主播大秀

Darling, we really must do something about the rising damp.

鈥淲hat鈥檚 Jaws?鈥�

鈥淚鈥檒l have a pint, thanks.鈥�

Well, it鈥檚 not exactly my idea of a fish supper

Just don鈥檛 let him see what we put in the soup

Q: Why don't sharks attack barristers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Ok, ok, I鈥檒l eat my sprouts!

He says he's only here to repay that sick squid he borrowed.

Everyone agreed Hirst had gone too far this time.

Dine with the sharks, the advert said.

OK, who ordered the tuna?

I guess it makes a change from "Sitting on a park bench".

Yes, most definitely a female...

But I said I wanted to go to Teaworld ...

I have a fiver right here that says I'm not the slowest swimmer.

Oh him, don鈥檛 mind him, he鈥檚 quite tame. Just keep an eye out for his dad..

Masterchef's fresh fish challenge...

BUPA spared no expense in curing Harold's constipation

My plan is to play mubbly peg with you lot then swim for it.

I think I'll give this yellow and dangerous custard a miss, thanks.

You know,I'm not so keen on this pick your own shark's fin for the soup course.

Actually, I don't think I fancy a bite any more

I'm feeling a bit peckish myself

Jaws in 3D was a little too frightening

The proprietors made little effort to detract from their dive bar image.

Wet seats, watery soup, and sharking service.

Teethtime

Which one of you ordered the sardines and mustard?

"Come Dine With Me" producers finally agreed that contestants' dinner parties were getting out of hand...

Look, Harry's about to be eaten. I'll get my BC.

Actually, I wanted to go to a chimpanzees' tea party - I always get the two mixed up

Divers' tales by divers divers.

Weight, weight, don't tell me...

I'm sure i recognise that waiter from somewhere

I thnk he's angling for a tip ...

They assured me the shark food has been delivered, not to worry, the sharks will find it themselves.

Tea for me and tea for you
Teeth for him and tea for three

I guess it will be Jacques custard for pudding

I hate tasting menu nights

Fred? Velma? Scuba-doo, where are you?

We're gonna need bigger cutlery!

For god's sake don't show him with your digitus impudicus, that'll only annoy him., and serve as an hors d'oeuvres.

Great! White, please.

Actually, I was wondering why we were able to get a reservation so close to Valentine's Day

As the table revolved, the sharks circled expectantly, awaiting that all-important "ping"!

Tea break over lads lets get the batteries replaced in these Sharks

Ah, petits fours! Er, which harpoon should one use?

And, you did have to invite the mother-in-law!

Please call me buddy, not chum...

Who's for sushi?

The Titanic Tribute Orchestra prepare for their warm-up gig...

Punishment for eating dolphin unfriendly tuna

This is bad enough already without you humming the theme tune to 'Jaws'!

Does anyone know how to drive this tank?

"What big teeth you have Grandma"

The 'bottomless pot of tea' was a stroke of genius by the cafe proprieter, and to date, no one had stayed long enough to complain that the second cup was a tad weak!!

Well you wouldn't call it comfort eating

"Non-smoking," you said. I hope you're happy now.

It's very cosy but I don't feel very relaxed sitting so close to the window.

If you want a tip, Frank, don't look like plankton

"this tea tastes like pee!"
"yes, sorry about that, it's a natural reaction to fear!"

What that "eating in the dark" restaurant looks like when they switch the lights on

Excuse me a moment, darling, I've just seen my solicitor.

It's very cosy but I don't feel relaxed sitting so close to the window.

So this is the last item on your list of things you want to do before you die?

Now, are you sure you don't want to reconsider your decision to resign, Mr. Capello?

When you said 'let's dine in tonight' I thought you were being Sharkastic.

Billy the Shark was a huge fan of the "all you can eat"-style restaurant...

Ah! Mr Bond.
We've been expecting you...

We're gonna need a bigger gravy boat.

Waiter, there's a shrimp in my soup

Well personally, 拢2 billion for flood defenses will be money well spent.

Three bankers learn to live with a lone (sic) shark.

The team that led the HMRC prosecution against Harry Redknapp are reported to be going through 鈥榬e-training鈥�..

"The Comic Strip presents" was right: Breakfast IS a silly name for a lobster.

...and then all that unexpected snow unexpectedly melts!

Wobbegong anyone that complains...

"He says his name's Bruce and he's really a jobbing actor..."

We really must check the times of the tide in future

You're right, Jefferson - I can hear that damned cello now ...

Jaws decides to waive his bonus

One lump or 2?

After the success of "Alien versus Predator," Disney releases "Jaws versus The Little Mermaid"

Have you heard about the new Sushi restaurant thats just opened, the portions are enormous

Two Glaswegian passengers on the Costa Concordia determined to make use of the all inclusive bar.

Whale meat again, don't know where, don't know when .... or if

Three Glaswegian passengers on the Costa Concordia determined to make use of the all inclusive bar.

I just wish the guy who booked us on this "Swim with the Dolphins" event had gone to the optician first

I told you the Costa Concordia was a mistake - why couldn't they have given the franchise to a real seafaring coffee chain like Starbuck's?

Ed, you're just being paranoid

This soup tastes awful - fins aint what they used to be

"I thought you said we'd be having a taste of Davy Jones' liquor."

Are you SURE Global Warming is a myth?

Typical, you wait for ages and then three come along at once

Jaws d'oeuvres

Brilliant move choosing a sushi bar, Smithers, and having to leave OUR fins at the door.

We're going to need a bigger teapot.

Customers found themselves in deep water with Heston Blumenthal's latest 'Immersive Dining' experience.

"I didn't ask for fish paste sandwiches, all I said was there's a fish swimming past."

Fin for shark fin soup

"No it's not scone. It's behind you!!"