Messageboard
The Village Hall permalink
Otherwise - struggling
This discussion has been closed.
-
Message 1.Â
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
I've hit a bit of a bad patch and I want to talk online. I'm not sure it matters too much whether anyone replies, so much as my being able to express what I'm feeling.
But that's half the problem as at the moment I'm having trouble expressing myself in ways that other people understand.
I have a severe mental illness. Some bits of my mind work and some bits don't. The bits of my mind that work usually let me solve problems and explain things to people. The bits of my mind that don't mean that my moods don't work very well and some of my thinking processes go awry.
But at the moment, I'm worried from comments on a couple of websites that I'm not explaining things very well. That has the potential to get in the way of my doing my voluntary work. It is also frightening because I don't want to slip back into bad psychosis.
So I'm not feeling good at the moment. -
Message 2
Posted by musicalGill (U2477991) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
I understood that keëp on I am 'listening'
Don't read too much in what you hear' on messageboards -
Message 3
Posted by Kris massblues (U14058894) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sending you a big cyber hug Sunny, hoping that this hug from a stranger will wrap you up and keep you strong
kris x
ps) keep posting your thoughts, we are many of us on here, and most of us do not follow linear thoughts as well as we follow diverse and fractured ones. -
Message 4
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
I hurt inside and don't know how to explain it to the world. On three different sites recently, people have been telling me I don't make sense when I try to explain my feelings. Sometimes it feels like the whole world doesn't understand me.
I know that essentially we're all alone because we're all different, but we also connect with others. Sometimes those connections seem more tenuous. -
Message 5
Posted by Dunlurkin NL (U2675855) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny, I am sorry to hear that you are having a bad patch.
I know that you have encountered friendship and understanding on this board. I hope you will continue to do so.
If you have been open with your voluntary work colleagues and/or supervisors I am sure they will be able to help you too. By open, I don't necessarily mean telling them all the ins and outs, but letting them know that sometimes you just don't function the same way as others. Not that you don't function, but you work differently.
Did you by any chance here today's Morning Service on R4? I just happened to cathc it anmd was very impressed with the sermon/talk by the lady vicar who had (had) mental health problems.
Best wishes
Dunlurkin -
Message 6
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
No I didn't hear it. Maybe I could find it on LA. I'll take a look later.
You're right that there's friendship and understanding here. There are many very kind people on here. -
Message 7
Posted by chicken_hot_pot (U8480346) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Keep telling _us_ how you feel Sunny, we aren't going to tell you that you don't know what's wrong with you. How can we?
I started my stress support thread when I needed help and support and I have had loads of good advise and have just at times been able to let of steam. So carry on "waffling" as I call it. It does the world of good. :O)
Cyber hugs from the Chicken coup and B-dog sends a slobbery kiss and T-cat sends a purr-up! -
Message 8
Posted by politeLadyPortia (U7099336) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny ,I felt compelled to reply to you.
You are one of the most coherent and thoughtful posters in ML at least to me.Your humour is brilliant,You are logical,measured and supportive in so many of your posts. Your abilities to connect with others shine.. and your achievements speak for themselves.
Hang on in there girl you are not alone
And keep on keeping on... after all ML needs folk like you around to keep us all on track and in true ML tradition of cats and cakes Sunny Cat needs you
PLP -
Message 9
Posted by chicken_hot_pot (U8480346) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Hi Dunlurkin,
I listened to it too, it was a great insight wasn't it? Do see if you can get on LA Sunny, had forgotten about it. -
Message 10
Posted by Dunlurkin NL (U2675855) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Although it talks there about "exploring faith through the experiences of those with mental health issues", I found it interesting even from the pov of someone with neither a great faith nor mh issues. It was refreshingly open and honest.
Dunlurkin -
Message 11
Posted by dino (U13520517) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny, sorry you are not feeling good.
As other have said, just keep posting if it helps you - never mind if others don't understand - they don't have to.
And do try to catch the Service someone else recommended, the lady vicars story was interesting.
dino -
Message 12
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
40 minutes will have to be later when I'm feeling less exhausted (please tell me there'll be a later and that I will feel less exhausted, I don't see it).
-
Message 13
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
You are one of the most coherent and thoughtful posters in ML at least to me.Your humour is brilliant,You are logical,measured and supportive in so many of your posts. Your abilities to connect with others shine.. and your achievements speak for themselves.
Hang on in there girl you are not alone Â
Seconded. Only yesterday I saw a superb example of your coherence and humour - would have posted my appreciation of it but someone else got there first.
Fee -
Message 14
Posted by dino (U13520517) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
there "will" be a later when you don't feel so exhausted, keep remembering that
dino -
Message 15
Posted by mezereon (U2046167) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny, I can understand why you don't feel good at the moment.
From the short time I've been on this MB I've always understood your posts.
Sadly there's always trouble makers on MB's could it be that a mischief maker has seen that your down and vunerable and is using you to try to make themselves feel better?
I always have problems expressing myself too, and I don't think we're the only ones.
It must be so horrid to feel frightened I do so hope this thread helps you feel stronger. -
Message 16
Posted by Dunlurkin NL (U2675855) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
is a transcript of the service.
I hope you will be able to listen soon. The bits that surround the talking are very gentle and undemanding to listen to - hymn singing mostly.
As to those who seem to you to be lacking in understanding on other MBs, in the clichéd phrase: it's not you it's them.
Dunlurkin -
Message 17
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Thank you.
-
Message 18
Posted by GEm (U4356909) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny
I saw you very coherently and amusingly make a very sensible point yesterday. As I said at the time loud and clear.
Don't read too much into what people on MBs say. You know little about them or their own problems and hang-ups. You seem perfectly coherent and cogent to me and quite often make me smile with the amusing way you make your point.
G -
Message 19
Posted by Kris massblues (U14058894) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Hi again Sunny,
Yes sweetie, there will be a later. but you seem overwhelmed at the moment. There is no shame whatsoever in your acknowledging this, and in fact it takes strength to sometimes give in struggling by yourself.
Please keep yourself safe Sunny; ring the MH unit at your local hospital if you feel yourself slipping further. They are there for you, as are we. But they may be able to give you the meds you need to strengthen you at the moment.
I am in hospital at the moment, undergoing surgery etc for cancer. I do not want to do chemo again, it seems like such a failure of my body to need it again.
But I know i have to, to keep me cancer free. i'm telling you this to try to make a rather sloppy analogy about sometimes needing to accept outside help.
We are only human, never superhuman at all. Please get outside help should you need it
kris x -
Message 20
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
I hadn't realised you were having surgery for cancer. You probably mentioned it and I missed it. I seem to have scrolled past endless messages recently. I hope all goes well.
-
Message 21
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny, there will be a 'later' even if it feels as if you are stuck in a vat of mud at the moment.
Be assured you always make very good sense to me, and with humour and patience and understanding. I was reading about your interview with the screaming child present and you explained what you were able to do for the child's mother very well.
Probably seems as if we are all writing in sanskrit just now but that will pass. -
Message 22
Posted by WildMarjoram (U14026934) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Hi Sunny. We haven't "met" before on these boards as I haven't been here long. I'm sorry you are going through a bad patch at the moment.
Your post makes perfect sense to me and I know from the way people have mentioned you in ML how valued and cared about you are by so many of the people here.
People's experiences are so varied here that there will always be someone here who have experienced something like that themselves and can identify with what you write.
I had clinical depression badly nearly 20 years ago - and occasionally dip down again - so although I cant identify exactly with how you feel and what you experience I can still remember what for me were very scarey and desperate times.
I havent posted on other boards but if you dont feel they understand you just stick with us here and dont use anywhere else for the moment.
There will always be someone who understands and the rest will be here to support you with cyber hugs and cyber cups of tea/coffee/wine etc. Just chat away - whatever and whenever you feel you want or need to.
Marji -
Message 23
Posted by politeLadyPortia (U7099336) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny Clouds
Post 20 says everything about you- a caring,thoughtful person who has so much to give and have given even if you cannot see it at the moment.
Sometimes those of us who are singletons need to tell ourselves we can do so much just because we are alone ,hard though that path is, AND BY WHAT YOU POST AND SAY WITH KNOWLEDGE,SINCERITY ,WIT AND HUMOUR, KINDNESS and above all INTEGRITY you show your calibre as a person.
It will get better even if it seems so dark at the moment. That post to me showed the light within you is still there and not dimmed .
Keep looking out and up. Stay here where you are comfortable.We are here for you.
PLP -
Message 24
Posted by musicalGill (U2477991) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
I am still here, understanding you still, keep going.
This may sound strange, my husband suffers from depression he often feels like nobody understands him and he is all alone in a house with 3 teenagers and me, I understand him, but it doesn't help him. I understand that too.
Off for a while now but will come back later. -
Message 25
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Just to clarify, when I mentioned other boards, I didn't mean other Mustardy places or TB/DTA/N&Q vel. sim.
I think of all the things I fear, not being able to connect with others, not being able to explain, is one of those things I fear the most.
We all have things we're better and worse at. I can't write very well (not dyslexic, can't hold a pen very well) so I did badly in the subjects at school where I had to write a lot. I'm not musical, though I'd love to be. Ditto artistic. Ditto sporting (the only thing I was good at in that respect was Aikido, and I wasn't by any means a natural, just b-minded enough to keep training night after night, year after year). I like languages and learnt to read several, but can't speak them. And so on.
But the one thing I'm good at is taking a case, doing my research, solving the case and explaining the solution to the client. I did that as a lawyer and I do it at the CAB. So that skill is of the essence of who and what I am.
However, that's a bit of me that sometimes gets damaged by my bipolar. It goes to the core of what frightens me and hurts me about it.
It goes very deep. I have this desperate urge to make people understand and to help them understand one another.
Once when I was manic, I thought God wanted me to go to Kashmir and make peace there. I didn't have the air fare and I was devastated and guilty. I felt that I had failed in my mission in life.
I've had other experiences like that.
(Pause in rambling.) -
Message 26
Posted by mezereon (U2046167) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
A ((((hug)))) whilst you pause...to take or leave as you like.
-
Message 27
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sun, 11 Oct 2009 16:37 GMT, in reply to politeLadyPortia
You are one of the most coherent and thoughtful posters in ML at least to me.Your humour is brilliant,You are logical,measured and supportive in so many of your posts. Your abilities to connect with others shine.. and your achievements speak for themselves.Â
What politeLadyPortia said.
Over the years I've been reading your posts, you have always struck me as one of the clearest, most logical, kind and measured posters. In other words, 'sane' -- although I know you worry about not being so. You turn away other people's misunderstandings and prejudices with calm and frank explanations, although I often wonder what it costs you to do so -- but I've never seen you post anything other than generously.
I'm sorry you seem anxious at the moment, and I hope it will pass for you. Good luck, and don't let the barstewards grind you down! -
Message 28
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sun, 11 Oct 2009 16:37 GMT, in reply to Sunny Clouds in message 1
Sunny Clouds, I find your posts articulate and coherent.
If I tried to describe my feelings here, I would not be upset if people didn't quite get what I was trying to say.
Feelings are notoriously difficult to pin down in words - if they weren't, poetry, novels and songs would be as definable as mathematical equations. -
Message 29
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Thank you for all the kind responses.
-
Message 30
Posted by captainbenayoun (U13326760) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny, just another poster coming here to say that I totally understand what you "say", and your opening post is no exception. I have always thought you were among the most clear and compassionate of posters.
Wish I could offer more encouragement or help,but I'm sending you best wishes. -
Message 31
Posted by Nomadnomore - XNo - Quiz Queen (U3180380) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Hi Sunny, if my posting on this thread helps to support you then I'll post for a long time.
I have no experience of MH issues but reading your posts over the years has helped me understand a little of what bipolar must be like for the one suffering it.
XNo -
Message 32
Posted by Bleak_Midwinter_Squirrel_Nutcase (U2248205) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
What PLP says, Sunny Clouds, in spades.
I find you perfectly coherent.
Where you may find difficulty about articulating your feelings, it is because the feelings themself are intrinsically deeply complex, not in any way because you are inarticulate.
I am allegedly neuro-typical, the adoptive mother of a neuro-atypical daughter who finds great difficulty in articulating her inner feelings.
I sometimes fear that despite my academic and writing career, and my alleged neuro-typicality, I am often the less coherent of the two of us about inner matters.
I immensely admire your putting of your skills and knowledge to the use of others who lack them, via the CAB.
Hang in there, please, for your own and others' sakes. I wish you peace of mind. -
Message 33
Posted by captainbenayoun (U13326760) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
"have no experience of MH issues but reading your posts over the years has helped me understand a little of what bipolar must be like for the one suffering it.
XNo"
That!
And for that, Sunny, many thanks. -
Message 34
Posted by E Yore (U1479700) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:28 GMT, in reply to Sunny Clouds in message 1
Sunny, sweetheart, what PLP and others have been telling you: of all the myriad posters in ML, you are one of the those whom I value & respect the most - and I've never had any problems at all understanding what you say.
There *will* be a tomorrow, there *will* be a day after but don't think about them now. Just hang in there with us, and perhaps reflect that your bipolar might well not make you "sane" (whatever that is) but it sure as hell makes you one of the most empathetic posters with an insight into others I've met in ML. Or elsewhere.
much love,
E. -
Message 35
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Belated response - thank you.
I felt wiped out so I went back to bed for a while and slept longer than I expected - probably the combined effect of a hot water bottle and Sunny Cat.
I now feel pretty numb. -
Message 36
Posted by posh_scouse_pinnedwithpride (U2514024) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny, sometimes [often] I don't make sense to others either.. that just means we are different and more explanation is needed. Don't worry.
-
Message 37
Posted by mezereon (U2046167) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny, I did think that had most likely happened, I think if it were me I'd feel exhausted.
Letting emotions out as you did sleep was the best thing you could have done...imho it's healing.
Now have you eaten?
I hope so you need to keep up your strength.
Hopefully you can see the messages of support out way the fears you have of the other posters on the other board. -
Message 38
Posted by sagethyme (U5272261) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
hi Sunny
Here is another person who has valued your contributions to various threads. Sorry you are having a difficult time and hope we can help just a little by our posts to you. -
Message 39
Posted by La Min gibbon swinging strumpet draped in black (U12534030) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Dear Sunny
I too find you one of the most clear, articulate, kind, and witty posters here. I think some of your recent postings have been gobsmackingly good. I really, really value what you have to say.
Hold on there Sunny, look after the sleeping and eating things, listen to all the much wiser people than me here and be gentle on yourself. -
Message 40
Posted by Nomadnomore - XNo - Quiz Queen (U3180380) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
It goes very deep. I have this desperate urge to make people understand and to help them understand one another.
Once when I was manic, I thought God wanted me to go to Kashmir and make peace there. I didn't have the air fare and I was devastated and guilty. I felt that I had failed in my mission in life. Â
What an unbelievable burden for one person to bear.
I truly don't know how we can help you Sunny. Please tell me and I'll try.
XNo -
Message 41
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
A friend just called because he was concerned, then he started talking about politics. (Is this a men from Mars, women from Venus thing? If it's not politics, it's something else that if you read between the lines is an analogy.) The trouble is that by the time he'd finished, I felt pretty negative about my economic future, and that's after months of panic with every fresh assault on mentally ill people and welfare, bearing in mind that before we had welfare reforms we had "social inclusion" in mental health, which basically meant closing facilities and services.
I feel I could cry forever. When I'm like this, I usually listen to some favourite music, but I think maybe it'll make things worse.
Here's one I cry to:- -
Message 42
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sun, 11 Oct 2009 20:37 GMT, in reply to Sunny Clouds in message 41
You seem to take on other peoples emotions, then, perhaps, if you are in the right (or wrong) mood, magnify them and be overcome by them.
It is a tribute to how sensitive you must be that it affects you so much.
Sleep well tonight, C-B x -
Message 43
Posted by Kate McLaren etc (U2202067) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sun, 11 Oct 2009 20:49 GMT, in reply to Sunny Clouds in message 4
SUnny, I may not have time just now to read to the end of the thread. But I wanted to say that you are one of the most articulate and clearest-writing people I "know". Of course I will never really know what it feels like to be you, but you express yourself so clearly that I feel I get pretty close to it.
I don't know who it is that doesn't get what you are saying but all I can say is that there isn't much hope for them to understand the rest of us! -
Message 44
Posted by Kate McLaren etc (U2202067) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sun, 11 Oct 2009 20:52 GMT, in reply to krisjp in message 19
kris I am very pleased to see you here - saw the thing you posted on the cancer thread and then you disappeared, so I guessed you were in hospital. I missed you!
What treatment you have is up to you. But it isn't a "failure of your body" to need chemo, it's the *expletive deleted* disease that means it's needed. So many of us get that disease and, well, chemo seems to work a lot of the time.
Keep boggering on, ducky. -
Message 45
Posted by Dunlurkin NL (U2675855) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny, thank you so much for that song. I had never heard it before and that young man has such a beautiful voice.
I don't think it's crying music though, so I hope you don't need to tonight.
is my daughters "feel safe" music that she plays if she is not well, or is extremely tired. Her snuggling down music.
Dunlurkin -
Message 46
Posted by Dunlurkin NL (U2675855) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
(Having listened more - Romeo and Juliet, but not that version. That's not very comforting.)
Dunlurkin -
Message 47
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
I listened to a bit but found myself watching their vigorous united body movements rather than focussing on the music. My mind's not doing what I want it to at the moment.
-
Message 48
Posted by Nomadnomore - XNo - Quiz Queen (U3180380) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sunny, I wrote a reply and lost it, OH is trying to go to sleep beside me and probably does not appreciate me typing. Whatever, I'm still here. Have you accessed all the RL support you need tonight?
XNo -
Message 49
Posted by Morganish (U9108847) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:53 GMT, in reply to Sunny Clouds in message 1
Sunny, I haven't been around much recently and haven't time now to read this thread carefully, but I just wanted to echo what others have already said very eloquently - that your posts have so often struck me as thoughtful, interesting, amusing and illuminating. When I heard the Tories on the radio promising to cut back on incapacity benefit claims I instantly thought of you and of how the mere mention of it might affect you. Your posts about the precariousness of those like yourself have made an impact on me. You have taught me much and I am sorry that you are having a hard time at the moment. Warmest wishes to you tonight. -
Message 50
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U7606212) on Sunday, 11th October 2009
Thank you.
About this Board
Welcome to the Archers Messageboard.
or  to take part in a discussion.
The message board is currently closed for posting.
This messageboard is now closed.
This messageboard is .
Find out more about this board's
Search this Board
Ö÷²¥´óÐã iD
Ö÷²¥´óÐã navigation
Ö÷²¥´óÐã links
Copyright © 2015 Ö÷²¥´óÐã. The Ö÷²¥´óÐã is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read more.
This page is best viewed in an up-to-date web browser with style sheets (CSS) enabled. While you will be able to view the content of this page in your current browser, you will not be able to get the full visual experience. Please consider upgrading your browser software or enabling style sheets (CSS) if you are able to do so.