How High Should The Blood Spurt?
My my it's all kicking off on Albert Square isn't it?
I was rather baffled when I read the story document for my recent episode - yes, all the Chelsea drugs business was raunchy enough, Denise coming home early, what a coup. But the suggested cliff-hanger moment: Jase walks into the flat he's decorating and encounters the owner Jenny? I didn't get it. Couldn't 'hear the drums' as we say.
Of course Jenny was in fact Mad May, only this wasn't stipulated in the document - for security reasons - in case it leaked to the press too soon or some such. So I was slightly baffled for a while until someone put me right...
And that lingering déjà vu I had? This time last year Dawn was sitting eagerly opposite Rob, hoping for an engagement ring - Marriage was in the air. There was a creepy guy on the square who got off with Carly and attacked her.
Mind you if I go back 12 months over my own life, nothing much has changed - I'm still knitting the same bolero, writing the same shows.
Casualty finally got back to me. There had been some almighty delay because my producer and editor were concerned about the serial stories I had. The episode I'm writing is what's known as a 'standalone'. I'd always assumed that meant an episode could 'stand alone' in the scheduling and not be tied to serial either side of it, watched as a one off almost. But it appears it has more to do with what they can film where.
A majority of my story must be played outside the Emergency Department, and thus filmed on location. I am assuming the Hospital sets are being used for another shoot.
All very technical. Really I just need to concentrate on where I can take my guest stories and how best to have all these medics interact when they're not at work. Hmm.
So with this in mind I had a meeting over the phone about my guest pitches and serial threads. We thrashed a few things about, my editor and I, then I finally got sent to Treatment stage.
When you're writing an episode of Casualty you get assigned a real live medic. Someone whose job it is to save lives in the real world. The idea being, you phone the medic up and enquire about the medical plausibility and logistics of the terrible accidents and consequences that are going to befall your hapless characters.
Phoning these guys is an incredibly hard thing to do. My hand hovers over the dial. What if they're busy? What if they've just been called into resus, lost the battle to save a child's life - and here I am calling about a made up individual who may or may not befall some comedy blood spurting scenario.
'Hi there - just wondering, just how high would that blood spurt and could Dixie ram her fist into the wound to stop it?'
What if my medic has done 48hr shift and has just managed to fall asleep in the on call room?
I'll send an email.
It doesn't work quite the same for Holby episodes. Holby gives me an assigned researcher whose job it is to phone said tired and harassed medics. The researchers are incredibly good at this in my experience, they're diplomatic, full of dogged perseverance and courage. I'm confident these researchers would drag the cardiothoracic surgeon from the operating table in order for me to get my drafts in on time.
What joy then when my Casualty medic called me back pronto - eager to discuss my stories. We happily discussed how ill to make my A story patient, how I could increase the severity of his injuries and have my Paramedics do lovely stuff at the scene.
It's all in a days work for real Medical people, they aren't in the least bit squeamish .. and they've seen most things.
Casualty give new writers a compilation DVD of their regular Medical Experts discussing on camera their best day/worst day etc. Believe me - you need a strong stomach to listen to these tales. That DVD should be rated 18 and put on a high shelf.
I sent off my Casualty Treatment just as my Holby draft 3 notes came in. Phew.
Now - onto draft 4.
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