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Anxiety
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Message 1.Â
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Nobody has really noticed (well possibly o/h has, but he doesn't think it's serious) but I have stopped going out anywhere unless it's with just him, or with my family. I couldn't even cope with going out for a curry in Coventry with o/h and two close friends, the crowds of drunk people were just terrifying to walk past to get back to the car. I'm getting close to panic if I feel I am expected to socialise in a big group of people. (Except the Tate Meet, that was ok for some reason, although the real reason I didn't go to the pub was not that I had to get the train, I was just starting to get anxious about it) It's pretty stupid I know.
Hadn't really realised it myself until just now, when I got an invitation to a neighbour's place for what seems to be an upmarket Tupperware Party (expensive cooking pans and utensils by the looks of it) and I find myself really panicking about how to get out of having to go, because I can't bear the thought of being there with a load of women I don't know. O/h has already told them I'm not doing anything else that night, so I can't really make an excuse.
Should I make more of an effort to get over this, do you think? Force myself to go? It's only across the road, I can always run away again.
I'm pretty sure that when DYS arrives, I'll feel differently about going to places with him/her. And nobody will be expecting/wanting me to mix with partying drunk people, well hopefully not anyway.
I'm not even sure what it is I'm afraid will happen. I just feel more comfortable on the sofa with a laptop and Facebook and Mustardland than going out.
I'm quite depressed to realise this. -
Message 2
Posted by The Blessed Songsinger (U2319309) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:00 GMT, in reply to Helen in message 1
"It's pretty stupid I know."
Oh no, it's not Helen. I know from experience that this is neither stupid nor trivial and you would be well advised to talk to someone about this, either your GP or practice nurse if you have one?
Acknowledging that there is a problem is a real starting point and in my experience forcing myself to do something which I was not ready for at the time simply made matters hundreds of times worse.
"I'm quite depressed to realise this" speaks volumes to me. Please try to talk to someone in RL. -
Message 3
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Thanks. I do have some counselling sessions "put by" from after I decided it wasn't really doing much good after Daniel died, and the counsellor offered to let me take the rest of the prescription (6 sessions) whenever I needed them, so perhaps this is it.
On the other hand I could just pull myself together and go and enjoy buying avocado peelers and other things to clutter my kitchen with, I suppose! -
Message 4
Posted by Lola Tillits (U2235710) on Friday, 24th April 2009
hi Helen
Sorry to hear that you’re feeling a bit anxious about things. I think that many of us have experienced what you’re talking about at times – (I have).
I’m no doctor or counsellor but I do think there’s something in trying to face up to these type of situations if you feel they can, so that they don’t blow out of all proportion, if you know what I mean. On the other hand, it may be that you really don’t feel up to this and I think it would be a good idea to speak to your GP. (I’ve never ‘spoken’ to you but i know from reading other threads that you have had a difficult time recently).
I really hope that you feel able to do something about this and/or get a bit of help to do it soon. Sorry not to be of much help but you've made a good start posting here! good luck and best wishes, Lola -
Message 5
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:24 GMT, in reply to Helen in message 1
Helen, it was lovely to meet you -- albeit briefly -- at the Tate, and I now appreciate even more how great it was that you were there.
Seems to me, with what happened to your beloved Daniel, your fears are, at one level quite logical in terms of wanting to protect your second child as much as possible. But if they are causing you such unhappiness, then you owe it to you and your second child to see what you can do about them, with good help.
It strikes me that this is all part of grieving Daniel, maybe? A dear friend of mine whose father died very traumatically & suddenly said to me that he supposed the 'stretch marks' of his father's death would show for a long time. -
Message 6
Posted by Mabel Bagshawe (U2222589) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Helen - better tackle this now before DYS arrives, so that you are sure you can take him/her out to the shops, mum and baby group etc etc (or dare I even mention it, being on the ward with a load of strangers).
Also you'll have the time to have the counselling sessions, do confidence building trips out etc. Once the baby comes - it won't be as simple -
Message 7
Posted by Skylark (struggling to be more blythe and spirited) (U6629883) on Friday, 24th April 2009
I hazard a guess, Helen, that a lot of people on this board (me included) would move heaven and earth to avoid having to go to an "up-market Tupperware party" with a load of people they don't know.
A 24 hour tummy bug is what you need. In such a situation I would probably get the symptoms anyway so wouldn't even have to lie! -
Message 8
Posted by The Blessed Songsinger (U2319309) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:26 GMT, in reply to Helen in message 3
Oh good - yes, I know that you have had difficult times recently and I also have had a some which I thought I had dealt with and am now finding, a few years later, that other things have popped up which need dealing with and I am now doing that.
It does take time and although thankfully, I have not lost a child as you did with Daniel I am trying to imagine what you are feeling. Having suffered from depression in the past I recognise the symptoms now and am not afraid to ask for help even though the traumatic events which triggered PTSD in me occurred some six years ago.
Hope that makes sense - I am trying to empathise without revealing too much and it isn't easy at all! -
Message 9
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Friday, 24th April 2009
I feel very empathised-with, and thankyou all for taking time to talk about it.
As to getting a 24 hour bug (or the symptoms of one), I did that very nicely yesterday morning, getting myself in such a state about the upcoming anomaly scan that I actually threw up my breakfast at work - oops!
The scan, by the way, went fantastically well and DYS is at the moment a very healthy lively baby who can knee him/herself in the nose and did so for our entertainment.
So it was a bit of a waste of cereal really... -
Message 10
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Whatever you do, Helen. don't feel angry with yourself. This could well be part of the grieving process for Daniel, but sometimes it just comes out of thin air. Had a phase many years ago when I couldn't face meeting anyone. My mother also experienced it when I was a baby.
Some people will tell you to go for counselling, some will say it will simply wear off & others will tell you it's better to tell yourself you've got to pull yourself. Try to follow your instinct &, if it's not working, seek help (if that isn't your first option)
Just don't feel bad about this....quite normal & common -
Message 11
This posting has been hidden during moderation because it broke the in some way.
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Message 12
Posted by catwomyn (U1485618) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Hi Helen,
Never got round to congratulating you about DYS yet, so, er, congrats!
Yep, like others I know the feeling well. Going along to coffee time at new workplace brought it on for me, and I tend to grab a coffee and run back to my office with it. So much for facing the fears...
Perhaps have an excuse in hand (evening sickness? backache? pregnancy exhaustion?) so you know you won't have to sit there for hours if you feel the panic rising. But if you really don't want to go, don't.
And do talk to someone about it.
Best,
Cat x -
Message 13
Posted by Sister Primrose of the Red Tinsel Flag (U5405579) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Hi Helen,
I'm so pleased to hear you FA scan went well.
You could of course force yourself to go to this bash, but if the disinclination to be 'out' there is to do with as yet unravelled Daniel knots that won't of itself resolve the situation.
It seems to me that your sofa, with Mustardland and Facebook, is a safe place for you. New social situations have the possibility of inadvertant and unmeant, but unsettling nonetheless, enquiries and comments. Maybe the reason you felt ok at the Tate was that you knew we all knew your tale. (Plus, we weren't trying to sell you a potato ricer)
There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel safe after the year you've had. Even people who pick themselves up and dust themselves down and start all over again are entitled to space.
I think I agree with Tilly about trusting your instinct on whether to get counselling or not. Read through all the posts, work out which ones chime with what you're feeling and which ones don't and use that to help you decide what is right for you.
What you have been through might be having pathological consequences (eg PSTD) but there again it might not. Your feeling that your baby's safe arrival will turn the situation around is probably correct, you know yourself better than anyone else does.
Take care,
PP -
Message 14
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Friday, 24th April 2009
It was lovely to meet you at the Tate, even if we didn't talk much.
You recognise you have a problem, which is the first step in sorting it out. You've got some counselling sessions put by - I think I would use them and talk it through.
As for the posh Tupperware party - well, I'm with those who just wouldn't want to go! However, if it's just across the street, I'd probably feel obliged to pop in for just half an hour, and when I turned up, I'd probably lie and say I had a bit of a headache, so wouldn't say long. At least if it's only over the road, you can get back home easily enough, it's not like you have to time your departure in with buses/trains/lifts/waiting for a taxi. So for that reason, it seems a good one to me to start off with.
I do hope talking it through helps. Best wishes to you. -
Message 15
Posted by patriarchou (U11317033) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Don't know if you ever made contact with SANDS Helen. I was just remembering how fantastic it was to be a part of their local support group during my subsequent prgnancy.
Fears can exhibit in all sorts of unconscious ways. Being able to share any fears with others who will understand can be a huge help.
If you want to challenge yourself re going out, maybe you could start in very small ways. You might for example go to town with a friend , and then go to separate shops, after agreeing to meet up again in 10 mins ( or whatever you feel you could manage).
If you felt panicky, mobile phones could bring you back together even sooner.
One thing is certain - you are not being in anyway stupid. Apart from anything else, you have found the courage to talk about the problem here.
Sounds to me like the first tentative step on the road back for you.
Take your time, and value each little success. Good luck x
One thing is certain, you are -
Message 16
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Thanks, and yes I have found SANDS a very useful resource, especially their messageboard. I'm in the "Second Trimester" group and we all encourage each other to keep calm before our scans and midwife appointments (so just imagine how bad I'd have been yesterday without that!) and comfort each other when necessary.
I've realised from reading some of the above, that I'm not as bad as I thought. I don't have a problem going out in town or to Tesbury's. It's socialising with o/h's friends, mainly, which is always in beercentric locations, that is difficult. I'm happy to go to friends' houses, to church, to see the old lady round the corner and so on. Perhaps I just need to say "actually because I'm not drinking, I find spending all evening with people who are drinking is rather tiring and not much fun"
And yes, I'll go to the kitchenware party, but I won't feel I have to stay very long.
There. Feeling better already. Thankyou Mustardland! -
Message 17
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Erm, that all sounds perfectly normal behaviour to me, Helen.
I can't see any fun in spending my time in a crowded bar, where you can't hear anyone talk. Mind you, most people I know round here have moved away now, and I can't remember when I last went to a pub. -
Message 18
Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Helen - you sound pretty OK to me. I often have times when I can't face the noise and the alcohol-fuelled behaviour that you see out and about. I considered at the beginning of this thread whether it was a 'natural nesting-type instinct' for a mother to want to go into 'purdah' when she is expecting a baby, and I think for some people it might be.
If you want to talk to a professional about it, I would encourage you to do so, but as long as you understand your impulse and understand that it is not a 'long-term' thing, then you have more insight into your own behaviour than most people.
Congratulations, btw, on the forthcoming DYS. I didn't know about it at the Tate, but I did think you were looking remarkably well at the time!
x Lili -
Message 19
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:07 GMT, in reply to Helen
And Helen, if I understand correctly -- you're working? So you're getting out of th house everyday.
You're probably just darn tired, on top of everything else. No wonder you don't want to go out drinking. I don't when I'm really tired, and I'm neither pregnant nor still grieving the loss of a child ...
And re the tupperware party and potato ricers -- I /love/ my potato ricer! so it might not be /all/ bad Although I've /never/ gone to a tupperware party. Does that make me the one who should be worried, not you? -
Message 20
Posted by celladefarm (U13688521) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Hello Helen,
I was stuck by the clarity of your original post about the situation.
For that reason, I go with the idea of trusting your own instincts [as in Primrose and Tillys posts]
You mention yourself that you have some counselling session in credit to you. I think you will know when to use them to good effect.
It might be useful also to look, with your obviously clear self-knowledge, at what self-help tools you have inside yourself to help you keep a good sense of balance between dealing with your feelings over your lovely Daniel and the pleasure of DYS inside you.
Just for the record, and to normalise some of the feelings you may have about the 'plastics party', I would rather gnaw tree bark straight off the tree [ our garden is bounded by a busy road so they would ALL see me!]
And as for an Upmarket Plastics Party with a load of strangers. I would rather walk barefoot to the tree in my underwear! [not a pretty sight!] to do the gnawing. Hope that adds some lovely herbs and spices to these recipes. Cella
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Message 21
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Friday, 24th April 2009
you know, I'd prefer it if it was plastics. Tupperware has its uses, although in my world its chief reason for existing is to be bound in camouflage tape and hidden at a location posted on www.geocaching.com
This is posh pans and things. I have never spent 99 quid on a frying pan and I don't think I'm about to start now. I mean, with tupperware I'd have bought some just to be polite, but I'm fairly sure I'm not /this/ polite!
What's a potato-ricer anyway? It sounds as though we are straying dangerously close to Lakeland territory (does one still have to apologise to Bella for mentioning it?)here. -
Message 22
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:33 GMT, in reply to Helen in message 21
A potato ricer is a ducky gadget in which you put a whole boiled potao, press down, and lovely worms of mashed potato come out of the holes. And the skin is left behind. Makes mashed potato a doddle. No potato peeling. And I didn't get mine from LakekandsorryBella, but from a Nindependent cook ware shop which has the best window displays!
Also Helen, can I just say, that as a denizen of Rummidge /I/ wouldn't want to go out for a night in Coventry either.
Now I'll run away very fast .... -
Message 23
Posted by patriarchou (U11317033) on Friday, 24th April 2009
£99 quid for a frying pan!!! Is it made of gold?
(Mind you, as the permanent title-holder of the 'Worst cook in the world' title, I possess very few pans - even of the Pound shop variety.
If you can - enjoy! -
Message 24
Posted by Dirigibles was here (U7278225) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Helen, we said a quick hello at the Tate, and I'm so pleased to hear your DYS news.
As for going out - have you tried springing a surprise on yourself, a spontaneous trip, a spur of the moment thing?
I find that it's often the anticipation that gets me in a wobble, but if I haven't any time to plan my panic, I manage quite well.
You have my sympathy - I became very house-bound after a bad RTA a few years ago, and got to the point where I was afraid to go anywhere - it was just so much easier to stay out of the way at home. Try to do a few easy things, gradually - and something you enjoy. Certainly don't put yourself through the torture of the party if you don't fancy it. -
Message 25
Posted by celladefarm (U13688521) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Crumbs Helen!
I have never paid that much even for a /set/ of pans!
I think you have a wonderful grip on reality if you baulk at those prices.
As for a Plastics party,
I think being buried and lost for eternity is very appropriate, ... unless some lovely Jack Russell goes and digs it up.
Cella -
Message 26
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Friday, 24th April 2009
I don't think you need that much of a grip on reality to baulk at that price for a frying pan. I can see the point in paying out for a really good quality pan. But there are still limits, and you can get a good one for half that at most, and probably a lot less.
-
Message 27
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Fri, 24 Apr 2009 19:16 GMT, in reply to Bearhug in message 26
I have a fabulous omelette pan from M&S which was £5 reduced by 20% on that day, so £4. I bought two. -
Message 28
Posted by Wanda_Ofwandas (U2258758) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Perhaps I just need to say "actually because I'm not drinking, I find spending all evening with people who are drinking is rather tiring and not much fun" Â
And nothing wrong with that. I remember reading an article about a woman who had to give up alcohol for a while due to medication, found she liked her new sober life and set herself the rule that the second time a squiffy person at a party told her the same story, it was time for her to go home.
You make your own rules, chum. I'd run a mile from a Tupperware party, myself, so stay put. After all, you did the line-dancing class - that's enough obliging other people for a while! -
Message 29
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Friday, 24th April 2009
So pleased to hear about DYS, Helen.
Sounds quite sensible to me not to want to be bothered with the beer-based social events - and if you don't feel like making the effort on the pots and pans, I wouldn't do that either - although, depending how much you know your neighbours, it might be a useful way of making contact with people who might be good to know in the future - and if it's only over the road you can always run away with the perfect excuse of being exhausted.
Fee -
Message 30
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Fri, 24 Apr 2009 19:49 GMT, in reply to Fee in message 29
Lovely news about DYS!
If it was something you needed to go to, I bet you'd be able to. This "party" sounds totally optional and not necessarily very enjoyable, so I bet it's only because you're a conscientious, dutiful sort of person that you give not going a second thought.
I bet you're a bit tired as well - that can lower your mood anyway. Do things that involve going out where and when you want to, you'll know how you feel, and having the counselling in reserve is something which I've done with clients sometimes. Often they never need the sessions, they just know they're there in reserve.
C-B x -
Message 31
Posted by Bette (U2222559) on Friday, 24th April 2009
In reply to Helen in message 1
Hello Helen. Lovely to hear news of DYS. I /do/ wonder if there is some deep wish on your part to 'keep safe' and not take any risks that is making you uneasy about going out. I agree with others, that a Tupperware-type party might not be the thing (esp. if compared to the stimulation in ML!).
Once, decades ago, I had a brief encounter with agoraphobia following a /very/ stressful breakup with live-in BF. It was a very strange few days - but I expect this is not at all relevant to you - just thought I'd mention it as a kind throw-it-into-the-pan idea. -
Message 32
Posted by Lola Tillits (U2235710) on Friday, 24th April 2009
helen, lots of good advice and cameradrie here! i hope it's ok if i enquire about what DYS stands for? i think i know, but i want to be sure. Lola
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Message 33
Posted by Flossie-Collie (U10562436) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Helen, I think that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Stay in if you want to. It's not as if you're avoiding going out full stop, it's just that you can't be bothered meeting up with groups of people in certain situations.
I've always been like that, and always felt I was letting people down if I didn't go. I'm just about grown up enough now to realise that actually it's ok to say "thank you for the invitation, but no thank you, I can't make it" if I really don't want to go somewhere.
Congratulations on the new baby news - I'm glad to hear all is well -
Message 34
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Friday, 24th April 2009
DYS stands for Daniel's Younger Sibling
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Message 35
Posted by witchwoman (U2992515) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Good evening Helen (your stars are still lit!),
Very happy to hear your scan was so successful. Sorry you're feeling anxious but it does sound pretty normal. You have almost certainly gone into super-protective mode, which is fair enough; I know someone who became a bit phobic about loud noises when she was pregnant again after a miscarriage - she had to leave the cinema when the Lord of the Rings film was very loud, feared it would harm the baby. She knew it wasn't logical but it made her very scared, so she chose not to stay. Feel free to exercise your own choices about what to do/where to go etc, and if you're feeling that counselling would help, go with it. Must say that to me you sound ok but you'll know deep down whether that's the case.
Best wishes,
Witchwoman -
Message 36
Posted by Gayer-Anderson Cat (U13637930) on Friday, 24th April 2009
replying to Helen in OP:
I think I'd have a pretend migraine rather than go to a Tupperware-and-posh-kitchenware party, Helen! I don't mind buying something if I want/need it, but I hate feeling "obliged" to do so, and I find it difficult to get excited over little plastic boxes...
There's been some good advice on this thread, worth considering.
Have a hug from me and a snuggle from the Puddy Tats.
G-AC -
Message 37
Posted by JennyDarling Long Gone (U250754) on Friday, 24th April 2009
Helen, we haven't spoken before, but I wanted to say that I can't add anything to what has been said, except that pregnancy is a momentous time and your emotions and feelings are bound to be churned up. Especially after the last time.
I can fully understand you not wishing to be in loud beery places either. You can't chat properly in a noisy atmosphere. I notice you mention Coventry - I live here! I doubt if I could have faced a curry when expecting my two. My deliveries were fast enough without eating that!!!
Hope you're feeling calmer now. -
Message 38
Posted by Sara Jayne (U2368084) on Saturday, 25th April 2009
Congratulations on DYS, Helen. Haven't been around ML much lately and missed the news.
Since you have the counselling sessions put by, it might not be a bad idea to go for one and talk this through, just to work out if it is a problem or not. From what you say, it seems like it might just be that experiencing the sober reality of boozy night outs isn't a lot of fun, especially when you're pregnant and tired. But if it is more than that, it would be as well to get it under control before DYS pops out.
As regards the neighbour's kitchenware party, I would suggest that you go a) to widen/strengthen neighbourly relationships (they might come in very useful soon) and b) to prove to yourself that you can do it. Everybody expects pregnant women to be tired, so tell your host that you're exhausted when you arrive and she won't be offended if you make your excuses and leave early.
Take care of yourself,
Sara -
Message 39
Posted by Skylark (struggling to be more blythe and spirited) (U6629883) on Saturday, 25th April 2009
message 21: Helen, tell us more (perhaps in a Vilage Hall thread?): "Tupperware has its uses, although in my world its chief reason for existing is to be bound in camouflage tape and hidden at a location posted on www.geocaching.com"
I'd never heard of geocaching until I read an article about it this week. It sounds like a brilliant way of exploring our country, and a great way to involve older children. I fear that the technology involved might flaw me though!
I hope you had a good evening last night - whatever you decided to do! -
Message 40
Posted by patriarchou (U11317033) on Saturday, 25th April 2009
Own up now Helen. How many of those gold -plated, diamond encrusted pans did you end up buying?!
-
Message 41
Posted by Skylark (struggling to be more blythe and spirited) (U6629883) on Saturday, 25th April 2009
Now you can all have fun laughing at my spelling mistake in messge 39. I spotted it about a tenth of a second after pressing the "post message" button.
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Message 42
Posted by patriarchou (U11317033) on Saturday, 25th April 2009
Speaking personally, I'm well and truly flawed Skylark!
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Message 43
Posted by Lola Tillits (U2235710) on Saturday, 25th April 2009
congratulations! -
Message 44
Posted by Campbell-in-Clogs (U8123405) on Saturday, 25th April 2009
Ah, good, I'd guessed (almost) correctly (missed out the 'er')
Congratulations. Great news.
So, did you succumb to pan fever?
Or did you just decide not to go after all? -
Message 45
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Saturday, 25th April 2009
It's not til Tuesday evening. I expect I will go, for a bit. Though the credit card and Maestro will be staying at home! Then it doesn't matter /how/ much I feel I /ought/ to buy something.
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Message 46
Posted by PinaGrigio (U11141735) on Saturday, 25th April 2009
Helen - many congrats on the news of DYS. I was really pleased when you told me at the Tate but managed to sit on my hands and not breathe a word (believe me that was a tough one), honest!
A friend of mine experienced anxiety attacks after her second child was born, and she links this to him being severely disabled. She has learned to recognise the signs and now manages the attacks when she gets them, and does ok now. I think, as others have said, go with how you feel - if you think you need to talk to your GP or talk to a counsellor then make use of that support, but if not, then don't.
I went to a posh pans party once as a favour to my mum. It was a couple of hours of my life I won't get back, that's all I'm saying. Did you go to yours in the end or do something else? -
Message 47
Posted by Skylark (struggling to be more blythe and spirited) (U6629883) on Saturday, 25th April 2009
I'm a great believer in posh pans! After years of the hollow-handled kind that sends water down your sleeve after washing up, the thin-bottomed kind everything sticks to and - worse - the non-stick variety I'd pay a bit more for quality.
It is just the idea of party plan I hate, because some guests do feel uncomfortable about not buying things. A friend invited me to a cosmetic party and I bought a "little pot of magic" having been promised it was great for lips, chapped skin.... yup, it was vaseline at ten times the price! -
Message 48
Posted by Schez (U2212013) on Monday, 27th April 2009
Helen, I know about the posh pans parties, have seen the stock, and there's absolutely nothing I would want from them that is not more easily and cheaply obtained elsewhere! They will tell you theirs is the absolute best, but I think someone sat down and did some kinky designs to make everything look that little bit different, and frankly I have better things to spend money on.
Sounds as if you have too, now that little DYS is on the way - what wonderful news.
I do understand your feeling nervous about certain things, you had a terrible shock last time, I'm sure you are apprehensive about this time around, and there's only so much stress anybody can take.
Certainly don't force yourself to do things, but if you find you're not going anywhere at all, maybe some help from that counsellor could be useful. There are ways of taking on the things you are worried about, just a little at a time, just a brief outing very nearby, then something a bit bigger, and so on, but do get help with this rather than struggling on your own.
Very best wishes to you and we shall all be around to hold your hand when you need it. -
Message 49
Posted by Glorybal-MUSTARDLAND FOREVER (U7278111) on Monday, 27th April 2009
Hello Helen,
We haven't met, but I have been to a couple of the posh pans things with different companies. (Incidently, I didn't want to go to either but felt I had to...)
Both the parties involved cooking demonstratios and plenty of samples.
At one party, I bought one of the most useful things I have ever bought - a plastic scraper which gets all the nasty burnt on stuff of the bottom of pans, oven trays, anything!! Well worth the 3 squid or so it cost.
The second time I also bought something small which has a very specific use and is used every Christmas when I make mini-mince pies. Again
only a few squid.
Like others upthread, I think you should go with the flow. Pregnancy heightens the olfactory sense and I had to stop going anywhere that smelled of beer/tobacco/cooking/tea/coffee so I don't think your reaction is unusual. -
Message 50
Posted by Lynnie P (U3585914) on Tuesday, 28th April 2009
I would definitely use my pregnancy (which I haven't got, not at my age) as an excuse not to go - too tired, too sick, too something. I hate these selling parties. I went to one once which was an expensive candle party - I thought it might be a cheap candle party, and I did like the lady whose house it was being held at. The cheapest thing on sale was £10. I bought it, I hated it and I felt a total chicken.
I think you are a rock of sense Helen - and keeping away from beery situations when you are the sober one is definitely very sensible indeed.
LynnieP x
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