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I am officially a bad mother!
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Message 1.Â
Posted by GEm (U4356909) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Some of you will remember that my Youngest Son's friend died of swine flu last Wed and they were told in school on Thursday. The boy has been best mates with mine for about 6 years and quite frankly it has hit YS hard. He has been withdrawn and quiet so we have been working with him to let him talk about how he's feeling and we have explained that while it is very sad these things happen and that it is okay to carry on with life.
Every day we have sent him off to school his normal self and every day I have got back a sad and withdrawn teen. I then get a note from the head summoning me in this morning to tell me what a bad mother I am. On questioning son it appears they have all been talking about M with the teachers and with a counsellor.
Well readers - today I have been in to see the head teacher and there has been a full and frank exchange of views (mainly from me to her) about how insensitive they are being and how maudlin. I have met the counsellor - a whey faced little girl who on questioning has not personally experienced bereavement yet (so well qualified to deal with it). I have explained that YS has had plenty of it to deal with but this is the first time it's been sudden and someone his age and that he needs to be able to feel that it's no different than the other people who have died - it's okay to get on with his life.
I have made it quite clear to the head that I do not trust her with my children's mental health while I am on holiday next week so I am taking them out of school for the week and taking them with me. She has promised to report me to the Local Authority. So I expect I will be spending Christmas in prison or wherever they send lousy parents. She obviously has me down in the too difficult box.
Rant over - but my son and daughter will not be seeing the counsellor again without my express permission and will be asked to leave class if the teachers start doing their discussions about it.
So - I am officially marked down as a bad mother. Good job my kids think I am okay
G -
Message 2
Posted by E Yore (U1479700) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Fri, 27 Nov 2009 12:27 GMT, in reply to GEm in message 1
Flippen' heck, GEm. -
Message 3
Posted by GEm (U4356909) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Don't worry E Yore I am more than capable of standing up for myself
G -
Message 4
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Friday, 27th November 2009
GEm, good for you. I have had grave doubts for years about this modern rush to send in 'counsellors' at the drop of a hat. They are not eased by your experience.
As for their idea of a suitable counsellor, words fail me. -
Message 5
Posted by DragonFluff (U6879248) on Friday, 27th November 2009
In reply to GEm in message 1
I cannot write my true reaction to this, GEm. Suffice to say, it rhymes with "clucking bell".
Good grief. (Or bad grief, as the case may be.) There's no right way or wrong way to grieve. Children this age should not be forced into sadness, they need to deal with it at their own pace, just as we all do.
Good job my kids think I am okayÂ
And that's all that matters, GEm.
Fluff -
Message 6
Posted by E Yore (U1479700) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Fri, 27 Nov 2009 12:50 GMT, in reply to silverjenny in message 4
I have had grave doubts for years about this modern rush to send in 'counsellors' at the drop of a hat. They are not eased by your experience.Â
Do you remember Princess Anne's outburst at the time of Dunblane? When there were something like 300 grief counsellors descending on the town? She was excoriated for saying that humans are tougher than they seem and people have got over much worse by themselves & their communities, without this sort of outside help, for generations, but how right she was. -
Message 7
Posted by Threeblack drapedwellsofmyown (U5254306) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Fri, 27 Nov 2009 12:52 GMT, in reply to GEm in message 1
I would say that the head is the one who is a bad teacher not you a bad mother
The very idea of a so - called cousellor being entrusted with the mental health of grieving youngsters makes my blood boil
Certainly the teachers should be aware and allow the teenagers to express their thoughts in a safe class environment
But to interfere with coundellors smacks of lazy teachers to me
The way any life experience is shovelled into the need for counselling is weird I feel
Bluntly put it's life and horrible things happen
Gentle care and allowing feelings out is needed with as you say the knowledge that it is OK to live your own life
the old " He would not want you to be saddened and withdrawn forever" sort of attitude
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Where is my halibut? -
Message 8
Posted by catwomyn (U1485618) on Friday, 27th November 2009
I'll ask a friend of mine about this. She is a counsellor and during her doctorate did a few months in a school. Not sure how it worked re referrals, whether the children were referred by teachers or self-referred, and whether parents were informed or not.
On a common-sense basis, though, I would say that with the issue of the death of a pupil, if the school does decide to make counsellors available to children, then it should be on a self-referral basis, and that all parents should be told that the counsellor is there.
I'm sorry for your son's bereavement, GEm.
Cat x -
Message 9
Posted by Dunlurkin NL (U2675855) on Friday, 27th November 2009
The whole situation seems like a nightmare. I suspect many other parents would like to have your strength of character GEm.
I agree that this counsellor sounds totally unsuitable. However, I don't think the involvement of counsellors should be dismissed out of hand. In this case I expect that the teachers themselves will be struggling, and may be glad of some trained, outside help. It will have come as just as much of shock to them.
Dunlurkin -
Message 10
Posted by E Yore (U1479700) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Fri, 27 Nov 2009 13:10 GMT, in reply to Dunlurkin (NL) in message 9
Cat & Dunlurkin, the thing is though, that sudden death isn't new and people have dealt with it for ages without counselling. When I was 12, one of my school mates (someone I always sat next to at lunch) died suddenly of late-diagnosed Type 1 diabetes. The teachers just gave us our head - they made it known that if we needed to talk to them, they were there; those of us who were friends with N. were told separately first and my parents let me spout without saying 'there there you'll feel better soon'.
Were we worse off? I don't think so. -
Message 11
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Looking at it from our perspective of the school we're involved in in Germany, I can't believe that a counsellor was just brought in without the parents being consulted/informed.
We regularly have cases of sudden deaths among pupils here (oh...that sounds wrong...but you can reckon on at least a couple of deaths a year through road accidents plus children who die as a result of illness) & what is felt important is to try to keep pupils in close contact with members of staff they feel close to, A lot of work is also done by the teachers of religion or ethics. There's never really been a question of calling in counsellors (though I think schools did in those incidents where people ran amuck in the school with a gun....but that's a different kettle of fish, & I still don't think it would have been done without informing parents) -
Message 12
Posted by GEm (U4356909) on Friday, 27th November 2009
I am not dismissing the idea of a counsellor out of hand - but I very much think it ought to have been a referral either by my boy himself or the teachers in conjunction with a discussion with me. Also I don't think the counsellor they have seems to be the right person to deal with this - and my son seemed very unhappy with the conversations he had with her. He is a sensitive lad and probably didn't want to say he thought she was carp. We have spent a lot of time the last week with him letting him talk and also addressing the fear that he couldn't actually voice - about his own death.
We've tried to explain that death is natural and comes to us all. He is aware through our family that it can be a tough journey to make but that it is an inevitable one. He has had a lot of time and support from both me and his stepfather and seemed to be coping well with that. I was just concerned that every time he went to school that he was going backwards.
He is much happier today - partly because he is going on holiday and partly because he knows that any further conversations about M will be at his discretion. I found him in class before I left and told him - he thought it was very funny when I said I had a surprise for them when they got home today and that it would probably result in me getting banged up alongside matt Crawford (he listens to TA with me)
G -
Message 13
Posted by Dunlurkin NL (U2675855) on Friday, 27th November 2009
But things do change E.Yore.
I have read on this MB of children being sent back to boarding school very shortly after a sibling's death and having to sort things out for themselves. From what they posted, I certainly think they would have been glad of some help.
Also, children are far less likely to encounter death at an early age. People are living longer on the whole and infant mortality rates have vastly improved.
Horses for courses, I think. Well-trained professional help should be available to those who need it. As I said upthread, it seems that the situation is not being dealt with well in this case.
Dunlurkin -
Message 14
Posted by barefoot choirmistress (Grade 1 listed status at present but soon to be partly demolished. The wrecking ball has started its upward swing, ready to demolish my name) (U2220849) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Gem - my condolences to your son and indeed all the family.
We had a tragedy about 15 months ago. Younger son's university flatmate drowned while on a family camping holiday, during the summer holidays. YS was very affected by this but wanted to keep it to himself. He came back from the funeral, gave a 2 sentence description and then said "I don't want to talk about it any more".
Strangely, within 6 months, another student from the same university was killed in an accident. It so happens that the son of a longstanding friend of mine was a very good mate of the student that was killed. His reaction was completely the opposite - rushed around trying to organise special services, fund raising etc.
Two similar circumstances; two very different reactions.
bc(G1) -
Message 15
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
I feel very neutral about the idea of bringing in counsellors....simply because I've never experienced it. As E Yore said, there have always been sudden deaths among pupils, so, it is something that could be anticipated, so if it was thought that this would be a good idea, I don't know why it couldn't have been put to the parent body....I don't mean when something has happened, but as something for the future, so that parents could decide if they wanted it in general.
I suspect what may be happening is that eeveryone now has to look over their shoulders....if teachers tried to talk to the pupils & a parent was very unhappy about it, the school could be in big trouble, but, this way, it can always be claimed that a qualified professional was dealing with it. .....then it would be down to the counsellor himself/herself....the school will have done its "best" officially speaking, whereas, with a teacher, a parent could always say "Well, what makes them qualified to deal with this ?" Don't know about teachers of religion or ethics, but other teachers here....at least at secondary level.....get no training in this kind of thing at all....you just try & do your best. That may be better in a lot of cases, but it wouldn't help the school/teacher in a court of law -
Message 16
Posted by Rwth of the Cornovii (U2570790) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Fri, 27 Nov 2009 13:32 GMT, in reply to GEm in message 12
I am very disturbed that they can be so difficult about you taking the kids out of school. You could always ask the form teachers about work to 'keep up' and it is only a week.
I think it is hard to cope with a death at any age, but to have a callow inexperienced person doing the counselling is a bit stupid, especially as you have been handling whatever couselling your son needed. People can die at any age, and children need to know that, more than anything. A girl at my school died of epilepsy during the holidays I think, and it was a bit of a shock though she was two years ahead of me.
Maybe being in a rural area makes it easier. You get used to death because it is all around you.
This over emphasis on counselling is very dangerous in my view. I suspect your boy was not helped at all by it. Maybe the week off will do him good. -
Message 17
Posted by welshteddy (U3680635) on Friday, 27th November 2009
GEM, I would absolutely insist on being told if my tedlets were being seen by a counsellor. I think it's a disgrace if parents haven't been informed.
Regards the referral to the local authority by the headteacher. Firstly I am gobsmacked (ghastly word, sorry, but appropriate here), that she would do such a thing. Secondly, I would immediately 'phone the Authority, today, and tell then exactly why you are removing your children for the week.
Welshteddy (aka known as Stroppy Mother from Hell) -
Message 18
Posted by GEm (U4356909) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Rwth
I think the being difficult was the metaphorical equivalent of sticking her tongue out at me when my back was turned to leave! YS will be fine - as you say the week off will do him good. I wouldn't normally take them out of school but they seem to have abandoned lessons as usual and are doing a Princess Di reaction. Don't think they'll miss much - if they do then so be it.
G -
Message 19
Posted by Mizze (U14226295) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Blimey Gem
Like Welshteddy id ring the LEA immediately and explain the situation. I dont think its appropriate for a moment that they had counsellors in the school having discussions with the children without informing the parents that this was going to happen.
Mizze -
Message 20
Posted by rainbowLaure (U8486235) on Friday, 27th November 2009
She has promised to report me to the Local AuthorityÂ
GEm, perhaps you should report the school for the terrible way it handled the situation and the lack of consultation with affected families.
I had a similar accusation levelled at me when my grandmother died and I sent my daughter to school the next day. I explained that yes, of course my daughter was upset: she had been close to her great-grandmother; but the death was not unanticipated and I judged it was best for her to be with her friends in a 'normal' situation rather than at home in the middle of funeral arrangements. It's not as if she was hysterical with grief, a bit weepy at odd moments, that's all.
I told them that as they did not consider themselves competent to cope with the situation, I would keep my daughter home until I considered her fully recovered and until I had corrected the results of the bad arithmetic education she had been receiving.
This was not well-received but, I didn't care and nothing much happened. -
Message 21
Posted by NTyeti (U14171244) on Friday, 27th November 2009
I wonder whether for boys the 'oh, you sad sausage' form of counselling is entirely helpful anyway. While it may stereotype boys, it seems activities - be they sporting or creative (or perhaps a holiday) - can provide a sort of self-realised catharsis that talky solutions can find difficult to match.
Counselling definitely has its uses, shouldn't get that wrong, the important thing is that its appropriateness ought to be left to parents and service users through a process of informed consent. -
Message 22
Posted by GEm (U4356909) on Friday, 27th November 2009
I suspect she won't report me at all. The full and frank exchange of views was rather one sided (when I get going there isn't much pausing for breath) so this was the ya boo sucks moment.
i understand the counsellor was discussed with the Governors and as i have said I don't in essence disapprove. I also can't guarantee that they didn't have a "note to bring home" which usually don't make it here so I am used to tap dancing. I am only objecting because she doesn't appear to be any good and whatever they are doing isn't right for my boy (it may be absolutely spot on for the rest of the children - as I said to the Head I am only concerned about two children in her care and they are both mine!)
I think the problem is that not many children have quite as much experience of loss and death that mine have had and that YS is finding it a bit hard to deal with the open displays of grief around him rather than his own. I am probably a bit of a cold fish in terms of displaying emotion so he is more used to a pragmatic "stuff (insert word of choice) happens" approach.
The week off will I am sure sort him out
G -
Message 23
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Is the kind of thing RainbowLaure is talking about common in British schools ? It just reinforces what I've come to think over the years....that, in Germany, (or, at least, where we are) parents have much more freedom/responsibility. Obviously, if a child was at school & clearly going to pieces & unable to cope, you might suggest their staying away for a couple of days, but it would be up to the parents.
Not saying one approach is better than another because it would depend on the outcome... -
Message 24
Posted by cookiepuss (U1485231) on Friday, 27th November 2009
GEm, condolences to your son and friends.
When YS was 16 a girl in his year died suddenly of meningitis. The kids didn't have counselling, but were allowed time off to go to the funeral. He was a bit down for a while, but got over it, mainly by talking with friends.
=^..^= -
Message 25
Posted by Westsussexbird or Birdy aka Westie (U6316532) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Well done GEm. Have a good holiday all together.
-
Message 26
Posted by La Min gibbon swinging strumpet draped in black (U12534030) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Good heavens GEM, how can anyone who has broken your trust by bringing in a counsellor without consulting you be remotely surprised that you don't trust them? Jeeez!
I have a mate who works for a uni counselling service now. At their last place of work, another educational establishment, a student died of meningitis one year and the service was very, very busy. But, the counselling service was an integral part of the college and the students were seeking it out for themselves, so presumably there were a good number who didn't, but dealt with it by themselves or with their families.
I'd be hopping mad if someone had been wheeled into my children and I hadn't met them first. What a great opportunity for a complete mismatch, foisting is the word that springs to mind. -
Message 27
Posted by catwomyn (U1485618) on Friday, 27th November 2009
< I also can't guarantee that they didn't have a "note to bring home" which usually don't make it here >
oh, I can sympathise with that one, GEm...
Cat x -
Message 28
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
I guess the problem (or one of the problems) is that the teachers can't just swan on as if nothing has happened....they have to broach the subject with the pupils &, officially, a counsellor, chosen by the LEA (or whichever body is responsible) would be deemed the best person to decide how to tackle this. If you get someone who's carp, it' the same as if you get someone dealing with drugs or sex education who's carp. As I say, we don't have it here & I'm neither for nor against it......but, while I don't think the head has handled this very well at all, I could understand it if the feeling were that they had to bring in someone officially qualified & follow their conclusions, because, otherwise, the school could be sued. It's very sad, but this is what it's coming to....official guidelines here, there & everywhere.....hoping they can lay down some kind of basic rules, but, at the same time, cramping the very best teachers & schools
-
Message 29
Posted by La Min gibbon swinging strumpet draped in black (U12534030) on Friday, 27th November 2009
A very very beloved teacher died while my children were at junior school tilly, and the school dealt with it themselves. They did it brilliantly and of course had the added advantage of knowing the children, which was just as well becuase Minsprogs reaction was unorthodox to say the least, and would have stumped your average counsellor I have no doubt.
-
Message 30
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
The notes being brought home is a thing where problems are going to happen, isn't it ? I suppose the argument is the same as here.....too expensive to post them out. But, it if it had been decided that a counsellor would be brought in & you didn't register any disagreement, then one wasn't really brought in against your consent.....all you can really say was that this one wasn't any good. I can understand la min's point about the children not knowing the person involved......which is why I'd be a bit careful with it all.....but, obviously, you don't know when these things may happen & I guess the LEA (or whoever) would say they haven't got enough resources to allow for enough counsellors to have time to go round & get to know the pupils. I don't know enough about it, but I wonder if bringing in a counsellor "cold" like this is a bit of a waste of money....that it can't work very well unless they've had time to establish a relationship with the pupils ? (Not that I'm against counsellors/counselling as such)
-
Message 31
Posted by Isabel Archer (U13716168) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Apologies GEm as I can understand how upsetting this is for you and your poor son. But I am a little confused here.
What precisely was causing the daily distress to your son? Was he being 'sent' to see the counsellor and did not feel able to refuse? Was this happening every day which was why he was upset every day? You acknowledge that you may well have been told that the counsellor would be present but, in any event, surely no child would be forced to see a counsellor against their wishes.
Or was it, as you also suggest, that teachers keep discussing it in the classroom and this keeps reviving his distress? I can see that this might happen in the immediate aftermath but that a return to normal within a couple of days is probably beneficial.
I am generally pro (good) counsellors as they have been very useful to me and my children at certain moments but they are not a panacea and particularly if they are not very good. I think that a school that did not offer this type of support could justifiably be criticised. So, I suppose I am trying to get a handle on exactly what made you so angry. -
Message 32
Posted by GEm (U4356909) on Friday, 27th November 2009
I guess I need to be upfront here and say that the head summoned me this morning (presumably to reel off my shortcomings). I am sure that the school are doing the very best they can in the circumstances, the point I was making is it isn't doing my lad any good and he needs something different. The point I made to the head is that I think I am probably the best person to work out what is best for him (and while I am pleased they are trying it's just not working). Anyway I think it's all done and dusted now. The children will be with me next week and we'll do a lot to establish that life goes on and it's okay for it to do so. I think the head and I have had our words and that this will all go away now.
-
Message 33
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Just as a matter of interest, re the missing notes etc......in Britain, do you have to sign a cut off slip at the bottom of the note to say you've received it, which your child has to then take back to the school ? This happens here & ,unless your child wants to forge your signature for some reason, it should make sure you get a copy of the note eventually.....just takes up a heck of a lot of a teacher's time, chasing the slips etc etc
-
Message 34
Posted by captainbenayoun (U13326760) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Gem, having read this thread, I was reminded of a time, 20 odd years ago, when DD was a mid tean. I came home for work one evening and she said words to the effect that she had got on the school bus, sat next to her bessy mate, who told her that her Ma had died the night before (not unexpected, but still.......) I asked DD what she had said, she siad she asked bessy mate what she needed, and was told she needed looking after. Which DD duly did. I asked DD who was looking after her. She said, oh Ma, I knew you'd say that. End of. I'm sure the two girls shed many tears together, but they did it on their own terms.
Like you, I'm not against the modern view that councillors are a good thing, I just think that children have their own ways, and sometimes its wise to let them go with it.
Both girls are a cresit, by the way.
Cap -
Message 35
Posted by GEm (U4356909) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Isabel
I am not at the school so I can only work out what is happening from the conversation with son. Teachers do appear to be talking about it in class which is upsetting him as he feels they don't appear to want to "move on" and I am not sure how he is ending up with the counsellor but I gather from daughter (his twin) that each of the children have been to see her and that while it is supposed to be voluntary she says that there isn't a lot of choice.
As I say what made me cross is after putting in a lot of effort and sending them my normal teen every morning they were sending me back this limp rag every afternoon. So whatever was happening when he was with them was putting him back to where he is.
The Head had already sent me a note last friday complaining because I took too long to come and fetch son when they called me on Thursday to say he was upset and needed to be collected (I wish to point out in my defence I got there as fast as I could but I don't have a Tardis or a lear jet). She then sent me a note on Wednesday telling me that I had to come and see her this morning as she was concerned about my son. The info about the counsellor came out when I questioned him about what the cluck was going on between him leaving home and coming back. I am not angry that they are trying to help just cross at the attitude of the head to me as a mother saying I think they are doing it wrong with my child - evidence based.
G -
Message 36
Posted by rainbowLaure (U8486235) on Friday, 27th November 2009
can't guarantee that they didn't have a "note to bring homeÂ
Note? NOTE? Why can't schools, hospitals and other public organisations catch up with the rest of us and send emails???? -
Message 37
Posted by Westsussexbird or Birdy aka Westie (U6316532) on Friday, 27th November 2009
You've taken the words out of my typewriter ... emails.
-
Message 38
Posted by La Min gibbon swinging strumpet draped in black (U12534030) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Tilly, IME one generally only sends a slip back if permission of money are required.
Getting at the parents of the children who either don't bother to give the notes to them on a regular basis, or who get them and don't read or respond is a perennial problem. A friend once wanted to run a theatre project in a school for a specific sector of the pupils, but this included the ones whose parents never responded to any notes, including permission slips and she was tying herself in knots trying to find a way to get at them.
I think for the situation GEM has described the school should have bitten the bullet and paid for the postage, then at least the notes would have gone directly to parents. It all seems incredibly unprofessional to me. -
Message 39
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
This was proposed at our school (oh the email stuff in case someone nips in inbetween) & it was well on the way.....well, some parents didn't want it, but they could have opted out) but then the school was forbidden to do it, for some reason......can't exactly remember why, but it was something to do with internet security & parents' privacy etc etc.....seems a bit silly, but it was something along the lines of either the post being recognised as the official carrier or the pupil having the right to have the material. Sure that in time this will be changed, but that was what the legal position was here (rolls eyes)
-
Message 40
Posted by Westsussexbird or Birdy aka Westie (U6316532) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Oh well, I thought it was a good idea :0)
-
Message 41
Posted by rainbowLaure (U8486235) on Friday, 27th November 2009
it was something to do with internet security & parents' privacy etc etcÂ
Exactly the nonsense my hospital spouted when I suggested that, if they emailed me, I wouldn't have missed 2 hospital appointments in 3 months.
So they can't send a message to my personal email which is password protected and locked in my pc, but they don't care if letters are put into the wrong letterbox. Also, they appear quite happy to slap the details onto a public fax.
Just another example of public organisations misusing the Data Protection Act. -
Message 42
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Yes, I agree with you, la min.....I think for something like this (& for a lot of other Stuff) the postal system should be used. But, to be frank, there would need to be an increase in the budget. I know we could all point to Stuff that we think could be saved on, but it's probably a question of "pots".....you can't take money from this pot to use for expenditure connected with this pot etc etc....aaaaarrrrgh !
Teachers here in some schools have to buy their own chalk while money is spent on.......... -
Message 43
Posted by Isabel Archer (U13716168) on Friday, 27th November 2009
I think the situation with counsellors and schools is a little complex as I'm not sure that a parent should, generally, be able to determine whether or not a teenager sees one. In many cases (not this one obviously), it is the parents who are the problem.
The problem here seems to have been some implicit or even explicit pressure on the child to use the counsellor. That must be bad practice regardless of the communication problems between the adults, which have made only it more complex -
Message 44
Posted by La Min gibbon swinging strumpet draped in black (U12534030) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Depends on the school too, Minsprog's special school, small school, (much more laid back generally), have phoned me once or twice for permission for him to go out when something interesting has come up at short notice, and they think he would benefit from it.
Presumably it would be theoretically possible for any school to use the phone too? Or would that run into insurance problems because there is no record of it? -
Message 45
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Agree with you completely rainbowLaure, but don't blame the schools (at least not here) If they try to do it the LEA will tell them it's illegal
-
Message 46
Posted by The equally pointless susierratic (U1485524) on Friday, 27th November 2009
For some years now, my son's school sends all information by both paper letter and by email, to those parents who have provided and email address. I've had my eyes opened to the number of paper notes that don't reach me for a variety of reasons.
They are trying to go over to an all electronic system, with no paper notes. can't come soon enough as far as I am concerned. Copies of all letters home are also available to download from their website. -
Message 47
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Don't know about the legal position re phones.....suspect it would be OK, because teachers do phone parents about "individual problems" (although most prefer to do it from home where they can get quiet & privacy). But then there would always be room for misunderstandings.....you wouldn't have anything in black & white. I know you could say that for the "individual" phone calls too, but that's more along the lines of "Johnny has done his last 3 lots of homework" rather than parents officially consenting to something. And it would cost & take up a heck of a lot of time....if parents have any objections or questions you could be on the phone for AGES....& be so punchdrunk with a session like that you probably couldn't deal with the questions/objections properly.....better all round if they're on paper.
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Message 48
Posted by GEm (U4356909) on Friday, 27th November 2009
As I said I am sure the school were doing their best in a pretty horrid situation and that it is working for 99% of the children - just not for mine and my issue is a head teacher who summons me with a note pretty much telling me that she needs to list my shortcomings as a parent because I have said I want them to do something different with my child for his welfare.
Anyway - she had her say in the note and I had mine this morning. I am sure in a weeks time when we have had a holiday with him that all will be well. We've actually had a discussion like this before over his homework - I stood my ground and his performance has improved about 100% - she did have the grace to tell me I was right about that.
G -
Message 49
Posted by tillytrolly (U8311312) on Friday, 27th November 2009
Sorry, Johnny hasn't done his homework, of course. The ruling about emails might be different in other parts of Germany....widely differing rules on most things under the federal system
-
Message 50
Posted by welshteddy (U3680635) on Friday, 27th November 2009
I think some of the problem here is the 'Diana-fication' of grief. There seems to be, nowadays, an expectation of outpourings of grief being the norm, with pale-faced teenagers weeping on news bulletins, while clutching at each others necks. A few years ago that would have been frowned upon. Now, people who aren't so demonstrative are accused of being 'repressed' and counsellors are brought in to 'help them over the tragedy'. It seems to me that the children in GEM's case are being told they SHOULD be weeping and wailing, and so are doing just that, while GEM's son, who can obviously think for himself, doesn't feel right doing it.
I don't mean to be harsh, or imply that weeping and wailing is wrong, just that getting 'counsellors', and expecting the whole school to grind to a halt for the rest of the term can only be detrimental, in my view.
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