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December the 18th

Comments

1. At 10:13 AM on 18 Dec 2006, wrote:

   I worry every year about Santa delivering my pressies. My flat is in a block with a flat roof and no chimney. He get's in so I think I must review my home security provisions.

   Mary

2. At 10:31 AM on 18 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

   Lovely picture, Ian!
   And how are you today, Eddie? Did you enjoy yesterday's party? There are those amongst the froggers who have started calling you Edina, and I am indirectly to blame. But - let me assure you - 'twas only a joke and revolved around drinking champagne, so harmless enough.

   BTW, I note that Chris Evans appears to be recycling his postings on your website (see last thread, post 58, and elsewhere on your site over the last few days). We know that he, like you, likes a bit of fun, so may I suggest you answer his mischieviousness by posting on his website? Or we could oblige (but out of respect for you, would be rather reluctant to post as 'Eddie, Dundee').
   Just a thought!

   Though I'm sure you're able to think up a prank of your own. Do let us know what you do to 'wreak your revenge'!

   
   

3. At 10:46 AM on 18 Dec 2006, Belinda wrote:

   Mary (currently 1): I saw a special key being sold in a shop which was designed exactly for this purpose: "Dear Santa, I do not have a chimney, so here is a key for you!". Maybe Santa already has one, and it is a master key for every house in the world?

4. At 12:23 PM on 18 Dec 2006, wrote:

   When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
   My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,

   Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
   And he told me there was something that I had to know.

   His look and his tone I will always remember,
   When he told me of the horrors of Black November:

   "Come about August, now listen to me,
   Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,

   "And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
   And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin.
   
   "And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
   In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head.

   "Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n
   pink,
   And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the
   sink;

   "And then comes the worst part," he said, not bluffing,
   "She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with
   stuffing."

   Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
   I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

   And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
   I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked.

   I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
   High-roughage salads, juice, and diet cola;

   And as they ate pastries, chocolates, and crepes,
   I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes.

   I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
   And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;

   But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
   As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.

   And sure enough, when Black November rolled around,
   I was the last turkey left in the entire compound.

   So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
   I haven 't a worry, so I eat and I nap.

   She held me today, while sewing and humming,
   And smiled at me and said, "Christmas is coming..."

   ...

   -Received from JaRRod DellaChiesa.
   The Good, Clean Funnies List (https://GCFL.net)
   2006/11/22

5. At 12:35 PM on 18 Dec 2006, wrote:

   A magic key! Why didn't I think of that! Of course. Thanks for the Belinda!

   Mary

6. At 12:40 PM on 18 Dec 2006, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

   Belinda and Mary,

   Don't let that "fat man in a red suit" image concocted by a certain drinks manufacturer fool you. Santa is actually thin as a pin and can squeeze through the letterbox.

   "But wait a minute Cat," I don't hear you ask, "How does he get the presents through the letterbox?"

   He doesn't have to: Santa's sleigh has a "Hole-In-The-Space-Time-Continuum-O-Matic" which he can shove the presents through so that they appear inside the house or flat he's about to visit. Sadly, it's not always *entirely* accurate, so sometimes the presents appear in slightly the wrong place or time. This is why presents occasionally appear on top of a wardrobe in late November and suchlike.

7. At 01:01 PM on 18 Dec 2006, wrote:

   Big Sister (2) are all of Chris's posts recycled? I've not investigated his blog enough to know. I think I would like Chris to know that I've been defending him since his Toothbrush days, to anyone who took a dislike. Maybe he doesn't care, but I was able to tell them that he was lovely to me (we were with friends of mine who knew him), but maybe I could stop now. He does seem to have been rehabilitated, Billy Piper gives him great PR & generally seems to be doing fine without my help. I was there when he needed it though!

8. At 04:23 PM on 18 Dec 2006, wrote:

   Ian,

   Lovely photo but could you expand on what it's all about ?

9. At 05:47 PM on 18 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

   Sparkles: Yes! I've checked against his blog and they all appear on there, but not necessarily in the order in which they appear here ... ('The right notes but not necessarily in the right order' E. Morecambe)

10. At 06:34 PM on 18 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

    A quick update on my last posting: I hadn't spotted his 'lyrical posting' on the Beach when I posted no. 9. He's clearly starting to branch out!

11. At 07:48 PM on 18 Dec 2006, Ian Robins wrote:

    Thanks Big Sister and Jonnie!

    Every year, the local Lions Club organise Santa to visit local neighbourhoods, raising money for good causes. I took this (blurry) picture when they came around and thought it looked like Santa has justed landed on a home!

12. At 12:07 AM on 19 Dec 2006, gossipmistress wrote:

    Ian - I too like your picture! The reproduction here looks to me like a santa on a galleon tossed upon stormy seas!

13. At 12:45 AM on 19 Dec 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    SSCat (6),

    What a truly lovely theory. I think I love you.

    A, x.

14. At 10:02 AM on 19 Dec 2006, Dr Hackenbush wrote:

    I have some lovely theories, too - just have to think of them now.

15. At 01:09 PM on 19 Dec 2006, Taff wrote:

    Worst.
    Picture.
    Ever.