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Message 1.Â
Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Wednesday, 4th August 2010
Over at The Bull, I requested a bump of a previous thread that I recall being started last year (or bumped from previous year).
Anyone have a link they could put up on here or bump for me, I would really appreciate it. So whenever a query niggles I can peruse.
Any tips would be useful too
Thank you in advance
GroovyLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 2
Posted by Anne-Marie (U1474870) on Wednesday, 4th August 2010
Here's the link to last year's thread.
There have probably been threads on previous years - I know I took part in one 3 years before!
Good luck with it all to both you and your offspring! It's very exciting (and expensive)!
AMxLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 3
Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Wednesday, 4th August 2010
Ooh thanks Anne Marie
Yup its the expense that is the main worry. Its that that is making me speak to the younger two (about to enter years 10 & 11) about either working or considering other options, whilst continuing higher education.
Cheers GroovyXLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 4
Posted by Anne-Marie (U1474870) on Wednesday, 4th August 2010
If they can get Saturday jobs in the 6th form and holiday jobs in vacations, and save some of it, that will help. I'm not sure about working during term time - depends on the course they are doing. Many universities advise no more tha 15 hours per week in paid employment.
Have you got one going off in Sep/Oct?Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 5
Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Wednesday, 4th August 2010
Daughter is working now, well paid office job. Her dad said he is taking 10% for keep, which we are paying the other two as pocket money/ for doing her share of the chores. 40% for Uni Fund. Daughter is 19 (and poorly), she has to travel (public transport) and is out of the house for almost twelve housr. Her other casual jpb has responsibility, but may only be one shift a fortnight, she has a few before Uni starts. I am hoping that the monies from that and money saved form working last year will be enough tokeep her going a while. Plus ther had been the promise of a cheque (unkwon amount from my parents). I am not working, but OH has over time, ther is never a guaranteed amount coming in the house. We would like to pay for accom. we'll have to see :/
Whilst at Uni we would not want her to work too many hours. I would like her to ideally start applying off her own back now. But dont want to get too involves IYKWIM
GroovyLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 6
Posted by ThisLizzie (U5294918) on Wednesday, 4th August 2010
Hello Anne-Marie,
Going through this for (hopefully) the last time and am not really looking forward to it. I found the last child entering school as hard as the first so I'm ready to feel torn to shreds next month.
Where is your DS/DD off to?
Elder Lizzies worked in yrs 12 & 13 even though the school was set against it. They also went on to work and study - a case of needs must. I would say that it has made them much more disciplined than their contemporaries who had money/cars etc given them at what seemed like a drop of a hat. Also, and I know I'm biased, but I think they're nicer people because of it.
LizLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 7
Posted by ThisLizzie (U5294918) on Wednesday, 4th August 2010
Apologies,
That post was supposed to be for groovybasketcased and not Anne-Marie. Although it is lovely to talk to both of you. I guess the last one going of has addled my brain!!
LizLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 8
Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Wednesday, 4th August 2010
Had Error got chucked off, will reply to Lizzie when I get back (apologies)
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Message 9
Posted by Anne-Marie (U1474870) on Wednesday, 4th August 2010
No worries Liz! My brain definitely has its 'moments' these days too!
Anyway, my eldest will finish his MA in Sep, and youngest goes into the 2nd year in Sep. This past year has Bern a killer financially as no student loan etc for masters and son was refused a career development loan. So funding him has been like paying a salary. However he's gotctemporary work now, in a related field, so fingers crossed he is off our books - for the moment!Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 10
Posted by ThisLizzie (U5294918) on Wednesday, 4th August 2010
AM,
Well done your boy, and well done you!
Eldest working for 2 yrs now, turned down for the MA for this year. Next just finished, wondering what's next. Youngest off in a few weeks.
Sure I only brought them home has newborns last week!!
LizLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 11
Posted by Daisy Nook (U14257963) on Monday, 9th August 2010
Joining in on this relevant thread.
I always thought I would be OK when the time came for DS to go to university on the basis that I have gone through a far far worse experience. However as the time is now coming I am dreading it so much (I'm welling up as I type). He thinks that we can't wait for him to go as I have started a food box of basics and goodies but we will miss him being around so much.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 12
Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Monday, 9th August 2010
Oh, poor you, Daisy Nook. The best advice I can give you is to plan something that will keep you busy for those first few weeks when he is away. Once you get over the initial shock of being 'childless', you do settle into a new routine.
In fact it's now an upheaval when they all come back in the holidays!Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 13
Posted by Fiona (U8451206) on Monday, 9th August 2010
I can relate to how you are feeling, Daisy. My DS is due to start High School later this month and this will involve him being away from home 4 nights a week. Due to our Council failing to provide an appropriate education we had to take Legal Action to have him placed at a Specialist School 60 miles away from home. DS is very happy and excited about the new school but I am really struggling with it all.
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Message 14
Posted by Hazel Wooley (U2338026) on Monday, 9th August 2010
I have a boy of this age too. Fortunately (for me and our pockets) he has chosen to do the first two years of his degree at a junior college and will still be at home. Phew, a couple of years' grace. My friends, whose children are leaving in a week or so's time are all very envious of me still having an offspring at home.
And for all of you over there who think uni is expensive, spare a thought for us over here. One friend of mine, whose boy is very bright and has a place at Brown (Ivy League) compares it to buying a new Lexus every year and driving it off a cliff, it's so expensive ($56K for tuition and board), no financial aid to speak of and that doesn't include books and spending money.
I've just bought the boy's text books and they were more expensive than the college fees. It's all a bloomin racket if you ask me.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 15
Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Monday, 9th August 2010
$56K??????? Staggering, Hazel! Is this the US version of the 'One Child Only' policy?
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Message 16
Posted by Daisy Nook (U14257963) on Monday, 9th August 2010
Wow Hazel, I did think it was financially bad over here. I feel better now!
Wasn't your son considering coming over here at one point? Glad to hear that he is staying with you for a little longer.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 17
Posted by Hazel Wooley (U2338026) on Monday, 9th August 2010
Daisy
He is still thinking about coming to the UK, but, very sensibly, he wants to keep his options open. He can do his GE requirements here and still be eligible to complete his major at a US uni or be eligible and well prepared for a UK uni. Even paying overseas student fees, UK universities are a bargain compared to here. Besides which, I'll be happier with him being 6000 miles away when he's 20 than I would be at aged 18 (but don't tell him that).
Even at the other end of the university spectrum from Ivy League, another friend's boy is going to our local state university and I believe the fees are around the $20K mark. Not cheap this uni lark.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 18
Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Monday, 9th August 2010
Ooh-er DD went on-line to look at finishing finer details for halls, a pop up informed her that some applications have accisentally been accepted to Middlesex
I am going to miss the Banter ... and "Hello Mums". She has spent the whole evening with me, watching telly and on laptops.
:/Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 19
Posted by ThisLizzie (U5294918) on Tuesday, 10th August 2010
groovy,
Is Middlesex far away from you?
LizLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 20
Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Tuesday, 10th August 2010
Oh gawd. No she isnt going there, it is a long way from us. Not sure whether good or bad but DD will be at Uni about an hour and a half away.
Another thing ... who is going to rescue and release spiders, when OH is workingLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 21
Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Tuesday, 10th August 2010
Oh no! the 'oh gawd' is at myself, cos my earlier thread, i now realise, looked as if dd was due to go there. not aimed at lissie
waiting ..............
shoo fleeLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 22
Posted by ThisLizzie (U5294918) on Wednesday, 11th August 2010
Don't worry about the spiders - you'll soon be out and about regaining your freedom and having your own fun to even think about them!
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Message 23
Posted by Hazel Wooley (U2338026) on Saturday, 21st August 2010
Lots of my friends are quite fragile this week. It's the first day of college for most kids next week, so most have flown the nest already and are very excited to be gone, whilst their parents are smiling bravely. I feel quite lucky that mine has delayed his departure.
I noticed this from one of son's friends on FB yesterday after his first day at uni - "If today is the first day of the rest of my life, it's going to be good". Such optimism! Nice though.
Off out to lunch today with a couple of 'bereaved' mums.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 24
Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Saturday, 21st August 2010
DD is working right upto the start of Threshers week. She is considering commuting to work for a few days, for the extra pennies, or should that be beer money Would cost her about a tenner per day.
None of her school pals are going to Uni, one was but got a job with study. She came away from school with the worst gcse results and household income, no hand-outs.
Pleased for her, she has plans, even if she has changed direction a tiny bit. Whatever makes her happy.
Waiting for the missing the first to fly, got a month yet though :/Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 25
Posted by Anne-Marie (U1474870) on Saturday, 21st August 2010
Re flying the nest - as students they do tend to come home regularly and for fairly lengthy vacations (from Eng univs anyway - the Scottish ones are a bit different). So it doesn't really feel like they've left home properly.
But wait till the eldest doesn't actually return home from his MA, remaining working in what (fingers crossed) will be a permanent job and even moves house without your help! Then you know they have grown up and left!
Now, how long would be a decent enough time to reclaim his room?Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 26
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Saturday, 21st August 2010
The chances are, though, that before you get to that stage you will have them "boomeranging" back on graduation - dumping all their stuff and then moving in and out of residence for a while to come.
FeeLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 27
Posted by Orsen Trapp Not An Ingredient (U2273997) on Saturday, 21st August 2010
They don't all come back during term time. Mine has too much else going on at weekends anyway - even if it wasn't for the fact that the travel takes so long she'd have to return as soon as she arrived. After a year, they return as independent beings who can cook and do their own washing, make their own travel arrangements and organise their own holidays. Freedom for parents!
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Message 28
Posted by Anne-Marie (U1474870) on Saturday, 21st August 2010
Indeed, my youngest can't come back during term time, as he is too far away. What I really meant, and obviously expressed badly, was that as students they are usually never more than 10-12 weeks away from a 3-4 week vacation.
Re the MA bod: I suppose I had automatically expected him to be home this summer, but starting work (which is such good news) has meant he has not been back for more than a couple of days. It's all about reality vs expectation I suppose.
I can cope quite well without them around - certainly makes holidays and eating out a lot cheaper. Equally, I love and relish our family reunited times, and part of me is tinged with sadness that they are likely, from now on, to be fewer and of shorted duration.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 29
Posted by Hazel Wooley (U2338026) on Sunday, 22nd August 2010
I thought I'd post this article, for those of you who may not have seen it. Redbook would be proud of me. It's by David Mitchell. It made me laugh.
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Message 30
Posted by Anne-Marie (U1474870) on Sunday, 22nd August 2010
Hazel, that's very kind of you but I feel duty bound to point out that Redbookish doesn't have a monopoly on David Mitchell. He's actually mine, never mind what Red or Christina Rissetti say.
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Message 31
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Sunday, 22nd August 2010
Sun, 22 Aug 2010 16:57 GMT, in reply to Anne-Marie in message 30
I can hear you ...Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 32
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Sunday, 22nd August 2010
Sun, 22 Aug 2010 17:03 GMT, in reply to Redbookish Fairy Beelzebubbels in message 31
And thank you, Hazel, for that link. David Mitchell speaks/writes a lot of sense, (as well as being utterly gorgeously dark-haired & dark-eyed).Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 33
Posted by Anne-Marie (U1474870) on Sunday, 22nd August 2010
What's that annoying noise?
Yep, good article enjoyed over my brekky.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 34
Posted by justpottering (U10058555) on Wednesday, 25th August 2010
My daughter started university 3 years ago, just graduated with a 2:1 in History and is moving home this weekend to share a flat with her partner while she studies for her Masters.
It seems like yesterday that I was sending her off to school for the first time, and sitting at home, close to the phone in case the school rang because my baby girl was distressed at being left in such a place without her mummy.
The phone did not ring and she had a lovely time!
When she was 13 she got a Saturday job in the local Pet Shop, when that closed, she went straight into a job at the local independent bookshop, she was well known there as a customer and they were delighted to have her until she left for University. At University she got a job in her first term working for the University at their IT helpdesk and stayed there for the three years.
Her current Masters degree is being paid for by an employer, with whom she is golden handcuffed for 2 years after her Masters. She is salaried while she studies full time.
All this is not because I am boasting of her achievements, she has worked hard to get where she is but to say that working before University gave her a CV a track record, which I think helped, and it also helped when she was interviewed for the latest position that led to her masters.
But most of all, in the 3 years she has been there (and had fun I hasten to add as well as working hard) she has grown into the most beautiful young woman ready to continue her own journey into the world. She is confident and thoughtful and lovely (not that I am biased in my opinion you understand)
I agree with David Mitchell in that article, it prepares them better for life, needing to take responsibility for themselves, and making their own mistakes, and helps them to grow up.
My daughter knew and knows that me and her dad are here for her, whenever she needs us, and that is all she needs from us at the moment. When she left I thought I would be bereft, she had been my focus for 18 years, but to be fair to her, she didn't up and leave one morning, she had gradually been growing more independent and it was time.
I love my girl more than anything and perhaps if she had been unhappy I would feel differently, but I think the job of a parent is to help them get to a place where they are able to leave us and start their own journey and yes make their own mistakes and learn the lessons, as much as we wish they did not have to sometimes.
So to those parents who are currently worried or afraid for their children as they leave, let them go and be glad for them, and take pride in the fact that you have got them to a place where they are confident enough to do so. Be perpared tp give them help if they ask for it, and most of all be prepared for them to grow up and away.
Sorry for the long post.
jpLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 35
Posted by Orsen Trapp Not An Ingredient (U2273997) on Wednesday, 25th August 2010
Quite right, pottering. Our job as parents is to help our children grow up into confident, well-educated (and I don't mean leave everything to the school; education is so much more that what is taught there!) adults. I have observed that some of the more 'clingy' teens are those with 'clingy' parents!
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Message 36
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Wednesday, 25th August 2010
Wed, 25 Aug 2010 22:19 GMT, in reply to justpottering in message 34
Justpottering, as an academic who has to help undergrads adjust to life as grown ups, thank you thank you thank you for your post & your attitude. It's starting to feel as though us academics are now going to join teachers in being responsible for all the things parents think we ought to teach their children (that they themselves have apparently failed to do) like [cross threading] initiative, confidence, responsibility, how to write letters, how to apply for jobs. THank goodness there are still some parents with common sense! YOur daughter sounds fantastic.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 37
Posted by Anne-Marie (U1474870) on Wednesday, 25th August 2010
Interesting comment Red. I wonder how this manifests itself?
Interestingly, both universities my sons attend(ed) scheduled family welcome talks during the weekends when the dredgers arrived. Such events didn't happen in my day (1981) and so I concluded that universities wanted to involve the wider family. Plus my 2nd university experience (2001-5) showed me a much better developed and supportive personal tutoring system, where appropriate advice and guidance could be sought and received.
Having said that, the extent to which you feel your role is altering shocks me, and I wonder how this pressure is brought to bear.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 38
Posted by Anne-Marie (U1474870) on Wednesday, 25th August 2010
By dredgers, I meant freshers - predictive text and poor (zero) proof reading.
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Message 39
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
Anne-Marie - I think some of the pressure results from the fact that one of the measures by which universities are measured is the extent to which their graduates get employed - there is considerable pressure, therefore, to develop skills and attributes which are likely to make that happen. Part of it also arises from thinking in the last ten years or so about what "graduateness" means - and it is not now just a question of being an expert in a better discipline but of the "transferable" thinking skills and other attributes such as problem-solving and so on.
There is a whole debate about whether HE is to do with transmission of knowledge or transformation of people - I think it is both but I wouldn't always agree with the balance between the two given by my colleagues.
FeeLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 40
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
Thu, 26 Aug 2010 07:19 GMT, in reply to Anne-Marie in message 37
Having said that, the extent to which you feel your role is altering shocks me, and I wonder how this pressure is brought to bear.Â
Government policy, helicopter parents, students with a feeling of entitlement ["Oh I worked so hard, I deserve a First." Well, no, you don't /deserve/ anything ... is an unacceptable answer nowadays ...].
I have had students e-mail me with questions about their work on *Christmas* *Day* -- to add insult to injury, generally the answers to such intrusive & thoughtless questioning are in the very comprehensive student handbook we give them on their first day in the Department.
I have had parents complain to me about the accommodation their darlings are in; I have had parents ring m to ask why their son/daughter isn't attending classes -- I have to bite my tongue about the quality of their parenting in answer to /that/ question ... and so on.
I have had parents ring me to discuss the way an essay of their child's has been marked. I once had a parent who contacted me (as Head of Department) to try to complain about the way another colleague had marked an essay of her child's. I take great relief (and some delight) in citing Data Potection legislation & university policy -- I cannot speak to one adult about another adult's confidential records, even if the adult enquiring is the parent of the subject of our conversation.
These are a minority, but I sense that the tendency is growing. A lot of students & their parents think that university is more of school with legal alcohol.
And the tendency of the discussion on a thread in The Bull about the value of a university degree
Apparently, soon it will be no longer enough t try to impart one's scholarly expertise in an effective and professional manner, nor to forward knowledge by research and publication. Somehow I'll also have to become a psychologist for late teens.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 41
Posted by Orsen Trapp Not An Ingredient (U2273997) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
I am astonished that parents should be contacting university teaching staff about their adult children. We don't even know who our daughter's tutors are, never mind how to contact them!
I suspect the attitude 'I deserve a First becuase I worked so hard' is now hard-wired in children whose schools hand out certificates simply for attending school, where 'everyone's a winner', and competitive sports are banned for junior children so that they don't learn what losing is like until later in secondary school (and even then I suspect there are prizes for trying .. no, in fact I know there are sports day prizes just for taking part, even for those who stick two fingers up (literally) to the teachers by walking round a race track when the're capable of running).Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 42
Posted by Kris massblues (U14058894) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
After a year, they return as independent beings who can cook and do their own washing, make their own travel arrangements and organise their own holidays. Freedom for parents!Â
They do???? When?
Gulp, it's just mine who seem to have not quite mastered the art of growing up then..
Red,
oooh, i so want to ring you up and ask you if my son has to put his name and number on his resit essay...don't know why it's just so tempting!
kris (passing on the lazy oik gene to son, clearly)Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 43
Posted by groovybasketcased (U14547443) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
Although true, the examples Red gives of students and parents and what it does to the academics employed to educate, really does p!55 me off. Just pleased my daughter and our relationship with her is similar to JPs. She will shine, there is no doubt (she has had to suffer hardship and knock-backs, she has pulled through).
My 'baby' paid for her own holidays with friends (whose parents gifted them), she hasnt got a car (unlike her friends, again part/-paid for by their parents) and is earning a fair wack for Uni. Hasnt complained that Dad is still taking 10% for two months wages.
Funny how people pressume we give her her spending money. My younger two are putting their present earnings into ccounts for Uni, they are still doing their GCSEs.
Most of all I am chuffed as nutsLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 44
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
Thu, 26 Aug 2010 12:33 GMT, in reply to kris
Red,
oooh, i so want to ring you up and ask you if my son has to put his name and number on his resit essay...don't know why it's just so tempting!Â
Well, being a typical academic, I'm not in my office. Apparently I'm on 'holiday' -- if you can call being at my desk since 7am this morning a holiday...
But Kris, I'm afraid I saw elsethread that you were contemplating colluding with your son in plagiarising his re-sit essay. I've taken action in the past to exclude a student from the university when I found that her mother wrote her essays.
And, dear readers, that is a true story.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 45
Posted by justpottering (U10058555) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
I agree that many parents these days do too much for their children when they become young adults, and I can say this without feeling smug, as we are all different and I work in FE so are with students (and their parents) all the time.
My sister has just enrolled her 21 year old on a college course and her 17 year old the same, she does it all for them, at the moment she is trying to sort out transport for them - if she did not work she would take them herself, she also has the very bad habit of 'doing' their homework/coursework for them rather than with them. They have no responsibilities around the house, have spent the whole of the summer lazing around watching DVD's and playing music and generally making a mess around the house while waiting for her to come home from her full time job and cook, clean and shop for them.
My daughter did all her applications for college then university and her jobs completing on her own, knowing she could ask for help at any stage. She has also just gone through the process of purchasing a flat - again on her own without any help or interference from me or her dad. Sometimes I say she is too independent and find myself making sure that she knows we will help if she needs it, she says she does know this and she /will/ ask for help if needed.
The only thing I have done for her recently is proof read her dissertation for her, because she is not confident with her spelling and grammar, as it turned out it was almost fine, the exception being when talking about The Crown in as an estate, she had consistantly put a small c.
If there was ever an issue at school or college, we often would not hear of it until after the event when she had sorted it out herself.
I am proud of her, but also proud of me and her dad for getting her to the place of being an independent, confident younf woman - does she always get it right? of course not, but they are her mistakes and her lessons in life.
I do not believe that as parents we should expect others to do this for our children, she was our responsibility not anyone elses. Now she is responsible for her own actions and any consequences they bring. I therefore wanted her to have the necessary skills for living, that was my job too.
I love her dearly and would still lay down my life for her if I had to, but she no longer needs looking after or needs me or her dad to do things for her. We were prepared to support her financially, but as soon as she got her job, she said no thanks.
This is how it should be.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 46
Posted by hazeyjane (U11228450) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
Our daughter graduated last year and our elder son is about to start his final year at university. Our experience has been that universities do seem to encourage parents to be more involved now than when OH and I were students in the late 70s/ early 80s.
At our daughter's Uni there was a welcome reception for parents on the first day. During her 3 years there we received several letters sent directly to us, giving us news of the university and inviting us to special parents' days. We didn't mind this and realise that with the current need for extra funding there may have been a financial motive behind it. But it just seemed a bit strange to us - if our 21-year-old daughter had been in a job instead, it would have been odd for her employers to write directly to her parents inviting them to her place of work. They are young adults and may not necessarily have the best of relationships with their parents at that stage anyway. It did seem more what you would expect from a school and I wonder if it could lead some parents into feeling they could contact teaching staff directly.
I guess with tuition fees, lack of grants etc, parents generally are contributing more financially than in the past and this may make them feel (rightly or wrongly) entitled to interfere more. It can also make students feel less independent from their parents than in the past. Most of my friends went to our university interviews on our own, we managed to get ourselves and our luggage to and from university on our own.
OH and I, and most of our friends were on full grants; with that and part-time work we were completely financially independent from our parents, in fact I was helping my mother financially (she was a widow) rather than the other way round. The result of this was that we felt our university life was completely separate from our parents and they would have felt no more reason to become involved with it than they would have with our places of employment.Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 47
Posted by Daisy Nook (U14257963) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
DS is off to university in a few weeks. Earlier this week we all went for a wander around the campus and called in to try to confirm his Halls contract. We were told it had to be done on-line which was fine but he needed to pay £500 deposit, OH asked who was expected to pay it given that DS' student loan is still some way off, the lady smiled sweetly and answered "The Bank of Mum & Dad".
Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 48
Posted by Kris massblues (U14058894) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
Red, Red, Red...
Tsk, tsk, tsk...
krisLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 49
Posted by Hazel Wooley (U2338026) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
Interesting about the plagiarism, Red. They're bluddy hot on it over here.
So, I was wondering what Red's experience was of parents who are not just involved in their student off-spring's life, but micro-managing them from afar.
A lovely friend of mine, who lost her OH earlier this year, has a freshman college student. She is monitoring his every move via text and checking his bank account down to the nth degree and wondering why the kid hates her at the moment and is not returning most of her calls. I totally understand her anxiety, given her bereavement, and I think all will be sorted out in a couple of months, albeit painfully for both sides. I wondered if parachute parents were a problem at universities over there and what effect it has on the student's ability to be self-motivated.
In this boy's case, it's spurring him on to separate from his mother. OTOH, I can see that it might go the other way and the kids just sit back and rely on the parent.
Thoughts?Link to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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Message 50
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Thursday, 26th August 2010
One of my course directors was telling me this morning about an exchange they had just been having with a parent of a student who has failed the first year - the exchange apparently started with the parent wanting to know why they had not been kept informed and then moved on to a demand to know why their son/daughter had to pass the particular module that they had failed anyway - why was it even on the course since they (the parent) had done a similar course elsewhere and this module had not been a requirement on the course there.
I do understand, though, how hard it can be to stand right back - at a time when my family was suffering from considerable upheaval which was affecting one of my children quite badly leading to some unacceptable behaviour at university I did make contact with the authorities about it - a reaction I now regret (although I did restrict myself to giving information rather than indulging in special pleading) and which I have avoided since - but it isn't always easy.
Luckily, my children have fiercely resisted any attempt of mine to get involved in their schoolwork since they were about 13 so I have never been tempted to get involved in that (although I think my professional self would anyway kick in and stop me from actually do any of it).
FeeLink to this forum: Otherwise: Offspring starting/ goinig to University
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