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New job - but miserable.
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Message 1.Â
Posted by Judith Hearne (U7775397) on Friday, 12th June 2009
Tomorrow I start yet another filler-in job. By filler-in, I mean, something I'm doing while I wait with ever-dwindling hope to get work in my "normal" field (which I dropped out of a couple of years back under something of a cloud) This one is only for the summer.
The thought of turning up for work every day to do something which, while I think it should be a lot more bearable than other fillers-in, just isn't what I want to to.. Is filling me with gloom.
I know I'm lucky to have anything. For a long time, I didn't. I was bullied by colleagues in my last job, I suspect because they picked up on the vibe that my heart wasn't in it. I'm scared of that happening again. I'm also scared that my chances of getting back to where my heart *is* are dwindling with every hour (it's quite an ageist line of work and I'm in my late 40s)
I should be excited; I was pleased enough to be offered the job. But all I feel is an utter gloom at the thought of spending the next 10+ years doing one "filler-in" job after another..
I don't expect anyone to come up with magic solutions. But sitting at home alone snivelling isn't the answer, for sure. Nor is losing myself in a bottle of wine, which is another temptation..
I think I just need some kind words. -
Message 2
Posted by Nomadnomore - XNo - Quiz Queen (U3180380) on Friday, 12th June 2009
I hope it turns out much better than you fear. I'm sure you know that you will cope much better if you are well rested and not sporting a hangover.
These might be the nicest, friendliest people you have ever worked with and the job might hold more fascinations and fun than you believed possible.
XNo -
Message 3
Posted by coffeethimble (U12449394) on Friday, 12th June 2009
You could look at these fill in jobs as a way to investigate other areas of work, make contacts etc
Something will turn up !
Best wishes! -
Message 4
Posted by Morganish (U9108847) on Friday, 12th June 2009
Judith, just wishing you all the best - and hoping that there'll be someone there or some aspect of the work that will make it feel less like torture. I, too, work in an ageist industry: can remember the day I looked around the vast open-plan magazine office and realised I was the oldest there, at 40, and that yet another batch of recent graduates had been recruited for me to train up. I've found home-based self-employment to be the solution so far, but I do sometimes dread the day the work dries up and I have to take whatever is available. Take heart, something will come up - and take comfort that, right now, the world is full of accountants driving buses, IT professionals offering gardening services and nurses working as waitresses. It's not you, it's the recession.
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Message 5
Posted by Judith Hearne (U7775397) on Friday, 12th June 2009
Thanks Morganish, and all. It *is* partly me.. But you're quite right, I'm not the only one champing at the bit. I suspect the sanity-saver will be to find a way to enjoy the new job for its own sake, rather than focusing on the fact that it's not where I really want to be. Easier said than done; but I'll certainly try.
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Message 6
Posted by LaraAntiPova (U11262370) on Friday, 12th June 2009
Judith - I really believe that things happen for a reason. I'm self-employed so I have to make my work work for me, if you know what I mean! But my kids have had ups and downs re employment.
I told one, when he was having problems at work (with a manager - who couldn't manage!) that that wasn't the right job for him. He had to leave and had a bad time trying to get work. I just told him that it all happened for a reason and the right job was there for him, somewhere.
Eventually he went for an interview, got a job and hasn't looked back. He would never have this job if the other bad things hadn't have happened.
Please be positive, things always will get better. Hope this helps! -
Message 7
Posted by stolenkisses (U6230663) on Friday, 12th June 2009
the sanity-saver will be to find a way to enjoy the new job for its own sakeÂ
I do believe this is the answer. It *will* show if you are resenting every moment you spend with your new colleagues and it will make it difficult to develop worthwhile working relationships.
Perhaps you are afraid that if you let yourself enjoy the fill-in job, you will lose sight of your dream?
The first day in a new job is always a bit of a challenge, so no wonder you feel nervous tonight. In your shoes I would promise myself to give it my best shot and salvage some enjoyment from an unsatisfactory situation.
Good luck for tomorrow - I'll be thinking of you.
sk -
Message 8
Posted by Judith Hearne (U7775397) on Friday, 12th June 2009
Thanks SK, that's kind. And it will help.
That's an interesting point, about feeling that really identifying with this job might somehow detach me from my "real" career... I will give that a lot of thought.
And of course, you're right about alienating colleagues. I've never meant to, of course. In fact, I'm usually in tense fear of it. Which is self-defeating. And basic mistakes, like alternating between trying to be honest, and chattering enthusiastically about my "other" life, and clamming up for fear of revealing too much.. Don't help.
The support really is much appreciated. -
Message 9
Posted by Ell Kaye (U7798599) on Friday, 12th June 2009
Good luck Judith, the job may be better than the one you had, been there done that.
Just think how many immigrants are sweeping,serving, polishing, shining, and smiling at you when they are qualified Physiotherapists, I know one, she suffered her indignity with such grace.
You will get back to where you want to be, but if you do not try something else how would you know? -
Message 10
Posted by Trillian (U14033122) on Saturday, 13th June 2009
I've been in the same situation myself, having worked for some time in broadcasting then being made redundant. I considered this to be the job I was made for, but there was no way back in for me, so I was forced to temp in a number of new and, to my mind, less interesting industries. However, I eventually ended up temping at a company where the people were fun and welcoming. They offered me a permanent job and I accepted on the basis that it was just a pleasant environment to be in every day, but it was not an industry I would have chosen for myself. That was 10 years ago and, although I've moved on from that company, I stuck with the same industry and I take pleasure in the fact that I'm now extrememly knowledgeable in my field and in a position of responsibility - and reasonably comfortable financially. Things can and do work out, just not in the way we predict. The only problem with my current job is that it's a way less interesting topic at parties.
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Message 11
Posted by Bette (U2222559) on Saturday, 13th June 2009
You don't say what your career is, Judith, but I would certainly advocate starting any job with a positive attitude, with the possibility of working your way up from there.
I've never had a career, as such. More like, I have 'careered' from one thing to another (didn't stick much to my initial training in librarianship). I've never regretted any job I did, however menial. I learned from all of them, and met lots of lovely people along the way. -
Message 12
Posted by That Old Janx Spirit (U2140966) on Saturday, 13th June 2009
Throw yourself into the job. Make the best of it. Find challenges to yourself. Keep cheerful. Remember how many unemployed there are.
It could be that someone notices your upbeat, positive attitude and offers you something better.
If you drag yourself in, with a grumpy face, snarl at people, do the minimum and moan all the time, if there is any other job available, they won't be choosing you.
See the job as a means to do things you like doing - that should help with the positive attitude. The secretarial job I had in London didn't stretch me at all, but by having regular hours and income, i was able to do things that I'd always wanted to do and never had been able to until then: tae-kwon-do, ice-skating and swimming lessons. It was brilliant and they are the only things I miss about my life in London. Especially the ice-skating. -
Message 13
Posted by the_shellgrottolady (U2395646) on Saturday, 13th June 2009
good luck Judith - at least it may be interesting to be in a new place and with new people - it might not be so bad. And sometimes unexpected things can happen ...you never know..
I am now singing the smiths song
!"I was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now...."
Shall we just form a criminal gang and put and end to all this drudgery?
Shellgl -
Message 14
Posted by notjenniferaldrich (U8555450) on Saturday, 13th June 2009
Good luck with the job, Judith. I don't think you need advice, sounds to me as if you know the score yourself, but I really hope the "filler" job turns out better than you expect and that you manage to find a nicer way of overcoming your panic than resorting to the bottle - not a good idea when you're down.
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Message 15
Posted by GuzziNut (U6364582) on Saturday, 13th June 2009
it may lead to something else, so give it your best.
I spent years as a contractor, working via agencies and freelance, so you could say I have a career of "fill in " jobs, before I decided that maybe is should go "permanent" still not sure it was a good idea at times
I loved the variety, the working and living in different places.
wish you luck -
Message 16
Posted by stolenkisses (U6230663) on Saturday, 13th June 2009
Hi Judith - hopefully your first day is over now: hope it went well for you.
sk -
Message 17
Posted by Flundo eats paper (U13875519) on Saturday, 13th June 2009
Just wanted to say that I really hope things are going OK for you. I sympathised reading your post, after I had my daughter I had to give up a very good job which I really enjoyed, after several years out of employment I had to take up several 'filler' jobs which I hated, one was in a toy warehouse, another in a very dodgy family run security firm, I was sacked a few times and bullied etc, but eventually I landed on my feet and now have a fantastic job which I am really happy in and thriving. All I wanted to say is keep persevering, I really do believe that things always turn out OK in the end. I send you my good wishes and wish you the very best of luck.
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Message 18
Posted by Judith Hearne (U7775397) on Saturday, 13th June 2009
Thanks again, SK. And for the words of hope, Ell Kaye. I do know there are highly qualified immigrants doing all sorts of menial jobs, and it's one reason I don't want to be Old Mrs I'm Too Good For This.
Yes, it was fine. The people are pleasant and, for whatever reason, I didn't feel any need to pretend to be something I'm not. They asked about my previous life and I told them, briefly.. Then changed the subject, firmly.
SK, I've thought a lot about your comment about being afraid of letting go of my career. I think you were spot-on. There is more going on than that, but that's something I do need to address. Thanks.
I suppose what I'm also trying to sort out is how far I'm "allowed" to feel frustrated and discontent about working in a menial job when I worked very hard indeed to get to where I was before, and loved it.. And to what extent I'm just being Lady Muck, conceited and unrealistic.
Trillian41, I can identify with much about your story. You have just dealt with everything much more sensibly.
Bette, I'm sorry and I really, really don't want to sound self-important, but I daren't say what it was I used to do, because I would be too easy to identify. I really wish I could be open. A friend suggested it was on a par in terms of "oddness" (especially for a woman) and demands made, with being a commercial diver in the North Sea. (Though I like to think it was less dangerous!)
Shellgrottolady, you have it. Let's form a band of drop-out desperados. I have the spear gun. Who(m) shall we hold up first?
-judith h -
Message 19
Posted by Septimus Harding (U8854256) on Sunday, 14th June 2009
Hello Judith,
I haven't had a chat with you for some time and I'm happy to catch up with you again.
Good news! Small businesses, fighting to survive, are increasingly turning to women who are of that age which is post-children and pre-senility.
They value their skills, experience, commitment to doing a good job, and - of course, though it must at all times remain unsaid - not hindered by having, having had or wanting to have children.
Now, I don't know you personally, Judith, but if 'late forties' is correct then I hope that some of the above applies.
Self-employment is not, then, the only option - which is not to say that it should be dismissed as an option.
To large organizations you have no greater value than a young woman because they have the human resources to cover for maternity, child illness, etc.
But to a small business . . . you are gold dust.
Also, your skills and your life-experience will be truly valued in a small business.
Yes, you'll have to bite your tongue occasionally and let them make their minor mistakes, but you clearly have the commonsense which allows you to do this.
Aged parent problem?
It needn't be, as so much help is available.
And most small business proprietors never even think to ask about it, anyway.
Judith, you've got a lot going for you! -
Message 20
Posted by stolenkisses (U6230663) on Sunday, 14th June 2009
Judith, I'm glad it went better than you feared, and glad too to have suggested a line of thought which might help.
How very intriguing about your 'real' job... but I mustn't start speculating!
Hope things continue well in your fill-in job and in the longer term.
sk -
Message 21
Posted by notjenniferaldrich (U8555450) on Monday, 15th June 2009
Were you an astronaut?
Glad you found it less galling on the day, onwards and upwards, eh?
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