lose control of these multi-millionaires in the Manchester United dressing room then I'm dead. So I never lose control. If anyone steps out of my control, that's them dead!"
Sir Alex Ferguson deadpans during a lecture to students at Dublin's Trinity College.

"This football club is, without doubt, going to be the biggest and best football club in the world."
Manchester City chief executive Garry Cook puts absolutely no pressure on the team with his boast at a New York bar.

"Oh please...I go to sleep, that's why I wear sunglasses. Sitting there waiting 'til it's over..."
The Williams sisters' mischievous mum Oracene Price when asked whether she enjoys watching tennis.
The Williams sisters' mum, Oracene, takes a breather
"I don't drink really. I don't drink so much because, you see, I'm skinny. I mix only. Sometimes I drink clear vodka, sometimes mixed with Red Bull. Little bit get power in night club or disco. Because if I drink only vodka I go sleep straight."
Nikolay Davydenko on his drinking habits - sounding like he'd already had a couple.

"I've done it before and I'll probably do it again tonight. There's probably about 24 a day. I don't do all of them - but it's intense."
New dad Roger Federer on the intensity of nappy changing.

"How appropriate that it's Valentine's, because there's no love lost on either side!"
Southampton legend Matt Le Tissier after Saints drew Portsmouth in the FA Cup fifth round, to be played on Valentine's weekend.

"I've spoken more to Fernando now than in three years with Kimi. Perhaps this
is not difficult because Kimi, of course, did not like to speak much. But I also
worked extremely well with Kimi, even without speaking."
Felipe Massa dismisses concerns over his relationship with new Ferrari team-mate Fernando Alonso, who replaced Kimi Raikkonen.

"It make no commercial sense...we must be mad."
David Sullivan after he and David Gold bought West Ham.

"You have to say I'm certifiable, potty."
Gold concurs.

"We plan to be here forever, 'til we die - and we hope that is a long time
off. We are here to the end. We have not come here to hopefully bang it out to
some Russian in five years time."
But Sullivan insists they are in it for the long haul.

"I'll probably sit up at home tonight reading the rule book for a couple of
hours and see what the rules actually are. Neither the referee nor the linesman
seemed to know - they probably phoned a friend."
Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp is baffled after Jermain Defoe has a goal ruled out against Liverpool.

"Not in my wildest dreams did I believe the score would end up 6-4. It was
6-4, wasn't it?"
Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill after the 10-goal thriller in the Carling Cup semi-final second leg with Blackburn.

"Well Col U fans were correct, there is only one Robbie Cowling. The Norwich fans were correct, he is a bit of a (so-and-so) at times and as for 'Cowling, Cowling what's the score?' It's 7-6 to the mighty Colchester."
following the Norwich game in which he mentioned the 'banter' from fans.
(Simon Wilding, UK) That's 7-6 on aggregate by the way. Colchester beat Norwich 7-1 and then lost the return 5-0 - Ed.
"1406: Half-time at the Falkirk Stadium: Falkirk 0-2 Falkirk."
Ö÷²¥´óÐã SPL live commentary of the Falkirk-Dundee Utd game.
(Greig Cunningham, Scotland)

"... and Deco is caught dribbling on the edge of his area. But Chelsea mop it up and break away...."
Heard on Radio 5 live commentary during Preston v Chelsea.
(Mike Angove, Wales)
Go, Gadget, Go!
"You would have to be Inspector Gadget to get that back."
Commentators during the Murray-Isner Australian Open match in the first set, following Isner's monster first serve.
(Andy Logan, Sydney)

"It's a great sight sometimes when Jenas opens his legs like that, isn't it?"
Setanta's Curtis Fleming commentating on Spurs v Leeds in the FA Cup.
(Peter Dillon, Ireland)

"Rooney's four-goal haul extends his lead in the Premier League's top-scorer stakes. He now has 19 league goals, four more than the next highest scorers, Darren Bent, Jermain Defoe and Didier Drogba, all with 14."
On www.manutd.com website.
(Andy Davey, England)

"Delfouneso hit the post with a rasping effort at the end of a fine individual 30-year run."
From the Ö÷²¥´óÐã Sport Website. Nathan's run was so long it was counted in years rather than yards!
(Ricky C, UK)

"They've got their tails between their teeth."
Tom Ross, BRMB, commentating on Aston Villa v Blackburn Rovers in the League Cup semi-final second leg.
(Tont, UK)

"I can't remember the last time I saw a game with 10 goals in it."
Gary Lineker after Villa beat Blackburn 6-4. Er, Tottenham v Wigan in November?
(Khan, Oldham)

"If we got a 5-4 result here we'll have a good one."
Gary Lineker BEFORE Aston Villa v Blackburn.
(Ben Thomas, UK)

"Our problem is that we were in complete control of the game and if anyone is going to score to make it 3-0 it's going to be us."
Sam Allardyce after the amazing Villa/Blackburn game - what, were BOTH sides winning 2-0, then?
(Jez Scott, Milton Keynes)

"Scott Parker and Mark Noble are suffering from the same groin strain."
Commentator on Sky Sports during West Ham v Aston Villa.
(Howie Hammerson, UK)

"The way I see it, Liverpool are in the position that they are because they aren't scoring enough goals."
Chris Kamara on Sky sports' Premier League World. Complicated stuff there, Chris!
(Marc Flannery, England)

"There is Rafael's twin brother Fabio warming up on the touchline. Jeduardo."
Guy Mowbray commentating on the Carling Cup Manchester derby.
(Alfie Langlands, UK)
David Sullivan - and his jacket

"January is not the best time to buy players - you don't get many bargains in January - but the club has such an unbalanced squad, players will have to be bought, loaned or acquired."
West Ham's new owner David Sullivan has obviously not ruled out bringing back the press gang, or perhaps a version of conscription...(Paul Short, UK)

"Bruce wants Wigan's £7m-rated left-back Maynor Figueroa and is willing to sacrifice midfielder Kieran Richardson to land him."
From Ö÷²¥´óÐã Sport gossip column. Sounds like rather desperate measures...
(Azzi, England)

"Inverness played the game like a cup tie."
Craig Brown after Motherwell lost to Inverness Caley - in the Scottish Cup.
(skelly, UK)

"Hopefully, Lord willing, I can get back to 100 percent and get back to mashing people again."
Stacey Andrews, NFL Philadelphia Eagles.
(Churchill Huston)

"Saints fullback Kyle Eckel is being checked out on the sideline, looks like he might have a shoulder."
Fox commentator Kenny Albert during last week's NFL divisional playoffs. Might have a shoulder?
(Nicky Jackson)

"U-N-I-T-E-D
That spells (flipping) debt to me,
With a knick knack paddywhack, give a dog a bone,
Ocean Finance on the phone."
Man City fans chanting to United.
(John Meadows, England)

"We are invisible!"
Barnet fans at a foggy Christie Park, during the 2-1 defeat to Morecambe.
(Dan, Liverpool)
Oh the irony...
"We only score from throw-ins!"
Stoke fans to Arsenal after the Potters scored two on the trot from crosses.
(Tom Lea, Cheshire)

"The fans are all chanting 'the referee is a Welshman'!"
Radio 5 live commentator during Stoke v Liverpool, as Liverpool were awarded a free-kick. That's not quite how the chant went!(Hayder Khan, Oldham)

"Can we play you every week?!"
Exeter fans after going 2-0 up at home to Leeds.
(Keiran, Exeter)

"Can we play Leeds every week?"
Exeter fans after going 2-1 down to Yeovil.
(Keiran, Exeter)

"Brian McDermott's Barmy Army!"
One Reading fan on his own.

And after no-one sang with him..
"You only sing when it's Coppell!"
At the Burnley game on Saturday.
(Josh, England)

"Are you Burnley in disguise?"
Heard at the Villa-Blackburn League Cup semi-final. Rovers led 2-0 at the time.
(Peter Gray, England)

"It's just like watching The Bill!"
Wigan fans leaving Molineux, amid a heavy police presence.
(Dan, Wigan)

"You only live round the corner!"
Morton fans to Celtic at Cappielow after many locals had decided to support Celtic and sit in the away stand.
(Matthew T, Scotland)

"I'd rather be an egg than a sausage!"
Chant at Woking FC.
(Luke Nelson, England)

"We've got more cash than you!"
Burnley fans to Manchester United.
(Sean, England)

"We want our Fergie time!"
Burnley fans on seeing the board indicate a minimum of three minutes added time at Old Trafford.
(Paul Cockayne, UK)