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Otherwise - my delusional friend

• Message 1. 

  Posted by Sunny Clouds (U14258963) on Tuesday, 8th June 2010

  This is about my delusional friend "L".
  
  About fifteen years ago, I started advising a client. She was, as were most of my clients, a solicitor, going through some very rough times. We came to know each other well.
  
  About ten years ago, I left that job and I contacted just one client to find out how she was doing. Her response when I asked was "[expletive] me, how are you? You were there for me, I'll be there for you."
  
  L and I had something in common besides our legal careers, we were both bipolar. L was a real character and used to get horribly manic and horribly delusional. We'd float in and out of each other's lives, phoning in a crisis, spending ages on the phone in furious near-argument, and then, crisis past, disappearing again until the next time one of us had a crisis.
  
  On one wonderful occasion, she called me at Easter to ask which version of the Easter story was best. I explained as best I could the differences in tone between the different versions, and she thanked me and told me that she was going to absorb it through her belly because she was pregnant with twin messiahs.
  
  Just before Christmas, after a long gap, she phoned. She told me that her landline had been cut off and gave me a mobile number, asking me to call her back. During an hour-long call, she told me that she had an inoperable brain tumour and her life expectancy was in the region of six months, give or take.
  
  She asked me to visit and I said that as soon as Christmas was over and the coaches were quieter, I'd come.
  
  I didn't hear from her, so after a few days I called on her mobile. I got a very funny response from someone. I didn't know whether I'd got the number wrong or the phone had been stolen.
  
  She hasn't called since. She's probably dead. Knowing what my mother went through with her brain tumours, I can't help but wonder what my friend has gone through.
  
  I've probably lost a very dear old friend, but there's not a lot I can do. Although we knew each other for so many years and she kept making wild promises about how much money she would leave me (which I'm sure were delusional) I don't suppose an executor would get in touch because she's the sort of person not to have been organised enough to leave details of friends to tell of her death.
  
  However - there's always the possibility that she was simply delusional. There's always the faint possibility that she will phone me, recently discharged from a psychiatric unit and having entirely forgotten what she'd told me.
  
  It's like when my partner disappeared. You can't grieve properly because you don't know for certain whether they're dead.
  
  I have a date to remember him because the last I saw of him was as he left for war, so there's Remembrance Sunday, but what about her? Maybe the feast day of St Dymphna?
  
  

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Dirigibles was here (U7278225) on Wednesday, 9th June 2010

  I've probably lost a very dear old friend, but there's not a lot I can do. 
  
  Sunny, if you know her full name and the area she was living in, it would certainly be possible to find out whether she has died.

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• Message 3

  , in reply to message 2.

  Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Wednesday, 9th June 2010

  Wed, 09 Jun 2010 07:29 GMT, in reply to Dirigibles in message 2
  
  She asked me to visit and I said that as soon as Christmas was over and the coaches were quieter, I'd come.  
  Do you know most of her address as well?
  I'd try the local Salvation Army first,I think, and/or the local council or hospitals - they might be able to give me some ideas.

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• Message 4

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Wednesday, 9th June 2010

  Sunny, the Salvation Army are very good.
  or
  

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• Message 5

  , in reply to message 4.

  Posted by Morganish (U9108847) on Wednesday, 9th June 2010

  Sunny, that's a sad story that has reminded me of a bipolar friend I knew in London 20 or so years ago. I and her other friends saw her through innumerable high and low cycles and when she was well she appreciated us - and when she was unwell she sometimes hated us. After one episode, when she seemed to be back to a kind of equilibrium, she announced that she was going to Yorkshire to visit family for a fortnight. We never saw her again. Her flat was taken back by her housing association eventually. We didn't have a number for her family and there were no mobile phones to call her on. Your story has touched the sadness I feel about her disappearance. I don't know what you do. Sometimes life is just sad and mysterious.

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• Message 6

  , in reply to message 5.

  Posted by Babs (U12089863) on Wednesday, 9th June 2010

  If it's any comfort....my brother did this. Wouldn't say he was bipolar particularly, but he was certainly a Walter Mitty kind of person. He just disappeared. The Housing Association boarded the house up, which is how we knew he'd gone. Got no response from his mobile, or his girlfriend's mobile...never knew whether to track him down or not.
  
  That was ten years ago. Just before Christmas he rang me completely out of the blue. To call me gobsmacked was an understatement!
  
  Some people are just Like That. Sadly.

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• Message 7

  , in reply to message 6.

  Posted by Sunny Clouds (U14258963) on Wednesday, 9th June 2010

  Thank you for all the responses.
  
  I'd forgotten you could search for a death. I shall do that.
  
  Meanwhile, I shall check out the Salvation Army website.

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