Paper Monitor
10:49 UK time, Monday, 10 December 2012
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's Monday, and the film reviews are in.
What? *rubs eyes, checks calendar*
That's right, it is Monday. And there are film reviews in the papers. Most unusual.
But when a notable film is released - or the embargo on its reviews lifted - the film critics are allowed to sharpen their quills on the hot stone plates of the news pages.
And so to their verdicts on The Hobbit (the short book turned into three films. T-H-R-E-E.)
Two stars out of five from the Daily Telegraph:
"Like butter that has been scraped over too much bread" was how JRR Tolkien described the supernatural world-weariness of Bilbo Baggins in the opening chapter of The Lord of the Rings.
This phrase, incomparably Tolkien-esque in its syntactic neatness and semantic beauty, is also a perfect description for the first instalment in Peter Jackson's three-part adaptation of The Hobbit.
The paper also points out that the film lasts "11 minutes short of three hours". When did movies get so long?
The Daily Mail pits prequel v sequel, aka The Hobbit v The Snowman And The Snowdog. That's leading hobbit Martin Freeman (bless!) v a "romping, mischievous scruff of a pup". Hardly a fair fight, in other words. Ding ding! The Snowdog wins, five stars to three.
Three, too, from the Guardian, which praises the film's "brio and fun" but struggles with its super high-definition frame rate:
But I had the weird, residual sense that I was watching an exceptionally expensive, imaginative and starry Ö÷²¥´óÐã Television drama production, the sort that goes out on Christmas Day, with 10 pages of coverage in the seasonal Radio Times, and perhaps a break in the middle for the Queen's Speech.
The Times breaks out an extra star to round it up to four:
I was rather dreading The Hobbit - and I speak as someone who has staged a full re-enactment of The Lord of the Rings in one hour at a party with 12 children - but the film kept me entertained.
The Sun, too, loves it:
There is enough action in this opener to fill three movies.
And finally, onto Christmas coverage with a spot of punning gold from the Daily Mirror - an early present, as it were, for fans of Paper Monitor's former stablemate Punorama.
"SPROUTRAGEOUS"
Paper Monitor looks forward to wheeling this new word out over the festive period at any and all opportunities.
The 
