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Mark

INSULTING ADVICE FOR THE SDLP

I have no knowledge of the circumstances of the incident at the Coleraine Council meeting but your Blog inadvertently highlights a major deficit in the SDLP鈥檚 verbal armoury. The lethal put-down is a devastating weapon in trumping a political adversary and in gaining favour with the Electorate. Using the pointless term 鈥淲asher Woman鈥� (more of that later) as a form of abuse typifies the SDLP鈥檚 pitiful standard of put-down. Clearly the SDLP has no 鈥榠nsulting鈥� policy. Here is an area where Mark Durkan needs to arrange training for his MLAs so that they can go into the Chamber fully prepared to dish out wounding insults to the DUP/Sinn F茅in Fascist Coalition at every opportunity.

Perhaps it would help Mark Durkan if I give some examples of the type of pithy ripostes that could be used to cut down to size the mouthier elements of the cosy Fascist Coalition:

路 [to Mervyn Storey] Let's play pantomime horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

路 [to Barry McIlduff ] Just keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

路 [to Paul Maskey ] Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing!

路 [to Iris Robinson ] Sit down and give your mind a rest.

路 [to Junior Paisley ] He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe.

路 [to Caitr铆ona Ruane ] Go ahead, tell us everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds 鈥︹�︹�� in both English and Irish.

路 [to Rev Wm McCrea ] He has one brain cell, and it is fighting for dominance.

路 [to Jim Shannon ] He鈥檚 depriving a village of an idiot.

路 [to Allan Bresland ] He鈥檚 living proof that you don鈥檛 have to be dead to have rigor mortis.

路 [to John O鈥橠owd ] You have an inferiority complex - and it's wholly justified.

I hope Mark Durkan finds this list helpful in preparing a training course to guide his MLAs in implementing the new insulting policy. It is important that he overcomes the inbuilt middle-class reserve of many of his MLAs about hurling a good insult at the opposition. MLAs such as Alasdair McDonald and Alban Maginness are a bit sniffy about getting involved in a robust exchange of meaty insults so I recommend some cramming for them. He will find ready converts to his new insulting policy in streetfighters like Dolores Kelly and Alex Attwood who are really very good in finding 鈥榣e mot juste鈥� to floor opponents. A concerted effort by the Party over the next few months to throw as many well-chosen insults as possible across the Chamber will set the Fascist Coalition back on its a**e and raise the SDLP鈥檚 standing in the eyes of the Electorate. I shall watch proceedings in the Chamber with interest in the coming weeks.

Let鈥檚 return to the 鈥淲asher Woman鈥� in Coleraine. As I have already said, that was pretty poor put-downery. Having noted the often shrewish and coarse behaviour of some female MLAs in the Fascist Coalition, I think the most fitting collective epithet for them would be 鈥淔ish Wife.鈥� Now that鈥檚 a half-decent insult rooted in whole truth.

Susie
Carryduff
6 April, 2008