主播大秀

• Posted by Crippled Monkey
• 26 Nov 04, 12:00 AM

Billed as "the first film festival in the world to be run by people with learning disabilities and showing films made by film makers with learning disabilities" ... get yourself down to Brighton on Monday 29 November to get in on the action.

30 films will be shown at the , which takes place in Brighton next week.

Crippled Monkey's eye has already been caught by the name and subject matter of one film in particular ... and I think I'd quite like it on my Christmas wishlist. The Donkey and the Spell is described in the programme like this: "It's about Supermouse hearing about the magical powers of the Cheese Tree. She visits the Cheese Tree on her donkey and has a fight with her enemy M Zabe, who soon becomes her friend".

Other films include Jill. The filmmaker, Jill Hooper, says: "It's a cartoon of different colours, which I put together. It was a good laugh and good fun. It's a funny joke. Jill jumps on the bed. I might make a different film when I can". Also Cat Can Can made by Carousel: "There was a pirate, a spider and a spaceman, they caught a cat shaped bus to the disco on the back of a flea".

, and are supporting and facilitating Oska Bright, which includes an award ceremony in the evening and an opportunity for one film-maker with learning difficulties to receive a bursary to continue their work. Good luck to all.

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• Posted by Crippled Monkey
• 23 Nov 04, 12:00 AM

*I am, of course, talking about Oxford, Connecticut, in the USA. Please don't get offended if you happen to live in Oxfordshire.

. Seems that a group of 30 residents marched to the town hall to demand information about a group of people with brain injuries who live in their area - with some going so far as to demand that these disabled residents be moved out. One protestor said that "we're living in fear and we're scared", claiming that the tenants were involved in a dog's death and that they spent their time trespassing and spying.

Sadly, Crippled Monkey failed to find any mention of the phrase "we don't want your sort living next door to us", but it wouldn't surprise me if it cropped up at some point during their meeting.

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• Posted by Crippled Monkey
• 18 Nov 04, 12:00 AM

The latest winner of Crippled Monkey's title of heartwarming disabled animal story goes to my colleagues in 主播大秀 News for . This report will be of particular interest to any Ouch readers who have artificial limbs, because Fuji (that's the dolphin in question), is now able to swim and jump again after having had an artificial fin made for her by a tyre company.

Yes, you heard. A tyre company.

It's made out of material usually used for the tyres on Formula One racing cars - which means that this stuff doesn't come cheap. In fact, the artificial fin cost about 95,000 dollars to produce. You won't get that on the NHS, then.

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• Posted by Crippled Monkey
• 17 Nov 04, 12:00 AM

News story of the week has to be about Claire Unwin, a wheelchair user from Carlisle, who was left feeling justifiably angry after she turned up at her local cinema to see a new film, only to discover that it had been moved to one of the venue's screens that doesn't have wheelchair access.

And what was the movie she wanted to see? Only Inside I'm Dancing - a film all about disability. Can't you just feel the hideous irony?

Of course, considering the dreadful reviews that most disabled people have given to this particular movie - featuring, as it does, non-disabled actors playing disabled characters - it could be argued that this particular cinema-goer had a lucky escape!

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• What's this?

• Posted by Crippled Monkey
• 16 Nov 04, 12:00 AM

If you're a disabled Londoner - or even if you've only ever visited the capital - you'll know that, despite the powers of the DDA, the Underground network is still as inaccessible as it gets, most especially for wheelchair users. Like Crippled Monkey, you've probably looked at London Underground's , seen the ridiculously small number of stations that are marked as accessible, and decided to find another way to get about the city - usually a taxi.

But if you really want all the essential facts, figures and statistics on just how useless the tube is, check out a recent post by London blogger and self-confessed 'tube geek' . He's got more information than you could ever ask for. Did you know, for instance, that if you live in Amersham on the Metropolitan Line, you can use the station to get into London, but then you can never go home again because the station is step-free in only one direction? How very useful!

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• What's this?

• Posted by Crippled Monkey
• 15 Nov 04, 12:00 AM

Sent to me by a colleague here in our lovely open-plan office, here's an article from Fighting Arts magazine, all about martial arts wheelchair techniques for fending off attackers. Blimey. There's advice on what to in the event of a and , plus .

Monkey isn't entirely sure about all this, as the writer admits that he worked up these moves while "confined to a wheelchair" for a "relatively short period", which led him to gain an appreciation of what life is like for "those who are handicapped" (yes, the language leaves something to be desired too). Plus, of course, he doesn't bear in mind a possible lack of upper body mobility either.

Still, if you fancy trying out some of these sleek and sharp moves in the safety of your own home, do let me know the results. I've always fancied being some kind of wheelchair ninja, you know.

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• Posted by Crippled Monkey
• 5 Nov 04, 12:00 AM

According to an article from Yahoo Finance, which has the bizarre title of , a survey by the Massachusetts Mutual Life Assurance Company has concluded that:

"Whether it's unexpected injuries from running daily errands or holiday shopping excursions, January is the most common time of year for men and women to become disabled ..."

So there's a particular month for becoming disabled now? Whatever next?

Crippled Monkey would have placed more validity on these findings if the article hadn't revealed that they were part of a not-so-subtle ploy by the Massachusetts Mutual Life Assurance Company (yes, them again!) to get people to take out a new type of insurance policy.

Coming soon: teatime on Wednesdays is a very common time to suddenly discover you're disabled, says Ouch's resident impaired monkey blogger. Oh, and can I interest you in buying some insurance while you're here?

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• Posted by Crippled Monkey
• 4 Nov 04, 12:00 AM

Now here's something that this Crippled Monkey will fully admit to not knowing about ... and it's that those nice folks on C主播大秀's Blue Peter are now providing audio instructions on their website for the various Makes and Bakes featured on the programme. How cool is that?!

So tune in to bake yourself an Ginger Parkin, although personally I've already decided that this weekend I'm going to make myself a Furry Animal Hanger. If you check out the lists of past Makes and Bakes, you'll find that only some of them include the audio instructions, but the BP team are ensuring that all new content now carries this neat accessibility feature.

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