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Readings / Poems for bereavement
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Message 1.聽
Posted by Sad Border Collie (U2036041) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
(Thanks Xno.)
I was hoping that Mustardlanders in The Village Hall might suggest poems or readings appropriate at for funeral.
There was an excellent thread about this months ago but I have lost the link.
I'd find it very useful at the moment.
Thanks,
QBC -
Message 2
Posted by rainbowLaure (U8486235) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
QBC, the first thing I always think of in these situations is the anonymous poem 'I Did Not Die'
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep;
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow;
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain;
When you awaken in the morning's hush;
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight,
I am the soft stars that shine at night;
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there
I did not die. -
Message 3
Posted by rainbowLaure (U8486235) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Another is Remember Me by David Harkins
Do not shed tears when I have gone
but smile instead because I have lived.
Do not shut your eyes and pray to God that I鈥檒l come back,
but open your eyes and see all that I have left behind.
I know your heart will be empty because you cannot see me,
but still I want you to be full of the love we shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of what happened between us yesterday.
You can remember me and grieve that I have gone
or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.
You can cry and lose yourself, become distraught
and turn your back on the world,
or you can do what I want - smile, wipe away the tears, learn to love again and go on. -
Message 4
Posted by Marigold (U2227056) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral -
Message 5
Posted by Kate McLaren etc (U2202067) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Yes, but you need to watch the "when we meet again" thing in case the person in question does not believe they will. In which case it would only make things worse.
Forgive me for stating the bloomin obvious. -
Message 6
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Some references on this page.
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Message 7
Posted by Marigold (U2227056) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Drystane, I assume that if somebody is selecting a reading or a poem, they will read it through and decide on its appropriateness, editing if necessary. Forgive me for stating the bloomin obvious also.
-
Message 8
Posted by savannahlady (U2362903) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:46 GMT, in reply to Quizzical Border Collie in message 1
QBC - if you can give some more details - age, belief, gender, interests, I can offer you something perhaps more specific. I have literally tons of poetry and prose for funerals.
with my sympathy on your loss,
Savvie -
Message 9
Posted by Sad Border Collie (U2036041) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Thank you all so much, it is for my partner who died today.
Savvy, I'd hoped you might see this.
He was 51, musician, lingust, gentle man,
I shalln't be able to speak I think but perhaps someone else will on my behalf.
Thanks so much and for the replies.
QBC -
Message 10
Posted by rainbowLaure (U8486235) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
I'm so sorry QBC. What a terrible thing.
Remember to come back here if you need someone to rant at or just for general distraction.
I will light a candle for you and hold you in my thoughts. -
Message 11
Posted by savannahlady (U2362903) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:05 GMT, in reply to Quizzical Border Collie in message 9
Oh QBC I am so very very sorry. That's no age at all, my dear.
I don't want to blind you with questions or anything but I will happily help in any way I can. If you know what sort of service you are going to be having for him that will help as well but I shall go away and look at all my works now and see what I can find.
Please let me know if I can do anything else.
Love
Savvie -
Message 12
Posted by rainbowLaure (U8486235) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
There's also the Auden poem that was used in the film Four Weddings and a Funeral. Unfortunately, since being included in that film, it now seems a little hackneyed, but it's still beautiful:
You were my north, my south, my east and west,
My working week and my Sunday best.
You were my noon, my midnight, my talk, my song.
I thought that love would last forever - I was wrong. -
Message 13
Posted by rainbowLaure (U8486235) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Darn: flea, flea, flea
That should be:
My working week and my Sunday /rest/ -
Message 14
Posted by Nomadnomore - XNo - Quiz Queen (U3180380) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
QBC, so sorry for your loss.
Joy and Sorrow is the one that still catches me, it was perfect for Dan's funeral. We also used a version of the remember me one posted message 3 above. On Dan's grave the inscription is:-
"You could cry because he died; better to smile because he lived".
Joy & Sorrow below, used up to the word "delight".
Come back and post for support whenever you feel it would help for as long as you want to. -
Message 15
Posted by posh_scouse_pinnedwithpride (U2514024) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
hug from me..
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land:
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad. -
Message 16
Posted by savannahlady (U2362903) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:39 GMT, in reply to Quizzical Border Collie in message 9
Here is one which might suit in a more general sense. It is very simple but I like it:
"A Measure of A Man
The measure of a man is not determined
By his show of outward strength
Or the volume of his voice
Or the thunder of his actions
Or by his intellect.
It is seen in the love that he has
For his family and for everyone
The strength of his commitments
The genuineness of his friendships
The sincerity of his purpose
The quiet courage of his convictions.
The fun, laughter, joy and happiness he gives
to his family and to others
His love of life
His patience and his honesty
And his contentment with what he has."
Grady Poulard
And another more general piece of prose:
"This much I鈥檓 reasonably certain of 鈥 that there are much worse emotions to have to live with than sadness,however vast and deep that sadness might be. It can be uplifting, invigorating, strengthening, motivating and, above all, a powerful reminder of how much that person still matters, and always will. It can be other things too,but don鈥檛 let it. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is
our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: 鈥淲ho am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented, fabulous?鈥 Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn鈥檛 serve the world. There鈥檚 nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won鈥檛 feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we鈥檙e liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
by Nelson Mandela
You don't say whether he was a classical musicians or a rock or jazz musician so here are a few:
If Bach had been a beekeeper
If Bach had been a beekeeper
he would have heard
all those notes
suspended above one another
in the air of his ear
as the differentiated swarm returning
to the exact hive
and place in the hive,
topping up the cells
with the honey of C major,
food for the listening generations,
key to their comfort
and solace of their distress
as they return and return
to those counterpointed levels
of hovering wings where
movement is dance
and the air itself
a scented garden
by Charles Tomlinson
Sad Music
We fall to the earth like leaves
Lives as brief as footprints in snow
No words express the grief we feel
I feel I cannot let her go.
For she is everywhere
Walking on the windswept beach
Talking in the sunlit square.
Next to me in the car
I see her sitting there.
At night she dreams me
and in the morning the sun does not rise.
My life is as thin as the wind
And I am done with counting stars.
She is gone she is gone.
I am her sad music, and I play on, and on and on.
by Roger McGough
The Song is Ended
(but the melody lingers on)
My thoughts go back to a heavenly dance
A moment of bliss we spent
Our hearts were filled with a song of romance
As into the night we went
And sang to our hearts鈥 content
The song is ended
But the melody lingers on
You and the song are gone
But the melody lingers on
The night was splendid
And the melody seemed to say
"Summer will pass away
Take your happiness while you may"
There 鈥檔eath the light of the moon
We sang a love song that ended too soon
The moon descended
And I found with the break of dawn
You and the song had gone
But the melody lingers on
(Original lyrics by Irving Berlin)
And I like this:
Walk Within You
If I am the first of us to die,
Let grief not blacken long your sky.
Be bold yet modest in your grieving.
There is change, but not a leaving.
For just as death is part of life,
The dead live on forever in the living.
For all the gathered riches of our journey,
The moments shared, the mysteries explored,
The steady layer of intimacy stored,
The things that made us laugh or weep or sing,
The joy of sunlit snow or first unfurling of the spring,
The wordless language of look and touch,
The knowing,
Each giving and each taking,
These are not flowers that fade.
What we were, we are.
What we had, we have.
So when you walk the woods where once we walked together
And scan in vain the dappled bank beside you for my shadow,
Or pause where we always did upon the hill to gaze across the land,
And spotting something, reach by habit for my hand,
And finding none, feel sorrow start to steal upon you,
Be still.
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
Listen for my footfall in your heart.
I am not gone but merely walk within you.
From Nicholas Evans鈥 book: 鈥楾he Smoke Jumper
I am sorry but I have been sidetracked now QBC and will return with some more for you - perhaps best to email them rather than to take up space on this thread?
LOve
Savvie -
Message 17
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:10 GMT, in reply to savannahlady in message 16
QBC, deepest condolences. Your world must be turned upside down.
C-B x
Savvie, I personally am finding the poetry you're suggesting really moving. -
Message 18
Posted by MV Whitby May Rose (U6862284) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Im so sorry to read about your loss qbc
-
Message 19
Posted by savannahlady (U2362903) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:24 GMT, in reply to carrick-bend in message 17
I am glad you like it c-b. I always try to find different pieces for people, pieces you don't hear too often or perhaps don't know of. I guess it comes from having read so many poems so many times, the tongue (and the mind) tire of them. Not that there is anything wrong with poems which 'speak' to people and which they like of course. It's just trying to find new and fresh pieces - there is just so much good writing out there.
I have to sort something out now for DD but I will come back over the weekend and find some more for QBC who must be quite bereft at the moment. I do hope you have family or friends with you Quizzie. Thinking of you,
love
Savvie -
Message 20
Posted by Celtic Tiger (U2229153) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Deepest sympathy for your bereavement.
Here is a poem which migh be suitable.
"But how can we live without you?" they cried.
I left all the world to you when I died.
Beauty of earth and air and sea;
Leap of a swallow or a tree;
Kiss of rain and wind's embrace;
Passion of storm and winter's face;
Touch of feather, flower and stone;
Chiselled line of branch or bone;
Flight of stars, night's caravan;
Song of crickets - or of man.
All these I put in my testament.
All these I bequeathed you when I went.
"But how can I see them without your eyes?
Or touch them without your hand?
How can I hear them without your ear?
Without your heart, understand?"
These too, these too, I leave to you.
(Anne Morrow Lindbergh) -
Message 21
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Thursday, 19th November 2009
Savvie, I wish I had known 'A measure of a man' for my FiL's memorial service; it is so much what I felt about him.
-
Message 22
Posted by April (U7310327) on Friday, 20th November 2009
QBC. I'm so very sorry to read about your sad loss, please accept my sincere sympathy and thoughts.
I heard this poem on the radio about 20 yrs ago and thought it was beautiful and very appropriate. I wrote it down and kept it.
'Not How He Died...But How He Lived'
Not how did he die, but how did he live
Not what did he gain, but what did he give
These are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth
Not what was his church, nor what was his creed
But had he befriended those really in need
Was he ever ready, with word of good cheer
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear
Not what the verse in the newspaper said
But how many were truly sorry, when he was dead
漏 Summer Sandercox -
Message 23
Posted by Lynnie P (U3585914) on Friday, 20th November 2009
QBC - my very sincere condolences at your loss. I hope you are surrounded by loving support at this awful time.
This is what I would like read at my own funeral but it may not be what you would like:
If I should go before the rest of you,
break not a flower nor inscribe a stone,
nor, when I am gone, speak in a Sunday voice,
but be the usual selves that I have known.
Weep, if you must; parting is hell,
but life goes on, so sing as well.
Joyce Grenfell -
Message 24
Posted by Sad Border Collie (U2036041) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Thank you all and especially Savvie for your trouble.
I am OK, my OH had been very ill with a brain tumour for over two years.
I can't believe how busy I am with all the arrangements so I won't reply individually but a big hug to you all for your trouble.
I will certainly use at least two of the suggestions.
QBC xx -
Message 25
Posted by Katy Tulip (U2239809) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:06 GMT, in reply to Quizzical Border Collie
QBC, I've only just read of your very sad news. I'm so very sorry.
Hugs,
Katy -
Message 26
Posted by Gwenllian yr ail (U5426181) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:19 GMT, in reply to Katy Tulip in message 25
I'd like to add my condolences, QBC. Gwen -
Message 27
Posted by organists wife (U5330167) on Friday, 20th November 2009
I had this at my Mother's funeral recently.
'O Lord support us all the days long of this troublous life till the shadows lengthen and the evening comes and the busy world is hushed, the fever of life is over, and our work is done.
Then in Your mercy, give us a safe lodging and a holy rest and peace at the last.'
(Cardinal John Henry Newman)
So very sorry to hear of your loss QBC. -
Message 28
Posted by Threeblack drapedwellsofmyown (U5254306) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:44 GMT, in reply to Quizzical Border Collie in message 9
Ach poor collie
My love to you
And hopes that you find some solace from the care of ML -
Message 29
Posted by DragonFluff (U6879248) on Friday, 20th November 2009
QBC, my thoughts are with you on this sad day.
I x -
Message 30
Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Friday, 20th November 2009
QBC - I am very sad to hear of your loss. I was intending to contribute to this thread earlier, as I had seen an interesting reading which my mother must have found when my father died.
Alas, I have hunted high and low and cannot find it at the moment. Perhaps someone else will recognise it:
It referred to the fact that when someone close dies, they are like a ship which you watch disappearing over the horizon. They do not become smaller, but they look smaller because they are further away.... something like that, anyway.
I hope you find the right reading for you.
Much ML love,
Lili -
Message 31
Posted by patriarchou (U11317033) on Friday, 20th November 2009
QBC, We do not know each other, but I just wanted to add my condolences to you at this very lonely time.
-
Message 32
Posted by Marigold (U2227056) on Friday, 20th November 2009
QBC, so sorry to hear of your sad loss. I hope you find comfort in the company of friends and family.
-
Message 33
Posted by fondawine but fonda still of Mustardland (U1232922) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:23 GMT, in reply to patriarchou in message 31
I heard of your sad loss in the Earlies QBC and just wanted to add my sincere condolences to you. Yesterday was a very sad day in ML.
Shirl -
Message 34
Posted by Retired-Rural-Person (U8479978) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:25 GMT, in reply to Lili Bolero in message 30
Dear QBC,
Very sorry to hear of your loss, after a long difficult illness for your OH.
I think this is the reading Lili Bolero was thinking of, we had it at a family funeral and it is a good one.
Retired
A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says
She is gone.
Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large now as when I last saw her.Her diminished size and total loss from my sight is in me, not in her.
And just at that moment, when someone at my side says she is gone, there are others who are watching her coming over their horizon and other voices take up a glad shout -There she comes!
That is what dying is.
An horizon and just the limit of our sight.
Lift us up O Lord, that we may see further.
Bishop Brent
from a site with the tag Free for Use -
Message 35
Posted by savannahlady (U2362903) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:52 GMT, in reply to Retired-Rural-Person in message 34
A few more for you to think about QBC and then I will leave you to it as you will become confused I think!
This is one I offered some years back - the Queen used it a the memorial for the 9/11 victims
"How Long Will The Pain Last?
Author Unknown
How long will the pain last?" a broken hearted mourner asked me. "All the rest of your Life." I have to answer truthfully. We never quite forget. No matter how many years pass, we remember. The loss of a loved one is like a major operation. Part of us is removed, and we have a scar for the rest of our lives. As years go by, we manage. There are things to do, people to care for, tasks that call for full attention. But the pain is still there, not far below the surface. We see a face that looks familiar, hear a voice that echoes, see a photograph in someone's album, see a landscape that once we saw together, and it seems as though a knife were in the wound again. But not so painfully. And mixed with joy, too. Because remembering a happy time is not all sorrow, it brings back happiness with it.
How long will the pain last?
All the rest of your life. But the things to remember is that not only the pain will last, but the blessed memories as well. Tears are proof of life. The more love, the more tears. If this be true, then how could we ever ask that the pain cease altogether. For then the memory of love would go with it. The pain of grief is the price we pay for love."
From Michel de Montaigne:
"Life in itself is neither good nor evil. It is the place of good and evil according to what you make of it. And if you have lived one day, you have seen all. One day is equal to all days. There is no other light, no other night. This sun, this moon, these stars and this disposition, are the same that your forefathers enjoyed, and which will uplift your descendents. And, at worst, the distribution and acts of my own story are encompassed in a year. If you look well at the course of my four seasons, they contain the infancy, the youth, the virility and the old age of the world.
鈥︹ Wherever your life ends, there it is complete. The value of life lies not in its length, but in the use we make of it. This or that man may have lived many years, yet lived little. Pay good heed to that in your own life. Whether
you have lived long enough depends upon yourself, not on the number of your years."
Michael de Montaigne 1533 鈥 1592
Hope these are helpful to you for the moment,
love
Savvie -
Message 36
Posted by mamanchauffeuse (U5201740) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:44 GMT, in reply to Quizzical Border Collie in message 24
Quizzical Border Collie,
I was so sorry when I saw of your partner's death. A bit uselessly I don't have any reading suggestions, but I shall be thinking of you.
No doubt you're currently run off your feet with everything, so here's a {{{{{hug}}}}} for when you need it.
maman -
Message 37
Posted by verandah (U1036646) on Friday, 20th November 2009
QBC, my deep sympathies for the death of your partner.
This poem is lovely, was read at my father's funeral and always brings a lump to my throat.
REQUIEM
by: Robert Louis Stevenson
UNDER the wide and starry sky,
Dig the grave and let me lie.
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.
This be the verse you grave for me:
Here he lies where he longed to be;
主播大秀 is the sailor, home from the sea,
And the hunter home from the hill. -
Message 38
Posted by Lady Trudie Tilney Glorfindel Maldini (U2222312) ** on Friday, 20th November 2009
QBC, just adding my sincere sympathies and best wishes.
-
Message 39
Posted by GEm (U4356909) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Savvie - the last one by Nicholas someone is beautiful. With your permission may I copy and keep?
G -
Message 40
Posted by catwomyn (U1485618) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Quizzical, I'm so sorry to read of your bereavement.
Cat x -
Message 41
Posted by Elnora Cornstalk (U5646495) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Quizzical, I have just seen this, and send my thoughts and heartfelt sympathy. Your partner sounds a lovely man, and I hope that you can find some quiet amid the busyness, and that these poems help a bit.
Elnora xxx -
Message 42
Posted by savannahlady (U2362903) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:01 GMT, in reply to GEm in message 39
Of course GEm - it's by Nicholas Evans from The Smoke Jumper. Nice piece isn't it? I am glad you like it too.
Savvie -
Message 43
Posted by Dapply (U2437462) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:26 GMT, in reply to savannahlady in message 42
QBC - just tagging on here to add my sincere condolences at this very sad time.
I have no words to offer, just hugs and a hope that you may draw some comfort from them. -
Message 44
Posted by Westsussexbird or Birdy aka Westie (U6316532) on Friday, 20th November 2009
QBC I've just found this thread and want to say how sorry I am. Your partner sounds like a lovely person. How lucky you are to have been loved by such a person. Take care of yourself.
-
Message 45
Posted by San Fairy Anne鈩 (U14092798) on Friday, 20th November 2009
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:04 GMT, in reply to westie in message 44
I send my condolences for your loss too. You have had lots of suggestions for readings, I do so hope you find one or more which speak to your condition. SFAnne鈩 -
Message 46
Posted by Eliza Bennet (U2508760) on Friday, 20th November 2009
No help at all re: readings because there are so many good ideas here already, QBC, but I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry and am thinking of you.
-
Message 47
Posted by Sister Primrose of the Red Tinsel Flag (U5405579) on Friday, 20th November 2009
I was very sorry to see your news QBC.
PP -
Message 48
Posted by Lilith (U13728858) on Friday, 20th November 2009
So sorry, QBC. My sincere condolences.
Lilith -
Message 49
Posted by Bleak_Midwinter_Squirrel_Nutcase (U2248205) on Saturday, 21st November 2009
Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:56 GMT, in reply to Quizzical Border Collie in message 1
Quizzical, I think your husband must have died pretty near to the time my husband, the Grumpy Beloved Prof, also died suddenly.
We have never met, but I just wanted to extend the hand of fellowship and fellow-feeling across the ether. Circumstances may differ, but the human and humane essentials are the same. And sod what any cynic here may say about the alleged falsity of e-relationships.
I have today received inestimably valuable help and love across the ether, much of it from MustardLand, and backed where RL contact has been established with offers of practical help.
Mariex -
Message 50
Posted by HamsterMama aka nifty-fifty (U14121030) on Saturday, 21st November 2009
Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:01 GMT, in reply to $quirrel Nutca$e in message 49
To Quizzical and $quirrel,
My sincere condolences.
Some <> for you both and your loved ones.
Niftyx
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