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Cancer, what do you say?

• Message 1. 

  Posted by Roots (U2273958) on Saturday, 20th June 2009

  To someone who is not a close friend, but who gave you a chance to make something of your life, who has always been supportive and helpful, who's been through a year of intensive radiotherapy, and has now been told none of it has helped at all and they're going to die within six months?
  
  I sent her an email, saying I was sorry things hadn't worked out. That seems so pathetic. What could I say please?

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by missingwhisker (U9933124) on Saturday, 20th June 2009

  Hi Roots, you may have done more than you realize just by expressing your sympathy to the other person. I remember when I was bereaved, a couple of people came to me and said 'I'm so sorry, I don't know what else to say' and to me that meant huge amounts because they were showing they cared.
  I know this is a different situation and I hope you get some more helpful suggestions from other posters, but I just wanted to say that.

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• Message 3

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by posh_scouse_pinnedwithpride (U2514024) on Saturday, 20th June 2009

  I'd say how much I appreciated their help when I needed it, and that I would, as a result of that, encourage someone else in turn and that if it wasn't for them my life may have been very different.
  
  Then go on to say that the news about their health was a bummer and offer any practical help if needed.

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• Message 4

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Sunday, 21st June 2009

  What Posh said.
  
  You have done the most important part by simply letting them know you care.
  Wait an see if there is a reply , as I am sure there will be, and respond with more of the love you have already shown.
  
  

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• Message 5

  , in reply to message 4.

  Posted by That Old Janx Spirit (U2140966) on Sunday, 21st June 2009

  I would basically write what you wrote in your first post. Tell them what they did for you in your life and what they mean to you. At least, if the worst comes to the worse, they will know what they contributed to life and that this contribution will not be so easily forgotten.

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• Message 6

  , in reply to message 5.

  Posted by Fire-Pig - proud to wave the protest banner (U12231213) on Sunday, 21st June 2009

  I think I would probably write it in a card rather than just an email, it would be something that could be on show, if that was what was wanted - or possibly used as a bookmark and read and reread when feeling low.
  
  F-P

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• Message 7

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Sunday, 21st June 2009

  Sun, 21 Jun 2009 08:42 GMT, in reply to Roots in message 1
  
  You spoke to her from the heart (sorry, sounds a bit new-agish) - it was a genuine expression of your feelings, and shows her that you care about her.
  
  It may well be that she's glad to have something honest - when my beloved aunt had cancer, which became terminal, she was totally up-front about it, and felt a bit sorry for people who disguised their real feelings or, worse still, didn't communicate with her at all because it was too painful for them.
  
  What you said was fine - just play everything by ear.

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• Message 8

  , in reply to message 6.

  Posted by the_shellgrottolady (U2395646) on Sunday, 21st June 2009

  It is difficult to know what to say and the person who has got the cancer and the prognosis knows how difficult it is for everyone to deal with and find the right words.
  So I don't think it matters too much if you don't say exactly the right thing but as earlier poster said, what you said in the email seems alright to me.
  Agree about the card though - a really nice one with a lovely picture that you really like and the personal message - i think if it were me i'd do that.
  All the best
  shellgl

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