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That's not my dad
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Message 1.Â
Posted by Norma (U2334558) on Tuesday, 18th May 2010
is what I said, that's him in the photo on the shelf and he sends me sixpence every week.
My dad came back from the war, conceived me and became very ill with TB. I took some persuading that my lovely dad was in fact my dad.
Some years later my mum got cancer and died and my dad had to care for me alone, we became a one parent family.
He married again, and I have a stepmum, a sister and her family.
My dad died in the early hours of Sunday morning.
Lovely man, he would have been 91 next month.
Nearly Wednesday and still the coroner hasn't issued the death certificate.
Tomorrow I am going with my stepmum and sister to choose a burial plot.
It is surreal. -
Message 2
Posted by Looby-Lewis (U11820972) on Tuesday, 18th May 2010
Norma,
My condolances, such a sad and difficult time for you.
My best wishes for you and stepmum and sister tomorrow.
LL -
Message 3
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U14258963) on Tuesday, 18th May 2010
I'm sorry to read this. I hope your friends and family will rally round you and that if you need extra support you will feel free to seek it on here.
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Message 4
Posted by Norma (U2334558) on Tuesday, 18th May 2010
Thank you, we (well I) am not so terribly sad. My dad lived a good and long life, which was pointless at the end. I will miss him terribly.
Why does it take so long to get the paperwork through to put him to rest?
I can't believe I am going along to choose a plot for him, much like buying a house.
As you may have gathered, I haven't done a funeral before. -
Message 5
Posted by Sunny Clouds (U14258963) on Tuesday, 18th May 2010
Our funeral directors seemed to sort the paperwork for us once we'd registered the death. They sorted out things with the hospital and the crematorium and the celebrant.
If you want a fast funeral, they're probably geared up towards it because some people have to have them for religious reasons. In our case, we were happy to wait a couple of weeks for the funeral so that we could tell everyone about it. -
Message 6
Posted by Norma (U2334558) on Tuesday, 18th May 2010
I know nothing of the man who died three days ago, only the one I lost nearly three years ago. My lovely wonderful dad.
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Message 7
Posted by Norma (U2334558) on Tuesday, 18th May 2010
Thank you Sunny, I know your wounds are near.
We cannot get my Dad's certification because the doctor who was present at his death (Sunday 5.30 am) has gone off for two days break without signing his certificate.
Until she does that, it cannot go to the coroner who cannot decide whether a post mortem is required.
She apparently comes back on duty tonight.
If the coroner does want a pm, how long will that be? My dad could scarely see though age related vision, he could barely walk, wash, dress .. and I don't think he knew me -
Message 8
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Wednesday, 19th May 2010
Wed, 19 May 2010 05:45 GMT, in reply to Norma in message 1
Condolences Norma.
Often people saythat until the funeral, and all the attendant registration and organisation, is out of the way, thay can't start to grieve properly. -
Message 9
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Wednesday, 19th May 2010
Wed, 19 May 2010 06:05 GMT, in reply to Norma in message 1
Oh Norma, how very very sad. Your father lived a good, good life. Not much solace for you now, though. -
Message 10
Posted by Fire-Pig - proud to wave the protest banner (U12231213) on Wednesday, 19th May 2010
Condolences Norma - hang on to your memories of that wonderful Dad, that was the real man not the one at the end.
F-P -
Message 11
Posted by catwomyn (U1485618) on Wednesday, 19th May 2010
So sorry to read of this Norma, it must be doubly difficult as you effectively lost him 3 years ago. He sounds like a lovely man.
Cat x -
Message 12
Posted by Jane (U1484860) on Wednesday, 19th May 2010
Condolences Norma
He sounds like a lovely person
It also sounds like the last 3 years have been hard - I hope that memories of happier times overlay those of the more recent past
All the best to you and your family
Jane -
Message 13
Posted by gigglemahanaz2 (U14257954) on Wednesday, 19th May 2010
Norma my condolances to you, I lost my Dad 16 years ago and still miss him greatly.
My OH aged uncle died on on the 30th April at my MIL's flat less than 48 hours after release from hospital and an emerancy doctor saw him a few hours before he passed away, luckly the pallative care consultant got the death cert sorted out for us within 24 hours.
AU was cremated last Thursday and will be much missed.
Ask the undertakers for help with choosing the plot and service etc, when you get the death cert ring the local registar office and make an appointment to see a registar, if you don't you'll have to wait a couple of hours at the offices.
You than need to contact the bank, social security, private pension companies, life insurances people, if he had any, and you need to send a covering letter with a copy of the death cert as proof.
You also need to get the utilites transfered in to your step mothers name if the aren't already, same for the phone as well, they need a copy of the death cert as well to that along with a copy of the will.
If there is no will it will have to go to probate which wil take a little bit of time but when you register the death you will be given all the relevant information you need along with contact phone numbers which will help you to get things sorted.
Copy death certs cost, I think, £2.70 each, you will be asked if you want copies and how many.
Once again love my condolances to you and your family at this sad time. -
Message 14
Posted by Emma - no relation (U2818673) on Wednesday, 19th May 2010
Condolences, Norma and also to Giggle.
As Giggle has said, assuming you are in the UK, you will need to produce the death certificate to lots of people over the next few weeks and months. It is well worth getting half a dozen copies or so when you go to see the registrar so you can notify a number of organisations simultaneously.
When I registered an aged relation's death two years ago I was also given a form on which I could notify junk mailers of the death, so they took her off their wretched lists. It seemed to be very effective and would spare your stepmother the pain of getting stuff addressed to your father for months or years.
ENR -
Message 15
Posted by Schez (U2212013) on Wednesday, 19th May 2010
I'm so sorry to hear this, Norma, and as you say, you will miss him though I suspect if truth be told you have been missing the person you "knew" for some time already.
I know funerals and all that follows are difficult times but I'm sure everyone involved will give you as much help as possible.
I have already sorted out my own woodland plot so the children won't have to worry about that or cough up any money when it's needed, some people seem to do that these days. Funeral directors are helpful in suggesting how to go about such things. -
Message 16
Posted by savannahlady (U2362903) on Wednesday, 19th May 2010
Wed, 19 May 2010 12:46 GMT, in reply to Norma
Very sorry to hear about your Dad Norma - he sounds like a lovely chap. He died at the same age as my mother did. They bred them tough in those days and many of them went through an awful lot. I am glad you have many happy memories of him as you clearly do.
Sympathies to you and your family,
Savvie
x -
Message 17
Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Wednesday, 19th May 2010
So sorry for your loss Norma, while you are waiting for all the paperwork to go through please remember to be kind to yourself.
I know from previous threads that if you need suggestions for readings, music and other ways to celebrate your dad's long life at his funeral then ML is the place to come. -
Message 18
Posted by Morganish (U9108847) on Thursday, 20th May 2010
Responding to OP:
Norma, your words took me straight back to my own father, dead for more than 20 years now. Sweet memories: such sadness. A huge loss for you. It will start to feel less surreal, but slowly. Warmest wishes to you. -
Message 19
Posted by Lemon Sabotage (U9577550) on Thursday, 20th May 2010
So very sorry to read this, Norma.
My thoughts are with you. -
Message 20
Posted by Norma (U2334558) on Thursday, 3rd June 2010
We finally managed to bury my Dad yesterday, well over two weeks since he died.
Some really lovely things were said about him in the church, I laughed through my tears a couple of times.
Thank you all for your kind messages.
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