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Alcohol Concerns January 2012
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Message 1.听
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
If alcohol use (or abuse) 鈥 your own or that of someone else 鈥 concerns you or has concerned you in the past then this is the thread for you. Welcome to the new thread for January 2012.
It is the latest in a series of threads which have been running since 2006, providing mutual support for those concerned about their own or someone else鈥檚 use of alcohol and for those involved in picking up the pieces (material and emotional) in the aftermath of such use 鈥 and for those maintaining the recovery from their previous problems. Anyone is very welcome to come and share any of their experiences, good or bad, or simply to use it as an outlet for their feelings (whether to let off steam or to celebrate). Don鈥檛 worry if what you have to say does not follow on from whatever the previous posts were talking about. Newcomers are always very welcome.
Situations discussed on here have ranged from those in which the poster was unsure whether or not there was anything to worry about to those of drinking at life-threatening levels which wrought havoc in the lives of both the drinkers and those around them. The word 鈥渁lcoholic鈥 can be a problematic one and some of us do not use it, talking instead about problem drinkers or about people drinking harmfully or hazardously or becoming dependent on alcohol.
We have posters who are still struggling to deal with alcohol (or with the drinkers in their lives) and posters who have struggled in the past but now have their lives on an even keel. I will post the usual links giving details of some sources of help used at the end of this post. Quite a number of us are involved with either Alcoholics Anonymous or Al Anon (for those with problem drinkers in their lives), which are mutual support groups using the 12 step method of recovery, but we recognise that these do not suit or work for everyone.
Past experience has shown that this thread works best when we keep to talking about our own collective experiences. Posters who do not have concerns about alcohol in their own lives but want to learn more about a problem which is much misunderstood are very welcome - we have a number of regulars who drop in from time to time - and it's always good to see them.
NHS information
(AA world wide)
(AA UK)
(Al Anon UK)
(This is the US Alanon site which has a message board and a chat room 鈥 recommended by Tattyhead)
I will come back and post something for the start of the thread and the start of the year later. I鈥檝e just been trawling my way back through the threads in search of new years鈥 past and I鈥檓 feeling a bit ... shaken up, I think is perhaps the best way to describe it 鈥 as though I鈥檝e just been in washing machine spinning through time. Odd, anyway, so I think I鈥檒l let my thoughts settle back down before trying to post anything else. I did notice all sorts of posters who鈥檝e not been heard of on this thread for a while as I was spinning by 鈥 it would be good to hear from them again some time. -
Message 2
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
And this is the link back to last month's thread in case anyone else wants to experience the spin cycle of time
Whilst I'm waiting for the flea, I think I'll cut and paste a few paragraphs from something I posted this time last year.
I think there are five things which I always feel that I most want to pass on at the start of each month First, problem drinking/alcoholism does not require someone to fit the park bench stereotype - it did not occur to me for many years to identify my husband's problem because he did not fit my stereo-type of someone who drank in the morning etc etc - if alcohol use is a problem, it's a problem however it manifests itself (although it took me quite a long time to correlate my husband's moods and behaviour with drinking).
Second, that no-one else causes someone to drink problematically, that no-one else can control someone's drinking or "cure" them unless they want it for themselves. That's the 3 Cs of Al Anon - you didn't cause it (whatever the drinker might like to say, it's their choice to drink), you cannot control it and you cannot cure it (the drinker will only sort it out if they really really want to).
Third, that AA and Al Anon are not religious groups (although depending on the membership of any particular group you might need to work hard at translating the notion of a higher power into the collective wisdom of the group).
Fourth, that in discussions here and at Al Anon/AA the thing is to look for the similarities rather than the differences - to take what you like - and leave the rest.
Finally, that most things can be solved by an application of the ideas in the serenity prayer - the ability to accept the things we can do nothing about, the courage to change the things we can and (the difficult bit) the wisdom to know the difference.
Have a good day, a good month and a good new year everyone.听 -
Message 3
Posted by Claribel (U2264645) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
Hi Fee, just popping in to bookmark and keep you company. I've been avoiding the alcohol stuff and specifically issues around my A recently but I will have a bit more time in the New Year (at least for the first month or so!) and am planning at least to make sure that I get in touch more often. We'll see how that goes.
Happy New Year to everyone here. -
Message 4
Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
Thanks so much Fee, love your five points. I think that should be included in the opening post of each month.
Hello everyone, Basia, recovering alchy of 10 1/2 years through AA. Glad to be alive and am taking stock of things I am grateful for.
Hi Claribel, good to see you.
My warmest wishes to all for a good 2012, and my thoughts are especially with Orpheus.
Basia -
Message 5
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
Hi Basia and Claribel. Happy new year to you both.
I've spent part of today reading the thread from January 2007, five years ago - the first January in which I was posting in ML and the first January for these threads.
I was posting things such as
Dulled, I think is the answer to how I am. My A did finally get home in the middle of yesterday evening - clearly had too much to drink and in the mood to shout at me about something or the other (think it was when I pointed out that laying a place at the table for me and cooking two lots of pasta was a bit silly given that I'd told him five minutes before that I'd already eaten听
and
This evening my A finally staggered in, having failed to ring his mother (and in no state to do so anyway) so I had to without worrying her by telling her that it was me because he would not remember in the morning what her news was if she spoke to him - not quite drunk enough to crash straight out - so he has done a lot of domestic type things like putting out the rubbish in a very painfully slow and deliberate manner to try and convince me (and himself) that he's not really that drunk - despite the fact that he keeps nearly falling down the stairs - and then lapsed into a deeply upset, self-pitying and depressed state about how he cannot win this battle - which I actually find more upsetting than the aggressive moods of last week.听
Such a long time ago it seems and like reading something written by a different person (which is, I suppose, the case). I find those old threads difficult to read actually - I sound so much in search of answers that I'm sure must be out there somewhere and so much of what I wrote was about my husband rather than about me. I'm in a very different place (in every possible meaning of the phrase) now and these threads have played such a big part in that - I really don't know what would have happened if they had not existed.
On the other hand I am conscious that they (or ML generally) feeds my procrastination habit by providing such a perfect displacement activity when I'm trying to get started on something that I can't quite get my head round. New year resolution time, I think.
I'm also thinking about Orpheus and hoping to see him posting in here again. -
Message 6
Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
Wow Fee. That's...intense, and I remember it all well. Oh God, that is painful, and I am so pleased you're so far from that in, as you say, so many ways.
Ditto what you said about procrastination and I about to close the laptop and get on with my only 2 resolutions. Bx -
Message 7
Posted by Death Where Is Thy Sting (U15017382) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
My one big delight is that I have been abstinent for more than five years.
I will leave it at that for now, with my good wishes for those who are doing well, and especial good wishes for those who are struggling. -
Message 8
Posted by Ellie May (U2222618) on Monday, 2nd January 2012
That鈥檚 quite hard to read, Fee, I can鈥檛 imagine what it must be like for you to look back on. Sometimes when I re-read some of the things I鈥檝e written years ago it鈥檚 like it happened to someone else. Similar in a way to therapy, when we talk about stuff that happened when I was a child, I almost feel sad for the person I was then but not the person I am now.
These threads have also had a massive impact on my life; it was about the time that your husband was in his final downward spiral that Basia and I started corresponding off-line 鈥 partly about how can we help Fee 鈥 and it was a direct result of that off-line contact that Bash became my sponsor, and still is. And is also one of my best friends. Anyway, I always remember the post about him coming home drunk and wanting to go to rehab, and you persuading him to have a sandwich and watch a DVD instead. I鈥檓 probably remembering that wrong, actually, it sounds a bit nuts now.
I went to my new home group tonight, in my new home town, in our inaugural new church hall. I didn鈥檛 want to go as I have a horrible cold and was tired and achy but I was shouting at everyone at home so realised that I needed to be there, and I鈥檓 so glad I went. Just being there, listening to people, having time to reflect and think about stuff, is like having all my internal dials re-set to normal. Restoring factory settings or something.
Thanks for opening up, Fee, and I鈥檓 also thinking of Orpheus, and Kris.
PS what are your new year鈥檚 resolutions, Basia? I鈥檓 going to learn the banjo. -
Message 9
Posted by Imperfectly37 (U4335981) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
I lurk here occasionally, but don't often post because I don't want to discuss someone else's drink issues without their consent (and I don't have that). However, I wanted to say that Ellie May's comment about 'restoring factory settings' really struck a chord and say thank you.
I hope (as perhaps in years before) that this year's resolutions will be kept.
Best wishes, Impish -
Message 10
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
>Sometimes when I re-read some of the things I鈥檝e written years ago it鈥檚 like it happened to someone else.<
Yes, it's absolutely like that which is why I think I can now read it - a couple of years ago when I tried, I just couldn't.
>Anyway, I always remember the post about him coming home drunk and wanting to go to rehab, and you persuading him to have a sandwich and watch a DVD instead. I鈥檓 probably remembering that wrong, actually, it sounds a bit nuts now.<
As a literal description, that's accurate (and I do recall that the response to my posting it nearly brought the threads to an end). Thinking about it, I think my response would have been the same if I'd had the knowledge then that I have now - and I think it was one of those occasions when the description probably didn't completely accurately describe what the reality felt like.
The sandwich and the DVD were the short-term response to immediate distress rather than to the long term problem - it was very late in the evening if not actually the middle of the night and he was not in a state of being a medical emergency so there was no way I was getting him whisked into rehab that evening, even if had been possible which I suspect it wouldn't have been - I just wouldn't have known where to start. Also as soon as he sobered up in the morning, he'd changed his mind and I'm not sure that having bundled him along there when out of his mind would have been a good start - although it did allow me persuade him to go and talk to the people at the Priory so that he was on their books when he finally agreed (when sober) to check himself in there a couple of months later and it was then easy to arrange it for him provisionally. So that evening probably was the start of what finally worked for him.
I think the other very strong impression I was getting from him that evening although I don't know if I was able to articulate it was that he thought that rehab would be like medicine - go there and be cured without any effort - a bit like the view he'd been taking of the AA steps - as demonstrated by his doing his fourth step drunk (I still wonder about his then sponsor when I think about that). I do remember being totally unpersuaded that rehab would do any good at that point. But I don't know that I was necessarily thinking all that straight myself by that point.
I like the factory settings image as well. I'm glad you've found a new home group.
Good to see you impish. -
Message 11
Posted by whitbyrose (U15069960) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
Hello
I stopped drinking 9 years ago when it was taking over my life . I was having a really bad time and basically self medicating but had previously despite long periods of not drinking at all from pre pregnancy, through 2 pregnancies and then breastfeeding and early motherhood been a binge drinker throughout my adult life. You know the thing, dont drink at all for ages and then drink far too much, suffer terrible remorse and then do the whole thing a few weeks later.
I said last month that drinking is now something that other people do but I like to put down a marker here every now and then just to encourage people to know that there is a much better life to be had without alcohol and that if anyone thinks they would like to drink less or to not drink at all then Im here cheering you along
I would also, as someone who opted to go it alone, urge people to consider the way that is right for them as one size doesnt fit all and my way was right for me in the same way that AA, medical help or residential support might be right for others. I think we all know generally what approach suits us best.
Best Wishes to everyone for a happy and fulfilling 2012. -
Message 12
Posted by Ellie May (U2222618) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
Thanks for that Fee 鈥 I鈥檓 sorry if you felt you had to justify yourself and your actions back then, I didn鈥檛 mean for you to do that at all. I was sort of wondering if that had really happened 鈥 it seemed very real to me but I know how easy it is to misremember things. It makes sense to me now in a way that perhaps it couldn鈥檛 have done at the time.
I also get what you mean about the idea that rehab is a sort of medicine or cure, or something that is done to a person rather than something a person does for himself/herself 鈥 there was that documentary on a while ago about the TV newsreader whose name I have forgotten, who ended up homeless on a bench in Brighton. He finally got a place at a treatment centre, and the last shot was of him downing his half bottle of vodka before saying to camera, well I hope *this* works, and walking up to the front door.
Anyway, the DVD and sandwich was part of your husband鈥檚 story and probably a necessary part of the journey 鈥 one more step towards sobriety.
Hello to Impish and also congratulations to Blue Horizon on five years. -
Message 13
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
>I鈥檓 sorry if you felt you had to justify yourself and your actions back then, I didn鈥檛 mean for you to do that at all<
No, I didn't feel I had to - it just got me thinking about it again. Oddly, although it was something which caused such ructions here (I daresay because of how I described it, I've not been back to look - I still don't find it easy to read the threads from that time), it isn't an episode that I feel I need to justify. There are many other things looking back over the years which I would probably like to be able to justify but can't other than by saying that I would do things differently now but that I did my best at the time.
It's always good to see you here, Whitby. I got distracted earlier and forgot to congratulate Blue Horizon on five years of sobriety. -
Message 14
Posted by Ellie May (U2222618) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
And now I must apologise for implying that it鈥檚 something you ought to feel that you need to justify. This could go on a long time...
This has reminded me, in fact, of an AA thing (from the book) about how 鈥榳e do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it鈥. I think it鈥檚 helpful to remember that we all do the best we can at the time, and that spending a lot of time regretting past actions is futile (obviously I鈥檓 thinking more from the point of view of the drinker rather than the drinkee). That isn鈥檛 to say, of course, that we shouldn鈥檛 try to fix what we messed up.
It鈥檚 lovely to see you here, Whitby, and I agree about our different paths. I tend to talk about AA a lot because it鈥檚 part of my story, but whatever works, works. -
Message 15
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
>And now I must apologise for implying that it鈥檚 something you ought to feel that you need to justify. This could go on a long time... <
I didn't read it that way so perhaps we should leave it at that ....
>spending a lot of time regretting past actions is futile<
Yes. I agree that we have to learn from them (which is easier if we can understand them) and try not to repeat the mistakes but that eating ourselves up about them is not helpful. -
Message 16
Posted by whitbyrose (U15069960) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
Since posting last I have found out that one of my neighbours was found dead yesterday of what is believed to be an alcohol related death. Another wasted life.
-
Message 17
Posted by Death Where Is Thy Sting (U15017382) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
One can but hope that it was not a wasted life. If he or she was young then I would agree with you. But I have known people through work who have died of alcohol related issues but who have lived a full life. Obviously alcohol helped fuel that, but I suspect some went with few regrets on that score.
I apologise if that sounds as if I am trying to devalue what you wrote., as that is not my intention. It was just an observation based on my experience. -
Message 18
Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
Ah Jesus, I'm sorry to read that WR.
Back later.
Bash x -
Message 19
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
> But I have known people through work who have died of alcohol related issues but who have lived a full life. Obviously alcohol helped fuel that, but I suspect some went with few regrets on that score.<
I suppose that there are people who may have considered the balance between the damage their drinking was doing and the enjoyment they felt they derived from it and decided that the latter outweighed the former (whether those around them will have agreed with them is a different matter probably). As is frequently said on here, it is a choice - even if it is in effect a choice to commit suicide. Death from liver disease is not a very pleasant one, though. -
Message 20
Posted by superjan3 (U6523409) on Tuesday, 3rd January 2012
There was a report in the local paper just before Christmas of a local woman (43) who had died after a three day drinking binge. She had ended up at some friends place in the end, and after they had gone to bed she was heard by neighbours vomiting outside early in the morning. At about 10am the friends found her snoring on the floor in the living room and threw a blanket over her. It was only later that they became concerned and an ambulance was called but too late unfortunately.
I thought about all the times I passed out alone had fits etc. I was told once that I'd be unlikely to reach 50 - I'm 48 now and do have other health problems, but al least at the moment I can face them sober. -
Message 21
Posted by Campbell in Farewell Clogs (U14226916) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
>>>There was a report in the local paper just before Christmas of a local woman (43) who had died after a three day drinking binge. <<<
What wierd creatures we humans are really that we can literally kill ourselves doing something which we see as 'fun'. Surely there's no other creature on the earth who behaves so stupidly? And we're supposed to be the pinnacle of evolution...?
Mind you, I've been reading a lot recently about how madness is actually probably the thing that makes us human. (And addiction is surely a kind of madness?) A certain proportion of insane people in our society is the price we pay for having evolved to where we are. (Ha, that was my attempt at concensing an 800 page novel into one sentence...)
Anyway, my musings on madnesses aside - I wish everyone as healthy and happy a 2012 as they would wish themselves.
(And lovely to see Whitby dropping in - haven't seen you around the boards for ages. Probably just that we've been in different threads? Hope everything is well with you.) -
Message 22
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Hi everyone. Hope it will be a Happy new Year!. Our year started in a great way. My daughter's boyfriend who is lovely, rang us to ask our permission to marry her! My OH said 'Yes please take her, please take her! Seriously, what wonderful news and super gesture. Another day I thought I would never, ever see has come to pass! I really should try to be more optimistic! FANTASTIC NEWS!
My daughter wants my OH, her stepfather, to do the honours 'as he is the one who drove me around and around , to court, to prison to dive after dive, and witnessed and bore such dreadful things for my sake.
More good news. Took my son from his halfway house to see my Mum in her residential home. It was a surprise and the first time she has seen him sober since the early 1980s! It was wonderful. We had to return him so he could cook the dinner for the house. He showed his assistant how to do the perfect roast potatoes! He was sooo responsible about getting back in time. Unbelievable. He told me that he didn't really understand what morals and values were before. Suely that can't be true? Anyway, it can only be downhill from the start of this year! Just kiddin'. I think! -
Message 23
Posted by Claribel (U2264645) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
What good news. Really nice to read this. Very happy for you, Locki.
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Message 24
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Locki, how tremendous. I am so so pleased for you all. I feel that we will all be donning hats and attending your daughter's wedding in spirit.
>He showed his assistant how to do the perfect roast potatoes! <
Giddy will be pleased to hear that [flippant cross-threading]. -
Message 25
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Thanks claribel. Too much goodness and ordinariness to cope with really! I went down with the lurgy the day after the engagement and now OH has it!
One gets SO very used to trouble.......it becomes safe when things can't get much worse. I must try to rid myself of that feeling as I know it can be self -fulfilling. -
Message 26
Posted by superjan3 (U6523409) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
What wonderful news Locki. Both your daughter and your son making such good progress. What a start to the New Year.
Best wishes to you and your family
J -
Message 27
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Isn't it just Fee! You are all very welcome. It is a long journey and unfortunately, no champers at the wedding though! That is the alcoholic only drink I like.
My son wrote in his 'gratitude book' that he was grateful that his Mum and Grandma taught him how to cook. Some of them in his house haven't done any. It was interesting talking to his housemates. I note and recognise their easy friendliness and charm! Is it a trait? -
Message 28
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
>One gets SO very used to trouble.......it becomes safe when things can't get much worse. I must try to rid myself of that feeling as I know it can be self -fulfilling.<
No, it can't - what will happen will happen whatever trouble we do or don't borrow in advance - it could only be self-fulfilling if it somehow communicated itself to those you are worrying about as lack of confidence in them and even then it would still be their choice to take it as a reason to relapse. But it does mean that you wouldn't have enjoyed the good times for fear of the bad times. I would just relish the present if I were you without necessarily having any expectations about the future. -
Message 29
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
>I note and recognise their easy friendliness and charm! Is it a trait?<
Of human beings you mean? Or people who can't cook? Or people who have had problems with drink? Of some of all of them, I should think.
I must go and try to get some work done - I am in such a freezing cold office (no heating for the last two weeks) that my brain had gone numb and I've been playing in here to wake it up. But your good news has definitely done that so I'm off now. -
Message 30
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Glad to be of service Fee. My family can always be relied upon to wake one up!
-
Message 31
Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Giddy will be pleased to hear that [flippant cross-threading]听
Hahahahaha.
Locki, I'm so pleased for you on both counts. That's just great.
One gets SO very used to trouble.......it becomes safe when things can't get much worse. I must try to rid myself of that feeling as I know it can be self -fulfilling听
Oh you have no idea how many times I've come back to this in therapy, self-sabotage when things are going well, because it's so unfamilar.
Really great news in this thread, time to get the Perrier out.
Bx -
Message 32
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
My thoughts are with you all here but particuarly with kris and Orpheus.
Take heart.
Had another happy positiv e conversation with son just now. He was so pleased as he had been anxious about a one to one and had asked for help and received it. There are some such good people....... -
Message 33
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Cheers Bx .I do also love Perrier.
-
Message 34
Posted by The Giddy Kipper (U10918464) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Good news Locki
Making perfect roast potatoes is the 14th Step- EVERYONE knows that, surely? -
Message 35
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Is it THE ultimate step Kipper? Where does one go from it?
My son mastered that one years ago. It's everything else he has had a problem with. -
Message 36
Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Hey, what happened to the 13th step then?
Witty answers on a postcard to etc... -
Message 37
Posted by The Giddy Kipper (U10918464) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Ahem - we do not talk about the 13th Step in polite company.....
-
Message 38
Posted by Campbell in Farewell Clogs (U14226916) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
so who's the polite company we're in then?
(No idea what 13th step is and born nosey.) -
Message 39
Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) ** on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
Making perfect roast potatoes is the 14th Step- EVERYONE knows that, surely?听
It's a Zen thing, I find.
The quest for the perfect roast potato never ends - to be appreciated properly, they must be eaten, then the perfection exists only in the same realm as the sound of one hand clapping exists in. -
Message 40
Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
You tell me CC, there are only 12 in any er..12 step programme you see, so we have An Issue here.
I remember misremembering the serenity prayer when I was really tired one day as "grant me the insanity to accept " etc, so I'm not the one round here to be answering questions. -
Message 41
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
My son said today that he was worried about remembering the serenity prayer. He needed to repeat it. I told him not to get too stressed about it. That seems a little self-defeating.
-
Message 42
Posted by The Giddy Kipper (U10918464) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
>so who's the polite company we're in ?>
Fair point. The 13th Step is unpleasant slang for the unpleasant practise of some people who've been going to AA long term trying it on with / taking advantage of newbies, can refer to sex,money or other 'favours'. *
* which is of course boundary/ position of trust abusing behaviour not confined to AA meetings....... -
Message 43
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
>so who's the polite company we're in ?>
Fair point. The 13th Step is unpleasant slang for the unpleasant practise of some people who've been going to AA long term trying it on with / taking advantage of newbies, can refer to sex,money or other 'favours'. *
* which is of course boundary/ position of trust abusing behaviour not confined to AA meetings.......
听 Ah good - I was trying to think of how to put that in a way suitable for relatively polite company. (I've only heard it described, no idea to what extent it is a complete urban myth - I suppose it is the sort of behaviour that unfortunately you may find in any group of people).
Locki, what I tend to tell people who are trying to memorise things is that understanding does away with the need to rote learn. I agree that the thought of stressing about remembering the serenity prayer is rather self-defeating. -
Message 44
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
A good tip Fee.
I suppose a recovering addict , like anyone else, has to learn to handle stress . It is a life lesson. My son did say he thought one needed some stress and that it could be a good thing! That's progress but it is called the 'Serenity Prayer! -
Message 45
Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Wednesday, 4th January 2012
>I note and recognise their easy friendliness and charm! Is it a trait?听
Of human beings you mean? Or people who can't cook? Or people who have had problems with drink? Of some of all of them, I should think听
Ah, glad someone else picked up on that. Locki, you are a tinker, trying to make us all have these mythological similar traits, tsk. Like having troubled childhoods and the like? Ah, just teasing...I'd say there are a lot of people in my home group who ooze easy friendliness and charm and a lot who are miserable gets, just like in any other random group of people.
The 13th Step is unpleasant slang for the unpleasant practise of some people who've been going to AA long term trying it on with / taking advantage of newbies听
Aaaah....right, hitting on newcomers. Hell, you don't have to be an old timer to do that Giddy, a few months will suffice, the newcomer won't know the difference, they don't know their bottom from their elbow. And yes, I've seen it happen, and it's quite revolting, or rather I've seen men I like, and am friends with, try it on with new women, but honestly, I've never seen old timers do it, just those who have got a bit cocky in their sobriety and haven't yet mastered dealing with non-sober women in the outside world yet and were a bit twonky in the first place. No guarantee that sobriety is going to change that is there? Remember, a room full of sober bottom holes is still a room full of bottom holes.
I remember when I came in here worried about a newcomer whom I had met in my Brooklyn home group and had invited to my Manhattan home group. I knew I totally had a crush on him but was not abut to do anything about it, but he had said something at a meeting that made me speak to him afterwards, for which he was really grateful. I was so worried about my motives, at our first sit down tea I actually blurted out a bunch of stuff about not normally asking newcomers to tea but I thought he would like my other home group and I was looking forward to introducing him to a lot of people who knew me blah blah blah and he said he was glad I had said something because he did wonder, although it didn't stop him coming, so I was glad I said something and we became close friends, phew. He came to my house after I came out of hospital and met my sister and my mother...aw....
Anyway, yeah, so that's the 13th step. That's funny. -
Message 46
This posting has been hidden during moderation because it broke the in some way.
-
Message 47
Posted by doughy hood (U2352167) on Thursday, 5th January 2012
Wonderful news Loki!
At our daughter's wedding 2 or 3 years ago I had a word with the wine waiter in advance and I toasted the couple with elder flower cordial diluted with fizzy water - very nice and more refreshing than the fizzy wine.
I can understand, though, why the whole do will be dry.
Best wishes to all.
Doughy. -
Message 48
Posted by BootsNo7 (U8853924) on Thursday, 5th January 2012
Locki that is such good news - thank you for sharing it with us.
Boots -
Message 49
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Thursday, 5th January 2012
I've just noticed (prompted by reading the 主播大秀 news) that Action on Addiction is not in the list of links in the OP.
(Oh dear, what got modded?) -
Message 50
Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Thursday, 5th January 2012
Thanks doughy and Boots.
I meant to also share this on the candle thread.....
I hope my two encourage. I sometimes thought they were 'neither use or ornament'!
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