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Alcohol concerns March 2011
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Message 1.Ìý
Posted by Ellie May (U2222618) on Thursday, 3rd March 2011
Welcome to March’s alcohol concerns. This thread is for everyone – those in recovery or struggling to get there, those who are coping with other people’s alcohol issues, and those who may simply want to learn more.
This is also a place to share about other addiction issues – whether drugs, food, exercise, gambling, sex, relationships, shopping or anything else. Everyone is welcome to share about their experiences, good or bad, or simply as an outlet for their feelings. Don’t worry if what you have to say doesn’t follow on from any previous discussion. Newcomers are always very welcome too.
The word ‘alcoholic’ can be a problematic one and some of us do not use it, preferring to talk instead about ‘hazardous’ or ‘harmful’ drinking or becoming dependent on alcohol.
Past experience has shown that this thread works best when we keep to talking about our own collective experiences. Posters who do not have concerns about alcohol in their own lives but want to learn more about a problem which is much misunderstood are very welcome - we have a number of regulars who drop in from time to time - and it's always good to see them.
We have developed a custom of opening the new month with a round of introductions in which people say as much or a little as they feel like about why they post (or generally lurk) here and how things are going.
The following links are all sources of support. Some of us are members of 12-step programmes such as AA – the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking – or Al-Anon, and some have found recovery through other means. Some of us still drink in moderation and some of us are abstinent. Whatever works… (Some of us, too, are still looking for ways that work.)
NHS information
(AA world wide)
(AA UK)
(Al Anon UK)
(Al Anon worldwide)
(This is the US Alanon site which has a message board and a chat room – recommended by Tattyhead)
Finally, here is a link to last month’s thread:
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Message 2
Posted by Ellie May (U2222618) on Thursday, 3rd March 2011
Apologies for cutting and pasting my last opening post from December. I’m Ellie May and I’m an alcoholic, eight years and three months sober this month. I haven’t been posting much recently and I haven’t been getting to many (AA) meetings either. And I know I need to. My life is crazy busy at the moment, trying to sell two houses and buy one, organise a wedding in June (stupidly, 240 miles from where I live) and work full time. Still, I know that I need to put my sobriety ahead of everything else in my life if I am to maintain it.
I’m very sad today as my only aunt died yesterday, just five weeks after her diagnosis of lung cancer. She was a kind, difficult, obstreperous, generous, funny, stubborn, exasperating and warm-hearted woman, and I will miss her. I last saw her on Sunday and I was meant to be seeing her tonight with my children. Today my mother showed me a photo of her with my baby niece, taken the day before yesterday, and it made me cry. My aunt looked so frail and frightened, and my little niece so chubby and squeezable and smiley and full of life. I can’t quite take in how fast this has happened - she was salsa dancing in the dining room with us at Christmas in Wales - and I can’t concentrate on anything. Strangely, or not so strangely, my Al Anon books (recommended by Basia) are helping enormously.
I do read every post on this thread, even though I don’t post very much, and I am hugely grateful to everyone here. Thanks. -
Message 3
Posted by TeaLady (U9077092) on Thursday, 3rd March 2011
Hi EM, that's so weird. I was just writing an opening post for this thread too (also mostly pinched from Locki), came back to check if anyone else had started it in the time it took me to write, and there you were - must be thinking along the same lines. Been thinking about you a llot today, so maybe that's why. So sorry about your aunt, but you know that.
My intro bit - I am TeaLady, recovering alkie, 22 months sober this month and grateful, happy and sometimes still a bit astounded that I can write that here, after years of posting my stop-start struggle with drinking. This thread (or rather the wonderful people on it) were instrumental in my seeking help and are a huge part of my daily journey in recovery, both on here and now, I'm really happy to say, in RL too. Especially my sponsor Ellie May.
Thanks and love to all.
TL x -
Message 4
Posted by Ellie May (U2222618) on Thursday, 3rd March 2011
Aw, thanks TL. I came in here a few times today to see if anyone had opened up, sorry to get in first. Perhaps you can fight Oz for May, when you both celebrate two years. I’m very glad to have you as my sponsee too. You help me loads.
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Message 5
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Thursday, 3rd March 2011
Thanks for opening the thread Ellie May - and I'm so sorry about your aunt. Just posting now to bookmark and to bump this thread back up above February after posting a link in there and will come back later.
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Message 6
Posted by Cheshire Cat (U14533219) on Thursday, 3rd March 2011
Sorry to hear about your aunt, EM - it doesn't seem long from diagnosis to her dying - not much time to prepare.
Today marks the 2nd anniversary of the death of a friend of ours - OH used to use him as a marker. It was 'I know I drink but I don't drink as much as _ _ _'. Said friend was a couple of years older than OH but now, of course, OH is the now the same age as the friend that died. I miss our friend too - he was the person OH used to go and visit and, in a way, gave me some respite from OH's excesses.
Naturally, we have to learn new ways of being since our friend's death. There was a spontaneous gathering today of his friends at a local hostelry that he used to frequent, so I have had a rare afternoon drink myself, a glass of wine followed by a lemonade.
Best wishes to those that are battling.
Chesh -
Message 7
Posted by MV Whitby May Rose (U6862284) on Thursday, 3rd March 2011
Ellie May, I am so sorry about your aunt. I lost my only aunt 2 1/2 years ago also with very little notice and it still hurts.
It was 8 years ago on Tuesday that I stopped drinking and unusually for me I went to (and enjoyed) a social event. I left 5 hours before I gather the evening wound up and just felt content in the knowledge that I would once have been one of the people up till 4am and suffering the next day. -
Message 8
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Thursday, 3rd March 2011
Thank you EM for opening the thread this month.
So sorry to hear of the death of your aunt and the suddenness of it all. Sorry too that you didn't get to see her again with your lads .
Well it was only yesterday that I realised it was March and that was late at night. I have less of an excuse as I have a day ahead to work on.
Like EM I have been struggling with meetings and I too need to make a regular commitment to myself in this respect.
Wednesday was a mess of a day. Not all negative but as soon as I made headway with one thing I was pulled back with another and so it went , up and down , all day until 3.30. I was supposed to teach a class at 4.30 but the after school club called to say that my daughter had fallen at the pool earlier that day and while she was OK she was sore and just wanted to go home. My options were to find a babysitter and teach or call a colleague to cover. I choose the latter but only after letting my ego have a wee dance;telling me that I'd let the class down as if I were the only instructor. My colleague was happy to step in and as she said I'd do the same if necessary. So I collected the kids and suddenly found myself with an extra two hours to my day. My God what a gift that was. A whole two hours to sort out all the guff of the day and still have time to watch the Simpson's with the kids afterwards. A golden HP gift just telling me to STOP.
So yesterday after a PT session of my own; I teach a trainer and she then teaches me, I got into my car. I was going to go home as i was dripping with sweat, not a pretty sight, but instead headed for the Scout Hut and the lunchtime meeting. Brilliant meeting for me all about ego and gratitude . Apt or what.
I also hear a very moving share about needs and gratitude from one member. A kiwi whose family and friends all live in Christchurch. She spoke quietly about her love for the family , friends and the city and was thanking whatever it was that brought all of them through the earthquake safe and alive despite witnessing some truly tragic sights.
I felt very humbled and very grateful.
I feel very grateful too whenever I come in here and for all the support both here and in RL I get from you all.
Thank you all so much
Oz -
Message 9
Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Friday, 4th March 2011
Thank you EM for opening up this love-fest of a thread.
I'm so sorry about your aunt's death and thank you for the moving description of the photo.
Basia, sober 9 1/2 years through AA.
Tonight I finally met up with KD of this parish, on the street in Manhattan outside a rock club, natch, appropriately enough, since that's where we first met years ago. There's something special about the hug between 2 sober people when they've played a part in each other's recovery, so thank you for reaching out lady.
I went with a sober musician friend to see a friend's band most of whose members are sober and it was a wonderful evening. Despite all the rat-arsed people on the street.
I hope all posters and lurkers to this thread have a peaceful month,
Basia -
Message 10
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Friday, 4th March 2011
g'day again
excellent news Bash. So good to hear that you guys met up.
Smiling very broadly from downunder.
Nowt much to report except that the kids and I have just had our weekly ice cream fest.
I am full of the stuff and they are covered in it.
Remind me when children stop wearing their food will you?
Oz -
Message 11
Posted by Cheshire Cat (U14533219) on Friday, 4th March 2011
When it comes to ice cream, Oz, it still finds it's way onto adult clothes - as does chocolate, soup, jam, .....
Or is just me?
Thoughts to all.
Chesh -
Message 12
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Friday, 4th March 2011
Not just you - when I read Oz's post, I thought "Remind me when children stop wearing their food will you?" More like "Remind me when adults (like me) stop wearing their food will you?"
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Message 13
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Friday, 4th March 2011
I've just remembered that I bookmarked yesterday and didn't come back to say anything for the start of the month.
I'm Fee and until three years ago I lived with an alcoholic (active and functioning for somewhere between ten and fifteen years and then sober for the last year - we were married thirty years ago this year and had been together for five years before that). This thread was hugely instrumental in his getting sober because it caused me to tell him that AA was not a religious cult and started him on the route - via a residential treatment centre, not just AA - to getting sober. It has also introduced me to Al Anon and the idea that we have to live our own lives and not those of anyone else - which is what I am now doing.
I hope all posters and lurkers are well - it was good to see mjf on the February thread recently - Peppertree, I hope you are OK - and Jane,if you are lurking, I hope you are adjusting to your new life. I was prompted by something someone said the other day to trawl through some threads from a couple of years ago and it struck me what a lot of people have put in brief appearances from time to time on these threads. -
Message 14
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Friday, 4th March 2011
The other thing which often strikes me is how frequently I encounter elsewhere on these boards mention of a relative or friend or other connection who has or still does collapse into a bottle. I hope that everyone who lurks here (and I expect that some of those who post elsewhere but not in here do lurk) finds support in RL in relation to the unwelcome part which alcohol may play in their lives.
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Message 15
Posted by The Giddy Kipper (U10918464) on Saturday, 5th March 2011
Bookmarking/bumping
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Message 16
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Sunday, 6th March 2011
Sometimes you just have to laugh, albeit wryly, about life. I've just heard that one of my nearest and dearest has recently been earning money downunder by roleplaying difficult and drunken customers as part of a course designed to train public transport officials to deal with aforesaid. He has told his sister that he reckoned he'd found his niche.
Hope all are well. I'm taking a brief break from constructing a lengthy spreadsheet of furniture which is currently in two different places and is going to end up probably in four other different places by the end of this year. Just as well that I like doing puzzles - when I've done my tape measure and I will heading back down the M4 again. -
Message 17
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Sunday, 6th March 2011
Bump as we are falling down the second page in case anyone is looking for the March thread.
It's been a really lovely spring day here, if rather cold - and it is so nice that it is light enough to get back from London mid-afternoon and still be able to have a good long walk in daylight - I'm exploring outwards in ever increasing circles. -
Message 18
Posted by The Giddy Kipper (U10918464) on Sunday, 6th March 2011
> I'm exploring outwards in ever increasing circles.<
Just remember to stop when you get to the river....... -
Message 19
Posted by Penstemon (U4429639) on Sunday, 6th March 2011
Hi Fee if you are still here..
I have decided to stop drinking for a while. Its not that I drink everyday and rarely during the week but I want to feel 'clean' for a longer period of time, and I am aware that sometimes it becomes a bit of a crutch? Does that make sense? -
Message 20
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Monday, 7th March 2011
Hi Sausages - I think if you think it's an issue, then it's an issue - and it's not as though it ever hurt anyone to stop drinking for a while. I'm interested by your suggestion that you don't feel clean when you have been drinking, though - do you feel like saying more about that?
Giddy, I was actually walking beside the river yesterday - along the waterfront in the old docks - really enjoyable in the bright sunshine. -
Message 21
Posted by Ellie May (U2222618) on Monday, 7th March 2011
I can’t speak for Sausages, obviously, but I do feel cleaner now that I don’t drink. It’s partly the feeling of being poisoned, or rather not being poisoned any more, plus a glorious freedom from the muddle and chaos of a life of drink, the hiding it, trying to hide it, trying to manage the unmanageable…
Funny, although I haven’t had a drink for more than eight years, sometimes I still dream that I am drinking, particularly when I am stressed and miserable, and I dreamt last night that I was drinking red wine. I felt unclean and poisoned, and I couldn’t wait for the alcohol to be clear of my system. My feelings at the moment are a version of what they were before I got sober but nothing like as bad as then, of course, and I do know now that it will pass, it’s not the new status quo. It’s enough to remind me how dreadful it was – that vertiginous feeling of being out of control, knowing that my life is untenable but not knowing how to change things, a sickening unnamed fear. Eurghh.
I will never get bored of the feeling of going to bed sober, clean, with crisp clean bed linen, a good book and a cup of mint tea. It’s a tiny joy each day, however horrible the day. -
Message 22
Posted by Cheshire Cat (U14533219) on Monday, 7th March 2011
I felt 'clean' when I stopped smoking, too. I had a terrible feeling of guilt about what I must have inflicted on relatives, who OH 1 and I used to stay with, as we both smoked at the time and the relatives didn't.
I don't drink very much but as a consequence I feel it's effects very quickly and I hate the 'morning after' feeling. How OH 2 copes with it I do not know - perhaps that's probably why he reads the morning away. -
Message 23
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Monday, 7th March 2011
>I don't drink very much but as a consequence I feel it's effects very quickly and I hate the 'morning after' feeling.<
I agree with that. I shared a bottle of red wine with my daughter over the course of two evenings at the weekend - two glasses on each evening - and it was one too many. It is so very easy to "forget" each time as I pour the second glass that I will wish later that I hadn't.
EM, if your vertiginous out of controlness is connect with house moves and the like, I entirely empathise. I set out at the beginning of this year to switch one over-large house in an expensive area for a much smaller one near work and somewhere much smaller in the area where the family has lived for so many years - I'm just about one-third into it and the feeling of spinning plates is sometimes overwhelming. However, I keep telling myself that the way to eat an elephant is one spoonful at a time and all I need to do right now is the next spoonful. I think it's a different version of the serenity prayer. -
Message 24
Posted by Penstemon (U4429639) on Monday, 7th March 2011
I felt 'clean' when I stopped smoking, too. I had a terrible feeling of guilt about what I must have inflicted on relatives, who OH 1 and I used to stay with, as we both smoked at the time and the relatives didn't.
I don't drink very much but as a consequence I feel it's effects very quickly and I hate the 'morning after' feeling. How OH 2 copes with it I do not know - perhaps that's probably why he reads the morning away.Ìý Yes I thik thats whaty I mean Fee, wot Cheshire says. I feel cleaner now I don't smoke, and its how I want to feel by not drinking, even if its only for a while. Its the tiredness that gets me, even a couple of drinks makes me feel exhausted by lunch time the next day. Not good for working.. -
Message 25
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Monday, 7th March 2011
Thanks for coming back to explain, sausages.
It's funny - I've always really disliked the word "clean" when I've heard people use it in Al Anon meetings of their qualifiers (usually when it's other drugs as well as alcohol) as in "she's been clean for two years now" - but the discussion in the recent posts hasn't set my teeth on edge - perhaps it's the difference between "being clean" and "feeling clean". Don't know. I can certainly understand the feeling of being sharply focussed rather than fuzzy round the edges and that would be a clean feeling.
Chesh, I assume your OH has built up considerable tolerance - the reverse of my intolerance which comes from drinking increasingly little over the years . My husband really didn't ever seem to suffer much from hangovers - I don't know whether that was a learned tolerance - or whether the fact that he didn't suffer much afterwards was what encouraged him down the path of drinking too much in the first place. -
Message 26
Posted by TeaLady (U9077092) on Monday, 7th March 2011
I always said I didn't suffer much from hangovers. I did when I was much younger and didn't drink much on a regular basis but binged occasionally. Towards the end of my drinking, I would have told you I never had a hangover. I realise now that I actually felt crap most of the time - nauseous, sweaty, trembling - nothing another drink wouldn't fix. Oh God, I'm so glad to be free of that. Even when I felt really tired for weeks recenlty (post-viral wotsit) I still felt better than I felt 'normally' when drinking. It's good for me to remmeber - there was a time when getting to the end of a day without a drink seemed impossible, then a time when I appreciated the daily miracle. I must try not to let it become too ordinary - to continue to appreciate it.
TL -
Message 27
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Monday, 7th March 2011
>Towards the end of my drinking, I would have told you I never had a hangover.<
Yes, I suppose all I know is that my husband always told me that he didn't have a hangover (and I don't think he would have been deliberately being untruthful - he told me about craving the drink and how dreadful that made him feel, after all) but I suppose that could well just have meant that he didn't feel any worse physically when he had been drinking the night before than he did on the mornings when he hadn't - and that he'd just forgotten normal. He's certainly looked a whole lot healthier and younger in the last couple of years than he did back then. -
Message 28
Posted by superjan3 (U6523409) on Monday, 7th March 2011
I agree Tea Lady - in not letting it seem 'too ordinary' not to drink. I worry about getting complacent - the other day - and only for a moment, I fancied a dry martini (someone was drinking one in a book I was reading). It only took a minute to talk myself out of it, but it's always there
I also occasionally have drinking dreams and wake up feeling hungover and it's a couple of minutes before I come round properly.
Best wishes to all,
Jan -
Message 29
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Monday, 7th March 2011
Morning all
All this talk of hangovers and drinking dreams is striking a chord with me too. I had a drinking dream last night although the details are fuzzy. I woke this morning and for a small moment felt dry and drawn inside like I used to when drinking. As if a gallon of water wouldn't quench my thirst. I soon realised that I had a sore throat and was sleeping with my mouth open.
I haven't had a drinking dream for ages and just like EM it tends to be at times of stress and uncertainty. Well once again I am there. OH has been offered a new job in Victoria and so we are off again. A house to smarten up and then sell, move to another city, new house , schools and jobs. All very unsettling in many ways but I feel positive about everything. When you look at the task ahead you know that a lot of ground needs to be covered in a fairly short space of time and that you could become overwhelmed if you let it all tumble down upon you.
So I have made a list and prioritised what I need to do and when. As Fee says like eating an elephant.
Still a bit scary.
It makes me wonder how I coped with the move out here from the other side of the world. -
Message 30
Posted by yulzerzo (U10301639) on Tuesday, 8th March 2011
Hi all
Not replying to any particular post, but just a catch up. Realise I haven't been in here for ages. I think life business has just taken over for a while.
I've been sober now for 25 months, and although it has not been all plain sailing, I agree with the last few posts, that life is much, much better now than how it was while I was drinking.
Life has moved on since I last posted. Have now sold my car and am managing quite well with public transport (helps that I am of an age that I have my bus pass). I have been working part time for the last 6 months in a GP surgery which I enjoyed immensely, even managing to battle to work through the dreadful snow we had earlier in the year (how that would have been impossible in my drinking days). Unfortunately, the job has now finished, they've employed a permanent member of staff. I was employed through an agency and they were reluctant to pay the finder's fee (I think it's called) so here I am out of work again.
I plan, however, to go into town today and leave my CV with a few agencies and see if anything comes of that (into action) and while there plan to go to a lunchtime AA meeting that I have not been to before. I'm feeling a bit nervous about this, but it will be good for me to do something out of my comfort zone.
I work hard at not feeling complacent about my sobriety and find that going to meetings and hearing other stories helps with this. I hope to come into this forum on a more regular basis, as I do gain strength from the positive attitude in here.
Best wishes to all
Yulzerzo -
Message 31
Posted by yulzerzo (U10301639) on Tuesday, 8th March 2011
Oz
I also meant to say good luck with the move
Yulzerzo -
Message 32
Posted by Barefoot - a Bit of a Handful (U14258080) on Tuesday, 8th March 2011
<quote>I will never get bored of the feeling of going to bed sober, clean, with crisp clean bed linen, a good book and a cup of mint tea. It’s a tiny joy each day, however horrible the day. <quote>
I am an occasional lurker and saw this post. This morning I was searching out a reference from another thread and came across George Herbert's poem a Dear Feast of Lent. - this verse resonated so much with the above quote:
"Besides the cleanness of sweet abstinence,
Quick thoughts and motions at a small expense,
A face not fearing light:
Whereas in fulness there are sluttish fumes,
Sour exhalations, and dishonest rheums,
Revenging the delight"
the whole poem is here.
bc -
Message 33
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Tuesday, 8th March 2011
Hello Yulzerzo, good to see you. I hope you have a good meeting - and good luck with the new job search.
Hi BC, thanks for the poem. -
Message 34
Posted by superjan3 (U6523409) on Tuesday, 8th March 2011
I'm just reading "Just Me" the autobiography of Sheila Hancock - the follow up to her book about her life with John Thaw - which I think was serialised on the radio.
This struck home with me:
"Alone. Content.
Even I venture to say, happy. Now, this moment, anyway.
Sanguine about what may come next and my ability to cope with it.
Whatever."
J -
Message 35
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Tuesday, 8th March 2011
>"Alone. Content.
Even I venture to say, happy. Now, this moment, anyway.
Sanguine about what may come next and my ability to cope with it.
Whatever."<
In the earlier book (The Two of Us?) she talks briefly about going to Al Anon meetings - some of that coming through in that quotation, perhaps.
(She also talks about finding empty bottles on the top of wardrobes etc). -
Message 36
Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Tuesday, 8th March 2011
Thank you so much for that SJ, really needed to read that today.
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Message 37
Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Tuesday, 8th March 2011
Lovely to see you Yul. Thank you for your post. I'm always amazed at how people adapt to what they thought untenable whilst drinking - no car, moving house, no job etc. I am amazed that I managed to move last summer whilst struggling, seems like a bad dream. Interesting that both my sponsees are going to be going through life-changing times with house moves.... Better get to some more meetings so I can get credit in my sobriety bank.
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Message 38
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Tuesday, 8th March 2011
Morning
Well I have made a start at the great pack up of QLD. Books, hundreds of the beggars. I have now got 6 large boxes filled and I haven't made much of an impact. I also have to clear out the kitchen as it is getting a facelift very soon. I have just been in to inspect the cupboards and have to admit I felt a bit of a sinking feeling at what I found. I keep telling myself it is just stuff and most of it I don't use nor need but there is all sits in the cupboards and I am armed with nothing more than choice and a box or 20.
i found myself saying out loud "Keep calm it is doable" which of course it is. Like most things the hardest part is making a start.
Ah Bash I sooooo hear you about the sobriety bank needing filled. Meeting at lunchtime for me I think.
OK
[grits teeth] I'm going in. -
Message 39
Posted by yulzerzo (U10301639) on Wednesday, 9th March 2011
Morning,
For some reason up early this morning - for me anyway. As I mentioned yesterday, went to a new (for me)AA meeting and I was feeling somewhat anxious about it. It is really odd how things work at because I knew 2 people at the meeting and had a nodding acquaintance with a couple more. Anxiety was not needed. It was a good, busy meeting with good messages of recovery. Until, I get another job, think I will try to get back to this meeting on a weekly basis.
Anyway back to the job hunting
Yulzerzo -
Message 40
Posted by Penstemon (U4429639) on Wednesday, 9th March 2011
Good luck with the move Oz, not an easy thing to do at the best of times xx
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Message 41
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Wednesday, 9th March 2011
>i found myself saying out loud "Keep calm it is doable" which of course it is. Like most things the hardest part is making a start.<
How true that is. Although I reckon that making sense of the processes of disconnecting telephone and IT connections in one place and installing them in another must run a close second (particularly when like me you have an overlap rather than moving straight from one into another). Perhaps it all works better in Australia, though.
I just try to keep remembering that it does not all have to be sorted out at once and by this time next year the whole tiresome process should be long over.
Yul, glad your meeting was good. -
Message 42
Posted by Oz (U6102444) on Wednesday, 9th March 2011
Well the process of the renovation has begun.
So it is all hands to the pump so to speak.
I had a little think last night and this place is going to be all dust and debris for at least 10 day so we have decided to move out. With that thought in mind we have also decided to have removalists come in an take all the big stuff into storage. A lot will never come back but my husband finds it hard to let go of things. I keep trying to suggest that it is part of the process of moving on and not clinging to old ideas and the stuff associated. I wonder if a quick intro to the 12 Steps might be advantageous at this point but he is a dyed in the wool cynic. I did make some headway last night however. He actually went to the wardrobe and got rid of some of his stuff voluntarily. How can one man accumulate so many suits is beyond me. I found one that was a seventies special with lapels you could land an aircraft on. Glad I never saw him wearing that; it was truly hideous.
Some of my AA buddies are coming round later to help me take stuff to the tip. In an hour or so it will be Uteville outside Oz Towers. I'd like to make some biscuits but as I have no functioning oven or stove I can't so it will be a trip round to the local shops for some bought stuff.
I am still having wee meltdown moments but when that happens I just call time and have a rest or chocolate. Both work.
Yuls
Good luck with the job hunting. I hope you won't have to wait too long.
Fee
The utilities bit I have been spared from for a while. It looks like we may keep this house and rent it. So it will be a case of transferring. I haven't even considered where we will live in Victoria. We will probably rent for a bit but that is too far ahead for me to be worried about it now. I have two weeks of chaos to wade through first. Time enough for the next step. -
Message 43
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Thursday, 10th March 2011
All the bet, Oz. It sounds as if it'll be a real fresh start in Victoria, after all your hard work.
C-B x -
Message 44
Posted by Cheshire Cat (U14533219) on Thursday, 10th March 2011
Good luck with the move Oz, I have moved many times in my life but I would find it very difficult now because we have so much /stuff/.
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Message 45
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Sunday, 13th March 2011
Just bumping in case anyone is looking for the thread.
Someone sent me this link recently which I thought I'd share here
I've not registed with it although I feel it might actually be a good idea - it's very easy to forget about being grateful for things (particularly when, as now, I'm about to set off for two hours on the motorway and it has just started pouring with rain in completely unforecasted fashion).
Doing a bit of googling I found this about it -
Message 46
Posted by TeaLady (U9077092) on Sunday, 13th March 2011
Hi Fee, thanks for that link. That looks worth doing - ties in with what I was thinking the other day about not taking things for granted or letting my sobriety become 'too ordinary' - and could also be applied to many other areas of life - I like the idea of a gratitude journal.
Hope your journey was ok and that you drove out of the rain.
Oz - hope things are going ok - I feel exhausted just thinking about all the things you are doing!
TL x -
Message 47
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Sunday, 13th March 2011
>Hope your journey was ok and that you drove out of the rain.<
Thanks TL - yes the first half hour was a bit miserable but by the time I got back here it was lovely - it felt like spring this afternoon. -
Message 48
Posted by TeaLady (U9077092) on Sunday, 13th March 2011
Glad to hear that.
Yes, it was lovely and warm here this afternoon - something for the gratitude list. I wanted to join my sons on a bike ride but had to finish some planning for work - suppose I shoould be grateful for the teaching hours, though. Hmm, I might drive myself a bit mad with this positive outlook!
TL -
Message 49
Posted by Orpheus (U14408875) on Monday, 14th March 2011
"Hmm, I might drive myself a bit mad with this positive outlook!"
That made me laugh TL. In a good way, don't worry.
Hi, i confess I haven't really felt like posting on here for a while. Haven't even lurked for a few weeks so forgive me if i don't comment on happenings.
Sitting here drinking coffee and unable to sleep..hmm, wonder why that would be then...nothing to do with the coffee i'm sure. Well maybe.
Life is ticking along here, in the dandy life of Orpheus. I am maybe half way through my 90/90 - am leaving it to my sponsor to count, trust he will tell me when i'm done!
Anyway, I've been busy generally, still searching for a better job, doing gigs occasionally, working long hours and doing this 90/90.
Am i benefiting from the 90/90? I guess so. It's always the last thing i want to do after working in a hot kitchen all day but i do it anyway because a deal is a deal and that's what i told my sponsor I would do. I get that it teaches or gives one a sense of achievemnet and responsibility. Except that I think i've always had a sense of responsibility and am quite hot on it in many ways. In seven years of working at the same place, for instance, i've never had one single day off sick. Not when i was 'dying' of a hangover (quite rare actually as I always had my little to-up on the way to work) or feeling wrung out from too many or too little drugs, nor even when i have had manflu. See, I can do responsibility, I can.
Hmm, but of course those who suggest that perhaps my sense of 'responsibility' lies with my addictive personality..well i'm beginning to give this some credence now. I do remember times when i have been genuinely ill and my mum or my siblings have tried to talk me out of going into work, before eventually telling me I was not indespensible and needed to think my ego through on this issue. I also now think that going in every single working day was my way of proving to myself and other concerned parties that i didn't have any kind of real problem with substance abuses. It worked too, apparently. My mum has said that she sometimes used to question her whole judgement re my drinking, after I would be up talking rubbish to her for hours on end, clearly drunk or off my head, and then seem fine in the morning as I i headed off for work..
So anyway, it's been interesting figuring this all out, with the help of my cool sponsor and others, and with the time I have to sit and chill in my 90/90 meetings. I actually really enjoy the morning meetings btw. In many ways that's when i feel the benefit of knowing that i'm doing the 90/90 despite it being difficult for any number of reasons. It sort of feels 'normal' to be doing something that benefits me..and I do sometimes smile at myself as i sit there and think "hahaha look at you; never thought you'd stick this out, did you?".
My drug worker sessions have finished and i'm not sure how i feel about that. Ok, I think, but sometimes it does make me feel a bit weighed down by the need to do this all on my own now. Silly really, i'm not a child but..Anyway, it was (according to she who knows) a solution based approach and it worked well for me, opened my eyes up to the fact that willing cravings and temptation away is never going to work long term, whereas having tools in place and finding solutions to problems will.
So, all good here. I feel fitter, stronger and healthier. Hmm, not sure about that actually. Did anyone experience a kind of bodily kick-back after they stopped drinking? i seem to be plagued by sore throats and colds and i certainly don't remember having them before? But i feel ooookkkkaaayyyyy, have loads more energy and also am becoming more social, don't need so much time to myself and don''t feel so inwardly resentful when others demand my time.
God i was one anti-social selfish git when i was using. I mean, by and large (apart from family) i covered it well but..no more anxiety about being overwhelmed by others demands of my time.
That is worth being sober for on its own, i can tell you.
Ok, sleep for me now. Hope everyone is doing well and feeling energised by their sobriety and/or (for those who still post here who are coping with partners/children who have alcohol/drugs concerns) feeling energised by the lighter days and warmer weather.
I can't say when i'll be back in here, i feel a resistance and I'm not really sure why tbh. Well, I do knoe why, of course i do, and actually arranged to talk this through with my sponsor today but i was called into work to cover so it never happened. Will try again in a couple of days. it's so unlike me, even at my worse of times, to feel like this. I can only think it must be connected to something i'm not really aware of yet..if that makes sense? -
Message 50
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Monday, 14th March 2011
But i feel ooookkkkaaayyyyy, have loads more energy and also am becoming more social, don't need so much time to myself and don''t feel so inwardly resentful when others demand my time.
Ìý
You have usually sounded pretty caring to me anyway,but I'm glad you're starting to meet your own standards, sort of.
All the best, I always like reading your posts, even when you're sad or angry, I like hearing from you.
Give my love to Kris as well,
C-B x
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