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Book recommendation: How to deal with Passive Aggressive Work Colleagues

• Message 1. 

  Posted by groovysbc (U14750366) on Sunday, 3rd July 2011

  Morning!
  
  It is such a lovely day, was hoping at some point some ehlpful person will recommend a book to help me cope with situations beyond my control. I need to toughen up in the workplasce (apparently).
  
  
  I looked on amazon and tinternet as a whole, and am not entirely sure how to sift through for the best read.
  
  Thanks in advance
  gbc

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Dunlurkin NL (U2675855) on Sunday, 3rd July 2011

  Morning groovysbc.
  
  Unfortunately the thread title is simply "book recommendation".
  
  If you feel up to it - The Bull can be a bit robust at times, but does get more traffic - how about starting a new thread and putting Passive Aggressive Work Colleagues as the title and starting the thread with Book recommendation please: I am looking for a book to help me etc.
  That way both your ideas will come over at the first viewing.
  
  Alternatively, if you want to stay in TVH, you could catpee yourself (explaining why) and start a new thread as described above.
  
  I'm sorry I can't be of any more help than that, but I wish you luck.
  
  Dunlurkin

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• Message 3

  , in reply to message 2.

  Posted by groovysbc (U14750366) on Sunday, 3rd July 2011

  Oh cool Dunlurkin, thank you very much.
  
  I will go with one of your suggestions or maybe both, oh no that is spamming.
  
  I do my best thinking in the shower, and spent too much time googling and got to the stage where I thought I am wasying time, getting nowhere.
  
  

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• Message 4

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Sunday, 3rd July 2011

  To me, it would probably make a difference with exactly what the problems with colleagues are. Of course, there are general books on things like assertiveness, passive agressiveness, transactional analysis, all sorts.
  
  What way do you need to "toughen up"? There's a difference between not being able to take any criticism, and having to deal with low-level bullying. Do you need to work on looking at things more objectively and taking criticism constructively? Is there banter going on, which isn't actually that pleasant, but you're being told you shouldn't get upset about it? In which case, you probably need to work on how to respond assertively, and get over the message that such behaviour isn't acceptable to you, but it can be very difficult if it's part of the culture there.
  
  In all cases, looking at things in a more objective way and learning some techniques on how to be assertive will probably help, but what focus you take on it depends on how/why they are passive/aggressive.
  
  What sort of company do you work for? Mine offers all sorts of personal development courses, but I work for a very large organisation - it might not be feasible for a small employer to offer such things. But if it is available, sometimes, doing role play exercises can be more helpful than just reading books. But if you've got a good friend you can trust with it, you could possibly do some role play about situations inspired by a good book and work situations.
  
  Also, if you belong to a union, they may well have resources you can look at - mine has quite a library of stuff online (have to admit I haven't really looked at it, apart from a couple of specific legal bits.)
  
  And finally - if it were me, I'd probably try to keep some sort of diary of events, including the time and date of each incident, to see if it really is a problem, or whether I'm being a bit oversensitive - I know that I am likely to interpret some people's actions more favourably than others, depending on how I feel about them generally, and if I mostly like someone, I'm more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt - "oh, we all make mistakes," rather than, "oh, they can't ever do anything right." Also, by keeping a diary, if it is a problem, you'll be building a picture of how bad things are, in case it gets worse and you need to take stronger action. And it should give you specific examples to work with on how to handle it better.
  
  By all means, find information which helps you to be more assertive - but note too that that doesn't just mean accepting behaviour which is wrong - hopefully it will also give you tools to recognise when a situation is okay, and when it's not, and for when it's not, how to take action against it, rather than just accepting it.
  
  Often not an easy thing to deal with, especially when there's none so blind as those who won't see (says Bearhug, mildly bitterly about some of her own management chain.)

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• Message 5

  , in reply to message 4.

  Posted by rhubarbjelly (U14545051) on Sunday, 3rd July 2011

  Hi groovysbc
  
  One book you might like to look at is Overcoming Low Self-Esteem by Melanie Fennell, which focuses on cognitive behavioural techniques- if your self-esteem has taken a knock at work.

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