Quotes of the week
"The sandwiches were fantastic today - all the lads made a comment because they didn't think they were going to get any!"
Neil Warnock on a roll after troubled Crystal Palace's 2-0 defeat of Peterborough.
"I hope Arsenal go to Chelsea on Sunday and batter them!"
Sir Alex Ferguson after watching his Manchester United side batter Arsenal.
"I can cry like Roger, it's just a shame I can't play like him."
An emotional Andy Murray after his Australian Open defeat by Roger Federer.
"Since the World Championships I've had a lot of commitments and I didn't prepare properly for this. But that's no excuse."
Phil Taylor not making excuses for his 10-9 semi-final defeat by Paul Nicholson in the PDC Players Championship. 
Burnley fan with anti-Coyle banner
"Perhaps they should call me Moses, as I led them out of the wilderness."
Bolton boss Owen Coyle cranks up the biblical references after Burnley fans taunted him with chants of "Judas" during their meeting at the Reebok.
"That's as ridiculous a statement as he's made - and he's made a few in his time."
Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill gets the hump with Arsene Wenger, who accused Villa of being a long-ball team.
"....not if but when we are at Wembley having beaten Man United yet again."
Manchester City chief executive Garry Cook has a here's-what-you-could- have-won moment ahead of their defeat by Manchester United in the Carling Cup semi-final.
"Don't Look Back In Anger. Oasis. Fantastic."
Roberto Mancini urges Carlos Tevez to do what the Gallagher brothers say - and not what they do - following his flashpoint with Gary Neville.
"The scarf is cool. I want one. Mancini is certainly cooler than that Taggart from across the road. He's a good manager but he looks like a dustbin man."
Some might say there's no love lost between Liam Gallagher and Sir Alex Ferguson.
"I love the idea of calling the club West Ham Olympic."
West Ham vice-chairman Karren Brady reveals her dream team - a view possibly not shared by the Hammers faithful.
"It takes two to tango and they didn't turn up in their dancing shoes."
Rochdale manager Keith Hill thinks Port Vale should foxtrot oscar after accusing them of stifling tactics to secure a 0-0 draw.
"Football is like Hollywood - never stand on anyone on the way up because
you're going to have to wave at them on the way back down."
Burnley defender Clarke Carlisle on life in Tinseltown.
"Philippe was as good as we were going to get in our situation."
Philippe Senderos gets a ringing endorsement from new boss David Moyes after joining Everton on loan from Arsenal.
"It was great and if we can do that again, why not? It's better than not doing
it again."
Brian O'Driscoll on the chances of Ireland retaining their Six Nations crown.
"Eleven."
Ronnie O'Sullivan rates his first-round performance - out of 10 - during a press conference consisting of one-word answers at the Welsh Open.
AND SOME FROM YOU
"Birmingham stood still and as scared as a class of first formers at Hogwarts School looking in to the face of Lord Voldemort himself."
Commentary by Jonathan Pearce during Chelsea v Birmingham on Match of the Day after Frank Lampard's goal.
(Phil Howlett, Cheshire)
"90 years old, that's fantastic. If I can even get halfway there I'd be happy."
A not-so-optimistic Steve Bull, who turns 45 in March, talking about Wolves legend Bert Williams turning 90.
(Paul Tuohy, Ireland)
"That's 40 points and we need another 12. When we do, I'll put a couple of fingers up at the bookies."
Ian Holloway on Blackpool's great season after they were tipped as pre-season favourites for relegation.
(Anthony Ko, UK)
I wish I could fly...
"Keith Harris eyes United takeover."
Headline on Ö÷²¥´óÐã website. What does Orville think about it?
(Matt K-D, UK)
"Its seems like every foul is a free-kick."
Mark Bright catches on to the laws of the game during the African Cup of Nations final.
(Jon Coluccio, Rochdale)
"1110 GMT: Manchester City target Fernando Gaga is set to stay at Real Madrid."
From Ö÷²¥´óÐã website. Didn't know Lady Gaga's brother was a footballer!
(Richard Cooper, UK)
"Adam Jones is looking more like a Chocolate Orange than a Toblerone at the moment."
Commentator Wyn Gruffydd on Welsh TV channel S4C, describing prop Adam Jones' physique.
(Huw, Wales)
"Great saving tackle from the Arsenal skipper."
Andy Gray during Arsenal-Man U regarding William Gallas, even though Fabregas was the captain.
(Billy Sheerin, UK)
"Between the posts - that's where he's gonna get his goals."
Jamie Redknapp stating the obvious after Wayne Rooney's goal against Arsenal on Sunday.
(Tyler Jason, Northampton)
"When the crowd were singing 'what a load of rubbish', I can tell you I was leading that chorus."
Luton manager Richard Money after his side's 3-2 defeat to Ebsfleet.
(Sam Hatter, UK)
"That was page three of the Beano in terms of football."
Lawro on 5 live during Man City v Portsmouth... I've no idea what he meant.
(Ben Hall, Horsham)
"Hamilton have three big centre-halves in the pairing."
Craig Burley commentating on Hamilton v Celtic on ESPN.
(Fred, Scotland)
"That guy can catch pigeons."
Commentator discussing the speed of Newcastle's Jose Enrique.
(Lee, England)
"Former defender Sol Campbell is suing the club for £1.7 for unpaid image rights."
On Ö÷²¥´óÐã Gossip Column. That shouldn't be a struggle - even for Pompey!
(Olly Dobney, England)
Big mouth strikes again
"I never realised my mouth was so big!"
Andy Murray after seeing a replay of him shouting during his victory over Marin Cilic in the Australian Open. His mouth was so large it looked photo-shopped!
(Chris Huf, Italy)
"Tsonga is bidding for his first semi-final at the Aussie Open, as he went one step further and qualified for the final in 2008."
Mats Wilander, Eurosport commentary.
(Neel Bhandari, Ireland)
"Villa and Arsenal both had chances to claim victory at Upton Park."
Caption under picture on the Ö÷²¥´óÐã website.
(Tumi J Mbaiwa, South Africa)
"You don't need me to tell you Man Utd are in Red and Man City are in Blue."
League Cup semi-final second leg commentator - so why tell us?
(Michael Winley, Stoke)
"You sense that Murray is on the brink of victory here, even against a street-fighter like Rafa, who never gives up..." Next sentence:
"ANDY MURRAY INTO AUSTRALIAN OPEN SEMI-FINALS AFTER RAFAEL NADAL RETIRES BECAUSE OF INJURY."
From the Ö÷²¥´óÐã text commentary of Murray's match against Nadal.
(Mike, England)
"I'd like to be manager of Real Madrid but people don't have a go at me for that!"
Colchester manager Aidy Boothroyd when asked about Kevin Lisbie's interest in a permanent move to Southampton.
(Tom Smee)
"Goalkeeper Nicky Weaver, who left Dundee United as a free agent in January, has joined Owen Coyle's Burnley."
From Ö÷²¥´óÐã Scottish Gossip - does that mean Gary Megson is still in charge of Bolton?
(Roysta 5-9, Scotland)
"We wanted three points, we got one. Maybe we dropped two."
Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger after the 0-0 draw with Aston Villa. 'Maybe', Arsene?
(Shantul Sharma, UK)
CHANTS OF THE WEEK
"Are you Norwich in disguise?"
Man City fans mocking United's green and yellow protest scarves.
(James Halfpenny, Manchester)
"Are you City in disguise?"
Man Utd fans at the Emirates, hot on the heels of their Carling Cup win.
"Same old Terry, always cheating."
Burnley fans after John Terry committed a foul.
(Aidan, England)
"Do, do, do, do, Susan Boyle"
Burnley fans at Bolton, to the same tune we used to sing for Owen Coyle. Made a refreshing change from all the abuse.
(Jim)
Subo - big in Burnley
"Stand up, if your son's just scored!"
Dagenham fans at Shrewsbury to Mrs Benson - sitting in the away end - after son Paul had put the Daggers one up.
"Mrs B, Mrs B, Mrs B!"
When she complied.
(TK, Kennington)
"Rafa, Rafa, sign him up!"
Everton fans after a fluffed effort from Sunderland's Kenwyne Jones, who was heavily linked with a move to Liverpool.
"You're not Phil Brown!"
Middlesbrough fans to Doncaster manager Sean O'Driscoll after he kept the team on the pitch at the end of the game.
(Tom, UK)
"You all came here to watch the Leeds."
The usual chants from the Leeds fans before kick-off at Swindon.
"You all came here to watch the Town!"
Swindon fans 90 minutes later, after their 3-0 win.
(Jonathan, England)
"Benny, Benny, Benny, Benny, Benny, Assou hyphen Ekotto."
Chant heard at Spurs vs Leeds. Phonetic grammar is very popular in N17!
(Nick, London)
"I've got a Shed that's better than that,
"I've got a shed that's better than that,
"It's got a door and two windows,
"I've got a shed that's better than that!"
Havant and Waterlooville fans give their blunt opinion about the quality of Eastleigh's stand.
(Brad, Worthing)
"You're not beating anymore!"
Fulham fans after their drummer put a hole in his drum five minutes into the game with Tottenham.
(Martyn)
STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK
"Swindon 0-0 Leeds."
PA announcer during half-time at Walsall v Norwich, despite it being 1-0 to Swindon.
"You're not fit to read the scores!"
Norwich fans' response.
(George, England)
BANNERS OF THE WEEK
"He's Not The Messiah. He's A Very Naughty Boy."
Burnley fans at Bolton, directed to their former manager Owen Coyle.
(Thom Harris, UK)
"Red Hot Cilic Peppers"
Seen during the Murray-Cilic match at the Australian Open.
(Mickey, England)
Add any quotes, chants or stadium announcements you've heard at the bottom of this blog. Or if you prefer the old school route,
I am a journalist with Ö÷²¥´óÐã Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. .
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