Paper Monitor
10:57 UK time, Friday, 8 June 2007
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
If there was an annual prize for the most desperate, tortured pun in a headline, the Sun would have won it today, allowing other subs to relax for the rest of the year.
鈥淟onghaul-denballs鈥 is the gem on a piece about David Beckham鈥檚 prospective flights from LA to join up with England.
Now Paper Monitor knows that wife Victoria鈥檚 nickname for David is Goldenballs. But that means this pun only really works if you pronounce 鈥渓onghaul鈥 as Inspector Clouseau or the policeman out of 鈥楢llo 鈥楢llo! might. Strange.
The staff of Metro are also in punning form.
There's an extraordinary story of a man in a wheelchair who ended up being carried for nearly four miles at 50 mph after becoming stuck in the grille of a lorry.
鈥淐hair-ton Senna鈥. Given that the poor man was terrified, it's hard to raise a chuckle.
On Monday Paper Monitor started a carnival of eating, based on a wilful misreading of a Times diet which promised a loss of 5lb by the end of the week (that's tomorrow). No trouble has been spared in eating far more than Paper Monitor normally would, in sheer stubborn defiance of the idiotic promise of losing so much weight in such a short time.
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And so we're pleased to announce that a quick hop on the hi-tech electronic scales in Paper Monitor's bathroom this morning showed a loss of 2lb since Monday morning, in spite of quite shameful gluttony. Now then, just time for double porridge. (It's made from .)
The 
