The Mad Scientist
Who needs Disneyland when right here in Scotland there's a family fun park based on the theme of timber? I'm talking about the at Carrbridge which is where the Zed family headed this morning. We took the precaution of wearing those checked shirts favoured by lumberjacks, but there was no strict dress code. Instead we found all manner of woodland entertainment. You want ropes? They got 'em. Squirrels? Take your pick. More ropes? Yes siree.
Then, in a little block set aside from the main park, there was . A walk-through exhibit dedicated to the wonders of magnification. Who knew that pubic lice had such big claws? Not me, I assure you. I was asking that question for a friend.
But this unexpected exposure to educational information reminded me of my childhood ambition to become a scientist. It's true: while every other boy in primary 5 boasted of their Subutteo sets and Battling Tops, my toy box contained a microscope, a telescope and a Thomas Salter chemistry set. Given just a little encouragement I'm sure I could have discovered a cure for cancer, spotted life on Mars or else cracked that pesky cold fusion conundrum. Modesty prevents me from suggesting I could have done all three...but if Santa had brought me that lab coat for Christmas...who knows?
But it all went wrong. Something made me turn my back on science. What was it?
I blame global warming. Sorry, that's the default setting on this Word template. I meant to say I blame my Secondary school chemistry and physics classes. They took the fun out of science for me. Not right away, mind you. There was the explosive potassium into water experiment which had us all cowering under our desks. And touching the shiny globe of that Van der Graff generator has inspired every hairstyle I've had since.
But the rest of it was just number-crunching. It was all formulas and equations without even the odd stink-bomb to relieve the monotony.
The postscript to this story is that two decades later I fell in love with a beautiful young scientist who was researching ways to make peas grow in desert conditions. I married her and we've just celebrated fourteen happy years together.
And she still looks cute in a lab coat.
