Let's talk about Sex...
| 15:36 UK
time, Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Lots of parents wrangle with how to approach the ‘birds and the bees’ issue with young children. ÌýWe worry about what’s appropriate at what age – what language to use, how detailed to be, and what issues to discuss. ÌýSome think that we ought to wait until after puberty, and that sex education is an ‘adult’ theme, with 59% of parents in a recent web survey disagreeing with any kind of sex education before the age of 11.
At primary school SRE (Sex and Relationships Education) is largely taught through the science curriculum, and includes naming of animal and human body parts, and basic facts about reproduction in plants and animals. ÌýFurther sex education, usually towards the end of primary school, is given in PSHE (Personal Social and Health Education) lessons, and will include discussions on love and relationships as well as the ‘mechanics’ of sex and birth. All schools are required to have an SRE policy, and parents have a right to withdraw children from these lessons if they do not agree with the policy.
Maybe this country’s often prurient attitude to sex has led us to the sexual health problems of our young people - we have high rates of pregnancy, abortion and STDs. Dutch people are stereotypically known as being very open about sex. ÌýHowever we could Ìý– their teen pregnancy, STD and abortion rates are around a quarter of those in the UK. They start teaching children about sex and relationships tailored to their age as soon as they start school, and devote to the topic for all children aged 4 to 12.Ìý
Personally, I think thatÌýhonest discussions about sex should be ongoing and directed by your child’s questions, with the answers taking into account the child’s age and level of understanding.
A little while ago, at the park, my four-year-old and I encountered a pond-full of mating frogs. ÌýAn avid nature lover, he already had a lot of knowledge about what they were doing, with the males and females having different ‘jobs’, and how they were the mummies and daddies of the frogspawn that would soon become tadpoles. We didn’t go into the nitty gritty of body parts etc. as it didn’t come up. ÌýHowever if he had wanted to know, I would have told him using language that he can relate to.
We have always referred to body parts using both slang terms as well as biologically correct ones (though he thinks that the word penis is too hilarious to use), and, as he has a little sister, have talked about the differences between boys' and girls' bodies when the questions arise, invariably at bath time.
I am not the sort of person who talks endlessly about sex to other adults, let alone to children! However I think it is important to talk honestly about it, even if it is uncomfortable or embarrassing, as ignorance can lead to problems in later life.
As parents we are the first port of call for this sort of information – school will give the broad details, but we need to fill in the gaps. We need to start the dialogue early, so that when the (often fraught) teenaged years come along, our children feel able to turn to us for support and answers. Ìý
Hannah Hunter is a member of the Ö÷²¥´óÐã Parent Panel.
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