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The new Football Injury Academy was having to turn away applicants

Dr. Paul Morris' new Football Injury Academy was having to turn away applicants

All the usual precaution were taken at the AGM of the Narcolepsy Society

Assassins are taught the art of killing victims silently using mattress-side

Now before we start, the UK Border Agency says we need to have a look at all your documents.

Luckily, Blue Peter managed to find most of the participants queueing up for the sales to start

As usual, a pizza-delivery boy on a moped started the process by knocking the first person over

Photographic proof that the Financial Regulators really were asleep on the job..

Men and women in bed on Blue Peter? It would never have happened in Biddy Baxter's day.

Unfortunately, George got hiccups and started halfway along the course a little too early

Alton Towers launches credit-crunch helter skelter

Here's one I laid on earlier.

(Well, someone had to say it.)

You're not supposed to be on the same matress! Oh, sorry Mr Leslie I didn't realise it was you.

"It's backwards. Fall Backwards..." Dan reminded himself anxiously, trying very hard not to think about the great mattress dominoes disaster of 2007.

All would have gone well if Mr.Wilson (right) hadn't suffered from eneuresis

Sleeping on the job???

Get down, slept

Boris Johnson insists that all London pedestrians must be protected with air-bags

Sadly, Helen was disqualified for unorthodox use of sticky-back plastic.

#12 Why not just "Here's one bed I made earlier"

"Get Down, Shep" was all very well, but where would the poor dog find 100 duvets?

Unfortunately, Gerald (yellow shirt) hurt his back when he fell on the chamber-pot

And the final mattress was lined up to hit and destroy James May's Lego house

They were lucky to find 100 people with Sticky Plastic Backs

Boris Johnson admits that the alternative to bendy buses may still need some thought

And this year's London Marathon will be sponsored by Ann Summers

However, nobody was willing to take the mattresses south of the Thames after midnight

London's latest budget hotel launched...

The Bank of England was keen to show how buoyant the economy is

Entrant in the World Amateur Spitting Championships is surprised by the recoil.

Yes, shoulder pads are back, and the good news is they're even bigger.

"Brace yourself, Nigel."

Unfortunately, Eduardo ruined the chain by falling forward.

Eider down, Shep

Princess invites her friends to see if they can feel the pea.

I'm the Sandman.. No! I'm the Sandman..

They would have saved a fortune on mattresses if they'd just thought to hire 100 stuntmen

Safe sex in the city?

Poor Derek really hurt himself, when he fell on the Bible the Gideons had left

new reglementation from the nanny state

"Get Down, wet Patch"

Dorothy wished she was back in bed in Kansas.

Step two of the Buzz Lightyear costume.
Get two toilet roll tubes, half an egg box, a wire coat hanger, some sticky-backed plastic and an adult...

But how are we going to get them to rise up to the fourth plinth?

The employee at the mattress factory who had accidentally mixed superglue with the mattress coverings was hoping he would not be found out .... however ...........

how to take the expression "watch your back" too seriously

Queueing for a mortgage was going to take some time.

dodomino

Metrolitan Police find a solution to the invasion of foreign backpackers - just push the first one over

Everything about this new Speed Dating service was just that much quicker..

The producers admitted that this year's Appeal in aid of the homeless hadn't gone quite to plan.

"Cut! False start, Lane 1. If you do that again, the whole team's out."

Woody was wishing he hadn't chosen that moment to live up to his name.

"And once we've all piled on top of each other, John will be able to walk up to Nelson's Column."

After the change in the law concerning product placement, Blue Peter is to be sponsored by Domino's Pizzas

Well it was going to be the only century that England could manage this summer.

He'd always known he was destined for greater things, and stardom. Even though the other saplings had laughed, and told him that he would be going nowhere, he'd known that one day he'd be the most famous tree *ever*. And finally, here it was, his big break, him, on Blue Peter, LIVE. Ok, so third from the front wasn't actually brilliant, but one day, one day...

Yet more evidence of health & safety madness - I mean have you SEEN the size of these new elastoplasts ?

Queuing up for the new budget airline 'sleeper' service to Edinburgh..

Whoaaaaaaaa - Bodyform - Bodyform for you.........

Where's Katy Hill gone, just when you need her?

Boris johnson announces 'safest ever Olympics' as officials test the new barriers for the 400m hurdles.

Poor Derek (right) only turned up because he thhout they said there'd be a "domino tricks"

Ed Balls' tentative plan to allow physical contact sports back into school P.E. lessons receives enthusiastic support from Dreams.

We all need somebody to lean on!

Poor Derek (right) only turned up because he thought they said there'd be a "domino tricks"

(correction)

Delegates line up to join the Health and Safety Executive annual conference.

The whole record was eventually disqualified when it was noted that Jo Brand hadn't been using a matress.

No double mattresses allowed, Miss. Only Singletons.

As disgruntled Terry Wogan listeners head for the Ö÷²¥´óÐã, some of them seem to have taken their 'TOG' membership too far.

Roll Britannia!

There's always somebody who has to spoil it for everybody else, isn't there? OK, who brought the trampoline?

"I'm sorry, but the Book of Records people are away celebrating Arthur's Day - do you mind doing the whole thing all over again?"

Delegates prepare for Gordon’s keynote speech

There were ten in the bed and the little one said....

London Housing Association innovations team inspired by tortoise.

When the very last person falls backward on the left set, she will trigger all the fallers on the right side to pitch forward, and this will prove the NHS test as the "leading source of calamity..."

Blue Peter were falling over themselves to get into the record books.

The DFS complaints department was inundated following the mishap between the waterbed manufacturer and glue factory

Derren Browns latest trick wasn't quite going to plan...

The Katie Price fancy dress event was a huge success.

The shoe tests were conclusive that platform heels just aren't practical.

Brian was a charitable fellow, but after the budget cuts to this year's Appeal Totaliser, he was crossing his fingers that the nation's children had finally got bored of Bring & Buy Sales...

There were no winners in the 'Han Solo in encased in carbonite lookalike' competition.

With gridlock in most London streets, this is about the only thing moving in the capital today

And exciting, new, cutting edge research from Milton Keynes University shows that people with matresses tied to their back tend to fall, err, backwards.

Bed see-sores

When Derren Brown told people that they were 'now released from their sofas' he forgot about the ones who were watching in bed. Boy were they angry.

A crowd of hopeful supporters awaits the arrival of Silvio Berlusconi

Prats Domino

I could swear the original ad said "Fit blonde seeks multiple partners for mattress dominance" -

It was unfortunate that Godfrey had had to pop into the toilet just at the crucial moment

This year's hide 'n seek championship was destined to be short lived.

The crowd prepared for Gorden Browns conference speech.....

Strange bed-fallers

You can't accuse us of lying down on the job.

You were told to wear the fox what?

Derek had wanted a four-poster, but there was a strike on

Boris Johnson crates a new area of London, Bedstead Heath

Everybody wanted to be that guy in the yellow shirt.