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Alcohol Concerns .....November
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Message 1.Â
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Hello.
It is nearing the end of an other year and I would like to welcome all to the November Alcohol Concerns Thread.
My name is Ozarch and I am a recovering alcoholic.
I came to this thread nearly two years ago and found the shared experiences of people like me or dealing with people like me a huge comfort . I think it is fair to say that this thread and the support I got both here and in RL were instrumental in my stopping drinking.
The thread is not designed to advise others but rather to share experiences of drinkers and their families. It is a stage for you to gain knowledge of this disease or simply a place to vent .
Many post here and even more lurk. However as is said each and every month; take what you need and leave the rest.
Here are some of the support organisations that are available worldwide
Also this is a link to the previous months thread where there are many other links available
Oz -
Message 2
Posted by The Giddy Kipper (U10918464) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
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Message 3
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Mr T
I knew I could rely on your contribution.
Thanks mate
Oz -
Message 4
Posted by The Giddy Kipper (U10918464) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Hi, I've added this for Whippet. It's an amazon link to a book by ageconcern ' Caring for someone with an alcohol problem' specifically about older people. I can't find it free online, I'm afraid ! -
Message 5
Posted by The Giddy Kipper (U10918464) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Mornin' / afternoon/ evening* Mrs O
*delete as appropriate -
Message 6
Posted by Bizzie Lizzie (U2255808) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:56 GMT, in reply to MrTheodore (intellectual underclass)
Hello, you two - I'm Liz and I'm a lurker on these threads.
My A died ten years ago, and I carried a big burden of guilt over not being able to stop them drinking. Reading these threads lifted that burden from me, and I often read something that makes sense for living life in general.
Very best wishes to all who lurk and post here,
Liz -
Message 7
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Tis evening now Mr T
Morning to you and Lizzie.
BL always good to see you
Oz -
Message 8
Posted by Westsussexbird or Birdy aka Westie (U6316532) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
I mostly lurk as well ... this thread reminds me not to become complacent.
One of our daughters who leads a very different life to ours is using our home as her base for a month or so. We must try and get the balance of helping her move forward with her life in a positive way right and not simply enable her to simply have more free time to indulge herself. -
Message 9
Posted by E Yore (U1479700) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Sun, 01 Nov 2009 08:29 GMT, in reply to Mrs Ozarch in message 7
Good morning all, and courage to all struggling from day to day. I am just an occasional lurker without any alcohol issues in my life or my family's, but I have learnt so very much from you all about dependency, addiction and courage. Thanks to you I am much more aware specifically now of the danger of alcohol as an addiction and generally of addictive behaviour and the power of change including the ability to let go of what one cannot change. I may not have problems with alcohol/tobacco etc. but I do allow myself to get wound up mightily by others and you have helped me accept that the only thing I can change is my reaction to others.
Good luck on your journeys. -
Message 10
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
I'm Fee and I lived with someone (my now heading for being ex husband - whom I often describe as an active alcoholic) for many years - I know that describing someone as an alcoholic is meaningless because it is not a term with a recognised meaning and means different things to different people. My husband developed an alcohol dependency over the years (not a physical dependency - he did not ever suffer physical withdrawal symptoms) which he only got to grips with through a residential spell in a treatment centre (in the same way that he calls himself an alcoholic in recovery he refers to this as rehab) and Alcoholics Anonymous (an organisation he resisted for a long time because he is a militant atheist). It took me a long time to realise what the problem was because at no stage did he approach the park bench tramp stereotype - he was always a functioning alcoholic and very few people other than the very immediate family realised there was a problem (we knew only too well).
Although I know that no-one can make someone else get into recovery, the knowledge that I gained (particularly about AA, but also about treatment centres) through these threads played a part in his recovery since it was the means by which he gained information that he was able to use when he was ready to do so - and he has said this himself on a number of occasions.
I am a member of Al Anon (the mutual support group for families and friends of problem drinkers) - although it does not suit everyone (it absolutely is not a religious organisation but it can appear that way to some), it has helped me enormously. There is a section in the passage of the "How Al Anon Works" book about the first of the twelve steps of the programme that speaks really loudly to me so I thought I'd start my November contribution by quoting it (it's a very small bit of the chapter, mods, so now copyright issue): "Al Anon does not promise that every alcoholic will get sober, or that sobriety will solve our problems or fix our relationships. We may never have the family of our dreams or win theh love of those who have no love to give. But our programme does offer us hope, because it is all about change."
Have a good November, everyone.
Fee -
Message 11
Posted by PepperTree But No Petard (U13945752) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
I'm just me. -
Message 12
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Seeing Mr T's link to that book prompts me to post this
which is a link to the UK Al Anon online shop - I've linked to the page for literature for newcomers - people in the UK who cannot or do not feel able to find a meeting might find these very cheap leaflets useful (assuming there's an operational postal service of course). (If you are anywhere else in the world you will probably find something similar if you start at the general link at the top of the thread).
This is the link to the page which allows you to search for UK meetings by postcode.
On the contact us page of the site there is the number of a telephone help line which is open 10am to 10pm everyday.
Hi Marilyn - how are you?
Fee -
Message 13
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Have just re-read my first post - apologies for the garbled first couple of sentences - although I'm sure everyone knew what I meant (or at least as much as I did myself - my confused powers of expression are probably indicative of my state of mind).
I'm off to get on with the day now - I hope that all those who post from time to time will feel like dropping in to say hello for the new month -there are some people who have not been seen for ages which is a shame.
Fee -
Message 14
Posted by Westsussexbird or Birdy aka Westie (U6316532) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Fee, if only we could edit our posts ... I read mine after posting and the use of simply twice in one line leapt out at me!! The fact that there is nothing simple about it adds to the feeling that I would like to edit that post!
-
Message 15
Posted by TeaLady (U9077092) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Morning, and thanks Mrs O for opening up November. I'm TeaLady and I am a recovering alcoholic. I personally find this a useful description for myself because it is part of me accepting the severity of the problem I had with drinking. I have been sober for 5 months, and it was what I learned from sharing others' experiences on this thread, along with the support of people in here (virtual hand-holding helped me on a number of accasions!),that made me seek help in real life. I attend AA meetings and feel I always leave a meeting with something that helps me (and quite often with stomach ache from laughing - something I really didn't expect from AA before I went). AA plus the support and guidance of my sponsor and others in real life too, are helping me not only to stay sober, but to enjoy this amazing (but sometimes scary) journey away from the fear and loneliness of alcoholism.
TL -
Message 16
Posted by BootsNo7 (U8853924) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Mrs O thank you for opening up November; I confess I had not really thought about a new thread.
I am Boots and have alcoholism in my family, primarily my adult son and with the help of AlAnon I am coming to terms with ways to help myself live a full and serene life and letting him get on with whatever his path in life should prove to be.
This thread has been invaluable in giving me insight into the struggles of those trying to escape alcohol dependency and also, in the early days of my posting, there being someone awake at my 2am who took the trouble to reply to my posts.
Boots -
Message 17
Posted by superjan3 (U6523409) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Hi I'm Jan,
I've not had alcohol now for two years, four months and 22 days - but who's counting.
I still have bad days - not physical cravings as such, but a vague feeling of wanting a drink - funnily enough I had it this morning. I had some sweets - I had no trick or treaters last night - and the feeling went. Probably not the best way to deal with it, particularly as I'm trying to lose weight.
I'm having an assessment appointment for counselling on 9th November. I have been waiting for this since the summer. I agree with what was said upthread about all the 'baggage' still being there when you give up drinking. I feel the need to talk some things through.
Best wishes to all,
Jan -
Message 18
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Hi Locki here. I think (not sure) that I have two sober children for the first time in 25 years. This has seemed impossible to me for many years. It takes some adjusting too!
My son has booked coach tickets for himself and his girlfriend's visit to us. He has not been allowed to stay in my house for the last 8 years so it represents a huge breakthrough. -
Message 19
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Oops. I now have THREE sober children! The third having stayed sober throughout!
And 'it takes some adjusting TO'! -
Message 20
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Morning everyone
Beaut morning in sunny Queensland.
I had an interesting lunch yesterday. A colleague of OH's asked us all over.
An Indian family and very hospitable and kind. The food was divine and they had children too so our two mini's had fun while DD2 (nearly 18) talked pooters with their son who was a delight and made me wish I was 20....OK 30 years younger.
They don't drink but had made an effort for us!
Haha.
OH tucked into the wine and I had the huge pleasure of testing all the wonderful alcohol free drinks that they made for themselves. I have returned with loads of recipes for wonderful drinks.
My favourite, mango, lime and fresh ginger topped up with soda water and fresh mint.
Kurinje (my hostess) has promised to e mail me others so I shall pass them on to you all if you are interested.
As it was I returned home with two large flasks with various juices which are now in the fridge.
I intend to go to the gym soon and when I return I shall fill up on water to rehydrtate and then add a scoopful of vanilla ice cream to one of the juice concoctions to make a lunchtime smoothie.
Fanbluddytastic.
So in the words of one of our other RA's the delightdful MFJ
See ya later Soberinos...
Oz -
Message 21
Posted by PepperTree But No Petard (U13945752) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
My favourite, mango, lime and fresh ginger topped up with soda water and fresh mint. Â
That sounds brilliant. Please what are the proportions? -
Message 22
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Sunday, 1st November 2009
Hiya MT
Juice job
The juice and some pulp of one mango (about 100mls)
juice of two small limes and the zest of one(Kurinje grows her own too) grate about an inch of fresh ginger. Blitz in a blender or whatever and top up with the soda water and bruised mint. She also had a little coriander thru it to.
I am sure you can do this all by tasting as you go along but that is roughly it.
For breakfast she also makes the same drink but substitutes the soda water for yoghurt . Fab
Going to have that tomorrow but I have to work thru the stores that she sent me home with.
Bless her she also packed loads of the remaining food for us to have later including homemade stuffed veggie parathas.
She spoiled me rotten
May not got to the gym . May stay here and eat instead.
Oz ( . ) -
Message 23
Posted by Westsussexbird or Birdy aka Westie (U6316532) on Monday, 2nd November 2009
It is possible to buy frozen fruit which can be used for blitzing ... mango in particular ... 3 packets for the price of 2 at Sburys.
I love their frozen red cherries. I just take a few out of the freezer, plonk a banana on top and zap it in the microwave for a moment ... the banana takes on that baked banana taste and the cherries are chilled. -
Message 24
Posted by PepperTree But No Petard (U13945752) on Monday, 2nd November 2009
That sounds like a very good, and healthy, drink for alkies and non-alkies alike.
Thank you. -
Message 25
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Monday, 2nd November 2009
Bump, really, in case anyone is looking for November.
Fee -
Message 26
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Monday, 2nd November 2009
Morning people,
Gosh it is quiet in here .
I hope that is a good sign.
Well just popping into say hi from the other side of the world. so very far away from most on these boards but so many things exactly the same.
It is 8.30 here and I have already done 2 hours of gardening. Dawn gardening when I was drinking ............hahahahaha. Yeah right
Tomorrow I am going to the local AA office for an hour of orientation. I think it is time for me to give back a bit so I have offered to man the phones from time to time.
I really don't know what to expect from the gig but I am willing to try .
My sponsor is out of town ATM.
As is our mate that rides shotgun for her .
I miss them but i get little snippets that reminds me they are still there so that it good.
One of my Scout Hut mob mates came to the meeting yesterday. We are going to meet up next week for morning tea before going to our womens meeting. I have offered to drive to the other side of the range into the forest where there is an old farm that serves fab coffee and cakes. Lots of cakes.
"Morning Tea" BTW is a peculiar Aussie thing .
Essentially it is Elevenses with wings....
Hope to see more in here later when I pop in again.
See ya possums.
McOz -
Message 27
Posted by Claribel (U2264645) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
Hello everyone,
Just popping in to say hi and bookmark. I'm Claribel and I have a close friend with an alcohol problem. I come in from time to time to vent/get advice and I try to keep up-to-date with everyone else's stories.
By the way, is Basia about? I have scanned the thread fairly quickly but don't think I saw her name. -
Message 28
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
Hi Claribel
Welcome to the November thread
Basia is currently in the Nevada Desert working.
It is remote and so net connection is patchy but she will be back soon.
Oz -
Message 29
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
Hi Claribel
Yes, it is quiet in here at the moment - that does seem to happen from time to time.
I've just got back to my desk from taking time out for a coffee with an Al Anon friend who is a bit of safety-valve for me and allows me to talk things out of my system that I might otherwise inflict on family members who wouldn't benefit from hearing them.
Fee -
Message 30
Posted by Jules Bee (U3036149) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:20 GMT, in reply to Fee in message 29
Hello all - I'm a regular lurker here, in much the same position as E.Yore. I continue to learn a lot from the people here.
Funnily enough, I have recently, for the first time in my life as far as I am aware, come into contact with a couple of people with serious alcohol problems. They went to an AA meeting on Monday evening, and I was told by one of them that although he had been to AA before (though not for a long time, I think), it was the first time he'd gone to a meeting without having a drink beforehand. Both these people are not currently drinking, and haven't been for a couple of weeks or so. They went with a third person who, although he currently does not drink problematically, by his own account has abused alcohol in the past. He went primarily to support the other two (at their request, I believe), but has come away very thoughtful about his own relationship with alcohol.
Hope you will all accept my best wishes. -
Message 31
Posted by madjohnfinn (U11268477) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
hey my soberino sisters and brothers, hope you and yours are well.
been a bit slack recently, been to meetings and all, but i do like coming here. especially when i feel a bit rum. i have of late, i know not wherefore lost all my mirth. just a case of getting on with things i spose, but am as flat as a frt in a spacesuit...not really sure why, rubbish brain chemistry probably...too many years of too many drinks and drugs'll do it every time i spect. it's not like good stuff hasn't happened, and it's not like bad stuff has happened, dammit all, i hate whining, i can just hear that voice in my head going whinewhineblahblah&c.&c. ... surely you know the one, of course you do! swine that it is. might just have to sit here and stream of consciousness till it shuts up, course, my typing'll never keep up and i'll just grind to an ignominious stop. aah. actually, feel a bit better for telling you all that i'm feeling a bit rubbish. knew i probably would. tis a miracle. so, hugs and bathtime for the children, and i may, if you're very very good come back and try to spread a little cheer, after all, what's a windy, rainy, chilly, gloomy and somewhat bleak cornish november eve all about, if not a little cheer?
take it easy groovers, tot ziens n much love
mjf
xxx -
Message 32
Posted by madjohnfinn (U11268477) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
completely forgot my manners, sense of good form &c. ...hello, my name's madjohnfinn and i'm an alcoholic is how i should have started last post...please forgive my lapse
a bit of wisdom from the shakey bard to think on...
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so".
aaaahhhh....haaaa.....
mjf again -
Message 33
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:27 GMT, in reply to madjohnfinn in message 32
MJF, yes, it is dark and wet here in Cornwall - I've started a thread in TB asking how we go about swapping e-mail addresses - I think there's a specific address that we both have to send a message to. -
Message 34
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:31 GMT, in reply to carrick-bend in message 33
There we go - if you still want to, register at Peets then tell me here when you have. -
Message 35
Posted by madjohnfinn (U11268477) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
hey, carrick bend...i think i've done it...i am, however, a bit of a luddite...check it out[!] must warn you that my email checking is sporadic at best...i try, but am just lazy n feckless
mjf
x -
Message 36
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
Morning MFJ and Carrick and all who post and lurk here.
Fab morning today.
Sunshine is a smile in itself innit.
Sorry things are a bit pants in the head MFJ I commiserate bros. I never enjoyed November in the UK , just never got the hang of it but my long dark teatime of the soul used to be February. I often thought the only way to counter that month was to hibernate or head for the Bahamas. Alas RL and the lack of dosh precluded both.
Ladeez meeting at lunchtime but first my spot of time at the local AA orifice. They are already taking the *iss out of me because of my accent but all kindly meant. Tisn't as if I sound like Rab C but then Australians like to pull your leg. Often when I share at meetings one of the older members will asked me when I have finished to "Translate that into English"
i must admit to feeling a bit apprehensive about the office work and fielding the phone calls. I was lying in bed thinking about the broken soul that was me only months back making that first call. Seems like yesterday but also a lifetime ago.
I asked one of my AA mates last week if I was a mess when they first met me..."Yes" was the answer of course.
Odd thing is that despite carp stuff happening from time to time I feel better than I have felt for years. When I find life crawling inside to give me a kicking I adjust things and attitudes to ,if not avoid it, then to dispel the full impact. I cannot control life but I am getting better at coping with it.
I often find it is the small things that make life hard. For example I didn't sleep well last night and I am useless without sleep. So I woke up a bit frazzled and very very early. Came down made some tea and then remembered that a few months ago I would have been hungover as well. Funny how that wee memory can put a whole new shine upon the day.
So diddling along down here.
Love to all
McOz .....aye -
Message 37
Posted by The Giddy Kipper (U10918464) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
I have every reason to believe you will be a proper star on the phones, Mrs O
-
Message 38
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
Thanks for that Mr T.
I am going for Kirsty Wark stylie myself. -
Message 39
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
At least in February it's getting lighter. I really don't like November (particularly not when it rains as it's been doing today) - at one time the approach of Christmas took the edge off it - but I don't find that any longer.
I'm sure you'll be fine on the phones, Mrs O (why are you McOz at the moment btw?)
Fee -
Message 40
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
Morning Fee
I thought that Mrs Oz was a bit stuffy so I decided to rebrand for a bit.
So McOz says tartan Aussie....which of course is what I am.
Thank you too for your vote of confidence -
Message 41
Posted by TeaLady (U9077092) on Tuesday, 3rd November 2009
Evening all,
You will be great Mrs O, you are just the sort of person I would want to talk to if I phoned up. I remember my first phone call so clearly. I was so scared, and it was such a huge relief to talk to someone who understood. I often drive past the piece of road where I stopped to make the phone call (too many people in my house to make it from home), and I feel a sense of happiness and gratitude when I pass, because that phone call was the beginning of me getting RL help.
Weather here is foul too. My main living area is a conservatory, and it was bluddy noisy in there earlier. My ex used to really hate February. In fact, he's fled to sunnier climes this year for the winter.
MJF - sorry you are feeling carp. Hope you soon feel better. I am feeling cross with myself today because I really feel like whining about going back to work tomorrow - don't wanna go! Whine, moan! I sound like my son moaning about going back to school. First day back after half term and he wants to know when he breaks up for Christmas!
TL x -
Message 42
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Wednesday, 4th November 2009
Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:48 GMT, in reply to MrTheodore (intellectual underclass) in message 37
Is second Mr T, Mrs O, with the amendment that I think you'll be warmer and less distant than the average star.
C-B x -
Message 43
Posted by BootsNo7 (U8853924) on Wednesday, 4th November 2009
McOz - You will be really good on the phone simply because you have been there and your posts show how far you have come in your recovery and I am sure you will benefit just as much as those who have gathered the courage to make the phone call.
MJF - good to see you and the weather here in the High Peak has been spectacular to say the least with storm clouds, hail and now glorious sunshine and blue sky.
Fee and others who don't like November - it is my birthday month so I like it!
Boots -
Message 44
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Wednesday, 4th November 2009
I will think more kindly of it then. It's a lovely bright crisp morning here as well which does lift the spirits somewhat.
Anyway, I only dropped in briefly and must log out again and get on.
Fee -
Message 45
Posted by Claribel (U2264645) on Wednesday, 4th November 2009
Hi all,
Just wondering whether any of you have read 'Rachel's Holiday' by Marian Keyes, and if so what you thought of it. I am in the middle of it at the moment and even from the 'friend' (rather than the alcoholic) perspective, some parts are ringing true to me.
I'm not generally a 'chicklit' person, but I do like Marian Keyes; she can be very funny but I find her books very insightful. I believe she is herself a recovering alcoholic, which must inform her writing.
Best wishes to all,
Claribel -
Message 46
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Wednesday, 4th November 2009
Claribel, just saw your post on my way out - yes, I have - on Ellie May's recommendation, actually. I then handed it on to my husband who read it shortly after he came out of his treatment centre - he said it rang very true - it also clearly brought home to him some of what it was like for family members in such cases in a way that he had not really realised (I still don't think he does completely understand what it was like).
Fee -
Message 47
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Wednesday, 4th November 2009
Just bumping again in case anyone is looking for it.
Hope all are well. It's quiet round here without won, I must say.
Fee -
Message 48
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 4th November 2009
It's the quiet before the possible storm here Fee. Son and girlfriend's visit next week. My poor lad is still causing trouble even if he is sober. My poor Oh is so apprehensive about the visit. He has such dreadful memories of the last time my son was with us in our house. I cnnot blame him for this. I am worried about it too but don't feel I can refuse my son. I don't know how much longer he will live. Oh dear, dilemmas all the time.
-
Message 49
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Wednesday, 4th November 2009
I'm can understand that, Locki - it cannot be easy for either of you. It may well be perfectly alright and worrying about it won't make any difference anyway.
Fee -
Message 50
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Thursday, 5th November 2009
I just thought I'd bump this thread in case anyone is looking for it - it has been mentioned in a thread in The Bull - rather disparagingly, but it might still provoke people to come looking if they feel like sharing stuff about their own experience of problems with alcohol or of those with problems with alcohol.
In the light of the comments, it's perhaps worth reiterating what has often been said here before - that any approach to dealing with alcohol related problems that works is entirely welcome here - different people have different solutions and different ways of getting there.
Fee
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