Paper Monitor
14:03 UK time, Wednesday, 5 September 2007
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Yea, verily, it is the day to recognise the munificence of the newspaper sub-editor, sprinkling golden headlines into the outstretched hands of the news-starved masses.
Punning is the order of the day in the Daily Mirror, which dazzles us with "INTER ZIPPY" for its tale of Eurostar record-breaking.
The Daily Telegraph pulls out a beautiful bit of hyperbole with "Flip flop martyr wins battle over feet on train seat". Said young martyr, summoned to court after putting her feet on a train seat, turns out to be a) possessing the ability to look demure and pretty in her photo outside court, b) a student at a proper uni and therefore Telegraph-tastic. "Flip flop martyr" indeed.
In the Daily Express it is hard to bow down and venerate the audacity of their headline on a story about a statue of Steve Ovett getting nicked. It's "Who did a runner with Ovett's statue?" You see, in English, "doing a runner" is an idiom meaning running after some kind of illegality. And Steve Ovett is a runner.
And Paper Monitor really had to have its sides reinforced with laugh-proof plating when it saw the front of the Sun. It's a story about trendy Crocs shoes causing problems with hospital equipment. Headline: "CROCS CAN KILL".
Do you get it?
The 
