This discussion has been closed.
Posted by mamanchauffeuse (U5201740) on Monday, 7th June 2010
can't really say, not without betraying a whole shedload of confidences or casting nasturtiums at those who are not here to defend themselves (but I think they are 'guilty', natch)
Feeling a bit glum.
maman [making play for Understatement of the Decade]
Oh, go on. We won't tell a soul.
Oh maman, I don't know what to say really, except that I am on your side. Telling someone not to feel glum is a bit like telling someone who is on the brink to 'pull yourself together'.
All this will pass. Eventually. Or it will all come out in the wash.
av xxx
No idea what you're on about, maman, but big hugs to you anyway.
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:24 GMT, in reply to Bearhug in message 4
Bear,
No idea what you're on about,Â
That was kinda the idea :¬)
It's not ML related, so no need to be looking for suspicious personages hereabouts.
maman
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:27 GMT, in reply to avrille in message 3
avrille,
it will all come out in the wash.Â
That's what I keep telling myself. I had a phone call from an innocent but not unconnected person today (IYSWIM) and I dread the 'fallout'. I get the distinct feeling they aren't going to leave me alone unless I give them an explanation, which I'd rather not do as it will make them think the worse of someone else.
TBH I wish they'd just drop it, as it's dragging up all sorts of stuff I'm trying to get past/over/whatever.
maman
maman, in these sort of circumstances I would act dim, (not difficult in my case) and feign no knowledge or rememberance.
OTOH If you start telling outright fibs you are bound to come unstuck.
av xx
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:40 GMT, in reply to avrille in message 7
avrille,
in these sort of circumstances I would act dim, (not difficult in my case) and feign no knowledge or rememberance.Â
um, that's not possible. They know enough to keep digging. Oh well.
Oh dear. In that case, best of luck.
Sometimes life is a b$gger isn't it.
Take care av xx
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:48 GMT, in reply to avrille in message 9
Sometimes life is a b$gger isn't it.Â
Yup.
best of luck.Â
Ta muchly. At the moment I'm aiming for a sort of resigned fatalism. Ho hum.
maman
Maman, my thoughts are with you.
Athene x
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 20:30 GMT, in reply to mamanchauffeuse in message 1
Oh dear maman - I do understand. I have spent a long time dragging around the problems of some others and trying to keep the peace and be supportive and not show that I am worried to death, etc., etc., contd P94, so I have an inkling of what you must be feeling IYSWIM. We probably don't have anything like the same kinds of problems but I just wanted you to know that I sort of understand why you are feeling glum even if our reasons for doing so aren't the same. And neither of us can talk about it either so that makes it all worse.
My attitude to it all, which is what I try to hang onto, is a variation on the 'life is too short' theme. And the 'I can only do so much' theme. And the 'it is what it is' theme. Or a combination thereof. It doesn't /always/ help the 3.00am angst I mustard mitt but it helps the rest of the time.
All the best my dear,
Savvie
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 20:50 GMT, in reply to savannahlady in message 12
And neither of us can talk about it either so that makes it all worse.Â
Exunctly.
Desperate need to off-load and simply can't. Want to yell, do you realise what has happened/been done and make certain folks understand so they back off, and that's not possible without immense fallout.
Crap.
maman
I haven't the faintest what all this is about, so all I can offer is hugs. I hope they're acceptable to you. If not, feel free to give them to someone else or throw them away.
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 21:12 GMT, in reply to Sunny Clouds in message 14
Hugs are very welcome, Sunny, ta ever so.
This thread is about needing a there, there, it'll be all right in the end type comfort but without being able to say why or what for, for reasons of confidentiality. Bit of a self-indulgent splurge really.
maman
Dear maman, is there anyone who you could confide in, even in a round about sort of way? Someone whose wisdom you have respected in the past? It seems mighty unfair that you have this burden to shoulder on your own.
You never know, it could turn out OK, the other party may lose interest and masterly inactivity could play a part.
Sleep tight. av xxxx
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 21:22 GMT, in reply to mamanchauffeuse in message 15
There there, it will be all right in the end.
It *will* be, you know.
And you may not want to hear this, but in my experience immense fallout is not always a bad thing.
Hugs, manly handshakes and pats on the back.
Also lavender essential oil.
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 21:25 GMT, in reply to avrille in message 16
avrille,
naturally I can confide in Monsieur, but as he wasn't home at the time and his work calls are recorded that was a tad difficult. He walked in about 10 minutes ago but is eating, so I'll talk to him in a bit.
maman
Sorry to hear you are having a struggle with things, maman - have a there, there and a selection of slogans which may or may not be helpful.
This too shall pass.
Easy does it.
One day at a time.
The things other people do or say can only destroy my peace of mind if I let them.
This too shall pass (oh, did I say that one already).
Fee
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 21:30 GMT, in reply to Drystane Dyke in message 17
Drystane,
immense fallout is not always a bad thing.Â
You may be right, it's just that I don't really want to be the one who dishes the dirt. No doubt it will come out at some point, these things usually do, I'd just rather not by my doing.
maman (looking out the lavender oil)
<immense fallout is not always a bad thing..
Seconded.
Your Sweeters, the cause of immense amounts of fall out and air clearing fairy.
Hugs btw and continental style kisses.
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 22:02 GMT, in reply to sweeters in message 21
Thanks sweeters, are your air clearing fairy duties for hire?
I'll do my best to stiffen my backbone in preparation and will wait to see how it all falls out.
maman
, in reply to message 21.
Posted by Sister Primrose of the Red Tinsel Flag (U5405579) on Monday, 7th June 2010
There's nothing worse than being a bystander as a disaster movie unfolds, you have my heartfelt sympathy.
It will get better. I promise, (and I'm looking forward (not) to supporting OH through a real horror this Autumn, but I still believe things will improve)
Two things to remember -
Live by
"But most of all to thine own self be true"
It's absolutely fine to say
"Could we talk about something else please?"
PP
, in reply to message 12.
Posted by Rwth of the Cornovii (U2570790) on Monday, 7th June 2010
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 22:05 GMT, in reply to savannahlady in message 12
so I have an inkling of what you must be feeling IYSWIM.Â
A bit glum myself but what does IYSWIM mean? Mine isn't a mystery. After a fortnight of walking everywhere because the MOT appointments were extended into the distance, O/H has lost the logbook for HIS car and we have to walk for another week until another turns up in the post. I'm trying not to yell at him, but when he decided to go down and watch Have I got News for You, I just felt a bit miserable. I've sworn off TV because it is banal, inane and boring, and the World cup hasn't started yet. I'd scream, but it would only irritate me.
I'll go off and write to my MP. She should be grateful that I helped her get in.
IYSWIM = If you see what I mean
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 22:10 GMT, in reply to Rwth of Cornovii in message 24
IYSWIM = If you see what I mean. Sometimes peeps use 'know' instead of 'see'. There may be some other long ones in use, but I can't remember right now and I'm off to talk to monsieur now he's wound down from work.
maman
, in reply to message 26.
Posted by Rwth of the Cornovii (U2570790) on Monday, 7th June 2010
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 22:48 GMT, in reply to mamanchauffeuse in message 26
Thanks for that. I didn't really mean to hijack your thread, and it is so difficult to be in the position of being miserable and not really able to tell anyone. I do understand that, and you have my sympathy for what it's worth.
May I just suggest two phrases that I find really useful?
"I can't talk about this. Please don't ask me more."
and
"I really need to talk this through, Can you listen please? And I am not asking you to solve it."
The trick is to say these to the right people.
I wish you well.
x
Only just seen this thread
This thread is about needing a there, there, it'll be all right in the end type comfort but without being able to say why or what for, for reasons of confidentiality. Â
Here's a cuppa tea and some choccie biccies help to go with the there, there.
, in reply to message 29.
Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Tuesday, 8th June 2010
There, there, maman. Big hugs [[[ ]]]. Hope you have managed to share some of it with monsieur by now, and that the awfulness is dissipating somewhat.
x Lili
, in reply to message 12.
Posted by notjenniferaldrich (U8555450) on Tuesday, 8th June 2010
I usually duck beneath the parapet, lose the power of speech and wait till it either explodes or passes, so that I don't need to get involved.
Tue, 08 Jun 2010 17:43 GMT, in reply to mamanchauffeuse in message 1
Just seen this:
1. Mega hugs.
2. There, there.
3. More mega hugs.
4. Tea?
5. Biccie? French fancy?
6. Some more mega hugs.
7. This too shall pass.
Bisous. (=kisses, mods)
, in reply to message 32.
Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Tuesday, 8th June 2010
There seem to be a lot of ducks in this thread, so I will add my own Khaki-Campbell duck to the mix. She's not terribly good at hugs, though.
I'll do my best to stiffen my backboneÂ
Don't you DARE do anything untoward to your backbone, ML has a lot of emotional baggage connected to your backbone's wellbeing, not to mention the hours we all invested partying in that visitor's room. You let it do what it needs to do, we don't need any more problems in that department thank you very much.
Keep sniffing the lavender and reminding yourself that ML doesn't need to know but will always be a sounding board for any cryptic ideas you want to try out for size.
Tue, 08 Jun 2010 21:15 GMT, in reply to E Yore in message 32
Maman, wot E Yore said.
C-B x
Tue, 08 Jun 2010 21:26 GMT, in reply to carrick-bend in message 35
Many thanks to all of you - I'm feeling very hugged and there there'd, now. :¬)
Having spoken to Monsieur we have A Plan - made a huge amount easier as having agreed to meet the Innocent but Connected and thought I was going to have to deal with it on my own, I now know he'll be around that day as he's on leave.
So, feeling not quite so grim about it from that point of view, but the rest is still going to be tricky.
maman
Glad you're feeling better maman - I hope whatever it is turns out to be less tricky than you fear (things are often worse in the anticipation than the actuality I find).
Fee
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