Paper Monitor
12:49 UK time, Tuesday, 26 January 2010
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Who would have thought the tale of two swans could be such a fruitful allegory for the social ills of Britain in the 21st Century?
To be fair to the Daily Mail, that's not a claim it actually makes of its piece "The truth about the sex lives of swans". It's just that Paper Monitor can't help but spot parallels with the human world, Brad and Angelina notwithstanding.
The peg for the piece is the story that two swans have got a "divorce".
For all the romantics out there, preparing for Valentine's Day with cards of these stately creatures nuzzling in such a way their necks conveniently form the motif of a human heart, this is bad news indeed.
Swans are unusual in the animal kingdom for being monogamous. Other birds may nest-hop like avian Colin Farrells, but not swans. They are creatures of commitment. They respect family values.
In short, if swans bought newspapers they'd probably have the Mail delivered to their reed bed every morning.
But this notion of fidelity has been upset by the arrival of two previously romantically linked two birds at a wetlands centre in Gloucestershire. Each has returned with a new partner.
Clearly, this sort of wayward behaviour requires some interpretation. Step forward Colin Tudge, author of the Secret Life of Birds.
Tudge is one that's mirrored in human behaviour - the pair may have failed to produce any eggs:
"In nature, there seems little room for romance - natural selection rules."
As if to emphasize the humanness of swans, there even appears to be a glancing reference to current debate about homeowners' rights to defend their property.
"Swans are highly territorial - they know what stretch of the river is theirs and so does everybody else. The pairs gang up on intruders - and together they get better at it year by year."
And as for the details of their sex life, as promised by the headline, thankfully, this is a spot of sub-editor hyperbole. Tudge is mercifully silent on the whys and wherefores of swans going at it.
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