主播大秀

David Cameron was first choice, but nobody could remember what he looked like

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He won't mind - Scousers all have a brilliant sense of humour apparently - and laugh at themselves quite readily.

拢200,000 a week for the guy?

Don't Wayne on my parade

Bonfire of the Vanities

"The Wicker Man" is remade in Manchester

We ask for Shrek and this is the best you could do?

So, I said we ought to burn someone from Number Ten ...

Best footie forward

Yeah, we brought the sausages but we forgot the fawkes

Sorry lads, we've got to take him down, Sir Alex says he's got a bad ankle.

Waxing and Wayne-ing

Wait till you see what Colleen looks like!

I didn't know Susan Boyle played for Manchedter United

How many pennies for the Guy?!

Ready for burnout

He'll Roo the day...

HOW much did his club Fawke out for him????

(D'you see what I did there!)

Well he's lit quite a few peoples fires

Christopher Lee is to reprise his role as Lord Summerisle in The Thicker Man"

I didn't know Susan Boyle played for Manchester United

(correction)

Alex Ferguson now knows why Rooney has been very wooden on the pitch

Originally we were going to do Ann Widdecombe, but we ran out of wood.

We'd better secure it with guy ropes

Man United to fire Rooney.

What the Fawkes is this?

(Right on, Becky!)

"An effigy of me?" screamed Wayne, "I don't even like FIG's"

Well he did say he was board at United.

Roo with a view

I did say erect a lifesize model of him not Ego sized.

There were Roomers it would be him

Nothing to worry about as he waits for his brother John Wayne to come with the cavalry

Thats my kinda guy

A Wayne is in danger

Hey Colleen, I can see our house from up here.

Going all the Wayne

You're thRoo, laddie!

Is that the Glazier's ladder? No, its the window cleaner's.

I only have Guys for Roo

I told you he was a flaming $%#!@*+, but would you listen?

When the real Wayne turned up, it was only to promote his new 主播大秀 series "The Two Rooneys"

Fame? No, flame.

#27 / 19 But already done at No.11 - not so full of myself now!

Right, that's the ox and the chickens inside for the barbecue, and you'd better leave space for Edward Woodward as well

Man U-a-mano

There's even a toilet in this one - it's the John Wayne

Wayne dreaded the upcoming match

He's even got Dollar bills coming out of his ears

It's the only chance he got of lighting up a pitch this month.

'Gulliver's Travels' gets a dumbing down.

If the weather turns bad, we'll all get Shrekky Snow

They reckon he has a rocket shot.

Striker whilst the iron's hot

Hey Bert it says here light the touch paper and stand well clear.

Some of the clauses in Rooney's contract are ridiculous.

FAB, Brains

FAG, No Brains

Wayne was getting too big for his britches

"Hey, Wayne!" shouted a constable

Roo light up my life

OK, who's going to tell Coleen about Wayne's little accident with the steam roller?

Of course Wayne's a great footballer - he can get from one goal to the other in four strides

Boys, Shreks agent has been on the phone and apparently he aint happy being likend to a swamp monster. but we haven't heard anything from Rooney's agent yet.

"Sometimes you look in a field and you see an effigy and you think it鈥檚 a better effigy than the one you鈥檝e got in the field. It鈥檚 a fact, right, and it never really works out that way. It鈥檚 probably the same effigy and it鈥檚 not as good as your own effigy. Some players like to think there鈥檚 a better world somewhere else. It never really works.鈥�

Wayne was suffering from indigestion - "Rennie's for the Guy?"

Surrounded by thousands of fans, Rooney will at last light up the pitch - when we turn them on.

Surrounded by thousands of fans, Rooney will at last light up the pitch - when we turn them on.


(correction)

Mike Ashley rejects rumours that Wayne Rooney will be transferred for the Angel of the North.

Yeah, we did Russell Brand one year - actually, we wanted to do Jo Brand, but we couldn't afford all that wood

# These boots aren't made for firewalking .........#

We've found a pitch, may we burn him?

The Borrowers mug Wayne Rooney

Divided he stands, ignited he falls

Antony Gormley unveils his new sculpture "Scoundrel of the North"

When I said lets do one of an old hookers favourite man, I meant Brian Moore.

"Rooney will be warming the bench tonight john"

When Rooney heard about it, he became abusive, which is why he's now known as Acid Wayne

United he stands, ignited he falls

Too BIG to fire....

There were some unexpected side effects to Wayne's use of Growth Hormone Tablets!

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Wayne dearly wished ghostwriter Hunter Davies could take his place yet again

"If Carling did Guys"

Although Coleen won't be around, I hope he won't end up on his back again!

Pwaying for Wayne

Hang on lads, we've just received an offer for him from Real Madrid.

Remember remember, errr, what do I have to remember colleeeeen.

Edenbridge, Kent, home of the typical Manchester United supporter.

Rooney Tunes. Thats all folks!

Peter Crouch still managed to head the ball first.

Edenbridge Park Wardens come up with an innovative way to combat the recent public urination problem.

Rooney goes up as Liverpool go down.

Ferguson proves his player's no dummy.

"Some people covered him in pitch...they think it's all over. It is now!"

I've always held out a torch for you, Wayne

"...and when Rooney lights up there'll be fireworks..."

This year's Blue Peter Appeal....just what every Grandma needs

FIFA...FO...FUM.....

Spud U Like moves into outdoor catering.

With all that money, he still has to write "I owe" on his shorts