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Self Esteem Workshop

• Message 1. 

  Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Friday, 9th July 2010

  I was hoping to get some insight, to what happens in these meetings.
  
  Im nervous about getting there and spottin people I know. For a start one of the receptionists is the mother of one of my kids friends. A mental health nurse I know personally, I knew her years ago and by name, she is a regular at a pub we sometimes pop into.
  
  I am wondering how the first week will go. I am sure I will cry and start talking about myself too much. I need I suppose techniques to overcome this first meeting. Im feeling choked up typing this. I sometimes go OTT without quite realising it. To regret later.
  
  Lots of thanks and kind regards in advance.

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by petal jam (U1466691) on Friday, 9th July 2010

  Fri, 09 Jul 2010 10:40 GMT, in reply to groovybasketcased
  
  Morning groovy - is there a title for your workshop? Is it a set-term course or a support group?
  
  Years and years ago Assertiveness Training for Women was all the rage for both individuals and employers. The book everyone was reading was Anne Dickson's "A Woman in Your Own Right- just checked and Amazon offer it for £4.21.
  
  If I remember I lasted about three sessions on a course [though that shouldn't put you off because the problems were particular to that course.] I suspect that things have moved on now that CBT is the day's universal tool. However the Anne Dickson book is excellent and worth a good look, though like much 'you must read this' stuff you may not find it chimes with you until later.
  
  ps IME nobody cried, it wasn't structured for personal confessions, but we had some interesting discussions before the facilitator arrived and it sent you away quietly reflective.

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• Message 3

  , in reply to message 2.

  Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Friday, 9th July 2010

  I was late to meet someone, so didnt check what I had written. In the past hour I showered nipped to the shop and whilst walking up, realised I hadnt taken that short walk on my own for almost 6 months.
  
  Morning petal jam thanks ever so for your input and thoughts. It is as it says on the tin (Self Esteem Worskhop) and as you say, I would really know it as an Asseriveness related course.
  
  It is run by NHS, referred to by my counsellor from earlier in the year and run by the NHS/ local authorty. 7 x 2 hour sessions. Other than details on times and dates, availability/ cost of refreshments. It gives no indication on how the sessions will run.
  
  The interesting discussions beforehand, during break and in session, worry me. Im sure everything will be fine, I dont get out much, but I can easily keep myself busy. I am sure I will leave myself open for critisism in a big way. I do the quiet reflective, I need a bit of a boost I suppose. I offered to help and have done two goo deeds today (in that hour) which always makes you feel a bi better.
  
  Lovely day

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• Message 4

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by petal jam (U1466691) on Friday, 9th July 2010

  Fri, 09 Jul 2010 12:38 GMT, in reply to groovybasketcased in message 3
  
  
  
  Oh gosh, groovy, I shouldn't think so. I doubt very much that you are going with the intention of criticising others in the room and it would be reasonable to expect that no-one else has that intention either. If anyone simply cannot listen without criticising, that is their problem and the group leader's problem, and not yours. We spent some of the first session practising saying 'no' straightforwardly to a partner, relaxing your body as you say it, neither feeling guilty nor cutting off the person you are saying 'no' to. And then we swapped and practised *hearing* 'no' without hanging emotional stuff onto the word. Afterwards I wondered whether we shouldn't have been practising 'yes' as well, but 'no' is a good place to start.
  
  I'll bet you that everyone there will be apprehensive at the very least, whether they show it or not. Whoever you meet, it will be an interesting experience.

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• Message 5

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by justpottering (U10058555) on Friday, 9th July 2010

  One of the most important things to remember is that everyone there will have self esteem issues, and all are nervous and all will be wondering what it will be like.
  
  Just as you are now, and this is VERY normal!
  
  The very topic - self esteem - is why you are attending and the thoughts you describe are because you have low self esteem.
  
  There will be some set things happening, there will be some exploration. You need only do what you feel comfortable with, the facilitators will not want to make you feel worse for anything.
  
  The breaks and the sessions, do what you feel is right for you. Listening may be the thing rather than sharing/talking - or you will most probably hear someone else say something and think - that's exactly how I feel too.
  
  Go with an open mind, and know that all the anxiety you may be feeling is absolutely normal.
  
  Oh and good luck with it all, I do so wish you well and that you will come back and say - cor.. I have learnt so much about how to manage this better
  
  jp

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• Message 6

  , in reply to message 5.

  Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Friday, 9th July 2010

  You have both highlighted and opened my mind. First I though god Im selfish, then a victim, the other attendies will no doubt feel the same.
  
  Funny conversation with the eldes baby (teen), I mentioned I have hardly anyone to chill and chat to, woe is me and such. She has so many fab friends, I am so glad for her. I said I used to have loads of friends. She said but mum everyone she knows likes me and that we are so alike, its just a place I found myself in because of circumstances.
  
  Appreciated the advice and insight into this. Has made me feel much less apprehensive.
  
  I will be happy to report back. Thank you so much.

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• Message 7

  , in reply to message 6.

  Posted by Kris massblues (U14058894) on Friday, 9th July 2010

  Hi Groovy,
  
  I've run many a self esteem workshop (series usually) and just wanted to say that the advice you have been given is spot on.
  
  It's not by accident that those who are preparing to go to the classes are doubly anxious at the prospect. Strange though it may seem hon it is actually your mind responding to the fact that you are ready to undergo the challenge. Were you not, you would be blase and looking forward to showing how well you can cope with the pressure (oh it would be false confidence actually masking low self-esteem...which would in reality self perpetuate the low self esteem).
  
  Try to breath and relax as much as you can. tears do sometimes flow, often indeed. But from my experience the response from others is one of pure empathy, and is a huge part of the empowerment process.
  
  Enjoy, and please let us know how it went won't you?
  
  kris
  
  

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• Message 8

  , in reply to message 7.

  Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Sunday, 11th July 2010

  
  The wonders of this MB. You all helped put my mind at rest, not narred by the worry of the 'SEW'. I could enjoy a busy weekend, meeting various family and new acquaintence', without an overwhelming feeling of dread.
  
  
  cheers \___________/

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• Message 9

  , in reply to message 8.

  Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Thursday, 15th July 2010

  
  
  Reporting on meeting, althought one of the first rules was 'what is said in this meeting stays'.
  
  Went okay, I walked in everyone else already seated. A shy person who had been just outside came in as meeting started, then a late arrival. There were exact number of required chairs, evne though there were some no-shows.
  
  Given booklet, used as guide. Introduced ourselves, a little back ground, eg, age married kids hobbies etc. Realised we all have things in common with others etc.
  
  Ö÷²¥´óÐãwork was to get a notebook and write down something positive every day. I bought Diary, the first thing I did, other than call OH. I havent actually written in it, but can. I had a few tears near end, whilst talking about this LOL

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• Message 10

  , in reply to message 9.

  Posted by Kris massblues (U14058894) on Thursday, 15th July 2010

  Hi Groovy,
  
  well done for:
  
  a) turning up tp class even though you had been nervous
  b)be already preparing for the next one, vis-a-vis diary purchase.
  
  The notebook/diary exercise is a good one, an interesting one. We all have unrecognised skills; skills we take for granted as being 'ordinary' and which are not.
  
  To give you a quick example.
  
  Someone visited me today and we talked about my fear of being unable to resume my career at the same level of competence (long time away). My friend pointed out that i am well qualified etc and have had a diverse and interesting working life. she said she envied me a little and re-iterated her view that i would have no problem readjusting because i was this that and the other (insert compliments here).
  
  Well, this person had prepared and brought me some delicious home-made thick soup and other treats, and she had driven some distance to get to me.
  
  Me? I am possibly the world's least adventuresome cook, and have failed to learn to drive on numerous occassions. I would LOVE to do both these, and am somewhat in awe of those who cook with ease and can drive. "It's easy" they say. Nope, tried it and it isn't.
  
  So you see, we can all do something another cannot, and often we pass these 'gifts' off as ordinary and un-spectacular. But to those who cannot do 'it' your achievemnt is indeed a positive and esteemed one.
  
  Go writet something positive about yoursef!
  
  enjoy
  
  kris x

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• Message 11

  , in reply to message 10.

  Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Thursday, 15th July 2010

  
  Kris
  
  Is there any way you could learn to drive on the sly? One day you could return te favout to your friend who drove that distance and surprise them. A driving force, kick up the boot Its not easy learning something new is it. I thought Id never learn to drive, it was during recession, I was young and needed a job, wanting to get to intrviews or visit friends. I lived out in the sticks.
  
  When I finally gave up smoking, I did it with minimum fuss, previous attempts had brought some stupid comments from both in and outlaws. Just OH, kids and smoking cessation counsellor knew. This meant if I failed it wouldnt matter.
  
  I envy you your career too, when you are poorly you dont cope with your own normal stuff (or work), but once you get over the initial shock of work, it will fall into place, Ive no doubt. (hope I have insterted enuf compliments)
  
  Groovy
  Remember cooking is easy and fun ;P

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