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Posted by th_ange (U2258550) on Thursday, 27th October 2011
I know it's a long shot, but does anyone know of any carers groups in NI that meet face-to-face? I've found a few, but the times aren't do-able.
Or, anyone who'd like to start doing this, just have a coffee and a chat somewhere every few weeks? It's a lonely life.
I can't help you at all, can only express sympathy. I'd love to meet up with you for tea and a chat but while I often manage to type NL as Nl I am too far away. I'm not a carer in the traditional sense either. Min dyou, if I think about it ...
Best wishes
Dunlurkin
Oh, that is just the nicest message, thank you!
But it's not for me, but for my mum (who is, of course, every bit as lovely as me). I'm very worried about her, but she's several hundreds of miles away from me.
, in reply to message 3.
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Thursday, 27th October 2011
Did you try a message om this thread?.
I hadn't thought of that - brilliant! Thank you.
Shamelessly bumping.
Hi, th_ange: can't help, but OH and I are in (possibly) a similar situation to you. His mother is in a residential home in NI and we are in Wales and he worries about her a lot.
I'm not aware of any carer support groups in NI. One of the things we have done is find a wonderful woman with a background in nursing and care who visits OH's mum a couple of times a week, keeps an eye on how things are run in the care home and acts as our eyes and ears. It helps having an independent view of what's going on.
None of this any help, I realise, but thinking of you.
Aw, thanks. What's happened is that my mum has given up everything (and I mean everything) to become a full time carer for her mother. She moved to NI, and knows no-one, not a soul. I'm worried about her, it's relentless, and I think it would be great for her to meet someone, anyone, to be able to talk about something, anything. If you see what I mean. She hates it there because it's not home to her, her husband is still at home, he has to keep working as she gave up her job. She sees no-one except people concerned with the caring, and I think she's at the end of her tether sometimes. I don't know how to support her, and that bothers me so much.
Gosh, th_ange, I would be worried about her too. In my experience NI is very parochial and I imagine it might be difficult to create a friendship circle. Everyone knows everyone else, or is related to half of them, in the villages at least. Difficult to find a way in. We may all speak the same language, but NI is very different and not always very open to outsiders.
Is your mother religious? The churches in NI seem very involved in local communities and seem to provide a lot of support, so that might be one route. Women's Institute, too. Could she start by getting to know the neighbours and making it clear that she could do with some socialising opportunities? I think there is still often a strong sense of neighbourly duty that has perhaps faded on the mainland.
Is her mother able to go to day-care at all, to give your mother a break? If so, is there any chance of your mum inking up with other carers?
Would suggest contacting social services/GP and making it clear that she needs support to support her mother. Good luck.
Th'ange,
That sounds like a hard row to hoe for your mother, and thus for the rest of you.
There are a number of NI posters in ML, some of whom I never see in TVH. Might it be worth starting another thread in the Bull.? Perhaps asking for ways for someone not working to get to know people in NI, rather than stressing the caring aspect.
Dunlurkin
Her biggest problem is that it's 24 hour care. She has about an hour and a half every day when my gran is asleep to go out.
It's hard because I try to make things easy by not telling her the bad stuff so she doesn't worry, but even I can't avoid telling her I've got to have a hysterectomy. She'll worry. A lot. And I don't want that. I sent her a secret teeny present this week, just to cheer her up a bit, but I know she'll have a bit of a weep too. My brother is a self centred (insert naughty word of choice) and he hasn't bothered to get out there to see her. It's heart breaking to hear her lonliness sometimes, and know you can't do anything.
Difficult times, it's been a crap year.
We've found Social Services in NI to be really good - lucky to have had an excellent social worker. I would strongly recommend that your mum asks for help: there may be some respite care available or other ways of getting your mum time off.
Thank you, I shall give her a gentle nudge in that direction. Failing that, I'll do it myself (in case she thinks I'm taking over).
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