Twas on a Monday morning
John Reid to a decorator renovating a house. It's inevitable, he says, that as you pull back the wallpaper you find problems you didn't know were there. (Hear his interview on Today here.)
The question is whether he can do the renovation on his own. At present some other members of the 主播大秀 Office renovation team - prison officers, judges, civil servants - appear to be going from room to room in the house shouting "look at the mess you've made in here" and pulling out bits of the plaster.
Others seem to be muttering: "It's all very well for him to throw his weight about but where was he for the past nine years when we were trying to sort the place out?"
If only were still alive they could pen a ditty about it: ""? (If you're too young to remember them, ask your dad.)
I'm 
Comments
I think Mr Reid's metaphor tends to crumble when you realise who's been looking after this shabby house for the past 10 years!
I was slack-jawed at Reid's comments reported on the 主播大秀 News website that "he should be judged not on the challenges he faced, but by his response to them".
Is this the same unfit-for-purpose 主播大秀 Secretary whose "response" to the prison overcrowding "challenge" was to write to the judiciary telling them not to jail anyone?
Judge THAT.
Oh yes, Nick - I remember Flanders and Swann..! Wonderful, gentle social observation..
Anyway - back to matters of moment - isn't the 'bete noir' here the Chancellor..? Isn't it true he's consistently turned down expenditure for the expansion of the prison system - or, when he 'surfaces' on the next occasion, will he suddenly become a disciple of the 'tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime' school of thought - and announce a multi-million expansion plan for prisons, as if he intended it all along..?
When you mentioned John Reif referring to himself as a decorator renovating a house... why was it the first thing that popped into my head was the song "Right Said Fred"?
It's all very well using the redecorating metaphor, but we are ten years (near as makes no difference) into this New Labour Government.
Reid quitting might not benefit much, but I think Blair quitting will. If successive home secretaries have failed to sort out the home office, and John Reid is the only one to find all the problems, then John Reid should stay and Blair should go.
I read John Reid's decorating comments with interest. Surely if he had had a full survey done first he would never have taken the job.
Maybe we ought to have Handy Andy as the 主播大秀 Secretary instead, he might make a better fist of it.
Can we try to link every political story to a Flanders and Swann song? For the record, I am only 26.
I鈥檓 happy with the agenda and tone John Reid is setting. His firm, fair, and patient approach appears to be identifying issues, getting things done, and winning support. Dealing with opposition parties and public opinion is part of the job. Clearly, he doesn鈥檛 just talk he gets on with it.
The sense of direction, purpose, and interest John Reid is generating is a very positive and inspiring thing. By raising challenges, taking a clear interest, and giving people a positive opportunity to help create a 主播大秀 Office that commands genuine respect, everyone鈥檚 a winner.
Neither big ideas or ego is sufficient. You have to have a credible plan and capacity to deliver. By sidelining mediocrity and focusing on success, John Reid isn鈥檛 wasting time with rewarding failure, he鈥檚 focusing on building success for everyone. And who can argue against that?
Hi,
John Reid's analysis is correct - the 主播大秀 Office IS dysfunctional, David Blunkett made equivalent comments in his book but I am afraid that unless the incompetent civil servants are replaced or more closely controlled, JR will almost certainly fail.
He should be given all the help he needs to knock it into shape and mischevious judges should be ashamed of themselves. Some of the answers to the problems are straightforward and can be implemented quickly, others need the type of lateral thinking that civil servants are unlikely to be able to undertake.
It would be a mistake to split the department until it is working. Make it work and then decide whether it makes sense to split it. In the meantime Messrs Blunkett and Clarke might offer Mr Reid their services to participate in daily "get well" sessions with each of the departments.
Why should we give Reid or his "leader's" cabinet time, they have been in office for 10 consecutive years!!!!!!!!!!
If they have not got it right by now they never will!!!!!!!!!!
I think Reid's determination to stay, rather than allow himself to be ousted by the tired British attitude of demanding resignations at the first sign of trouble, is to be applauded. How often must front-benchers, mere months after their departmental appointment, be blamed and booted for the failures of their predecessors before the public wake up and realise that arbitrary, political finger-pointing doesn鈥檛 solve anything.
Problems need to be raised before they can be tackled 鈥 let鈥檚 stop vying for blood like Americans chasing lawsuits and deal with the issues as they are raised.
Nick,
Flanders and Swann's song, "The Gasman Cometh" was if I recall correctly subtitled "A ballad of Unending Domestic Upheaval" On reflection that does sound like a reasonable description of John Reid's 主播大秀 Office!
Reid comparing himself to a decorator immediately conjures up an image of Laurel and Hardy in my mind. You just know he'll walk over the wallpaper whilst climbing the ladder and finally end up demolishing the house, all the while protesting his innocence.
Apropos the almost-monologue on the top of the Flanders and Swann page, I can just picture a revamped Commons with new rules about interruptions...
(The scene: the House of Commons, mostly empty. The Speaker is dozing as a junior minister reads from a 400-page prepared speech)
Worthy Minister: ... and pledges to increase the mass of recycled statements by John Reid by 73.2% over the next twenty-seven years...
Opposition MP: FISH SLICE!
Speaker: (wakes up) I beg your pardon?
Opposition MP: I wanted to get a word in edgeways!
Mr Reid may well be a decorator but when you pull back the wallpaper and find that it was all that kept the walls up, you need to get a builder.
Is he so multiskilled?
p.s. I disagree with John Lewis's comments about splitting the department. If you can get at least some bits working, split them out and concentrate on the bits you can't immediately fix.
If the Blair government directed the Iraqi war budget and levelof attention
that wars consumtoward the HO, it would sort the 主播大秀 Office mess out in no time.
Political focus is upon Iraq , Afghanistan and not on vital home issues.
Paxman argues, in the Political Animal, that it takes at least three years for a minister to become effective - the first to understand the brief, the second to find out what the department is up to, and the third to start implementing their policies. New Labour's record speaks for itself, four 主播大秀 Secretaries in ten years (and a fifth looming?), with the longest server being Jack Straw who was 'demoted' after four years. No wonder the 主播大秀 Office is in such a state it has been left to its own devices for far too long.
I don't know if Paxman's argument is an accepted truth or not but it rings true with me (we only need to look at Transport which has had fifteen ministers since '79 - a new minister every two years - as evidence of what a department can get up to - or how it stagnates - when its left to its own devices for too long).
Reid needs to be seen to be sorting out these issues, senior civil servants being sacked would be a start, and not just coming up with vacuous soundbites about the decorators being in.
His metaphor is wrong. Any self respecting decorator would find the problems and either fill with polyfilla or hide under the new wallpaper. Reid's problem is that he and his party have been found out. Its too late to blame anyone else for the problems they're encountering. Many of them started in the last 10 years. You can't blame anyone but yourselves for those.
Does this mean that 主播大秀 Office standard practice of stopping things falling the cracks by papering over them has come to an end?
I can hear the civil servants now " Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers"
The 主播大秀 Secretary Cometh
With apologies to Michael Flanders and Donald Swann
'Twas on the Monday morning the new Minister came to call,
The 主播大秀 Office wasn鈥檛 working 鈥 it wasn鈥檛 fit for use at all.
He criticised the workers and he gave them lots of flack,
Then he spotted foreign criminals they hadn鈥檛 quite sent back.
Oh it all makes work for the government to do.
'Twas on the Tuesday morning the missing men were found,
The numbers seemed to multiply, embarrassment all round.
He finally gave up counting and said business is to blame,
Then the PM said, 鈥淒eport them all!鈥 and changed around the game.
Oh it all makes work for the government to do.
'Twas on a Wednesday morning the prisoners escaped,
He鈥檇 opened up the doors to let them go and see their mates.
They hunted down the convicts, people said it was a shame,
But he鈥檇 filled up all the prisons, so they let them out again.
Oh it all makes work for the government to do.
'Twas on the Thursday morning he looked at ID cards,
The system was too complex, to make it was too hard.
They looked at all the options that they鈥檇 previously decried,
Then the put them all together since they just could not decide.
Oh it all makes work for the government to do.
'Twas on a Friday morning he decided to divide,
The prisons fell in one camp, terror on the other side.
He鈥檇 parcel up the workload and he鈥檇 share out all the blame,
But he鈥檇 lost the party鈥檚 confidence and suffered all the same.
Oh it all makes work for the government to do.
On Saturday and Sunday they reshuffle them all.
So it was on the Monday morning a new Minister came to call.
Hi Nick,
Every time I see John Reid on TV I come to dislike him even more. He is so smug and never takes any responsibility for anything- I am not one to go on about how awful and useless politicians are but I am sorry, John Reid is both of them!
And by the way Nick, I must be too young to rememeber whatever you are on about there!!!!
I started my political education with Flanders and Swann and I would give anything to see Gordon Brown singing 'A Song of Patriotic Prejudice'.
I won't make a comment about Gnu Labour though...
Reforms in the 主播大秀 Office will take years to implement. If it hadn't been for the freedom of information act the public would be none the wiser, that's the disgrace.
Now Dr Reid has admitted his department needs to be gutted from the inside out let's hope he engages his brain and refrains from coming out with pathetic tough talking soundbites that only serve to demoralise an entire workforce, a workforce he should be motivating rather than disgracing in front of the worlds media.
Stan
We need a full structural survey of the Government. It's sure to find poor rendering on the walls, a dodgy and leaking roof and worst of all rot in the basement and rapidly spreading to all parts of the (now unsound) dwelling.
I appreciate what John Reid is trying to do and certainly wrestling the beast to the ground isn't helped by a constant stream of new ministers.
However, he's too late to regain popular support. The fact is that he is part of a government that has had 10 years to get it right. If you are a member of a political party then you have to be judged not by simply your own actions but also by everyone in your party. Party whips expect you to vote the same way so why shouldn't it work the other way round?
Plus, as the Today program showed, he is incapable of giving a straight answer to some very simple questions! (Like all polititians!)
How the British whine. The basic problems result from the publics' constant demand for quick fixes and a lock up em up attitude. Sex offenders being a case in point. Most don't need jail they need medical and psychological treatment, secure confinement for serious offenders of course. But instead we keep locking them up where they can become ever better at committing their offences and cost the tax payer even more money by occupying a cell. It's a serious problem that requires serious problem solvers not puerile headline grabbers.
Twas on a Monday morning
The 主播大秀 Secretary came to call;
The Prison buildings were filling up - These was no room left at all.
He tore up all the sentencing rules
To try and cut the flow,
And I had to call a newspaper to come and have a go.
Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do!
Twas on a Tuesday morning
The newspaperman came round;
He hammered and he chiselled and he said: 'Look what I've found!
Your Government is full of dry-rot
But I'll put it all to rights.'
But he did an interview with a paedophile and out went all the lights.
Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do!
'Twas on a Wednesday morning
The paedophile's words were shown;
He said the judge was wrong to free me and the 主播大秀 Secretary should have known.
But he couldn't reach for the moral card having commited such a sin and his foot in mouth was like a lead balloon - so I called a deputy spokesperson in.
Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do!
Twas on a Thursday morning
The deputy minister came along,
With his weasle words, prevarications and his false New Labour's song;
He put another spin on it -
It took no time at all -
But I had to get an ex judge to come in, just to make sense of it all.
Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do!
'Twas on a Friday morning
The ex-judge made a start;
With legaleeze and therefortos he explained every part,
Every clause and every codicil,
But I found once he departed
He'd explained away common sense and I was backed right where I started.
Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do!
On Saturday and Sunday they do no work at all:
So 'twas on a Monday morning that the 主播大秀 Secretary came to call!
I am sceptical about Mr Reid`s assertion that the 主播大秀 Office portfolio was so impossibly large that its responsibilities had to be reorganised and it will take two years to sort things out. Reorganisation very rarely results in real improvements, while it consumes a lot of time, energy and money which could be better spent. Previous 主播大秀 Secretaries managed to run the 主播大秀 Office successfully when it had wider responsibilities than it has now.(I accept that terrorism is now a major preoccupation for any 主播大秀 Secretary, but previous 主播大秀 Secretaries have faced other major crises of one kind and another.)
It would have been more impressive if Mr Reid had got down to making a success of the 主播大秀 Office as it stood.
There must be a suspicion that Mr Reid has found it convenient to hype up the difficulties in order to escape criticism of his failures, and is now using the reorganisation as an alibi for any failure over the next two years. Few businesses would survive if they took his "decorating" line.