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Well, Blow Me Down

• Stuart Bailie
• 14 Jun 07, 02:19 PM

There’s a legendary scene in To Have And Have Not when Lauren Bacall is showing Humphrey Bogart how to whistle properly. “You just put your lips together and blow,” she purrs, as Bogie holds it all together and plays it absurdly cool.

I’ve never met too many women who could make the art of whistling seem sexy. Not too many men, either. Maybe Otis Redding during the final moments of ‘Dock Of The Bay’, when he can’t remember the lyrics but busks it, beautifully. Or John Lennon on ‘Jealous Guy’. Oh, and I guess we could commend The Bangles for that perky line in the chorus of ‘Walk Like An Egyptian’. Or more recently, Peter, Bjorn And John for the excellent ‘Young Folks’. People, I can feel a radio special coming on…

But no marks whatsoever to the average Ulster male. During my occasional visits to the local gym, I have to endure scores of hairy, naked blokes in the changing room, whistling along to the commercial radio station that constantly blares. This station seems to run on a cycle of Robbie Williams, Bryan McFadden, The Sugababes and Oasis. And to hear a whistling version of ‘Don’t Look Back In Anger’ is almost too much to endure.

Ulster boy whistlers take awful liberties with the melody of a given song. They also remove the natural cadences and make it sound stupid and “jaunty”. You would think they had all been reared on terrible flute bands…

While I’m not saying that you should re-route the flute, can’t we somehow muffle the whistle?

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