The Wisdom Of Taxi Drivers
At the risk of being labelled a rat, snitch or whistle-blower I must go public with my thought that the Ö÷²¥´óÐã is wasting hundreds of thousands of pounds of your money on audience research. As an insider I can reveal that dozens of people are employed to scientifically ascertain the whims and wishes of viewers and listeners. Reports are compiled, graphs are projected and, as a result, programming decisions are made.
And yet it is all so unnecessary.
That's not my view but it is obviously the opinion of so many of my colleagues who regulary respond to such meticulous work by quoting the thoughts of the last taxi driver who has bent their ear. I kid you not.
Imagine a typical Ö÷²¥´óÐã conference room stuffed with producers, editors and, yes, the folk who run radio stations. Further imagine a well-meaning bespectacled fellow from the audience research department working his way through a PowerPoint presentation on, say, attitudes to the Ö÷²¥´óÐã's coverage of tiddleywinks tournaments. We will learn that a representative sample of the audience had been surveyed and that 72% think that there is not enough coverage on television but 32% believe there is too much of it on radio. A subsequent breakdown of the data will reveal that Scots don't like the game as much as the Welsh and that people in the South-East are disproportionately satisfied. There will be quotes from people in Guildford saying that, when it comes to flicking plastic counters, the Ö÷²¥´óÐã's coverage justifies the licence fee on its own.
The presentation may last fifteen or thirty minutes but when the time comes for group discussion you can guarantee that someone in that room will quote the views of a taxi driver.
"I was in a taxi last night and the driver told me he only watches tiddleywinks on Sky because they take it more seriously than us."
At that point everyone in the room will start nodding and, much to the dismay and bafflement of the audience research bloke, will start telling their own taxi driver stories.
Now, don't get me wrong: taxi drivers are entitled to their views, but no one ever seems to quote bus drivers, ambulance drivers or that weird guy who controls the dodgems down at the fun-fair. In effect, taxi drivers are dictating what you see on TV and hear on the radio. Yet, when I think of how those drivers communicate with each other on their radios I do wonder why so many of my colleagues think they know best.
Anyway, in an effort to bring some realism to this debate, I would like to conclude this blog entry by listing five things that have actually happened to me in a taxi. I'll leave it for you to decide whether they should be given control of public service broadcasting. I, on the other hand, would have no idea how to operate a taxi.
1. Told by driver that the cost of my fare depended on how nice I was to him on the journey (Galway )
2. Watched helplessly while my driver got out of the cab and punched another taxi driver on the rank then got back behind the wheel in a temper. (Glasgow Queen Street Station)
3. Blockaded in car park by rival firm of taxi drivers (Perth train station )
4. Told to get out of taxi in middle of nowhere because the driver had been offered a bigger fare (Cardiff)
5. Locked inside vehicle by female taxi driver in a traffic jam who refused to let me complete my journey on foot (Glasgow)
6. Offered comprehensive and innovative programme schedule which satisfied all tastes at fraction of current costs.
OK, I lied about that last one.
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