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Otherwise - single dads

• Message 1. 

  Posted by stolenkisses (U6230663) on Thursday, 20th October 2011

  I can't remember ever seeing a thread about this. I know lots of people are single parents, but the circumstances in this case are fairly unusual, and I am wondering what help there is out there.
  
  A young man I know is bringing up his small daughters (under 5) after the death of their mother.
  
  Are there any books or forums/groups that anyone can recommend that might give him some advice about both practical and emotional issues, and possible also the chance to meet with people in the same situation? I've no doubt I could google and find plenty, but it can be difficult to know what is really helpful, so if anyone has any personal experience, it would be very welcome.
  
  hopefully
  sk
  
  

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Septic (U3282615) on Thursday, 20th October 2011

  I'm a single dad of one daughter who's just about to turn 18. I've been on my own with her since she was six weeks old.
  
  Sadly - most single parent resources seem to be aimed at mothers on their own and men with a child are regarded as somehwat strange or assumed to be 'weekend' dads. It seems to be getting better but I can remember when baby changing facilities were only in the ladies loo.
  
  Some shop assistants - especially in places like Mothercare - could be very patronising and assumed that I didn't have a clue what I was looking for.
  
  I just took it as it came - never was one for joining groups or clubs and I certainly didn't want to be made to be matey with people I didn't choose to be matey with.
  
  Still, I was lucky. I had a good job and could afford child care during the day while I worked. she has also - for the most part - been a good daughter. There have, of course been some bad times but also some very good times.
  
  Sorry I can't be more helpful.

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• Message 3

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Sunny Clouds (U14258963) on Thursday, 20th October 2011

  What about Gingerbread?
  
  
  
  They're aimed at single parents, both male and female, and their forum has a single dads' section.
  
  They also have links to other websites for single dads.
  
  
  
  They've been around since the early 1900s so they're well-established.

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• Message 4

  , in reply to message 2.

  Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Thursday, 20th October 2011

  sk, it's not very helpful but I have a distinct memory of reading an article in the Guardian family section one Saturday probably more than a year ago about a similar sort of situation ..... actually, as I type it comes back to me that it may have been about a man who was supported by an online forum ... so rather a particular case and probably not relevant to this case although if you can find it by googling it might have useful links or comments linked to it. That sounds like a very sad situation.
  
  Septic, you must have found the mothercare people very irritating - it's always annoying when people make stereotypical assumptions about what you can and can't do.
  
  
  
  

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• Message 5

  , in reply to message 2.

  Posted by stolenkisses (U6230663) on Thursday, 20th October 2011

  Septic - what a touching post and it sums up just what I'm trying to help with:
  
  Sadly - most single parent resources seem to be aimed at mothers on their own and men with a child are regarded as somewhat strange or assumed to be 'weekend' dads.  
  
  I do think some aspects can be harder for men, and I suspect they are more likely to end up in this situation through a bereavement, which adds to the strain.
  
  A woman who is a single parent is quite likely to meet others or already have them as friends, whereas the young man I know has never met anyone in his circumstances, and I know he would like to swap stories and ideas with someone if he can. I appreciate not everyone would feel the same.
  
  Thanks for replying, my OP was starting to look a little lonely!
  
  sk

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• Message 6

  , in reply to message 4.

  Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Thursday, 20th October 2011

  Here it is - more recent than I thought
  
  
  
  The Foundation he has set up to support people in a similar situation is in the US though so not likely to be helpful -

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• Message 7

  , in reply to message 4.

  Posted by Septic (U3282615) on Thursday, 20th October 2011

  Septic, you must have found the mothercare people very irritating - it's always annoying when people make stereotypical assumptions about what you can and can't do. 
  
  Things improved when we moved from London. One of the advantages of a small island is that people soon get to know you.
  
  

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• Message 8

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by stolenkisses (U6230663) on Thursday, 20th October 2011

  Thanks, Sunny - the stats re single dads on one of your links are quite surprising and make my young friend even more atypical...
  
  Had a quick peek at the single dads forum and a lot of it is about relationship break-up angst rather than parenting issues.
  
  sk

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• Message 9

  , in reply to message 6.

  Posted by stolenkisses (U6230663) on Thursday, 20th October 2011

  Thank you, Fee - what a sad story. I will pass on the links.
  
  sk

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• Message 10

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by DeeKay Bee - Disenfranchised (U236881) on Friday, 21st October 2011

  There is a fairly new charity based in Bolton, I've looked at the website and I don't think they've got everything sorted yet but you can contact them and/or sign up for their newsletter , it's worth keeping an eye on their facebook page.

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