主播大秀

I asked her to travel light, but she never listens.

Despite meticulous planning, passangers at Heathrow found themselves marooned.

Warning, unattended passengers may be destroyed.

Well, we鈥檒l be OK as long as there aren鈥檛 any passengers as well

The day before, Phil Collins had announced his plan to return to live in Britain.

The ending of the new version of Citizen Kane was rather less impressive than the original

You mean ALL the passengers were diverted to the Shetlands?

"Could everyone going to the Barbie convention leave their luggage at Point D"

And the trial was a runway success!

Instead of wasting money on all those stadiums, maybe the Committee should have spent it on a few more airports instead

Owing to the stadium not being ready until October, the long jump is to be measured in suitcases this year

Luckily, javelins were adjudged acceptable as hand luggage

Where are all the passengers? Someone must have done a runner.

Why is all this luggage here? Someone 鈥榮 for the high jump over this.

Ripley was getting that same old feeling again...

We've lost the sniffer dog again, Sarge.

Naomi packs for a weekend away.

"Which one looks like it belongs to a terrorist?"

Yes, I packed my own bags...

Oh boy! The Bomb Disposal lads are going to have a field day.

Owing to a shortage of space in the overhead lockers, you will only be allowed to take one small passenger on board.

(Post 1):
"Hey Boss, I just found where Kim Kardasian's missing luggage is!"

Well Holmes, looks like another interesting case for you, and another.....

Now Timmy, which bag was it again you put the tickets and passports in?

Imelda Marcos flies into London for the Olympic Games.

It's the luggage equivalent of the elephant's graveyard.

This week, the 主播大秀 carries out a trial to ensure it can cope with challenges posed by the number of captions during the Olympic Games

Half the Airport Organising Committee were in favour of renaming Heathrow as Barbara Cartland Airport

Do you take VISA for the luggage fees?

In a vast hangar at Blackbushe Airport, 鈥淲orld of Luggage鈥� superstore opens

D42 - you've sunk my baggage ship

Mine鈥檚 full of gloves, so I suppose that counts as hand luggage

When Arnold knew Maria was not amused

Yeah, well we should get the backlog cleared by September

The debris from the Costa Concordia is finally washed up on the Italian coast

For the hurdlers, this was the case for the D fence

And clearly it can鈥檛!

The tribute to Herv茅 Villechaize was going swimmingly...

Heathrow opens a new 鈥淔rench arrivals only鈥� Terminal

Excitement was almost at a fever pitch amongst the hopefuls gathered to be extras in the new 'Carry On' film.

But you said unsold tickets for Olympic Football would only be offered to the most deserving cases.

(Post 2)
Hey Boss, I just found where Kim's luggage is.....
....Its in departures....... .... and arrivals....... .... and gates 3 to 56...

So, this is what happens when you have to wait 600 seconds before the next case can be processed.

Crowds of angry luggage demanded that Heathrow locate their lost passengers.

What do you mean you've lost my human?

As Scotland nears independence, Glasgow Airport is besieged by ex-pats wishing to return

I may be an Olympic weightlifter, but I am certainly not carrying my own luggage

Unfortunately, the baggage handlers fell at the last hurdle

"This isn't so bad.The part we hate is when the stewardess closes the overhead bin."

They must be waiting for a Jumbo jet - they're all Trunkis

主播大秀 comes up with cunning plan to get the UK the overseas vote in next year's Eurovision.

Would any passengers who packed travel alarms, please return to their luggage.

"Did you pack all this yourself madam?"

All Heathrow can hope for is an international diplomatic incident and half the countries pulling out ...

Yeah, the label fell off, but you can't miss it - it's pink

It's ironic - it's called the Olympics, they run the Marathon, and Greece is the only country that can't afford to attend ...

(Post 3)
Kim: "What do you mean I'm over my limit?"

John Prescott was taking no chances when he heard the caterers might be going on strike

John knew the warnings were true for Gremlins, but he had no idea that suitcases were the same.

Hang on, I'll just throw this sledge marked "Rosebud" into the furnace

The Evita tribute becomes too successful as too many suitcases are left in the one hall

"D"? It's more like a C of suitcases.

Life is a carousel!

The hangar at Area 51 just wasn't as exciting as people had hoped

Long queues to reclaim humans lost in the search for the caption competition comments box

Poor Uncle Gerald! A suitcase just fell on his toe, and now he's got a terminal illness.

(Post 4)
Check-In: "have you packed all your bags yourself?"
Kim K: "Erm..."

Anyway, before I show you the three large bedrooms, one of which is en suite by the way, let me show you the box room

"The pink ones are Katie Price's party, she's taking her ghost writers away for the weekend to get novel number nine cracked."

The Leveson Inquiry wants to see ALL the evidence ... ?

Look, I'm sure the infinity of monkeys are going to get it right eventually, but what are we going to do with all these cases of waste paper in the meantime?

We're going to need a bigger BOAC

Every night for forty years, Harry had left the airport where he worked carrying a large suitcase, which the security guard was always surprised to find seemed completely empty. It was only when the Police checked his house that they discovered he was stealing suitcases.

Evidence abounds that growing numbers of foreign athletes are being accepted into Team GB...

With BAA now sponsoring The Generation Game, the old conveyor belt was becoming rather a bore

... I'll get my coat.... .....now which bag did I put it in?

When cries of "BAG OFF!","ZIP IT!" and "I'M GONNA SPLIT YOUR SEAM!" were heard,it was obvious the crowd was getting restless.

A late search discovers the whereabouts of all the votes for Englebert Humperdinck.

There is some confusion as the Heathrow Choral Society puts on a season of Handel oratorios and announces a Samson Night

Flashmob jostling for places on the unmanned flight.

Final Destination 7 - The Runaway Carousel.

Right, lads. Everybody grab a case, and then we'll have the opening ceremony.

Anything to declare, Mrs Marcos?

A Heathrow spokesperson said, "To be honest, I didn't think we could cope with this sort of volume, but I'm proud to say we have managed to lose and mangle as many suitcases as we usually do."

Bags; 'Dont leave your passengers unattended'

Making the 'Tax free pasties now being served in the cafeteria' announcement had perhaps been a mistake...

Millions of additional passengers will be funnelled into Heathrow for the Olympics. OK, so Heathrow can cope, but can the rest of London?

I see Fergie's off on her hols again..

Tired of being dragged around, the Occupy movement staged a concourse sit-in

Huddled together this large colony of bags,native to the Tropics,have an ingenious method of slowly exchanging position from outside to inside to help preserve heat and shelter the smaller,weaker members of the group.

Boris Johnson dreams of the profits to be made from introducing a congestion charge for suitcases at Heathrow

The Wright Brothers announce they are to make a second flight ...

"I hear the sniffer dogs have been given gymnastics training."

Hello darling, I鈥檓 at the airport now, um.. are you sure your Mother鈥檚 only here for the weekend?

All the fans were there for the tribute concert to Rudy Valise

Anyway, how come the Germans always get the best seats on the plane?

鈥淶e gold.. urgh.. is hidden in ze pink and grey.. uurrgghh.. suitcase number.. uuurrrggghhh.. thump.鈥�

The Invisible Man Convention gets off to a flying stop

Sorry, Captain, but I always find the lever to lower the undercarriage is very similar to the lever that opens the hold on a Jumbo jet

As usual Heathrow was packed.