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Vanishing
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Message 1.Ìý
Posted by aminam (U2277964) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
Does anyone else ever feel the urge just to vanish?
Life isn't particularly difficult, nothing is really wrong, there are no terrible tragedies. There are work worries and money worries and health worries and worries about the future for all sorts of reasons but they're only the things that other people experience daily and none of them is particularly acute or distressing right now. But as you know, I find this time of year very hard anyway - so the Worries seem more burdensome right now.
Recently I've just had the urge - when driving to the shops or something - to keep driving. To hit the motorway and keep going to god-knows-where. At the moment I'm on a very large land mass so could go a very, very long way indeed.
I won't do it of course. O/H would be devastated and I'd miss him within about 20 minutes of going. And it's not actually an attempt to escape HIM. He's not the problem. Indeed I can't even really identify what the problem is, but all I know is I want to be a long way from it. The difficulty is that I suspect the problem is me, and however far I drive I can't escape that.
Am x -
Message 2
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
Perhaps it's rather like birds heading south to the sunshine?
I'm the opposite if anything - I turn into hibernation mode and don't feel like leaving the house. -
Message 3
Posted by aminam (U2277964) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
Interestingly fee the fantasy is ALWAYS heading south.
Am x -
Message 4
Posted by Babs (U12089863) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
I've felt like that many times, Am. In fact, at one point a couple of years ago I started looking at properties on Lewis, Shetlands, etc, until someone pointed out that I couldn't escape myself, no matter where I went.
It wasn't me I was trying to escape from though. Just wanted a fresh start where no one knew me. -
Message 5
Posted by ThisLizzie (U5294918) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
The urge to vanish? Oh yes, often and it's been getting stronger lately, more of a need than an urge I'd say. I do wonder though, what if I went and when I got there found that I had actually vanished. I think perhaps I've spent so many years being what other people need that Lizzie doesn't exist anymore.
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Message 6
Posted by supertillypops (U7654482) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
Am, I wonder if you've read Anne Tyler's "Ladder of Years"? It's exactly about that feeling and a highly recommended read.
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Message 7
Posted by catwomyn (U1485618) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
can I come with you?
Cat x -
Message 8
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
The difficulty is that I suspect the problem is me, and however far I drive I can't escape that.
Ìý
Indeed so, but sometimes a break can help. -
Message 9
Posted by Dorcas Scones (U9339340) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
Am, I wonder if you've read Anne Tyler's "Ladder of Years"? It's exactly about that feeling and a highly recommended read. Ìý Am, I feel like that a lot and indeed it's only thinking about OH and kids that pulls me back sometimes. Maybe it's some sort of temporaryness we all feel about ourselves and that we all look for something more than what is here.... I don't know. I loved Ladder of Years, by the way.
I have increasingly felt that I need more in my life than job, family, what I currently have. -
Message 10
Posted by supertillypops (U7654482) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
"Ladder of Years" pointed me in a new direction some years ago and I now lead a very different life. For me volunteering has stopped that feeling of "is this it?". To provide a service for no financial reward has been life-affirming and liberating.
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Message 11
Posted by Alsdouble (U524298) on Thursday, 29th December 2011
Most people who fancy vanishing are more often than not SCARED OUT OF THEIR SKULLS OF THE DAY THEY WILL INEVITABLY VANISH for good!!!
So..........
nothing.
My catchphrase for 2012 is.........
........ARS......................!
That will be my response to all approaches.
(Just practicing.) -
Message 12
Posted by Karmic-ish Kris (U14642774) on Friday, 30th December 2011
I've felt like that many times, Am. In fact, at one point a couple of years ago I started looking at properties on Lewis, Shetlands, etc, until someone pointed out that I couldn't escape myself, no matter where I went.Ìý
Ooh Ams my lovely (and Babs), I have actually doe just that...been away from home for a month and am now happily ensconced in The Shetland Isles...
..and loving the fact that my problems are not on my doorstep, and I can step outside them and pretend they are not there.
But, seriously..I am ready to go home now. Face my uncertainties head on and reclaim the life I had. Yes, there will be consequences of my 'running away', but it HAS made me stronger, both physically and mentally, and most of all it has made me yearn for all the good things I left behind.
Go on a road trip sweetie. plan it for a few months tine and do it. But there is absolutely no place like the familiar place we call home, and that's the truth!
Kris Xx -
Message 13
Posted by Karmic-ish Kris (U14642774) on Friday, 30th December 2011
Oh btw. I am aware that I call you Ams and everyone else calls you AM. Just the way it is...I'm always gonna call you Ams because it feels right, ok?!
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Message 14
Posted by aminam (U2277964) on Friday, 30th December 2011
Thank you all of you.
Kriss - yes, I like 'Ams' if you like it too. Whatever works for you.
Als - of course you're right. This is a major fear in my life - not just my own vanishing, but the vanishing of others. Being less fearful would be a good thing.
I will try "Ladder of Years". At the moment I'm reading Barbara Pym for some reason, and that doesn't necessarily lift the old mood.
Anyway, not vanishing. Just ... waving.
Am x -
Message 15
Posted by sweetFeet (U14377598) on Friday, 30th December 2011
I used to do this. Not for long periods of time and not vanishing exactly.
Kids are wonderful but demanding and sometimes I would feel my own identity wearing very thin.
I'd be on the motorway and have the most dreadful urge to just keep on going.
I knew I needed time out then.
O/h was always happy to let me go, not for weeks or months, life has to be dealt with,but for a long weekend or so.
I never knew where I would end up, there was no planning as such, just hit the road and at some point a place to stay would show up.
If you feel the need Am,head off for a while. You wont vanish though, even if you don't take you phone. You never escape the city, it's inside you. -
Message 16
Posted by Westsussexbird or Birdy aka Westie (U6316532) on Friday, 30th December 2011
Waffle alert!
I've been watching this thread with interest and agree that stepping outside our daily lives is very tempting and something I think MrBirdy and I achieve when we go off in our little campervan. It is far less comfortable (washing in a bowl, loo that needs emptying, not knowing where we will stop for the night etc) but it is freedom and is our home away from home, and you can feel the excitement as we drive off in the camper. Just going out for the day is good, but an overnight stay is better ... the longer we are away the better!
When our two girls were young we would leave them with grandparents/neighbours and go for a few days and when they were old enough to leave on their own we would go for longer. Since MrB hasn't been able to go to work (depression) we go off for six or seven weeks several times a year and he is rarely ill while we are away. For us leaving everything ship shape is important and I think the deadline a trip produces is helpful in this respect. All the jobs we have been meaning to do get done and so there is a feeling of achievement as well as excitement.
For us though to not return would be unthinkable. I would miss my neighbours and family and friends though strangely enough a friend was saying that I'm in touch more when we are travelling than when we are at home. I suppose when at home there is a tendency to put off seeing people as there is always tomorrow, but when you are away you wish you could.
One of our daughters asked me where I am happiest ... on our travels or at home. I said I'm lucky and am happy where ever I am. So what I think I'm saying is, I don't think leaving will change anything ... either you are happy or you're not.
A friend who is a Quaker sent me this and I've always kept it as I think it is true:
A friend tells the story of a man who was sat in his front garden and a car drew up and a woman said she was thinking of moving to the area, and what were the neighbours like? He asked her what her own neighbours were like and she said they were terrible and she hadn't got a good word to say for them and was looking forward to moving away. He said that he thought she would find his neighbours just the same.
Another car came along and a woman wound down the window and told him she was thinking of moving to the area, and what were the neighbours like. He asked what her neighbours were like and she said they were wonderful, really helpful and nothing was too much trouble and she would miss them dreadfully. He said that he thought she would find his neighbours just the same. -
Message 17
Posted by Bractondefeated (U3173859) on Friday, 30th December 2011
Re op - so sorry to hear this. It seems to me that a temporary period away from the familiar can be hugely valuable. A chance to catch the breath and review ones life when ones not living it (if you see what I mean). Not vanishing as such since one would tell loved ones that one was going and for, roughly, how long but, in these days of mobile phones, perhaps not where. Perhaps there could be agreement that you would send a text every few days just saying "I'm ok" and asking that you not be contacted except in case of dire emergency,
I did that once when I had a dire personal issue and it got everything into perspective. I had all the time ai needed to think and not to concern myself with anyone else.
Bracton -
Message 18
Posted by SmoctusMole (U13882662) on Friday, 30th December 2011
Sorry also to hear this. But I think it's quite a common wish and not necessarily symptomatic of anything particularly wrong with the present situation. Nor is it running away, so best not to pile on the guilt!
Of course it's particularly hard to cope with for those who have ties of any sort - children, aged parents, jobs - but the feeling can and does affect all in whatever circumstances.
In order to get over this right-now hump could you promise yourself a special treat, am? I used to do this when stuck by circumstances so I couldn't just magic myself off somewhere.
Or perhaps you could negotiate some time out with your n & d?
Worth a try, anyway, and meanwhile I do sympathise. -
Message 19
Posted by Campbell in Farewell Clogs (U14226916) on Friday, 30th December 2011
Just dropping it to say that I've just plucked this book from my shelves (it's great having loads of unread books to choose from). To be honest I started on Finnegan's Wake this afternoon but don't feel quite up to it at the moment and am rather longing for a nice easy read to take to bed with me. Anne Tyler usually provides this so thanks for the suggestion.
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Message 20
Posted by GuzziNut (U6364582) on Saturday, 31st December 2011
"Ladder of Years" pointed me in a new direction some years ago and I now lead a very different life. For me volunteering has stopped that feeling of "is this it?". To provide a service for no financial reward has been life-affirming and liberating. Ìý Fine and dandy if you don't have to work for a living, keep a roof over the head etc
Sorry but get a bit jaundiced about tout who say " volunteering, oh yes, dont you know, it's sooooo rewarding "
As you were -
Message 21
Posted by posh_scouse_pinnedwithpride (U2514024) on Saturday, 31st December 2011
I've felt like that many times, Am. In fact, at one point a couple of years ago I started looking at properties on Lewis, Shetlands, etc, until someone pointed out that I couldn't escape myself, no matter where I went.Ìý
Ooh Ams my lovely (and Babs), I have actually doe just that...been away from home for a month and am now happily ensconced in The Shetland Isles...
..and loving the fact that my problems are not on my doorstep, and I can step outside them and pretend they are not there.
But, seriously..I am ready to go home now. Face my uncertainties head on and reclaim the life I had. Yes, there will be consequences of my 'running away', but it HAS made me stronger, both physically and mentally, and most of all it has made me yearn for all the good things I left behind.
Go on a road trip sweetie. plan it for a few months tine and do it. But there is absolutely no place like the familiar place we call home, and that's the truth!
Kris Xx
Ìý You auld cow.
Why didn't you tell me?
I'd have come with you [don't worry, I'd have stayed in the shed and not bothered you]
I dunno.... some people... -
Message 22
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Saturday, 31st December 2011
>Fine and dandy if you don't have to work for a living, keep a roof over the head etc
Sorry but get a bit jaundiced about tout who say " volunteering, oh yes, dont you know, it's sooooo rewarding "
As you were<
Volunteering of some sort is not incompatible with earning a living, though. -
Message 23
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Saturday, 31st December 2011
>Volunteering of some sort is not incompatible with earning a living, though.<
Not that I'm particularly suggesting it as the answer to anyone's problem btw. And I can see that financial issues and the need to earn a living could well be a stumbling block to following the birds south to the sunshine. -
Message 24
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Saturday, 31st December 2011
Sorry but get a bit jaundiced about tout who say " volunteering, oh yes, dont you know, it's sooooo rewarding "Ìý
But it doesn't have to take much time. Something like giving blood means you have to give an hour or so of your time two or three times a year. You could take part in a day of scrub-clearing or something for a local conservation trust. It would be completely unreasonable to expect people who work full-time and have a family and other interests to also do a couple of days a week in a local charity shop, or running a meals-on-wheels round every day.
But I also suspect that even those who do volunteer in one way or another still sometimes feel the urge to run away. -
Message 25
Posted by SmoctusMole (U13882662) on Saturday, 31st December 2011
I don't see how it can possibly be any sort of "answer" if volunteering isn't what you would anyway chose to do! Yes, it can be fun and rewarding and mostly is ime, but that's supposing it was a free choice - and not as is happening now something Cameroooon is unloading onto all of us as a way of saving money.
Sorry if I'm sounding sour. I really don't mean to be, but it's all getting up my nose a bit. -
Message 26
Posted by sweetFeet (U14377598) on Saturday, 31st December 2011
Volunteering doesn't cut it for me.
I've volunteered in a variety of capacities since I was at university.
When you get the urge to go, there is no substitute.
Even with a full time job and a family this should be possible. It isn't for ever. A night away, a quiet meal alone, curling up alone with a book or music or tv or nothing at all (yes, you get to chose hurrah), for even one night, is a helluvah tonic. -
Message 27
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Saturday, 31st December 2011
t can be fun and rewarding and mostly is ime, but that's supposing it was a free choice - and not as is happening now something Cameroooon is unloading onto all of us as a way of saving money.Ìý
Yes - I would say only ever volunteer for something you're interested in anyway, because otherwise, you won't be committed enough to get much from it or want to spend any time on it, and it will be a chore, and it should mostly be something you get something out of. -
Message 28
Posted by Abberley (U14872426) on Saturday, 31st December 2011
Does anyone else ever feel the urge just to vanish? Ìý
Oh, yes. I desperately want to get away sometimes. An ache in my tummy that says I need to go to a particular place and jump around on it. Or climb a big hill. Am desperate at the moment to go to Barnard Castle - I had a happy holiday there a few years back, and want to recreate that feeling of contentment and self-containment. Ditto Amsterdam. Want to go and sit near a canal and hear people speaking a different-but-not-so-different language. And no, going to Birmingham will not fit the bill.
Sometimes, just driving off and going to a different town for a bit of shopping does the job, though. Blasting off and eating a cream tea in a National Trust property. Or going to the seaside - had a very happy experience of ending up sitting on the pier at Clevedon, sniffing lungfuls of the Bristol Channel, a few months back. Did me the world of good, and it only took an afternoon off. I keep a bit of spare cash for petrol for urges to disappear, so | know I can do it if I need to. It doesn't need to mean there's something wrong - just means I need some new sights and sounds. -
Message 29
Posted by Campbell in Farewell Clogs (U14226916) on Sunday, 1st January 2012
>>> Amsterdam. Want to go and sit near a canal and hear people speaking a different-but-not-so-different language.<<<
---
so do you live in Germany then at the moment? I'd say that German was maybe 'not-so-different' from Dutch (but don't let Mr Clogs hear me saying it) - but not-so-different from English?
On the volunteering front - up until my most recent move I've almost always done some sort of voluntary thing one morning or afternoon every (other) week since my student days helping out with disabled horseriding. I've always been lucky enough to be able to afford the time to do this next to my work. Wouldn't say it was the answer to all life's problems mind... -
Message 30
Posted by SmoctusMole (U13882662) on Sunday, 1st January 2012
Am - if you are still 'here' and not vanished :
Have you read The Enchanted April? By Elizabeth von Arnim (actually listed as 'by the author of Elizabeth and Her German Garden').
I think you'd love this book which, for the most part, is about 4 women who haven't previously known each other but desperately want to get away from their present lives (all for very different reasons) so answer an ad in The Times and rent a castle in northern Italy for the month of April. It's a beautiful book, a 'time out dream'. If you haven't come across it before do see if you can get it and discover for yourself.
And don't be fobbed off with the tv version with Joan Plowright - all very well in its way but it totally misses the humour and the yearning.
I think E.von A was someone who understood very well the need to vanish - read the German Garden book too if you can get it, though you might think it dated. Her other books are good, but don't show this quality. She was a very interesting and strange woman altogether. -
Message 31
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Sunday, 1st January 2012
I'd say that German was maybe 'not-so-different' from DutchÌý Me too - I could just about follow the traffic reports we picked up on the radio driving into Amsterdam, and can sometimes get the gist of reading bits (suspect I'd have little idea if someone read those bits aloud to me, though.) I think it's easier for me, for whom German is a non-fluent foreign language, than for tLG, for whom German is his mother tongue, because I have to decipher German in a way he doesn't (his English is fluent, too.)
-
Message 32
Posted by Morganish (U9108847) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
Am, if you're going to vanish, may I vanish with you? The holidays are over, I am still in recovery from our very successful New Year's Eve party, which took three days of cooking, cleaning and preparation, and I'm ready to pack my bag and leave. OH is back from his Christmas away and prowling round worrying about his work situation - and wanting to run everything by me. I can't sit down to read a book without him sitting down beside me and starting another interminable discussion about his options and what do I think. I am beyond caring! And to crown it all, I'm back in the office tomorrow, with more of other peoples' tish to sort out before I am officially laid off in a fortnight's time.
I've had enough. I want everyone else to manage in noble silence. I've no idea what my needs are, but I want to be able to work them out. I want to be able to think about my health, my plans, my future. I want to leave all my responsibilities behind and run away for a bit. -
Message 33
Posted by SmoctusMole (U13882662) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
There was I thinking y'all had indeed vanished, leaving me on the dockside waving my tear-sodden hanky.
Oh Morganish, those OH's who sit by one and try to engage in How What Why When Would Should chat. So very sorry you've got that 2 weeks of dragging yourself to work before your gracious employers hand you the envelope. Any mention of a clock or am I being old-fashioned?
It's a grey-looking start to your year but I hope very soon better and brighter lights will appear on your horizon. -
Message 34
Posted by SmoctusMole (U13882662) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
Hekshully Morganish -
why not just do that vanishing bit?
End of the fortnight just look up to see what special offers are available from that Michael O'Thing airline and booger orf? Think Shirley Valentine, leave note for the cat and zoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom.
You don't mention chirruping Morganishettes, tho, with ever open beaks who require your presence at the kitchen stove and washing machine. -
Message 35
Posted by aminam (U2277964) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
I came very, very close this afternoon, after an altercation with o/h. (Whose fault was it? Whose fault is it ever?) Actually got a bag and started packing ... then thought better of it and went to the supermarket instead. Of course the altercation is now largely mended and over.
Still have vanishing on my mind though. Wonder how long this will go on?
Am x -
Message 36
Posted by SmoctusMole (U13882662) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
What I've been attempting to say, but apologies because I know I'm being cack-handed, is
Why (all other responsibilities being equal to it) don't you just go away for a bit? It doesn't *have* to be melodramatic a la A.Christie disappearing to her spa in Harrogate - you can say why you are going away for a bit. I daresay (because "I knows Men", she says darkly) that this might be misunderstood at the point of departure, but if it's for the greater good in the long run I do very sincerely think you are entitled to grab some space.
The alternative might be a whole lot worse.
If there are other responsibilities - children, aged rellies, animals - is there anyone who can be relied upon to temporarily step in? Think: they'd have to if you were rushed into orspital.
I'm trying to be serious here, not a stirrer of hornets nests, and do know of what I speak. I once did just this (but didn't have, at the time, responsibilities other than vile job) and had a really enchanting time in Bristol which suited my pocket . Apart from the time out there was also such a delicious feeling from being totally anon. -
Message 37
Posted by Morganish (U9108847) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
Smoctus, how kind of you to respond. No children to worry about leaving behind, but two dogs who are dependent on me for walks, company and general kerfuffling. I know they're only dogs and can be put in a kennel for a couple of weeks if necessary, but they are a responsibility none the less. It sounds as if you have experience of a partner dreading the return to work. Horrible situation. I feel desperately sorry for him: he's been right royally stitched up by practically everyone and there's no open, clean way out of a thoroughly dirty mess. You're right that in a fortnight's time I'll be free of my work at least. And I've been given a bonus, so a last-minute holiday somewhere warm and dry (three weeks of Welsh rain haven't helped my mood) may be on the cards.
I, too, was going to suggest to Am that it might be possible to play this as a game: pack a bag, head south, chase whatever it is we think we seek for a week or two but with the proviso that we keep in touch with those at home regularly. Then, after a fortnight, have a proper evaluation and if necessary make major changes. Perhaps we both need a little space to work out what those major changes might be. -
Message 38
Posted by SmoctusMole (U13882662) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
Stick to Blighty and take the dogs! And hotties and elec. blankets and pretend its somewhere sweltering! Make sure it's somewhere totally new to you, and I was going to say leave your mobile at home, but perhaps that's irresponsible in this day and age.
There's some book or other (to be found in local library) which lists b & b establishments which welcome dogs - at no extra cost.
I think if you treat it as a sort of game it soon becomes so - and pleasurable and mind soothing. -
Message 39
Posted by Morganish (U9108847) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
I think you're right. I know Am suffers from SAD and I don't think I do to any great extent - though it's been so wet for the last few weeks that the mud is driving me crazy. It's pouring yet again here and the garden is under water. For me, I just need a break from everyone else's needs and problems. I don't have children but I do empathise with those who've written about their occasional desire to just leave the family behind and have some headspace to themselves for a while. There comes a point when you begin to lose yourself in everyone else's problems.
-
Message 40
Posted by SmoctusMole (U13882662) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
It would be wonderful if we could all get sabbaticals on the NHS, wouldn't it?
Well, we can't right everything for everyone, and it's hard to avoid trench foot in this weather, and it's only possible to be positive when we aren't already ground down - I do know this, and I do know only too personally well about SAD. But there comes a point when we have to take up the reins on our own behalf and fight for what our minds and bodies tell us we need or sink without trace.
No - that sounds too brisk and bracing - not at all intended. I would have made a horrible mother !
But I do understand, please believe that. -
Message 41
Posted by aminam (U2277964) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
Well ... "planned vanishing" sounds great, I agree.
My problem is at the moment that I have a string of (seemingly important) commitments and a load of work with pressing deadlines. As at the moment I'm chief bread-winner, and 2011 wasn't a good year work-wise for many reasons, it's important that I get on with work when it's available. So just scarpering really isn't an option. As a result I feel very hemmed in - hence my desire to vanish, I guess.
Oh, Morganish I do so feel for you in so many ways. And as for the rain ... it's real "40 days and 40 nights" stuff here. Awful. The sky is perpetually leaden grey. It really doesn't help. I found myself "strolling" through Ipanema last night using Google Street View. Which actually, stupidly enough, rather helped!
I dunno. Better get on with some work. At least then we might have sufficient cash to scarper in the spring.
Morganish ... thinking of you. A lot.
Am x -
Message 42
Posted by sweetFeet (U14377598) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
That's a problem am. Most of us adults have home and work responsibilities.
Vanishing to me is about so much more than taking a holiday. A holiday isn't a vanishing....well to me it isn't.
When I've run, it's bee to the unknown and just stayed, unplanned, at anywhere that's take my fancy.
I have kept in touch with o/h though and it's never bee for a long period. -
Message 43
Posted by aminam (U2277964) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
Sweeters that's exactly it. Vanishing isn't a holiday. Vanishing is vanishing. I've never done it but oh so frequently I have the urge so to do.
I'm not sure it was particularly skilful behaviour, but when I was at my worst a few years ago, I actually warned o/h that if I did disappear it wouldn't be because I wanted to disappear from him and that I'd always let him know I'm safe.
The reality is he could probably guess within five minutes the places I'd disappear to! I'd need to be somewhere familiar and I'd probably go somewhere where I've been very happy. And he knows where most of those places are, almost down to the addresses. And to be honest I'd be very glad if he came and found me ...
Am x -
Message 44
Posted by Abby33 (U6428266) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
It is nice to know that it is a common urge.
I am perfectly happy and wouldn't swap my life but, every so often when on my own in the car, I have a little daydream about just heading where the fancy took me with no destination in mind, although I think it gravitates towards the Highlands of Scotland via the Northumbrian coast.
I wouldn't want to do it for long -just for time out. -
Message 45
Posted by Kate McLaren olim DD olim LilacC (U14947214) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
Oh yes, am. Many a time. My fantasy goes north, though. Usually I get this within a couple of years of moving anywhere. I have been in Edinburgh for ten years and in this house for three and when I go up to Fife, which I do every week and sometimes twice a week, I have exactly the urge you describe: to keep driving and leave "all that" behind. I guess I am different from you as there is nothing and no-one in Edinburgh I would miss (except the place itself) or would miss me, but the principle is the same.
I have re-invented myself many times and I am in the process of doing so again, and the temptation to sell up and take to the road again is huge. -
Message 46
Posted by Kate McLaren olim DD olim LilacC (U14947214) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
GuzziNut, I do have to work for a living - and very hard and long hours, and study on top of that. But I also volunteer one day a week. It means all sorts of inconveniences and less money and things but it is 100% worth it.
Possibly the only thing keeping me in the south (of Scotland) is the volunteering, now that I come to think of it. -
Message 47
Posted by Kate McLaren olim DD olim LilacC (U14947214) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
I've had enough. I want everyone else to manage in noble silence. I've no idea what my needs are, but I want to be able to work them out. I want to be able to think about my health, my plans, my future. I want to leave all my responsibilities behind and run away for a bit.Ìý
Morganish, I could not have put this better. I haven't got compassion fatigue, not at all, but I need some time and space for me, and if there were someone to listen to me that would be better, but not really necessary.
Could there be a Vanishing Meet somewhere? I don't mean for an entire Enchanted April, but a weekend or? -
Message 48
Posted by sweetFeet (U14377598) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
Well I rarely remember my dreams and to be truthful the one I had last night isn't entirely clear to me.
I do know however, that in the dream I met Morganish. She was wearing very short denim shorts, opaque tights ad a short jacket. Her hair was elfin cut ad she was getting off the train I was entering.
I wonder if this train stuff has to do with getting away/vanishing/running. -
Message 49
Posted by Morganish (U9108847) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
And I'm hinking of you, too, Am because I'd do a flit in a moment if I didn't have dogs and deadlines.
I think we are both freelance, aren't we? I know that I love having the flexibility of being able to work in the evening or early in the morning and not having to get to work at a certain time etc, but the relentless grind and lack of sick pay and paid holiday has, I think, taken its toll. I work for a number of monthlies and have a tight 28-day schedule that makes no allowance for having a week off with flu or Christmas. I think after a decade it's ground me down.
Over the Christmas period I've had guests including a woman who had six months off work with anxiety earlier in the year. Cynical car that I am, I note that her anxiety wasn't bad enough to prevent her from going on several holidays or entirely decorating her house. She's hoping to have another month off now if she can persuade her doctor to write a sick note. I have a professor friend who had a two-month working holiday in America before Christmas and has managed to juggle things to grab three weeks in Costa Rica at the end of this month. I also have a friend who had a minor hernia operation in mid-November and who has gone back to work today, having had seven paid weeks off. He has rebuilt his garage and installed a new shower room while recuperating. I am in a state of terrible full-time-employment-with-rights and-benefits envy. -
Message 50
Posted by GuzziNut (U6364582) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
oh morgs, I'd be feeling cynical too about the pal with stress, yet doing a wholeload of other stuff and the chap who has done a whole load of hernia inducing work whilst "recuperating" from a hernia op...
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