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What ever happened to Pinocchio anyway?

Hampshire Police finally trace the culprit after issuing their lettuce-head e-fit

Starbuck's no clowning around policy was taking its toll

Ooh! That hurt..

Infante of the Opera

Still waiting for Godot

Oh no! She is normal. Hide.

The lettuce head mugger decided to try a false nose and comedy glasses as a disguise.

OK, so does it say anything about smoking invisible cigars?

So much for Head and Shoulders' new herbal shampoo

And when I catch the thief who stole my big red shoes...

I reckon Yves St. Laurent's definitely got it wrong this season

Yeah, most theatre critics are clowns

There was no denying that attendance had fallen at Liverpool's home games

Somebody stole my horn!

Tory back benchers hail George Osborne's speech as a success.

Coco decided to stay the night in the circus - how was he going to get home if the doors wouldn't fall off his car?

Wayne Rooney's adviser takes a break at the end of a difficult week

Coco decided against asking the lion in the seat in front to move

Life wasn't all fun for a moderator.

After all these years, Acker Bilk still brings pleasure to some

OK, so I didn't make the best-dressed list yet again, but at least I was top of the quickest-dressed list

Good Shot, OddJob

Toy Story 3D, it's like you're part of the action.

The Chatered Accountancy AGM was in for a bit of a shock

Clown checks out the orchestra stalls

Get on with it, raise my hat!

With the planned cuts this clown will only be 80% funny in future shows

Sorry - nobody told me it was informal dress

The mini was just too full

Storm dyes his hair green after Xfactor rejection

Shortlisted applicant for Head of Engineering with Toyota waits to hear if he was successful.

What Wayne Rooney really feels like.

McDonald's turn to Max Clifford as Ronald's love child is spotted in cinema.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

Poor Auguste was waiting for his case to come up in Clown Court

Trinny and Susannah regret agreeing to a show at Billy Smart's

The Police have scrapped my car, do they not know the doors are suppposed to fall off.

To his horror, he realised the trousers were entirely too noisy

Billy Smart? No, I work for Billy Thicko.

For the fourth year running, Coco was disqualified from the "Balance a Wotsit on your nose" competition

Nick Clegg would regret letting DC choose his Halloween costume

My girlfriend bit me this morning and said i tasted funny.

Sir Norman Wisdom's funeral was well-attended

Well the wife told me to act my age

Edinburgh Fringe? Nah, I'm with the lunatic fringe.

The government circus comes to town.

The Wizard of Oz, now those were the days.

He was a clown puppet until the cuts

Richard Dawkins sensed it was going to be a tough audience tonight

Vivienne Westwood, is it time to retire from fashion?

And for Coco'c best trick all he needed was a meal of baked beans and a lighter!

And pinocchio was about to regret the lighter and botty burp trick after forgetting he was actually made of wood!

At the Convention, the lifts wre marked "Ascending the clowns"

Some said Lord Sugar's new apprentice was a clown, but he was certainly at home in the bored room.

With his career plans of going on Big Brother in tatters, there was no choice now but to become an accountant.

That's the problem with a Mexican Yawn - it soon spreads around the crowd

Ha! Now you know how WE feel ...

Ruprecht's revenge would be sweet

Clown curled. Not in the ring. Tra-la-la-la-la

"May I take your trident sir?"

He was working on a new clown face. So far this face had only been seen by ex-girlfriends and window cleaners.

This time, Danny Alexander was keeping his notes hidden under his hat

I'm sorry, I misread your handwriting, I thought it said downtime.

Confusing one's hand buzzer with one's whoopie cushion was par for the course after a late night partying with Paris Hilton and the gang.

The lion, just visible in the row in front and not one to pass up the opportunity to resurrect an old joke, took a bite of the clown's foot and asked "Is it me, or does this taste funny?"

Timmy Mallett takes time out from his come-back tour...

I happen to quite like Comic Sans, actually.

If Carrot Top had a stalker

Virgin's Clown Class service criticised for lack of foot-room.

Those pesky kids will never find me in here

Bobo wasn't laughing any more when he went for a scratch and forgot to remove his joke hand buzzer.

Harry had been thrilled to be invited to join the Chippendales, until he realised it was actually Chipperfield's ...

Paul Reubens moves on

Pippi Longstocking had really let herself go since her latest ASBO.

Coulrophobia, the fear of clowns, has increased markedly since this year's General Election

Jimmy Choo? Don't talk to me about Jimmy Choo! Nothing smaller than a size 16. Hah!

Excitement heightened at the auditions for "Strictly Panto on Ice", as the judging panel was announced as Christopher Biggins, Su Pollard and Eddie Large...

Gloria had been thrilled to get the job at the circus ... unfortunately it was selling The Big Issue at Oxford Circus

Pssst! Don't look now, but isn't that Rula Lenska in the front row??

Oooooh, I think I just found the fastest mouse in all Mehico

Bobo had given up his job as a tennis umpire after John McEnroe had told him he could not be serious

The rips on my jacket? Oh, they're the tears of a clown.

So they all rolled over and one fell out. Guess where he is now?

Katy Perry watches Russell Brand's latest film.

With Voldemort out of the way, Harry Potter had to find other ways of making a living.

If only Coco had had his eyes tested, he wouldn't have auditioned with George Lucas for a part in "Star Wars Episide II - Attack of the Clones"

Have the Silly Party arrived yet?

Why do they always come and sit next to ME on the bus?

Excuse me, Madam, but I shall have to ask you to leave - I think you've come to the 15th International Hairdressers Convention by mistake

Labour throw their finest minds at the alternative budget.

Tinie Tempah was not so pleased when he realised he'd actually won at the Bozo Awards

Once the initial shock had worn off, it slowly dawned upon Pinocchio that it not being his nose that was affected by lying any more, could definitely be turned to his advantage.

What sort of cheese was that?

Er, you don't think the leggings clash with the hat, do you?

Testicular Torsion.

It's not a matter clownry! oh wait...

Maybe dressing-up in character for Leoncavallo's "I Pagliacci" wasn't actually de rigueur

Ronald McDonald regretted telling the management he was a vegetarian

Which clown?

Yawn one.

Roxanne!