Paper Monitor
13:47 UK time, Wednesday, 9 May 2012
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It ain't easy living in the media glare, but the Nation's Sweetheartâ„¢ continues to bask in newspaper love/lust.
Photos of the Duchess of Cambridge arriving at the Thirty Club dinner in an ivory floor-length dress split to her upper leg splash across many a fawning front page and inside picture special.
- "Her Royal Thighness" puns the Metro
- "a bit of all white" - Daily Star
- "cream of crop" - Daily Mirror
- "the epitome of glamour" - Daily Express
- "Kate now a pin-cess" who entered "thigh society" - the Sun, in pun-tastic mood
Sartorial judgement is less kind when it comes to Hollywood and fashion royalty, the finest of whom have been strutting their stuff at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute gala - aka "The Oscars with a dash of crazy", the .
The Mirror's verdict?
- singer Florence Welch's gown looks "like a lampshade"
- actress Kristen Stewart is "a fright in a Balenciaga outfit that shouldn't see the light of day"
- Alexa Chung's S&M librarian ensemble is "strictly wrong"
- and fashionista Sarah Jessica Parker looks "rather frumpy"
Shocker.
Beyonce's get-up is similarly controversial. The Sun cries that her sheer-black-lace-dress-with-purple-feathered-tail-over-nude-leotard look is "a howler", while the Express likens her to "a bird of paradise" and crowns her "the belle of the ball". For G2's Cartner-Morley, "the immediate reaction was: we can see Beyonce's bottom".
But few are as practised at on-the-spot putdowns as Russell Brand. after a heckler repeatedly shouted the name of Brand's ex-wife Katy Perry throughout his performance in Atlantic City, New Jersey, at the weekend:
"I was hoping that your personality was as a result of physical beauty, then I saw you. I thought this guy's confident probably because he's incredibly pretty, but look at you. You look like someone that's fallen off the outside of a church! And what is it that you have rattling inside of your mind? Some bizarre combination of alcohol and idiocy... and yet the confidence to continue shouting! Silence is your friend. I think keep your lips firmly clamped together because everything that comes out of your mouth from your idiotic announcements to your disgusting halitosis is an abomination."
Ouch.
Did the heckler have a comeback? Metro is silent on that matter.
The 
