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"I am trying to practise at the moment - I am a fantastic creative midfielder!"
Arsene Wenger threatens to come out of retirement to shore up Arsenal's midfield.

Marouane Fellaini - what hair?
"I prefer it that people are now talking about me as a player rather than about my hair."
Everton's Marouane Fellaini (the fella with the big hair).

". I love Peter really - I just wish he'd hurry up a bit around the table!"
Ronnie O'Sullivan can't wait to get his teeth into a Masters meeting with Peter Ebdon.

" for 17 years...I don't think I have the game to win the World or the UK Championship because the table looks 24-foot long sometimes."
O'Sullivan after losing to Mark Selby in the Masters final.

"They have 12 minutes to play the frame, a 20-second shot clock, ball in hand from fouls and no time to fart."
Life's a gas for snooker supremo Barry Hearn as he reveals his plans for a one-frame shoot-out.

"I didn't realise how popular I was as a ref but I suppose when I come back I won't be so popular!"
Premier League referee Mark Halsey prepares for his comeback following a battle with throat cancer.

"The words they used were that he hadn't deemed it necessary to turn (the volume) up."
England cricket coach Andy Flower on the controversial decision by third umpire Daryl Harper not to give Graeme Smith out, despite a clear noise indicating he had edged the ball behind.

"We know in football there's two things which happen to football managers: you
do well and you move on or you don't and you're moved on."
Owen Coyle after joining Bolton from Burnley.

"These stories have as much relation to the truth as an egg to a chestnut."
Racing Santander president Francisco Pernia finds an interesting way to scotch rumours that teenage star Sergio Canales is leaving.

"Going from Real Madrid to Stoke City, I'm not so sure that's sexy enough for
him, but we'll see."
Stoke boss Tony Pulis on the prospects of Ruud van Nistelrooy moving from the Bernabeu to the Britannia.

"Because they asked me, as simple as that."
Jimmy Calderwood when asked why he took the manager's job at Kilmarnock.

"I had Micah Richards as a 16-year-old and he was a man then. I don't know what he is now, probably a bigger man."
Kevin Keegan at half-time during the Blackburn-Man City match on ESPN.
(Haley, Cardiff)

"There'll be a lot of Liverpool fans walking away tonight just wondering where they're going.''
Steve Coppell after Liverpool's FA Cup defeat by Reading.
(NG, UK)

"Friday's game has gone and come Saturday it was all about starting with a blank sheet of football and starting to prepare for a difficult cup tie."
Billy Davies following Nottingham Forest's emphatic win at West Brom.
(langboyred)

"The referee's breast pocket is starting to look like a toaster!"
AFNEX commentator Tom Jeffers during the Mozambique-Benin Africa Cup match, after the ref issued a significant number of yellow cards.
(Baba Milan, Kenya)

"Why is it that everyone who takes their shirt off during a football match is fat?"
5 live commentator during the Blackburn-Villa match.
(Tom Kealy, England)

Ö÷²¥´óÐã interviewer: "Cheeky little call from Fabio Capello after that performance?"
Hull goalkeeper Boaz Myhill: "No, I'm happy with my Welsh heritage."
After Myhill's stunning performance against Spurs. Boaz has been capped six times for Wales.
(Andrew Barnard, UK)

Steve Davis: "They didn't look like plants to you?"
Ronnie O'Sullivan: "No, they looked like snooker balls."
After O'Sullivan beat Mark Williams 6-5 at the Masters, following a shot in the last frame where he went into the pack off the blue and two reds went in.
Ronnie O'Sullivan
Dennis Taylor: "I think there's a small hair on the white ball...if it's a grey one it's (referee) Jan Verhaas's."
Ken Doherty: "Well it's certainly not one of Willie Thorne's!"
From the commentary on the match between Stephen Maguire and Mark Selby.
(Adam Gillard, England)

"That's what I'd call a long short throw-in."
Steve Claridge during 5 live's FA Cup coverage of Coventry v Portsmouth. Was it long, or was it short?
(Jon Evans, South Wales)

"So who's the better looking one? Is it Roberto Mancini or Jose Mourinho?"
Alan Green and Jan Molby during 5 live's coverage of Man City v Blackburn.
(Jon Evans, South Wales) While we're there, who's the better looking out of Greeny and Molby? Ed.

"The managerless Royals have not won in five games (D4, L2)."
From the Ö÷²¥´óÐã website.
(thegrinner)

"England have a very English attack."
Geofrey Boycott during the Test series against South Africa.
(Josh, London)

"I now watch the NFL."
Facebook status update from disgruntled Liverpool fan.
(AmarantineBlue)

"With only 10 games, three or four might get washed out and you're only left with about eight games, so you lose nearly half a season."
Monty Panesar shows maths isn't his strong subject when explaining why the South African first-class season wouldn't work in England.
(Joey, Southampton)

"Jenson is literally putting his balls on the line going up against Lewis."
David Coulthard talking about Button's move to McLaren.
(RoverElliot)

"There are still a few technicalities to iron out but it's fantastic, great, marvellous."
Sol Campbell goes all Jim Bowen when talking about re-signing for Arsenal.
(Glenn, England)

"The Britannia stadium is an old fashioned stadium, with four sides."
Dion Dublin on Sky Sports in the build-up to the Stoke v Liverpool game. Firstly, built in 1997, it's hardly old-fashioned! Secondly, how many grounds don't have four sides?!
(Rob, Stoke)

"There's Papa Boupa Diop. The man that scored such a memorable goal against France in Korea in 2002 for the Ivory Coast."
Clive Tyldesley commentating on the Coventry-Portsmouth game. So memorable that you've forgotten he actually scored for Senegal, Clive.
(Nick White, England)

"I'm not convinced by Tevez."
5 live commentator shortly before Carlos Tevez's hat trick against Blackburn.
(shawthing, UK)

"They'll probably be in the final if they make it."
Ken Doherty talking about John Higgins and Ronnie O'Sullivan in snooker's Masters.
(James Heneghan, UK)

"I'd love to see a Parrott doing a penguin."
Dennis Taylor to John Parrott during the Ronnie O'Sullivan-Neil Robertson Masters match after JP had stated that he was walking like a penguin through the snow earlier in the week.
(Mark Taggart, Northern Ireland)

"He has a chance of getting in the England team, because he's got one thing that Arsenal don't have; height and power."
Fan on the TalkSport answerphone after Sol Campbell's return to Arsenal.

"It was looking like going to penalties till Aaron Mokoena scored a header with the last kick of the ball."
Talksport newsreader.
(Barry Weatherston, Scotland)

"Fergie, Fergie sign him up!"
Manchester City fans to United rivals after Carlos Tevez scored twice in the League Cup semi-final.
City fans show their appreciation for Carlos Tevez
"We want you to stay,
We want you to staaaay,
Rafa Benitez
We want you to stay."
Chelsea fans during the 7-2 defeat of Sunderland.
(Layla Marshall, UK)

"You're getting sacked in the morning!"
Predictable chant from Stoke fans to Rafa Benitez.
(Jenny, Stoke)

"We're winning away, we're winning awaaaaaaay, how (bad) must you be, we're winning away!"
Reading fans singing to Liverpool as they went 2-1 up in the FA Cup replay.
(Martin Ferguson, Chichester)

"There's only one Gary Megson."
Arsenal fans to Bolton.
(Michael, UK)

"Outside there's a snowball fight!"
Heard at Bristol City v Cardiff in the FA Cup third round.
(Steve, South Wales)

"You should play for City!"
Everton fans to City manager Roberto Mancini after he mis-controlled the ball on the touchline.
(Jude, UK)

"Oh Nicky Bailey you're the love of my life, oh Nicky Bailey I'll let you (kiss) my wife, oh Nicky Bailey I want ginger hair toooooo!"
Charlton fans to the tune of 'You're Just Too Good To Be True'.
(David Norris, New Eltham)

"You're my own Piquionne."
Heard at Coventry v Portsmouth FA Cup replay. To the tune of the Editors' Papillon.
(Shaun Morgan, England)

"One Artur, two Artur, three Artur Boruc
"Four Artur, five Artur, six Artur Boruc
"Seven Artur, eight Artur, nine Artur Boruc,
"Oooh Artur Boruc!"
Sung by Celtic fans at Old Firm match to the tune of Macarena.
(Aaron Fallon, Northern Ireland)

"Joleon, Joleon, what's the score?"
Everton fans to Manchester City's Joleon Lescott as his old club won 2-0.

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