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Coping with bereavement thread

• Message 1. 

  Posted by stolenkisses (U6230663) on Friday, 5th August 2011

  Is there one? I've looked back a few pages and can't find one but there are so many groups in here that I might just be missing it.
  
  Feeling rather weary after recent traumatic family events which have left two little girls without their mum. I was hoping there might be a nice quiet thread where I could creep in and sit at the back and maybe pick up a few tips.
  
  I know there are specialist websites and maybe I should go and register on one, but I've been a ML member for so long that it feels like being among friends.
  
  Lots of RL friends, colleagues and acquaintances have been very good but I'm starting to feel guilty about bending their ears with depressing stuff. This week, even the most mildly humorous comment I've made has been met with suspiciously enthusiastic laughter - I think they're telling me it's about time I lightened up!
  
  I've already said more than I meant to, but if there is a thread, could someone point me to it, please?
  
  thanks guys
  sk

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Friday, 5th August 2011

  Hi SK. So sorry to hear of your loss. Yes there is/was a Bereavement Thread in here. I think I know when it started, and I will try to find a link for you, but I'm not sure how far back I need to look.
  
  Meanwhile, feel free to talk in here. There are some very wise people, including Bereavement Counsellors, who pop in from time to time. There's no timetable for grief, so ignore anyone who thinks it's time you lightened up. You need to process your feelings in your own time. You may possibly have the odd minute when you feel 'normal', but equally, you are likely to feel like you have a limb missing most of the time.
  
  [hugs] if you need them.

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• Message 3

  , in reply to message 2.

  Posted by Orpheus (U14408875) on Friday, 5th August 2011

  Hi sk,
  
  I too had the same idea as Lili, and found the one, I think, that stood as the bereavement thread?
  
  
  
  This was the thread started by Drystane when she had suffered a recent bereavement. I know Kris posted on there too as she had too had been recently bereaved.
  
  Sorry you're feeling lost; like Lili said, there really is no timetable to bereavement. The reason I remember the linked thread so well is because there were so many diverse posts which showed how many emotions seem very common to bereavement, and most people suffer guilt and frustration and a feeling that maybe they should be 'over it' already.
  
  Anyway. the thread might be useful just to browse through and see that you are not alone in feeling alone with your pain, if that makes sense?
  
  But this (your) thread can surely stand on it's own as a new bereavement thread. I'm sure there will be others too who will welcome it.
  
  Best wishes,
  
  nic
  
  
  
  

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• Message 4

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by stolenkisses (U6230663) on Friday, 5th August 2011

  Thank you both of you for your kind words and for the hugs!
  
  Well-spotted, Orpheus, I don't think I used the word 'lost' but it sums up today really. Mostly I am very busy dealing with the fall-out and with other people's grief, but today has been a quiet day so other feelings have surfaced.
  
  I will go and read through the other thread more slowly and see what I can learn from it.
  
  I've suffered other bereavements and I subscribe to a 'pendulum' theory that emotions swing backwards and forwards between 'getting over it' and 'right back to day one' so I know I will feel better soon. I wasn't very close to the person who died, and it's mostly the poignancy of other peoples' loss that I find difficult.
  
  If this thread is useful to anyone else, that would be great - I don't want it to be all about me.
  
  thanks again
  sk

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• Message 5

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by poshquilter (U3799549) on Friday, 5th August 2011

  Hello Stolenkisses
  
  There was a bereavement thread but it hasn't seen the light of day for a while.
  
  
  I don't know if anything on there is of any help.
  I am sorry you are feeling low at the moment, if it helps there are always several of us in the same boat.
  I will bump up the other thread for you to read.
  PQ xx

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• Message 6

  , in reply to message 5.

  Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Friday, 5th August 2011

  Thanks for finding it, PQ - that's the one I was thinking of. I knew that it was XNo who started the thread, but I had no idea it was so long since anyone had posted on it.
  

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• Message 7

  , in reply to message 6.

  Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Saturday, 6th August 2011

  stolenkisses, as young children are involved can I suggest you have a look here too. I think children's bereavement needs are not the same as those of adults and are often deeply hidden. We have this at the moment with a young person in our family who is suffering huge traumas in their life as a result of a sudden and devastating bereavement some years ago.
  
  
  
  
  Sorry if this is a grandmother/eggs post.

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• Message 8

  , in reply to message 7.

  Posted by stolenkisses (U6230663) on Saturday, 6th August 2011

  Thank you Vicky - winston's wish was brought to our attention at the time and I have found them excellent. Thoroughly recommended to anyone in the same position.
  
  sk

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