Presenters Meeting: X-Snails
"It's been a bit of a struggle, but we're almost there," says Roger, today's producer, and that's exactly how it feels. There are only two days left until the end of the series and Portacabin fever seems to have kicked in.
"I spoke to Simon's team in Wales this morning," says one of the other producers, "and - well, it was a pretty bad line - but I think they are doing something about a sandwich."
So there we have it. An episode with fledging greenfinches, rescued , ill swallows, and ... a sandwich. Perfect for those people who think we focus too much on the birds...
Talking of birds, Joe the day researcher has noticed some yellow colouring coming through on the goldfinch chicks. But since their nest is in an even more disgusting condition than the greenfinch's nest, and completely covered in faecal sacs, no one can be sure that the yellow isn't just wee...
The are doing a much better job with their housekeeping... which is why it seems so unfair that they should be getting lots of hate mail.
"Hate mail," says Chris. "Why on earth are they receiving hate mail?"
Nikki, another day researcher, explains:
"Some people are saying they can't face watching the split screen with all the webcams on it because one of the webcams is showing the wasps."
Chris shakes his head with a pained expression, as though chewing on one of his beloved wasps. Trying to cheer him up, the producer says that a family of have been nesting under Martin's motorbike. This reminds Kate of last year's "toilet duck that had ten duckings". Now I know I wasn't here last year and I don't have a degree in zoology, but I'm beginning to worry about the sanity of those around me...
My fears are far from allayed when the team decide that tonight would be a good time to show a video of a man in a dressing gown...
Then it's on to marsh harriers, , and . Some wildlife is welcome in one's garden, and some is not. Moles, it appears, are not (which may explain why I hardly ever seem to get out of the production marquee).
"Dog poo," says one of those gathered (which strikes The Mole as a bit strong - yes, there are similarities in terms shape but that's pretty much where the resemblance ends). "Apparently what you need to keep the moles away from your lawn is to litter it with dog poo."
"I'm not surprised," says producer Alex. "Anyone would hate to live in a house filled with poo."
"Anyone but goldfinches, that is," says Kate, and everyone agrees. Those goldfinches really are too much.
Last on the agenda are polymorphic . Young Lindsay has been out hunting them and has got himself quite a collection, all of different colours.
"We could have a competition," says Kate, "in which people have to match different snails. A bit like snap but with snails."
"You keep working on that format, Kate," says Chris. "But I wouldn't bother contacting Simon Cowell, if I was you."
X-Snails, Britain's Got Snails, Snail Idol: the dream is over before it has even begun...
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