Ö÷²¥´óÐã

Hello Ouchers - I hope you're all enjoying your Christmas and New Year holiday. We're just breaking our seasonal blog silence here for a moment to let you know about all the disabled people who have been awarded shiny gongs and medals in the Queen's New Year Honours list - because whatever you think of these awards, whether you disapprove of them or think they're a valuable recognition of a person's achievements, there's no doubting that it seems to be a bumper crop for disability as the start of 2009 dawns. That's mostly down to the huge success of Team GB in the Beijing Paralympics over summer, of course.

Perhaps the biggest news is that Eleanor Simmonds, who won two swimming golds in Beijing, has been awarded an MBE. Still only 14 years old - though she was was a grand 13 years, 9 months and 26 days when the Games began back in early September, fact fans - this not only makes her Britain's youngest ever Paralympic gold medallist, but also now the youngest person to be awarded the MBE, and the only minor to be honoured. A spokesman for the Cabinet Office, which handles the honours list, said: "There is no rule which states a minimum age for recipients of honours, but they usually reflect the sort of achievements which come with age. In this case, Eleanor Simmonds achieved something extraordinary at a very young age and so it was only right that she should be honoured".

Here are the other Paralympians in the New Year Honours list:

• David Roberts - Swimmer who, at this year's Games, equalled Dame Tanni Grey-Thompson's record of 11 gold medals. He's been handed a CBE. Read his 13 Questions interview with Ouch!

• Lee Pearson - The equestrian rider is also given a CBE after achieving his ninth gold at the Games. He's previously taken his turn in our 13 Questions hotseat too. Fellow equestrians Anne Dunham and Sophie Christiansen become MBEs.

• Billy Pye - The coach of both David Roberts and Eleanor Simmonds ia appointed an MBE. Other recognitions for work behind the scenes on Team GB's Paralympic success go to British Swimming disability performance director Tim Reddish and ParalympicsGB chief executive, Phil Lane, who both get OBEs.

• Like their Olympic counterparts, Britain's Paralympic cyclists scooped an astonishing series of medals at the Games. In recognition of this, Darren Kenny, Sarah Storey, Aileen McGlynn and Ellen Hunter become OBEs, with Mark Bristow, Jody Cundy, Anthony Kappes, Barney Storey, Simon Richardson and David Stone receiving MBEs.

• Wheelchair racer David Weir gets an MBE, too. He's been another sporting celeb who has previously answered Ouch's probing questions.

All this sport is exhausting, though. Particularly after the nineteenth turkey sandwich of the festive season. So who else is going to be meeting the Queen soon?

Well, fantasy author Terry Pratchett, famed for his epic series of Discworld novels, has been knighted. He's become a vocal campaigner for more research into Alzheimer's disease after being diagnosed with the condition in 2007. And Gill Hicks, who lost both her legs in the London bombings of 7 July 2005 when she was a passenger on the Piccadilly Line tube train to Russell Square, is awarded an MBE for her work in co-founding the Walktalk event to bring communities together.

Last, and by no means least, the most surprising announcement is that Ouch's very own Disability Bitch has received an honour. Yes, arise (if you can) Dame Disability Bitch! We're so proud!

Oh, okay then, that's not true - but how we wish it was ...

So let's just hope that with all these wheelers, wobblers and people with various other impairments turning up at Buckingham Palace over the next few months, the investiture ceremony has been made completely accessible. Presumably you can be excused from the whole kneeling business as a 'reasonable adjustment', yes?

In a series broadcast last week on Radio 4, Peter White got to try out some of the jobs he was told he wouldn't be able to do because he was blind. In 'Blind Man Seeks Work' he had the dubious honour of putting his head into a horse's mouth, to try out being a vet. Peter also found out why he never made it as a rock star, with advice from ex-Manfred Mann signer Paul Jones. Plus, in perhaps the most challenging assignment he had a go at being a pilot, albeit in the safely of a BA flight simulator.

You can catch many episodes from 'Blind Man Seeks Work' on the iPlayer for the next few days.

It's the last day here at Ö÷²¥´óÐã Towers for most of the Ouch team, before we take off for our Christmas holidays - not that we stop thinking about disability over the festive season, you understand. Oh no. Even our seasonal TV viewing is centred around anything and everything related to or featuring wheelies, wobblers, blindies, deafies and every other possible impairment. (Though, if we're honest, we may be tempted into watching the Doctor Who Christmas Special, even if it includes none of the above.)

So that's why I'm sitting here with my double bumper extra special super duper bursting at the staples festive edition of the Radio Times (other listings magazines are available) and a pen, circling anything that might contain even the vaguest link to disability, all for your viewing pleasure. (Terrestrial channels only, so as not to leave out anyone who doesn't have a dish or a box or one of the other newfangled gizmos through which you can pick up 97 different shopping stations and repeats of 1980s situation comedies.)

Here goes, then ...

Casualty - Ö÷²¥´óÐã One, Saturday 20 December, 8.10pm & Saturday 27 December, 8.40pm - Featuring disabled actor as Luke Hamill as Adam Trueman's brother, Alex. He was a guest on our Christmas Podcast, you know - the interview's here for you to listen to again.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory - ITV1, Christmas Eve, 4.50pm - The original version, starring Gene Wilder. May feature Oompa-Loompas, who are the ultimate people of restricted growth. We've written about them, too.

Scrooge - Five, Christmas Eve, 4.50pm - Otherwise known as A Christmas Carol. Otherwise known as that story with Tiny Tim in it. Ouch's version is better, of course, though this is the 1951 film featuring Alistair Sim as old Ebeneezer, and is by far the best in my ever so humble opinion.

A Christmas Carol - Channel 4, Christmas Eve, 6.45pm - In a great bit of scheduling, you can go straight from Scrooge on Five to this on C4. If you really want to. Which I don't. (It's the 1999 remake, with Patrick 'Star Trek' Stewart in the lead role.)

Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit - Ö÷²¥´óÐã One, Christmas Day, 4.30pm AND Wallace & Gromit in A Matter of Loaf and Death - Ö÷²¥´óÐã One, Christmas Day, 8.30pm - What? The famous plasticine animations feature disability? Really? Look, bear with me here, because I'm repeating a theory posed by Ouch's very own Gideon that Gromit (he's the dog) is in fact disabled. He has a speech impairment, you see. Because he never barks. Um, okay, whatever you say. Or rather don't say. Whatever.

Blackadder's Christmas Carol - Ö÷²¥´óÐã Two, Christmas Day, 7.00pm - Oh, good heavens. More Tiny Tim. But at least this one will be funny, and Rowan Atkinson will probably give the poor little urchin a scowl and a clip round the ear. Hurrah!

A Boy Called Alex - Channel 4, Christmas Day, 6.15pm - Finally! Some proper disability! What does the venerable RT tell us? "Alex Stobbs is a precociously gifted 16-year-old musician who also 'suffers' (their words, not mine) from a virulent form of cystic fibrosis." So it could be a bit, um, tragic. On the plus side, it might also feature some good classical music, if that's your thing. You can watch the original C4 trailer for this programme on .

EastEnders - Ö÷²¥´óÐã One, Christmas Day, 8.00pm & 9.00pm - So I can't entirely give the game away, and what we've read in the newspapers might be wrong, but if the rumours are correct then this year's Christmas visits to the Cockneys down Walford way may feature the return of an old character who is now a wheelchair user. I don't envy them trying to cope with the bumpy pavements in Albert Square, do you?

Nicholas Nickleby - Ö÷²¥´óÐã Two, Boxing Day, 5.55pm - I confess that I'm not very good on my knowledge of Charles Dickens, but this 2002 film adaptation of one of his books features the character of Smike, who - according to the always authoritative - "has deformed feet and is sickly". That'll do for me! In this version, he's played by young actor Jamie Bell, who previously danced his way across screen as Billy Elliott. Without deformed feet, presumably.

Daredevil - Ö÷²¥´óÐã One, Sunday 28 December, 11.35pm - If you're keeping a running total of impairments in these TV listings (What? You're not? Oh, never mind) then you'll notice that it's all been a bit, well, 'physical' so far. But fear not, because here comes a blind superhero, played by Ben Affleck. Your favourite disability website (that's us) had its finger on the pulse, of course, and reviewed the movie when it first came out in 2003.

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Olympic Gold Medallist Special - ITV1, Monday 29 December, 9.00pm - Some top sportspeople sit opposite Chris Tarrant as he pauses for just a little too long, before asking them "Is that your final answer?" In this case, two of the contestants are Paralympic cyclist Darren Kenny and Paralympic swimmer Liz Johnson. Ooh, go crips, go crips!

Britain's Weirdest Phobias - ITV1, Tuesday 30 December, 8.00pm - I put this one to the vote in the Ouch office. "Is this disability-related? Is it? Is it?" The resounding answer was "no". But hey, this is my blog post and I don't care. Surely a woman who is "so terrified of knees that she even flinches at the word 'kneecap'" counts as disabled, doesn't she? Try putting that on your DLA form next year, I dare you.

Celebrity Big Brother: Live Launch - Channel 4, Friday 2 January, 9.00pm - After Mikey and Darnell in the non-celeb version, could we be in for some disability in this year's celebrity version? Rumours are rife. I heard talk of egghead Professor Stephen Hawking turning up, but somehow that seems unlikely. Surely no one would bet against Disability Bitch's favourite, Heather Mills, making an appearance, would they? Currently, however, the most probable bet for BB incarceration and humiliation looks like being short actor Verne Troyer, who plays Mini-Me in the Austin Powers movies, as Damon revealed in this blog entry.

Blink - Five, Friday 2 January, 10.00pm - Last, and very probably least, round off your festive disability viewing by catching this 1994 movie thriller starring Madeline Stowe as a woman who has been blind since childhood, but receives a corneal graft to restore her sight. Her vision improves very slowly, and that means she cannot register what she has seen until a few days after she's seen it. Which is a bit of a thorny issue when you're the only witness to a murder. Gosh, sounds like an edge of the seat and snaffling popcorn job - well, unless there are twelve disabled celebs in a Big Brother cripfest over on Channel 4, in which case you'll probably want to give it a miss.

And that's yer lot. Not exactly the most golden line-up for disability-related TV fare this Christmas, but that's probably a good thing, as it'll allow the Ouch team to go off and watch the Strictly Come Dancing final, the return of The Royle Family, and Gavin & Stacey all without experiencing even the tiniest pang of guilt.

Whatever you're doing this festive season, have a good one, and don't spend all your £10 bonus on eggnog and mince pies. Happy Christmas!

Short actor Verne Troyer, Mini-Me in the Austin Powers movies, is rumoured to be a housemate in the upcoming new series of Celebrity Big Brother.

Once the Christmas festivities are over, and you're looking for something to fill your disabled world with, you can tune in to Channel 4 from January 2nd and, perhaps, if Santa grants you all your wishes, we may have yet another disabled contestant for you to gaup at or empathise with, in the genre-busting reality TV show.

Previous disabled housemates have included: Darnel Swallow (the fella with albinism from the 2008 series)Mikey Hughes (the Scottish Bblind fella also from 2008) and Pete Bennett (self styled 'Tourettey celebrity' from 2006).

Other possible disableds that might have gone through the house are: Eugene Sully (BB 2006, whom Asperger'ers claim as one of their own) and the jury has always been out on whether Jade and her mum have some claim to learning difficulty - but if you think I'm going to get into that minefield, even in the mode of celebrating disability, you're joking me! Many would suggest that perhaps we shouldn't be including Troyer as disabled either though it's fair to say he lives in a rather disabling world being the unconventional height of 2 feet 8 inches tall.

But you know what the web's like. Rumours abound. It's entirely possible we won't see Mini-Me on Big Brother after all. But we should note that he has form in this area. Many celebs make a living moving from one reality show to another, so the fact that Troyer previously appeared in the 2005 series of on the Warner Brothers TV network in the US, perhaps adds some weight to the rumours.

There's a whole page dedicated to on Wikipedia - just check out that long impressive filmography.

Air Guitar, it's a way to unleash your inner Rock God using only the power of your hands. Showing the sort of emotion you probably wouldn't want to display outside of your kitchen, until now that is...

Researchers at John Hopkins university have hacked the popular Guitar Hero video game to wire it up to a prosthetic arm, . Players can 'fret' and 'strum' by moving their fingers together, with electrodes detecting their movements. The game adds a competitive and musical edge to what had been "tedious" training, as amputees learn to control their new limbs. and rock out!

A wedding dress, an antique typewriter and a wheelchair were other odd items of lost property mislaid on seats and in carriages by absent-minded passengers.

From a news story about some of the items one rail operator has had left on its trains this year.

Yes, somebody left a wheelchair. Now obviously I'm hoping that this quote is referring to one of those hospital wheelchairs. But then my imagination gets rather carried away with me. It's unlikely that a wheelchair user would have popped off the train and forgotten to take their essential mobility aid with them, isn't it? So that raises the prospect of somebody perhaps bringing a new wheelchair out to a disabled person who then, well ... forgot it. Oops.

This week's choice news snippet is brought to you from washingtonpost.com, who ran a story about an 8 year-old girl - a wheelchair user with CP - appearing in a production of The Nutcracker alongside 17 non-disabled ballet students. And the headline? .

In a reference to the girl's wheelchair, the report goes on to state: "Unlike the other dancers, Mary's leather slippers won't touch the floor". But there are many more such gems in the full story ...

Stories of people becoming disabled litter the news every day, and to be honest, they're usually pretty grim affairs. So it made a change to read about a young Chinese woman who became partially deaf after a particularly .

We don't like getting medical here on Ouch, but it's perhaps worthwhile to note that this happened when the kiss "reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear".

With Christmas just around the corner, and people wielding mistletoe and puckering up all over the place, Ouch would advise its reader to proceed with caution. This has been a public service announcement.

If you heard last night's In Touch you will have discovered what Ouch's own Emma Tracey doesn't want for Christmas, an iPhone! In fact, it's more of a love-hate relationship, on the one hand, cool gadget, on the other horribly inaccessible touch screen.

A cool new design concept aims to bridge this gap. It comprises a silicon overlay, which adds bas-relief buttons on top of the screen and a custom application which keeps the controls in a fixed position.

Unfortunately, as it is just a prototype at this stage. It's not like to be seen under anyone's tree this Christmas, at any rate. Read more on the

To hear more Christmas most wanted and least wanted gifts, including those of Damon Rose, catch In Touch on iPlayer