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Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 1.Â
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Monday, 7th February 2011
Love has been a topic for writers since there's been writing, of storytellers before that.
Every story of creation has the first couple - is sex a sin?
Hearts and flowers, sweet buds, love hearts, broken hearts and wilted flowers.
Rose-coloured glasses or painful honesty? Here, Shakespeare sees all the clichés, but seems to say that the reality of his love transcends them.
"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red, than her lips red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet by heaven, I think my love as rare,
As any she belied with false compare."
Passion, humour, or, the really difficult thing, both?
Short or long, poetry or prose, serious or funny contributions or positive, helpful criticism and reactions are most welcome.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 2
Posted by Josey (U1242413) on Monday, 7th February 2011
Good topic, Carrick, Bookmarking.
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 3
Posted by Lars Post (U2291030) on Monday, 7th February 2011
Love that really lasts
From cherry-blossom to snow
Is a precious thing.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 4
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Monday, 7th February 2011
Your haikus always sound unforced, as if the form is just coincidental.
That poem is truer to its traditional roots than mine usually are; it contains what might be considered a kigo, a word or phrase that symbolises or implies the season of the poem.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 5
Posted by Lars Post (U2291030) on Monday, 7th February 2011
Thanks Carrick, just wanted to make an offering, only seem to have time for seventeen syllables these days. Good luck with the thread.
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 6
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Monday, 7th February 2011
Good call Carrick. I'll pop back later.
If it's ok I may post an oldie whilst working on something current.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 7
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Monday, 7th February 2011
That's fine - it'll be new to this MB.
Here's a quick acrostic -
Remember when,
Every Valentines
Day, I'd find a
Ruby rose, velvet petalled,
On my pillow, when your
Sensuous fingers
Expertly woke me from
Sleep?Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 8
Posted by Josey (U1242413) on Monday, 7th February 2011
Love it, Lars.
Carrick, that acrostic works really well.
With Apologies to WS
My name is Will, to love I am in thrall;
An addict sure as sun and moon do shine,
Here do I stand, confess before you all.
Take pity please upon this plight of mine.
All passion stirs me! At a starry eye,
A stray dark curl, or fair, what e’er I see.
A swan like neck, a well turned, comely thigh,
Oh, girls or lads, ’tis all the same to me!
Love is my drug. Must I give up the fight
And like a mooréd boat that tugs the chain
Stay in the company of the young and bright,
Stay anchored to desire and love and pain?
My name is Will. These twelve steps I must take.
No stop! I think I’ve made a big mistake.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 9
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Monday, 7th February 2011
Oh, that made me laugh, Josey. (With this iambic pentameter you are spoiling us, Ambassador).
I think you've got a facet of the feeling of the sonnets, though - there's an element of him that I see in those that's a cool, detached observer, an addict, rather than a passionate participant, but perhaps there's a little of that within me too, so they're like a mirror?Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 10
Posted by Josey (U1242413) on Monday, 7th February 2011
Ta, Carrick
D'you know what, I thought I knew the sonnets but you've given me food for thought there, WS as observer. Must re-read in the light of that comment. Also what you say about an addict being detached, rather than passionate. Got to go off and think about that, too.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 11
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
Expectation and Reality.
I dreamed of orchids,
Like moist, opalescent flesh,
Sleeping in dewy moss;
Passionate nocturnal ghosts.
I received an economy bunch
Of aging chrysanthemums,
Slimy round the stems, but with
The "Reduced" filling-station tag still on.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 12
Posted by Josey (U1242413) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
Loved that "passionate nocturnal ghosts" - three words saying a world there, Carrick, lots of meanings. . And oh, dear, the reality!
Come on, where all all the writers hiding? it's a great topic.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 13
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
Some great input here. Loved your 'Apologies to WS' (Msg 8). And was amazed at your speed. It could take me a week to come up with that.
I echo your thoughts re Carrick's simple two tone poem.
I have something I am working on, but slow and unsure.
In the meantime, I know the formatting won't work, but here is a Concrete poem from last year. You have to try and imagine it in red ink, with spacing to make the heart shape.
VALENTIINE
Warm, tender,
soft ,
caring touch.
Safe strong
arms surround.
Adoring eyes
shining. Dewy
lips smiling
sweetly. Here,
there and
Everywhere!
I LOVE
YOU
XLink to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 14
Posted by Josey (U1242413) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
BYT, that's beautiful, and half the heart came out! Concrete poems are really hard to do, I find. Did you send it to anyone?
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 15
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
A Decade of Valentine Gifts
[with apologies for a stolen idea],
The first year my true love gave to me a red rose and a fish supper,
The second year my true love gave me to me a red rose, a fish supper and a diamond ring,
The third year my true love gave to me a red rose, a fish supper and a wedding ring.
The fourth year my true love gave to me a red rose, a fish supper, and a shiny new kettle,
The fifth year my true love gave to me a red rose, a fish supper and a gold bracelet to say 'thank you for our baby son',
The sixth year my true love gave to me a red rose, tickets for a new play and supper in town.
The seventh year my true love gave to me a red rose and a head cold, and no fish supper,
The eighth year my true love gave to me a red rose, a fish supper and a garden mower.
The ninth year my true love gave to me a red rose, a fish supper and nowt else,
The tenth year my true love gave to me a red rose and tickets to Disneyland for us all.
And I said thank you, my darling. But please, no more fish suppers ever again.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 16
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
Jenny
What a great (true?) tale. The use of 'Fish Supper' makes me think you are in or hail from Scotland?
I too find phrases, shapes and ideas can inspire. And since there is nothing new under the sun........
I have in the past, in relation to own work, queried where inspiration ends and plagiarism begins. Any answers?
Here is a new w.i.p. First draft. Rough and simple but a direct result of inspiration from this thread. Thanks Carrick.
I have not tried to follow any conventional form or rhyme - but have tried to keep a simple rhythm
Love Lies.....
Love wakes with birdsong bright and trill
and colours sharp and true
And grows through nurture time and care
To full blown bursting bud
Love blossoms as the days unfold
And nectar sweet flows free
In meadows lush and golden ripe
And streams so pure and clean
Love withers as the leaves turn gold
And storms rage on unchecked
When wind and rain like bare neglect
Infect the weeping sore
Love dies when shards of piercing ice
Split wide the gaping wound
Exposing sham; eroding trust
That no cement can healLink to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 17
Posted by Orpheus (U14408875) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
This won't be a clever poem, won't contain Haikus, iambic parameters, sonnet nor acrostic - that i know of anyway.
It's just what i'd like to say to someone, if she were here with me now..
On this Valentine's day i hope he brings you flowers,
And wines you, and dines you,
And loves you as you deserve to be loved.
Last Valentin'es Day you told a crowd
In a bar
"God i love this boy!"
And then you were gone..
I'm sorry, so sorry, that i hurt you
so much you had to leave me.
I loved you, I hope you always know that.
But i loved something else more.
I wish you knew me now
I am becoming the man i want to be
Not the boy you knew and loved,
despite his imperfections.
Stay safe, stay happy, stay loved.
you are beautiful, inside and out
Did i ever tall you that?
Happy Valentine, H xxxLink to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 18
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
That was a lot more than a "clever" poem, that was a poem with real feeling.
One definition of a poem is "Something more than the sum of its component words", and that definitely fits the bill.
Thank you so much for contributing something real and lovely, Orpheus.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 19
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
Orpheus is there no way 'she' can read this too. So beautiful.
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 20
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
BYT, that might feel like a first draft to you, but it feels complete to me. It has powerful images, within the simple structure, and, as I read it, the idea of the four seasons, a cycle from birth to death, came into my mind.
I do think that this can be a powerful medium, inspiration from what has happened before.
SJ, that was my thought too.
Maybe some day, Orpheus.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 21
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
BYT, there is truth in it, though the fish supper is a fishy tale [tail]. No idea where I learned to call it that. I have lived in many places but it was probably from God's own country [Yorkshire]. And now, alas, the last verse of your piece applies.
Josey, I will try and write something more suitable when inspiration strikes.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 22
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
Gee Orpheus.
What Carrick just said, plus
That is so heartbreaking.......... and honest.
Sometimes the greatest beauty comes from the greatest pain.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 23
Posted by Orpheus (U14408875) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
Thank you,
Tbh it was painful to write, but i'm glad to have written it.
H seems happy with the person she is with now, so i have heard through the grapevine. So, whilst I would like her to read it, just so that she knows, you know... I think i'll just offer my valentine's poem/wish as a silent goodwill prayer, for now.
I have enjoyed reading the poetry btw, i was brought up with a love of poetry and an appreciation of the written word.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 24
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Tuesday, 8th February 2011
The pain is evident Orpheus.
Best to you and to 'she' independently if it be so.
Carrick
Thank you for kind comments. In it's simplicity it is I suppose complete, though I am notoriously bad at labelling anything finished.
And if I try to force form and rhyme so often the result is stilted and jarring.
Now, as I indulge in my daily dose of Paxo, and just to show that 'Love' and loss is not restricted to romantic love of a mate. Here is something from a good few years ago. I will explain content if required another time .
The Aftermath
I never dreamed that life could let me lie
alone and unbelieving in the dark.
Under midnight skies, where flashing stars
gliding through heavens, weep rivers into
oceans of emptiness; heaving and sighing
their burdens of sorrow through eternal night.
Once, where children played and shadows danced
along castle walls, we walked together,
You and I. In sunshine and in shadow.
In mellow pools of languor we waited for dusks
evening robes of glory to clothe our homeward path.
And your silence spoke to me of peace and tranquillity.
The vision fades; its beauty the transient love
that breached the fortress of my heart
now chills my soul with icy fingers of darkness.
For I know the futility of holding only pictures in my mind.
And you, who knew my heart, who shared my dreams
are far beyond this world and time.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 25
Posted by Kate McLaren etc (U2202067) on Wednesday, 9th February 2011
I've only just discovered this thread. While I cook up something new, here is a very old one. Our own Slightly-Foxed can be found reading it on youtube. Apologies if the unmodern letters turn into something weird.
Bytuene Mersh and Aueril
When spray beginneþ to springe
þe lutel foul haþ hire wyl
On hyre lud to synge.
Ich libbe in louse-longinge
for semlokest of alle þynge;
He may be blisse bringe -
Icham in hire baundoun.
Ann hendy hap ichabbe yhent;
Ichot frome heune it is me sent;
From all wymmen mi loue is lent
And lhyt on Alysoun.
Only she's not called Alysoun (Ed)Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 26
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Wednesday, 9th February 2011
Cool DD
Can you provide a youtube link, or key words - would love to hear the scanning, nuances and language/dialect. Which is????Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 27
Posted by Imperfectly37 (U4335981) on Wednesday, 9th February 2011
Just bookmarking to come back to if I have inspiration - would love to contribute, but it's a long time since I had the 'space' to write creatively.
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 28
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Wednesday, 9th February 2011
Impish, you could post an earlier piece if you can lay your hands on something.
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 29
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Wednesday, 9th February 2011
Is it middle English?
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 30
Posted by Imperfectly37 (U4335981) on Wednesday, 9th February 2011
Have 'dug out' my scribbling book (and discovered that I have a roll of PTFE tape in my bedside cabinet - why?) and this is one I wrote 18 years ago - I called it 'With love always'
Now that the burning pain has gone
The dull ache of loss remains.
Around familiar corners I see your face
As you walk to greet me.
Although you are not there
My desire remains the same:
To be held by your arms and
feel their strength and comfort.
I will not forget you.
I forgive the absence
That hurts me so.
Life, for those remaining,
continues - nearly normal,
just skirting round the hole
that you, in dying, made.
Sorry it's sad - that was just the time it was. I'll see whether I can find space for something brighter!
ImpishLink to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 31
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Thursday, 10th February 2011
Sorry it's sad - that was just the time it was. Â Don't apologise - it's a powerful, low-key evocation of that time when, as you say, "he burning pain has gone
The dull ache of loss remains";
It's a poem that has made me think, like Josey's "The widow", which I'll try to find a link to "In another universe, that could be me".Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 32
Posted by Sister Primrose of the Red Tinsel Flag (U5405579) on Thursday, 10th February 2011
Here's one I drafted for the inside of a card a good few years ago
(Trotskyist Valentine)
Romantic Revolutionary
It would be divine
To share long term perspectives
Be my radical Valentine
Still together :0)
PPLink to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 33
Posted by Sister Primrose of the Red Tinsel Flag (U5405579) on Thursday, 10th February 2011
And here's something brand new
You held me as I pushed our babies into the world
And dug graves for their hamsters
For better
For worse
I'm yoursLink to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 34
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Thursday, 10th February 2011
The first one's witty, but the second has all the big concepts; birth, death, love, laughter.
Welcome to the thread, PP.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 35
Posted by Sister Primrose of the Red Tinsel Flag (U5405579) on Thursday, 10th February 2011
Thanks carrick
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 36
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Thursday, 10th February 2011
Valentine shy kiss
sunlit Summer handfasting.
Lifelong cherishing.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 37
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Thursday, 10th February 2011
I like the progression of the seasons in that, SJ, and the sort of blossoming.
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 38
Posted by Lars Post (U2291030) on Thursday, 10th February 2011
So do I. Haven't seen 'handfasting' before have you coined it SJ?
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 39
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Friday, 11th February 2011
No Lars, I can't claim credit. It is a betrothal cermony, celtic in origin and still used by pagans now.
Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 40
Posted by Josey (U1242413) on Friday, 11th February 2011
Impish, some people here know I've had a sad week, lost my beloved horse, and reading your wonderful poem made me cry.
To take my mind of things my granddaughter asked for a modern language version of Twelfth Night - nothing simple then. I'll post it here, sorry it's a bit long -if anyone notices any plot mistakes I'd be grateful. And it is above Love, ain't it?
That Duke of Illyria
Flat out listenin to tunes like some sorta deliria
Well what would yu do if it happen to you?
Yu in love and she don’t love yu back and that’s flat
Well I’m meanin Olivia some babe that
Da duke’s givin it out but she ain’t giving it back
To add to the general consternation
In da nation
This massive storm come - like awesome waves
Toss this ship round for days
Lose some brothers well drowned yu’d think
When da boat sink
Wash up people mash up really mess up
Back at Olivia’s there’s stuff going down
With odd guys I mean really weird
Names like they made up extraordinary
Aguecheek what’s his story?
Toby Belch sound like he ate someting bad
Malvolio yu know he really well mad
How dat guy imagine a fit chick
Fancy him? Gotta laugh
Now wassup with this Viola
She some sorta crossdresser
She transsexual or is it just contextual?
Got on boy clothes ,well she grieving for her bro
Maybe and I’m not bein unkind
She just lost her mind
Gotta get a job she say
Better than signin on any day
Den yu got that Maria
Makin fun messin about
Adding to da general hysteria
Not dat I’m sayin it’s funny and that
Leaving da note lying round maybe on da mat
Making out Olivia got da hots for Malvolio
He such a eej he believe it
Don’t he know yellow socks ain’t that cool?
He just makin himself look a bigger fool.
Then Viola turn up at da Duke’s
In boy clothes, tags herself Cesario
And she sees like it’s a massive palace
And he give her some sorta job like she’s his runner
Taking notes and I’m saying this without malice
Why don’t yu just text or message?
It’s kinda quicker mate.
But he want a date with Olivia.
Now, to make it complicated
Like really sophisticated
Olivia think Viola’s a man
Da Duke think Viola’s a man
Dey both think she –or is it he? – is hot
They both want him – and I mean want him a lot
To make matters worse- guys this story is like a curse
Viola’s bro ain’t dead. Sebastian, right,
He’s hanging out with his mate instead
And his mate Antonio, like, he probably gay
Well we meant to see it that way
And that Aguecheek guy – oh he in love with Olivia
He get mad–you still with me? –
Cos she love Cesario who is really Viola
And he want to poke Viola in da eye
In my opinion he’s hoping she gonna die
But it work out OK cos Sebastian come along
Looking just like his sista
There’s a bit of a fight, but it work out all right
Olivia ask Sebastian to marry her – it’s a bit of a blur
To be honest. Da Duke find out Viola ain’t a him, but a her
They get married. Gonna be together, forever.
Before I go
Anyone know
What happen to Antonio?Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 41
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Friday, 11th February 2011
Just catching up.
I don't think a poem being about a sad subject needs to make it sad. Yours is so thought provoking and tender in a strange way it lifts the spirit even though it has loss at its heart.
In this example, I love the way you describe the transition from pain to ache.
It is really good to see such life in this thread. I look forward to more poetry from all participants.
I am very interested in
why you write
when you write
what else you write
have you studied creative writing? where/how?
If you are published - and if so where
or are you purely an amateur hobbyistLink to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 42
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Friday, 11th February 2011
Josey, I am so sorry you have lost your horse. Never had a horse but I know what losing my dog felt like so I know it must be hard to bear
I found myself reading your version of Twelfth Night out loud: which for an old granny was quite an experience!.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 43
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Friday, 11th February 2011
So sorry about your news Josey. Although not a pet owner myself, the loss of a family member is no respector of the number (or absence) of legs. May your wounds heal.
I love the 'rap'? That's how it sounds to me. I am humbled by the volume and speed (seemingly) of outpourings , especially where a story needs research and order applied.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 44
Posted by Orpheus (U14408875) on Friday, 11th February 2011
Hi BYT,
You have sort of asked the questions that have been mulling around in my head since my last post on here..
Reading through the posts here I am in awe of the creative process of each and every piece. And it got me thinking about initial drafts, first and subsequent drafts, and whether anyone does this or if, like me, you simply take the blank white space and fill it with what pours out?
I no longer have the time to write much of anything, but do write the lyrics for my band, and have in the past spent hours writing for pleasure (or sadness).
But...once the first offering is down on paper i am loathe to change a single word for fear of diluting my initial meaning. I did try, a couple of times and yes, it scanned better but i just couldn't let go of my first imperfect attempt!
So am really interested if anyone has any thoughts on this, whether a poem/prose (in particular) can be improved contextually by second or final draft refinement?Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 45
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Saturday, 12th February 2011
<quote>And it got me thinking about initial drafts, first and subsequent drafts, and whether anyone does this or if, like me, you simply take the blank white space and fill it with what pours out?<quote>
I pretty much do as you say Orpheus, initially at least. Just let whatever inspires or moves me pour out. I also share your awe, but have to try not to let it put me off.
<quote>But...once the first offering is down on paper i am loathe to change a single word for fear of diluting my initial meaning. I did try, a couple of times and yes, it scanned better but i just couldn't let go of my first imperfect attempt!
So am really interested if anyone has any thoughts on this, whether a poem/prose (in particular) can be improved contextually by second or final draft refinement?</quote>
I totally understand that feeling; that the purity that spouted forth is what you thought/felt at the time and that to mess with might be sacrilegious. And yet after a time to dwell and muse, perhaps share with other gentle folk of alike mind, some smallish amendments can make a better crafted piece without detracting from the joy and pain of a near perfect birth.
I found it helped to look at some of the greats, where records of previous drafts have been kept. You can find quite a few on-line. Here is Wilfred Owen's Anthem for doomed youth.
Thinking about the difference a change of a single word or short phrase can make, how the power and emphasis shifts, become clearer or more pointed.
William Blake's London is worthy of similar study but I couldn't easily or quickly find a link.
So sometimes it may be providential to take the proverbial red pen to parts of output if after a time away and review some sharper or more relevant word or phrase appears. Or to remove segments, or to re-arrange.
I am no scholar but I think in literary circles this can be known as 'murdering your babies'. I console myself with a 'drafts and discarded' file - so theoretically at last, nothing is wasted.
Meantime, I have been trying to find, adapt or produce a prose piece suitable, but suspect most will be too long for a forum of this nature.
So I will revert to poetry again. This was written coming up 2 years ago Easter, after a tragedy that engulfed my youngest son and friends, and had many parents in the 'There but for the grace.....' situation. It is also a piece that although powerful and complete when it appeared pretty quickly in this case, benefited from a turn around of one phrase in placement terms and a few other tweaks.
I personally think it was strengthened by those changes, and that it lost none of the emotion of the original.
Scarlet Thread (re title from 'Wasted')
Magic moments of exquisite pain; unconditional love
labours forth from a pulsing scarlet thread
forging and firing an invisible, eternal connection.
Was a moment wasted?
Challenging moments of snatched sleep, snatched meals, cold tea;
peace and rest scarce; head heavy, heart full as diamonds glinting
in the dark. An indelible heart print bequeathed.
Was a moment wasted?
Moments of struggle; wills locked in battle
to sleep, eat, walk or run, study, hurry, tidy.....
Boundaries tested, tempers frayed and worn but
Was a moment wasted?
The scraped knee bathing, snotty nose wiping moments
Of growing out of and into shapes and scrapes;
the tears and the fears, cries of joy and of pain.
Was a moment wasted?
Warming moments on frozen touchlines far from home
Numb with cold yet glowing with pride hearing your name
as aches and chills evaporate in a champions flush
Was a moment wasted?
Every uttered word of love or rebuke, everyday normal
moments. The sorry’s we said and those we didn’t
the hugs we shared and those you ducked
Was a moment wasted?
Pointless moments of rock hard red hazed anger
Too sharp, too honest, too deep and dark
The fine wrought thread we tangle and knot
Was a moment wasted?
Shared treasured moments, when the air we breathed,
the stars we slept beneath bound us close with scarlet thread; when
your presence lightened the skies, reflecting you back.
Was a moment wasted?
Eternity transformed, fractured in a twisted moment.
Sands shift; each grain of shattered rock swept away
into vast tear swollen seas, the mountains now too high too hard.
No precious moment will be wasted.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 46
Posted by Josey (U1242413) on Saturday, 12th February 2011
Thoughtful, elegiac, a wonderful piece, BYT. Wordsworth talks about poetry as being " ...the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility. " Would you agree?
On the subject of drafting, from the amazing book "Considering Poetry" edited by B.A. Phythian and published back in the 70s, comes this example of Blake's first draft of The Tyger. (I guess great man didn't type it as here though!)
We've talked before about the writing process, how it happens for us. I'd only add here that I didn't write for twelve months, after I gave up alcohol, as it goes, because I believed myself dependent on it to free me up, for voices and visions if you like. Not true, luckily, and I'm undammed now, and hypermanic with the scribblings. This will probably even itself up in time, I hope. One before, when other, different, circumstances caused an onrush I spoke in bloody rhyming couplets for a few days. Just be thankful, I say, just be thankful!
Btw - we used to do prose pieces as well; one enjoyable thread required us to write in no more than 100 words. Another was when a poster supplied two words and we had to begin and end a prose piece with those words. Carrick may remember some more.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 47
Posted by Karmic-ish Kris (U14642774) on Saturday, 12th February 2011
Oh BYT,
How foruitous that i should stumble upon your poem just now.
I know it was written for other, more poignant, reasons..but for someone like me who is today feeling melancholic - for the children i no longer have bringing noise and chaos and love and laughter into my home*- this is the perfect antidote. Thank you.
I shall not frequent this lovely thread, unfortunately, as I shall leave it to Orpheus, but i shall really enjoy looking around the oldpetry site this afternoon.
Ah, poetry and prose..how i miss these in my life!
Enjoy.
kris
* feeling melancholic simply because my last child has flown the coop for University, that's all.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 48
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Saturday, 12th February 2011
Hello Kris
I am so glad that my scratchings, although borne of a darker time, work for you on a more mundane basis. They do for me too in a strange way since the DYS mentioned left for University not long after those days. My angst at being too far for comfort, too close to his pain was lightened by thinking of all those little moments that make up the years that have rolled by. Nothing and no-one can take those precious memories from us.
I don't think we have 'met' officially, being a relative newcomer around these parts, but I have seen many a reference and occasional post from yourself. I am not sure why you may not frequent this thread or enjoy poetry and prose, but I shall accept the pleasure that knowing anything one has done touches another in some positive way.
Take care and enjoy your browsing this afternoon.
p.s. Do I take it that Orpheus is of your bloodstock?Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 49
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Saturday, 12th February 2011
Josey, I remember the '100 word challenge'; very satisfying in retrospect.
DS2 is a professional writer and he has known he was a writer from as far back as he can remember His day job writing is for an international journal and involves interviewing under some difficult circumstances, these days as a war correspondent. But he is a writer every waking moment, even if it is just jottng down something which comes to mind in his notebook. Writing his own books means the strict editing of his own work which is a painful but necessary process. He can be much more objective about his professional work .
Back to poetry, which for me is something I find almost impossible to write, and yet I read poetry a lot.. The writers group here has been good, in that the challenges we have had were enjoyable and the criticism gentle and instructive. Prose comes much more easily to me.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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Message 50
Posted by BrightYangThing (U14627705) on Saturday, 12th February 2011
Josey
" ...the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility. " Â
The first part I would uphold absolutely. the second I think is more partial, conditional. Sometimes, tranquillity does not enter the scene until perhaps much much later in the process, if at all. If I am reading the statement correctly. Not that I would disagree with one so prolific and proficient in his craft.
Thanks for the link.
Thanks too for sharing your release from damnation. Your credentials well and truly earned.
I do write prose, but it tends to be quite lengthy even after edit. But I look forward to more stimulus.
I attend a weekly local class with a varied group, some quite accomplished, others with learning difficulties, English as a second language, emotional issues including breakdowns and recovering alcoholics. We are often set simple tasks as homework or in class stimulus. Sometimes they work for me, others not.
I spent a wonderful week last year on a local writers course with this lady who lives locally.
Tania would give us a very short exercise each day, sometimes a single word or phrase and we have to put pen to paper and write for 5, 10 or 15 minutes non stop, no editing. It was very freeing.Link to this forum: Writers Group - Valentines Day, February
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