Little snoring, thankfully
Sitting in the presenters meeting this morning, my reverie was disturbed by the sound of scores of little feet on gravel. Looking up I saw a primary school class, with their teachers in tow, being given a tour around the Springwatch production village.
The class from Little Snoring Primary School are very well-behaved when I turn up for this afternoon's tour, and true to their name they do very little snoring as they listen politely to Chiara, the production assistant, tell them to watch out for cables, ramps, and sharp pointy corners.
After the safety talk they head off in the direction of the story developers and are told a little bit about how the programme is put together. Then there is a question before we move on:
"You know that person in Wales," asks a little boy, "did he find them cats yet?"
Chiara explains that the person in Wales is Simon King and that we don't know whether he has seen a polecat yet. I wait to see if anyone will ask whether - based on Simon's success so far - polecats even live in Wales, but nobody does. Instead there are more immediately pertinent questions such as "Where's the loo?" and "What's the time?". I can only admire the level of interest these Springwatch fans have in the lay out of the site and in recording when questions are asked.
In the gallery, as Chiara tells the children how difficult and full-on the job of director is, David the director takes a break from watching Ashes To Ashes to say a friendly hello.
Still in the gallery Chiara tells the children about 'talk back', the system that allows the director to have a word in Kate's ear while she is busy talking. One of the teachers comments on how difficult this must be. This, I think, reflects very well on his class. At my school, a teacher had to be able to talk sensibly while a whole classroom screamed in his ear...
As David the director goes back to Ashes To Ashes, Chiara asks if there are any other questions.
"When do we get to see Chris and Kate?" asks a little boy.
"I'm afraid that won't be possible," explains Chiara with a smile. "They're very busy people."
"Oh, that's a shame," says the boy. "I wanted to get their autographs and sell them on Ebay."
As the class heads towards the barn, I decide that this boy will obviously go far. A banker perhaps. Or a Member of Parliament.
"Now," says Chiara, "as we he head towards the barn please be as quiet as you can. There are open microphones out there and if you do make a noise it will go straight on to the web."
In an instant, the class's noise level is the highest it's been since the start of the tour. Fame, it seems, is now firmly on their minds but they are good kids and they manage to keep the volume just the right side of 'web audible' even when they finally catch a glimpse of ... The Sofa! The kids push their faces up to the window of the barn to get a good look at it. After the presenters themselves, this manky old sofa is the next best thing and the children are gripped by the sight of an inanimate object.
At the end of the tour, I am stopped by the boy who asked for Kate and Chris' autograph so he could sell them on Ebay. He asks me if I will sign my name on his hand. Flattered, I oblige and write my monicker - The Mole - on his palm.
He looks at it for a moment and appears excited. But as I turn to go, I see him stop to read the words on his hands. A moment later he rushes off to join the other kids. It is time, says the teacher, to wash their hands...
Great. Second fiddle to a sofa...
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